


Beauty Beneath (Beyond)

by dallystrings



Series: Beauty Beneath [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Humor, Bickering, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Han is a dick, Hux is a workaholic, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Referenced Suicide Attempt, Slow Burn, beauty beneath: revamped!, ben is estranged, finn is just trying to make it through the week, im not including all the original tags but:, leia wants her family back, poe is the ex, rey is the adopted sister
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:49:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 104,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26035192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dallystrings/pseuds/dallystrings
Summary: “You know Ben, he’s a disaster when it comes to planning in advance,” Hux laughed lightly, dropping his hand to entwine his fingers in Ben’s. “I’m Hux, his boyfriend.”or, the one where Ben really doesn't want to go home, and Hux is just trying to be a better friend.or, or, the 2020 newly edited version of Beauty Beneath (2016)
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn
Series: Beauty Beneath [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892509
Comments: 96
Kudos: 322





	1. Initium

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Beauty Beneath](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6689800) by [dallystrings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dallystrings/pseuds/dallystrings). 



> Hi! it's been a while! a few years ago i wrote Beauty Beneath and received so much love and support i couldn't believe it. rereading the story and all of the comments motivated me to start writing creatively again, and the more i read the more excited i became at the thought of expanding this story. i'm not really sure of the status of the kylux fandom as i've been away for a bit, but i hope if anyone is still around to read it they'll enjoy my edits of Beauty Beneath :)
> 
> tw: references to attempted suicide, mental health problems, family instability, disordered eating

“Dear god,” Hux gawked, eyes flickering up to stare at the man across the table. “You’ve really gone to town on that Cobb salad. What did a hunk of lettuce ever do to you?”

“Ha, ha.” Ben grumbled, stabbing his fork once more into the dish. The last pieces that had remained intact now scattered across his plate, his focus centered on the demise of his salad. His fork scraped back and forth across the plate, the ceramic and metal groaning under the weight of his heavy pressing. Hux swatted at his wrist in an attempt to make it stop, but Ben dodged him with ease. “Keep it up and you’re next.”

The threat only made Hux roll his eyes as he continued to dissect his own dish into carefully constructed bites. The fork was positioned in his right hand between his index and middle fingers. The pad of his thumb pressed against the former. In his left hand the knife was held exactly the same, exactly the way he ate every meal. Every piece of food cut the same size, every bite absolutely deliberate as he slowly cleared his plate. The scraping of the other man’s fork finally ceased and the utensil clattered onto the clothed table with a muted thud.

An uncomfortable silence hung over the table as Ben continued to poke at his food, and Hux continued to ignore him. Only an hour out of work, Hux should have been pleased to finally have a moment of complete and total quiet. Ben understood the pounding in his head from a day of incessant meetings and calls and when Hux grew quiet he would mimic the silence. Now, it just felt wrong. Hux looked up at Ben, waiting for his typical explosive word vomit that would consume the remainder of their dinner. To his surprise, Ben kept his eyes down at his ruined salad.

“I suppose,” Hux sighed in resignation after a few bitter moments, “That a good friend would ask you what is wrong,”

Ben finally pulled himself away from his plate, propping an elbow up on the table to rest his chin in. Like a forlorn puppy, he practically whimpered and nodded up and down. Hux bobbed his own head in response, before turning back to focus on his food. With great restraint he hid the grin that threatened to expose his taunting. Satisfaction settled in his chest, and he was certain their bickering would draw Ben out of the funk he slipped into when Hux wasn’t available to answer his countless texts throughout the day.

When Ben realized what had happened, he scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. Hux managed to withhold his smile for another moment, finding too much pleasure in toying with his friend. Ben tapped his foot impatiently, mumbled obscenities under his breath, and became even more hostile with his salad in an attempt to aggravate Hux. The screeching of the fork continued, back and forth across the plate like he was tending to the zen garden in Hux’s office he always messed with during visits. Try as he might, Hux could no longer ignore the irritation rising inside him.

“Fine,” Hux exclaimed finally, setting his silverware down neatly at the proper side of each plate. “You win, asshole. What is it? What could possibly be so earth shattering that you feel the need to mutilate the perfectly nice meal I am treating you to, and destroy my ears along with it?”

Ben’s mood shifted to contentment to a fraction of a second, pleased with himself for finally getting what he wanted. In the next moment, however, his smile reverted to the frown that had been plastered on his face for the majority of the night. Hux faltered slightly at the sight, now questioning the severity of Kylo’s pain. Had he been physically affectionate, he might have reached across the table to rest his hand on Ben’s forearm. Revolted by the sudden urge, Hux immediately crossed his hands in his lap.

“Thank you for asking,” Ben nodded solemnly, and Hux had to restrain himself from jumping across the table to strangle him. That would certainly be a physical touch he could get behind. “Also, don’t refer to this as a treat. No one likes Cobb salad. The lettuce to dressing ratio is completely out of whack, and it’s so much more of a mess than it’s really worth-”

“Ben,” Hux barked out louder than intended. He sighed and shrunk slightly into his chair, letting his head fall to rest in his hands. Slender fingers massaged his temples, finding the veins on either side and pressing them down. The rapidity of his beating heart remained slow and stable, but he counted his pulse anyway. Ben sat patiently, his pouting postponed while Hux mouthed the count silently. Finally, he forced a smile and looked up to meet the other’s eyes once more.

“Just, how about you tell me what’s really bothering you? Okay?” Hux said slowly. He couldn’t help but take on the same tone he used during meetings that dragged on with little to no understanding by the other party.

Ben sent him a warning look, having sat on the other side of the room for more than a few aggravating conference calls. He recognized it further from the way Hux spoke to him after he drank too much, or went off on one of his rambles, or was a pest in general. Ben narrowed his eyes in Hux’s direction. Somehow, he refrained from letting out an impatient groan, and instead waved his hands to continue the conversation along. Still Ben waited, and Hux shared a hurried apology for his curtness, which seemed to finally be enough.

“My mother’s birthday is next weekend,” Ben sighed dramatically, head crashing down to rest in his hand once more. Hux waited for elaboration that didn’t seem to come, and internally screamed when he realized he would have to play a bigger part in the conversation than he had expected. He thought after all these years Ben would know to keep his melodrama for after dinner when Hux exuded the closest thing to relaxation that his mind would allow. Then, maybe his body wouldn’t be overflowing with unwarranted aggravation.

“You talk to your mom on the phone almost every day,” Hux reminded him gently, still unsure of the issue. “Sometimes for hours. When we’re supposed to be hanging out. After you’ve asked me to clear my schedule for yo-”

“That’s beside the point,” Ben interrupted, waving his hand to dismiss the thought. Hux rolled his eyes but let it go. Again, he waited for the other to continue to no avail.

“Is it… because she’s getting old?” Hux attempted, searching Ben’s face for anything. “Because she still is very young, and due to modern medicine humans are able to live for longer periods of time than ever befo-”

“It’s not that,” Ben whined, honestly whined. Hux bit his tongue to refrain from lashing out, forcing as sweet of a smile as he could muster up at the absolute idiot that he had spent the past decade trying to understand. Even ten years wasn’t enough time to learn the inner workings of Ben’s mind, though Hux admitted his effort grew minimal after realizing the hopelessness of the situation.

“So, my darling, amazing, so overly melodramatic pal,” Hux crooned and Ben furrowed his eyebrows at the last three words, “what exactly is the problem with your mother’s birthday? Because I am at a loss.”

Ben perked up at the surrender, and again Hux saw that flash of contentment in his eyes. He had often wondered whether Ben’s dramatic flair was simply an act done to drive Hux crazier than usual. If planned, Ben was devious. If not, he was a pain in the ass to deal with.

“She’s having a birthday party,” Ben explained, as if that would solve every puzzle in Hux’s head and this time, the internal screams teetered on the edge of escaping. “They expect me to attend this one. It’s the big 5-0,”

All at once it clicked for Hux. This wasn’t about Ben’s mother at all, no, he loved her. This was about everyone else he would be forced to socialize with when returning home. Hux frowned, and Ben let out a sigh of relief so small it was almost missed. It wouldn’t be the end of their conversation, he was sure of that. Within the next week there would be constant moping, unbridled anger, and no attempt at acceptance. Every moment they spent together would be plagued with his alternating rage and depression looming over their heads.

“I’m sure you’re overreacting,” Hux tried, carefully, “How bad could a party really be?”

Ben scoffed and stabbed his Cobb salad once again. Hux could have laughed at the metaphor, but he maintained a straight face. In the decade since they became friends, Ben visited home a total of three times. Hux never thought much of it due to his own strained familial relationship. In the last decade he had only been home a handful of times, and his father was there only once. Still, he had learned over the years that their circumstances weren’t considered to be “normal” despite the lack of concern Hux held over the situation.

Ben, on the other hand, did not take to familial distance as unaffectedly. The last time he returned home to see his family was five years prior, only halfway through their friendship. Since then, his mother visited infrequently in the city and even brought along his sister, Rey, a time or two. Hux was not permitted, under any circumstances, to meet them. When Ben came home from the family reunion he attended five years before, Hux realized why he kept him separate from his previous life.

He was the one who received the incessant text updates, the nightly aggravated calls from inside the bathroom, and the disgruntled play by play of every moment they shared together. Above and beyond all of that, however, Hux had also been the one to deal with the outright disaster of an aftermath. From what Hux took away from the experience, or, Ben spending over a week curled up on his couch in a nearly catatonic depressive episode, the trip home was not a success.

Every conversation between Ben and his father, Han, ended in an argument. They were increasingly hostile, and by the third night they were going to extremes to avoid each other. Meals were more difficult to skip, especially with Leia’s dream of an immediate family reunion amidst the extended one. With every interaction though, the insults became more personal and vindictive. It grew to the point where Leia stepped in to keep them apart to discourage the explosive fights that rattled the walls with their vehemence. Hux knew where it began, far back into Ben’s childhood. He also knew where the toxicity was fully cultivated, when Ben left for college. Han never invited him explicitly to work in his mechanic shop, but it didn’t stop him from expecting his only son to follow blindly and willingly in his footsteps. When Ben grinned triumphantly holding the acceptance letter from a big city school, Han ripped it in half right in front of him. From there even Leia had no ability to control the two.

Ben claimed he couldn’t remember how exactly the explosion began, and claimed to have black holes missing from his memory where that night should have been. He told Hux that he and Han set off in a mad dash to destroy as much as they could belonging to the other. Ben threw everything breakable he could manage, glass shattering against the walls and holes forming anywhere his hands touched along the walls and furniture. Through it all Leia pleaded with them to stop but her sobs were unheard over the roar of the father and son. They only stopped when Rey emerged from her room groggy and confused and stood inches from where Han’s favorite drinking glass crashed against the wall. Since that fight, Han refused to even look at Ben when he came home.

Rey was the child that Ben could never be for his parents. He resented her, refused to talk about her unless out of anger or in one of his low moods. Hux never pressed, but he wondered about the fairness of Ben’s assessment. She was far younger, and he barely knew her before he left for school. For all Hux knew she was facing the same demoralization Ben experienced at home. Still, their discussion of the girl rarely lasted for more than a few minutes and was always accompanied by Ben’s unintelligible anger.

Last but certainly not least was Poe, Ben’s high school sweetheart. He could never get a straight answer about their relationship, but from what Hux understood it appeared to be an on and off childhood crush that lasted until the summer Ben left. Somehow Poe infiltrated the Organa household during Ben’s absence and began both working for Han and hanging around for dinner.

Ben claimed it was to get back at him. He swore up and down that Poe still wanted to hurt him after all these years, and from the sounds of the way things went the last time he went home it wasn’t unreasonable. Poe had a new boyfriend, Finn, who he reluctantly confirmed was better than Ben and better for Poe in every aspect. They sat on his side of the dining table, with Poe triumphantly in Ben’s childhood chair. Their argument was quieter, more targeted. Ben never repeated the words between the two of them.

So Ben called and texted and e-mailed like he was a homesick kid at sleep away camp. Hux diligently responded at first, feeling genuine concern for his friend. With time, however, the messages became more jumbled, at times incoherent, and Hux blamed it on the self medication he expected from the other man. Despite his initial efforts, Hux became consumed with his work once more.

“Ben,” Hux had sighed out five years before, phone lodged carelessly between his shoulder and ear. He tapped away at his computer, checking and rechecking an e-mail regarding a board meeting the following afternoon. “I’m sure you’re exaggerating. As always. I’ve heard how your mom talks to you, it’s sickening.”

Ben continued to ramble on the instances of turmoil he was facing, but Hux only half listened and hummed out appropriate responses when the conversation called for it. The distress in his best friend’s voice registered as his typical melodrama. It’s not that Hux wasn’t concerned, but he knew how intensely Ben felt without fully thinking it through. On the other side, Hux refused to give in to his emotions unless his body would no longer let him ignore the issue. Before Ben could finish their conversation and his complaining, Hux was whisked away to yet another meeting. He promised to call him later, but it turned into a few lazy texts on his way to bed before shutting off his phone for the night.

Two days later Ben was set to return home, without another call from Hux during their time apart. There had been texts and even a few voice messages, but Hux simply did not have the ability to give his friend the attention he was so desperate for. He assumed that Ben would understand, but that was before Hux knew the full story of his family’s past.  
Hux waited impatiently in the airport, foot tapping and fingers typing away on his cell phone. If he wasn’t completely updated on at every second he would fall behind, Hux had watched it happen before. It was a high stakes world, and Hux had every intention to rise through the ranks as quickly as possible. He wasn’t content with his position and continued hammering away at the opportunities that sprung up with every day.

Hux glanced up to check the newest group of people making their way into the baggage claim, scanning their faces. This was supposed to be Ben’s flight, but at first he was nowhere to be seen. Within a second, Hux’s fingers stopped moving and his jaw dropped in surprise. Ben walked toward him agonizingly slowly, his torso sagged over and reducing him to what seemed like half of his regular size. He clung to the strap of his carry on bag, slung haphazardly around his shoulder, and drudged through the masses of people.  
Hux locked his phone, shoving it into his pocket as he weaved his way through the people to make it to his best friend. His hands reached up to grip onto Ben’s shoulders, trying to ease him back to his usual looming height.

“Benny boy,” Hux teased, using the nickname that always seemed to get a rise out of the other. Ben didn’t flinch, just staggered along to the carousel where his luggage would be retrieved.

Hux frowned, his eyebrows furrowing together and true concern splashing across his face. Gently, he placed his hands on his friend’s shoulders again and led him from the bustle of the crowd to an empty bench. Ben allowed himself to be pushed this way and that, unable to look up from the ground. Hux wanted to shake him out of whatever funk he fell into, but it scared him to see the severity of his mood. Ben was loud in his anger but quiet in his depression, and Hux wondered just how often his best friend slipped away from reality like this.

“I’m going to get your bag. You stay here,” he commanded, running over his words in his head as he attempted to find compassion within himself. “I’ll take care of everything, Ben. I’ll take care of you,” he promised, his voice soft as he took Ben’s face into his hands and smoothed a thumb over the ridge of his cheekbone.

Hux had never been one to back out of a promise. He felt himself fill with worry as he looked at the sorry state of Ben, making a handful of lists in his head on how to take away the nearly tangible pain he was witnessing. In quick succession the tips of his fingers tapped methodically against his palms without his realizing. Somehow, he was able to stop as he lugged Ben’s luggage off of the carousel without losing the ability to breathe.

Hux felt nothing in him except unbridled concern for Ben. He crossed baggage claim as quickly as possible, practically jogging in his work suit, until he made it back to the bench. Hux fell to his knees, cursing himself for not reading more on ways to helped loved ones through immense turmoil. Loved one. Hux’s brain prodded gently, but he ignored the sudden drop in his stomach and held Ben’s shoulder while he picked himself up from the bench.

Without question Ben came home with him that night. Hux was almost too afraid to leave him alone, even when he went in to shower. Hux sat outside with his ear pressed to the door, listening closely for any sign that his friend tipped over or switched into an episode of anger. The guilt ate his chest whole, reminding him constantly that Ben had reached out to him for help and he turned a blind eye.

Ben, who had always been a bit theatrical, made up for his difficulties in spades of overflowing loyalty to Hux. And yet, for this one occasion he had been unable to do the same.  
So, Hux attempted to make it up to him. He fussed over Ben like he was a child, cooking him his favorite meals and popping in his favorite movies. Hux may have hated tacos and romantic comedies, but he’d have done anything to see Ben smile. He talked and talked like he never had before, suddenly remembering funny stories from their younger years or an inside joke shared between them.

Still, Ben sat borderline unresponsive on the couch. It was the most vulnerable he had ever been with Hux. Even when he was intoxicated Ben shifted more often to anger rather than the sadness that threatened to consume him whole. The long winded complaints and temper tantrums paled in comparison to the week following his last visit at home.  
Something came over him within a moment, and Hux acted on the impulse before it vanished. He turned, stretched out his arms like he had done at the airport and fastened them securely around Ben’s shoulders. For a second the two just stared at each other, unsure of what to do next.

“Um,” Ben managed, but no words followed.

Neither was exactly prone to physical affection, especially with each other, yet here they were. Hux made up his mind, and moved in to wrap his arms tighter around Ben and give him a proper hug. He couldn’t remember the last time they were so close. Hux was overcome with the floral scent of Ben’s shampoo, the lingering smell of detergent on his t-shirt, and most of all the warmth of his skin.

Ben sat uncomfortably for another few seconds. Hux felt embarrassed, and he cursed himself over and over again in his head. Still, something inside his chest implored him to cling on longer, like this was his shot. Finally, Ben’s arms came up soon after to envelope Hux in an embrace. The angle was no less than awkward, and Hux quickly felt his legs falling asleep due to sitting on his heels. Still, he remained in his spot until Ben decided it was time to pull back.

“I didn’t realize how much they love her more than me,” Ben choked out, burying his face in Hux’s shoulder. “It was like I couldn’t breathe without disappointing my dad. I thought time away would heal some of the animosity but-”

Ben’s voice cut out, and Hux frowned. A look of anger flashed across his face, but he softened when he felt Ben nuzzle against him. Hux tentatively brought one hand up to rub soothing circles on the other’s back as some symbol of support. He mirrored the movements Ben made so long ago when he caught Hux on a bad day. Neither of them had spoken about it since, but Hux remembered.

Ben finally pulled away, hair somehow messier than before. He looked exhausted, like he hadn’t slept the entire week he was away, and Hux made a mental note to make him a cup of chamomile tea before bed. He refused to acknowledge the aching in his chest from the sudden loss of contact.

“Thanks,” Ben coughed, voice gruff. Hux nodded slowly, unsure of what to do next.

“Do you,” he swallowed thickly, waving his hands around anxiously, “want to, uh, talk about it? Or something?” Hux offered.

“Or something,” Ben joked weakly, settling back into his spot on the couch. His eyes flickered to the television with a knowing look.

Hux turned back to face the television, but he didn’t scoot back to his previous spot on the couch. Instead he sat uncomfortable between the two cushions and watched Ben diligently from the corner of his eye. They ordered take out and Ben managed to swallow a few bites, but Hux didn’t push. He just let the movies roll back to back until the sun threatened to rise and he caught his head tipping forward.

“So, admit it. This ‘romantic comedy bullshit’ is interesting,” Ben spoke up.

“Oh please,” Hux snorted, arms crossing over his chest as he turned to face the television. “These people all have feelings for their best friend that takes them years and some stupid adventure to realize. It’s a load of shit,”

-

“Maybe,” Ben said, whirling around in the chair at Hux’s desk, “I just won’t go,”

“Don’t spin in that,” Hux snapped, eyes still glued to the spreadsheets in front of him as he scanned the logistics. In the five years since Ben’s last visit home, he had indeed moved up through the ranks at an alarming speed. Now his work consumed him more than ever, but Ben still managed to weasel his way into his life.

“I’m not spinning,” Ben said, as he continued to spin.

“Remind me again, why exactly you are here,” Hux asked, voice polite but edging on hostile. Before Ben could answer, he threw the pen in his hand directly at him.

Hux looked triumphantly at his aim while Ben howled about the pen whacking him right in the shoulder. He reminded Hux that he needed this shoulder to paint, and Hux only rolled his eyes in return.

“Now, back to your question,” Ben sighed, tossing the pen back to Hux who caught it without looking up from the table, “I am here because I am a good friend, and good friends don’t let their other friends work themselves to death,”

“Is that what good friends do,” Hux tried to hide his amusement by picking up a folder.

“It’s what good friends don’t do, Hux,” Ben sighed, “Try to be a better listener,”

“Better listener, right,” Hux affirmed, “That’s the thing that good friends do, right?”

“Exactly,” Ben confirmed, sounding almost pleased until he realized that Hux was teasing him. That was the last straw, and he pushed himself up out of the chair immediately.

The speed in which he did this was quickly determined to be a horrible idea, as Ben had spent the past five minutes spinning as fast as possible in Hux’s chair. He tottered to one side, and then the other, and Hux looked up from his work just waiting for him to fall over.

“Big bad Ben, coming at me like a toddler,” he smirked, clicking his pen to draw out one final signature before he began to pack up his work.

Hux stood up, tucking his perfectly organized accordion folder into his bag. Ben regained his balance, holding a hand up to his head by some hope of easing the dizziness. He hadn’t made it halfway across the office before Hux stood expectantly before him, finally ready to go.

“Keep bitching and I’ll choose Panda’s Pizza Party,” Ben threatened, and Hux’s face went white.

“You would not dare,” he started very calmly, “choose that cesspool of children’s vomit and artificial cheese to eat our sacred weekly meal.”

“Sacred,” Ben laughed, jabbing the elevator button as Hux fixed the shoulder strap of his bag. “Hux, we eat dinner together at least four times a week,” Ben pointed out.

“Thursdays are different,” Hux spoke monotonously, watching the numbers increase to show the elevator was getting closer and closer. “We’ve had dinner together every Thursday, save three exceptions, since college.”

The doors opened, and the two crossed the threshold into the elevator. Ben pressed the button for the lobby without having to look, and Hux tried not to think about just how much time he had spent at the offices with him. Never invited, he reminded himself, but somehow always there when everyone else was long gone. Hux didn’t admit how nice it was just to have someone around, but he suspected Ben knew. The vulnerability infuriated him.

“It always surprises me when you’re sentimental,” Ben teased light heartedly, “I won’t choose Panda’s Pizza Party.”

“Good,” Hux snapped, “Because if you think I’m bitching too much now, you have no idea just how much I can complai-”

“Oh, I know how much you can complain,” Ben interrupted, waving him off before he could finish. “So back to the party-”

“What party?” Hux asked, confusion flashing across his face. They walked out of the elevator together, and Ben threw his hands into the air.

“Of course you weren’t listening,” Ben said with a sigh, and Hux internally cursed himself for saying anything at all instead of letting him continue on with his thought.

“I was too I just, oh,” Hux’s eyes lit up and he turned to Ben excitedly. “The family party!” he exclaimed suddenly, proud of himself for realizing. Ben shot him a vacant look and continued walking.

“What sleuthing skills,” he commented dryly, “I see the elective in Sherlock Holmes hasn’t gone to waste,” he noted and Hux took on a look of personal offense.

“I needed the composition requirement,” Hux said, throwing his hands up, “And for your information those stories are the inspiration behind half of the detective shit you watch on TV.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ben grumbled, his mood having clearly shifted from the topic. Hux felt both irritated and sympathetic, a combination he didn’t know existed until he met Ben.

They walked in silence through the parking garage until they reached Hux’s car. It was a black sports car, something completely ridiculous to have in the city. Still, Hux enjoyed driving on his own terms, as well as showing off exactly how much money he had to blow. The parking and traffic should have been overwhelming for him, but he grew to feel comfortable behind the wheel.

They didn’t speak for the ride, save Ben mumbling his restaurant choice, but Hux found the silence comfortable. With Ben, there wasn’t a constant need for conversation. They were often content in doing their own thing while together. Even if Ben was in the mood to talk, he didn’t always require Hux to answer.

It felt different as the ride wore on, however, and Hux began to worry. He knew just how poorly the last trip home had been, and he also knew that it wasn’t bound to go much better this time around. Ben had been doing so well lately. After years of therapy and testing medication he was finally feeling put together. The anger that left his voice hoarse and knuckles bleeding was muted into something less consuming. Hux couldn’t imagine the strain it would put on him to go, or the greater rift in his family if he chose to stay away.

“You have to go,” Hux spoke finally, his voice barely audible over the hum of the car. Ben didn’t flinch, just kept his eyes on the road.

“Bit hard to go anywhere when the car is moving,” he bickered, but Hux cut him off with an indignant sigh.

“To the party, you fucking idiot,” Hux fired back, and Ben barked out a laugh.

“You’re the idiot for thinking I would send myself on that suicide mission,” he grimaced, his stance unmoving for the moment.

Hux flinched at the mention of suicide, refusing to bring up the memory they both buried during the years of their friendship. Ben softened if only for a second, and rested his arm on the console next to Hux’s. They didn’t speak, and by the time the next song started playing on the radio Ben’s hands were back in his lap. Hux could have sworn he wanted him back.

“You don’t know what it’s like there. You just can’t understand, Hux.” Ben said finally.

Hux didn’t have an argument after that. He knew that his encouragement meant nothing, he had never met the rest of Ben’s family. His opinion on the subject meant nothing, especially to Ben who already had such a solidified outlook. Still, his head pestered over and over to keep pushing. As they drove, Hux silently concocted his newest plan.

-

“Ben, we’ve been friends for, what, nine years?” Hux asked, setting his glass of wine onto the end table. It was customary after their weekly Thursday night dinner to return to Hux’s apartment for a few drinks, and tonight was no exception.

“Excuse me,” Ben scoffed, shooting Hux a look from where he was hanging upside down on an arm chair. “It will be ten years next Thursday.”

“Ten years,” Hux corrected himself, his arm already reaching out to draw his drink back to his lips.

“A real friend would know that,” Ben said indignantly.

“Yeah, well, I am the worst,” Hux retorted with a click of his tongue.

Ben pulled himself up to sit properly in the chair again, reaching for his beer and taking a long swig. Hux watched him half in fascination and half in disgust. He drank almost nothing but red wine, but kept beer and liquor in the apartment specifically for Ben.

“So,” Ben hiccuped, setting his bottle down onto a coaster. Hux reveled in the fact that he didn’t need to be reminded, and felt his chest lurch with something he could have sworn was fondness, though he was quick to dismiss it as heartburn.

Ben stood up and crossed the room, pulling a joint from the plaid pocket of his flannel. Hux told him time after time he didn’t mind being around the smoke, but Ben refused to light up unless he could blow it out the window. Hux figured if there was any time to talk him into visiting home, it would be the moment Kylo hinged between sobriety and a slight buzz.

“So,” Hux spoke slowly, eyebrows quirked.

“Why the sudden interest in how long we’ve been friends?” Ben asked curiously. Hux felt his cheeks heat up slightly, a curse of his red headed genetics, and shook his head.

“It’s not sudden,” he grumbled and Ben waved his stubbornness off with a flick of his wrist. “I was just thinking that friends of ten years-”

“Best friends of ten years,” Ben corrected with a smile. Hux shot him a look that would send anyone else running, but only made Ben laugh. He took a slow drag of the joint and Hux looked away, something tightening in his chest at the way the smoke looked drifting from his lips.

“Best friends of ten years don’t interrupt each other,” he warned and though Ben’s mouth opened with another retort Hux rushed in his next point all too quickly for him to butt in, “and, best friends of ten years usually have met each other’s families,”

Ben’s wide mouthed grin broke, snapping into a firm line of pressed lips. Hux swallowed slowly, circling his wine glass with his finger as he awaited a response.

“I haven’t met your family,” he countered, and oh, there was that recognizable look in his eyes that Hux knew meant a battle. If he could out strategize, outmaneuver, then he may have a shot at a clean victory.

“I have a family reunion this summer,” Hux said with a look of utter confidence, “that I would love for you to attend with me,”

“Lovely,” Ben spoke through gritted teeth. “I was thinking of inviting my mother up to the city sometime next fall,”

“Ben,” Hux set down his glass to stare at him intently.

“Hux,” he challenged right back, stance unbreakable. Hux, however, could see the weakness behind his eyes.

“You need to go home,” Hux continued, voice commanding at this point.

“Then I’ll call a cab,” Ben said stiffly, and Hux pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Now is not the time to be difficult,” he murmured.

“Oh, well isn’t that rich coming from you,” Ben ashed the joint and stuck it in the ash tray next to the window. Hux bought it specifically for him, but he would never admit it. Ben slumped back into his chair, and Hux took a deep breath as he watched his opponent slowly giving in.

“It’s not going to be nearly as bad as you’re making it out to be-” Hux started, but before he could finish Ben lurched forward in his seat.

“I’ll be alone, Hux. Just like last time, I’ll be the odd one out and sit there wishing for the week to be over so that I don’t have to sit under the scrutiny of a family that doesn’t seem to want nor need me anymore,” he explained, burying his face in his hands when he finished as if to hide himself away.

“You won’t be alone,” Hux frowned, his voice soft and sad as he awkwardly watched his best friend.

“Listen, it’s a nice sentiment and I appreciate you for trying to unite me with my family, but you of all people should get it, Hux, I really can’t-” Ben rambled, and Hux reached out to place a hand firmly on his back.

“You won’t be alone,” he repeated, more forcefully this time. Ben looked up from his hands, confused at the argument, or lack thereof.

“I don’t… I don’t understand what you mean,” he admitted, eyebrows furrowing together in confusion and Hux just sighed as he reached forward to squeeze his best friend’s shoulder.

“You won’t be alone,” Hux said carefully, “because I am going to be there with you.”

Ben’s eyebrows shot up in a mixture of surprise and confusion, he pulled back to look at Hux for some sign of a joke. There was only fierce commitment in his eyes, a look so serious that Ben had to glance down at his feet.

“It’s a five day trip, you’d be missing work and it’s not like it’s really a vacation by any means. Plus, you wouldn’t know anyone and you’d have to be in a ton of uncomfortable situations,” Ben babbled on, watching Hux to see what condition would send him reeling from his offer.

“Ben,” Hux spoke calmly, “You are my best friend. There is nothing in the world that I would not do for you. I am going to stick by your side the entire time. There is nothing you could say to me that would change my mind.”

Ben’s eyes widened with something Hux couldn’t quite recognize, and he surged forward to pull him into a hug. Hux felt the wind rush from his body at Ben’s tight grip, and he did his best to reciprocate the action. The feel of his hair brushing his cheek sent a shiver down Hux’s spine, and Ben pulled back apologetically. Hux caught himself wishing he didn’t.  
“Besides,” he coughed, attempting to even out his breathing after the encounter, “I’ll be fucked if I miss this banger of a party,”

-


	2. Emissary

Hux sat silently at his desk, the only sound in the room a rapid mash of the computer’s keyboard. His eyes remained glued to the screen, even with Ben’s massive figure pacing in the background. If he looked up, then he would have engaged. If he engaged, then he lost all hope for this last stretch of productivity. Ben would ensure that.

“The plane leaves tomorrow,” he reminded him, walking back and forth around the office. Hux glanced up for half a second, careful to avoid his eyes. He hummed an affirmation, but it did nothing to quell the visible panic before him. Ben resorted to walking in circles, and in the next moment he was out of the office and pacing the halls. Hux listened closely, and felt his mind slipping away from the task at hand.

Hux was prone to late nights at the office, but the lengths to which he had gone to prepare himself from a three day leave of absence was astounding. Somehow, he propelled himself from being prepared for the next week to the next month. It still wasn’t enough to convince him he was making the right call, not with everything constantly happening at the company. His boss, his coworkers, they all applauded his break from the office. Still, he ran through every interaction he had in the last week just to convince himself they secretly loathed him for leaving.

Ben was astonished at the speed Hux did his work, but the wear was obvious on both of them. The worry seemed to engulf the room, and Hux couldn’t manage to address any of it head on. Ben lingered in the doorway, watching him despite the other’s refusal to look up from his screen.

“I am not a child,” Hux said finally, shooting a look of warning. “You don’t have to coddle and remind me of the travel plans. I’m prepared.”

“Well how prepared is prepared,” Ben asked anxiously.

“I am packed, have two forms of photo identification handy in a regulation sized carry on, and the outfit I will wear to the airport is hung and ready to go,” Hux drawled and Ben scrunched up his nose slightly.

“In this carry on…” he asked tentatively, and Hux looked up from his typing to give Ben a look of boredom.

“Yes, there’s snacks,” Hux confirmed, and a bright smile spread across Ben’s face. Before he could get anything else out, Hux continued, “No, Ben, we can’t bring peanut butter on a plane.”

Huffing Ben threw his head back and covered his face with the heels of his hands. Of all things, this was going to be the breaking point. Hux rolled his eyes and reached down into his bag, eyes maintaining steady on the document with one hand still swishing along the keys. He lifted up a sandwich bag and tossed it in Ben’s direction.

Ben caught it with ease and grinned. Hux felt some of his own stress deflate at the sight. He faltered for a moment, losing his train of thought within the memo he was pounding away at. From the corner of his eye, he watched Ben drop into a chair at the other side of his desk. It groaned with the sudden weight and for the first time Hux stopped typing to adjust to the sound. Before he could begin again Ben began happily munching the sandwich, moving the chair closer and closer to Hux’s desk as he continued.

“You’re a nuisance,” Hux quipped, finding the word better than ‘distraction’. Admitting that Ben had the power to draw Hux’s attention from his work was admitting defeat. And that was something he refused to do.

“I’m your nuisance,” Ben taunted, and Hux lost all ability to think in the blink of an eye. He kept tapping his fingers to keep up appearances, typing random letters in the text box of his memo.

“No,” Hux grumbled, “just a nuisance,”

Ben pretended to pout, jutting his lower lip out as far as it would go. Hux bit back a grin, trying to keep his eyes focused on the screen in front of him. Of course, when Hux was trying to get his work done, Ben was in the mood for attention. Hux had known Ben for ten years though, and by now it was common knowledge to him that ignoring him would do nothing. Ben would receive his attention one way or another, no matter how far he had to go to get it.

“You’re such a little shit,” Hux breathed, noticing Ben’s mouth opening in response, “and before you can say it, no. You’re not my little shit.”

Ben’s play pout took over his face again, and he rested his chin in his arms at the edge of Hux’s desk. Thankfully, he had regained his train of thought and was just putting the finishing touches on his memo. Something about having Ben close by gave him a resurgence of focus, like he was tethering him to the ground. Hux frowned to himself at the thought, feeling disgusted with the effect of his emotions.

To top it off Ben was getting more restless by the second. He reached out to paw at Hux’s hands, making him add extra letters to the words he typed. Hux smacked his wrist but Ben was relentless. Over and over again he reached out to tap one of the keys which threw Hux’s entire rhythm off. After another minute he typed through the interruptions and settled on editing it after.

“I already have one pet, I’m not in the market for another,” Hux commented, pressing send on the memo and stretching his arms over his head.

“It’s past midnight,” Ben ignored the jab, studying Hux’s face carefully. “You look exhausted,”

“And don’t you look just ravishing as well,” Hux grimaced, pushing his chair back to stand up. Once again, he stretched out his body, letting out a small sigh as he did so. The jacket around his shoulders was long gone, his tie in the corner, the top buttons of his shirt undone. It was as comfortable as Hux would allow himself to be within the confines of the office.

When he turned back, Ben was staring off out the window with a faint blush tinting his cheeks. Hux quirked an eyebrow, but said nothing. It wasn’t like Ben to get embarrassed by his quips, especially at this point in their friendship, but it was late and the man had been plenty moody lately. So, Hux questioned, why wasn’t Ben looking at him?

With the aversion of his best friend’s eyes Hux suddenly felt exposed. His hands reached up to his hair, carefully smoothing it to be sure every strand was in place. Next he checked his shirt for stains, then his pants, then his shoes. All at once Hux felt himself overwhelmed by the simple concept of existing within his body. He squeezed his eyes closed, willing his head to remain firm on his body instead of floating away.

It wasn’t his fault that he skipped dinner, his meeting ran late and by the time he got out his favorite Thai place from down the street was closed. And lunch, he argued with himself, was needless when you had a substantial breakfast. Hux’s eyes remained closed, trying his hardest to place his breakfast. Or last night’s dinner. Or the last time he had a meal.

“You’re too tired to drive,” Ben said gently, and before Hux could look up he was standing right in front of him. He scoffed in disbelief, setting a hand on his hip as he went to launch into a protest.

Ben reached out to hold his shoulder, the large hand squeezing tightly. Hux melted into the touch, his neck stiff from the constant hunching over the desk he had done in the last week. Ben seemingly noticed the appreciation and dug his fingers a little deeper into the skin between Hux’s shoulder and neck. It took everything in Hux not to embarrass himself with a groan.

“You’re not driving my car,” he shot back, trying his hardest not to revel in the pressure on his shoulder.

Instead, it just became harder to ignore. The way his fingers flexed over the tight muscle made Hux dizzy. Through his pressed shirt he could feel the warmth of Ben’s fingers. When was the last time he had been touched? Hux remembered a drunken night in a bar bathroom years prior, but the most that came from it was sloppy kissing against the sink followed by a week alone in bed. Apart from that, every interaction he had was either a handshake at work or Ben’s offhanded and random touches. Hux let himself sigh and relax into it for just a second. They both stood silently, Ben’s fingers massaging gently against the fabric and Hux’s eyes cast across the room.

Ben released his grip, dropping his hand back to his side. Hux immediately returned to his proper position, his posture straight and steady. He yawned and stretched again, the shirt pulling up slightly to expose a sliver of skin. He could have sworn he felt the warmth of Ben’s touch ghosting across his hip, but when he opened his eyes again the other man was across the room.

“I’m too tired to drive,” Ben admitted, a loud yawn accentuating his point. Hux threw his hands up in the air, waiting impatiently for the solution to the problem.

“Well?” he asked, hand fluttering instinctively back to his hip and had he stomped his foot he may resemble that of a toddler in a tiara.

“Hux,” Ben laughed easily, shaking his head and making his way towards the door. “Buddy, I live two blocks away, remember?”

Hux’s face screwed up into that of disgust, wondering if there was any worse fate than spending the night at Ben’s apartment, even if it meant crashing his car. He checked his phone and knew that it would take him another half hour at the very least to get home, despite already feeling dead on his feet.

There was a reason they never went to Ben’s. It made Hux’s skin crawl to be surrounded by disorganization and mess. It had been months since he even thought about Ben’s home, let alone visited. It was easier at Hux’s with the fold out couch and many amenities. He kept everything stocked perfectly, rarely without something Ben wanted when they were there.

And yet, he let himself be led out of the building by Ben yet again. He pushed the button without looking, he navigated the lobby to the door closest to his street. Hux could barely remember the minimal directions to get to Ben’s apartment, and he felt sheepish with the realization.

They were quiet when they travelled. It was a comfortable silence this time, but Hux could tell something was still hanging between them, above them, out of reach. Try as he could he just couldn’t figure out what it was. Distracted, Hux didn’t notice the man walking directly at them until Kylo’s hand touched the small of his back to guide him over.

“Someone is all out of sorts tonight,” Kylo laughed when he saw the look of pure shock on Hux’s face.

“I’m tired,” Hux fired back, but there was no heat to it.

He continued to walk with his eyes almost closed, just desperate to dive head first into Kylo’s couch and sleep off the day. They would have to reconfigure the morning’s plans to account for this bump, but as always Hux’s plan came with three separate sub-plans in case anything went wrong.

“Armie,” Ben’s voice was quiet, pulling Hux from his trance.

He looked angrily at Ben for the nickname, but he was suddenly standing above him on a staircase. One of Ben’s hands rested on the doorknob of the apartment building, the other was outstretched to Hux. Dazedly Hux accepted the hand and realized his mistake only after Ben’s gentle laughter. He pulled back immediately, and saw the smile drain from Ben’s face when he did so.

“I hate when you call me that,” Hux joked.

“I know,” Kylo said, far quieter than expected, “I’m sorry.”

They didn’t look at each other, but Hux felt like Ben was staring through him without so much as a glance. Unlike Ben’s navigation of the office, Hux had no idea where he was. He cursed himself for his memory, for his inability to stay within his own head, for his hunger, his sleepiness, his pathetic tiredness. What hung between them now was a tension Hux still could not explain, but he blamed it on the exhaustion.

They climbed the stairs, they walked the halls, and they finally ended up outside of Ben’s door. A low buzz came from the surrounding rooms and Hux hoped it would go away once they were behind the closed doors. Ben turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open, gesturing for Hux to step inside.

“Oh my god,” Hux gawked, “I would rather sleep in the street.”

Ben scoffed, holding a hand over his heart as he haphazardly moved a few dishes from the end table to the sink. The small apartment was overcrowded and messy, just like he expected it to be. They walked into Ben’s home studio first, half finished canvases lined one of the walls, a tower of paint supplies haphazardly next to them. The overhead light was a dim yellow that warped the colors of the apartment into something dingy and off. Hux was going to die if he spent the night, he knew it.

“It is not that bad,” Ben defended, looking around the room with what Hux could identify as some sort of pride.

“Let me ask you, Ben, how many rats have you found crawling around this place?” Hux deadpanned, “A rough estimate will do, you know, if you lost count.”

Ben truly looked offended now, his bottom lip jutting out again as he glanced around the apartment. Hux felt a tinge of regret, knowing that he should be more understanding. He turned to Ben and offered a smile, and whatever strangeness between them sizzled the second their eyes met.

Ben was infinitely more successful than when he first signed the lease, but he kept signing it over and over. Hux had to restrain himself several times from just asking Ben to move in with him. It would make sense, he knew that, but he thought over and over again about how stupid he would feel when Ben rejected him.

“Here,” Ben beckoned him into the kitchen and held out something wrapped in foil.

Hux opened it, delighted to find a grilled cheese and tomato waiting for him. Somehow, it was still a little warm. Before he could ask Ben was already holding out a plate with a fork and a knife and nodded to the little breakfast nook in the corner of the kitchen.

Ben didn’t rush Hux despite the sleepiness of his eyes. With newfound energy Hux practically demolished the meal. He didn’t have time to set his silverware down before Ben plopped another one onto his plate, his smile encouraging as he did so. Hux stared down at the sandwich, but it started to get bigger and bigger and bigger before getting smaller and smaller and smaller.

“Hey,” Ben reached out to touch his wrist, “No worries.”

He stood up and waved for Hux to follow. Ben put the dishes in the sink and practically pushed Hux away when he moved to clean them. He told him to wash up, and that there should be extra toiletries in the bathroom. He walked in and rummaged around, easily finding the spare packaged toothbrush. It was the exact one he used when traveling, down to the color. Hux questioned the odds.

After a few minutes Hux felt more relaxed than he had all day, and was desperate to finally get to bed. He lamented spending the night before a long plane ride on a couch, but he figured anything would be better than spending another ten minutes on his feet. Hux walked out of the bathroom and down the little hall to where the living room opened up.  
Ben stood in the center, flushed when he noticed Hux. In the few minutes since he left, the apartment had been cleaned beyond what Hux believed possible. When he glanced into the kitchen there were no dishes left in the sink, all of his art supplies were tucked in a box in the corner of the room, and the lamps were switched on rather than the overhead light.

The tinge of fondness for the other dissipated as he took in the rest of the room.

“Ben,” Hux asked slowly, “Where is the couch?”

“I mean I don’t… I don’t usually have company, especially since you’re so adamant about only going to your place-” Ben explained.

“Because you don’t have a couch,” Hux interrupted dryly, and Ben held up a finger to warn him into silence.

“Which you didn’t even know-” Ben argued again.

“Which I will definitely keep in mind now,” Hux interrupted once more, and when Ben stomped his foot he let a wide grin spread across his face for just a second.

“I’m not gonna hold this conversation against you,” Ben said, sucking in a deep breath, “Because you are very over-tired, and because we are going to be spending the next five days constantly together.”

“Well, that’s your mistake, really,” Hux shrugged, and Ben marched over to tug him from where he was standing.

Hux’s eyes widened in surprise, and despite his effort to yank himself free he was quickly transported down the little hall to the bedroom. Ben was strong, it was clear as day when looking at him, but Hux had never experienced it for himself, not like this. It knocked the breath out of him to be gripped so tightly he felt like their hands were melding together.

“Um,” Hux swallowed, looking to where he had been brought. No witty comment was coming right now, and he cursed his lack of sleep for the trouble.

“Wait here,” Ben commanded, voice low and rough. He spun on his heel to cross the room and paw at his dresser, pulling out a shirt and sweatpants.

Ben tossed them in Hux’s direction, and Hux caught them with an ease he internally thanked himself for. Suddenly he felt shy. Hux racked his brain as to why he would be timid considering the regularity of a practically nude Ben he experienced. And he had seen Hux the same way, though it was far less frequent. Ben held up his own outfit, and neither moved for a moment.

The unease slipped away when Hux remembered how tired he was. With food in his stomach his head felt a little clearer, and it was telling him to go to sleep. Silently, the two changed into sleeping clothes across from one another. If Ben caught Hux sneaking a glance, he didn’t say anything.

Hux climbed into the bed without another word of protest, too exhausted to fight it anymore. The feeling of the soft mattress beneath him had him regretting every nasty word he said about the apartment. He could live here forever if it meant feeling this comfortable all the time.

Hux had half expected Ben to snag a pillow from the bed and curl up on the ground. Instead, the oversized body clamored into bed beside him and stole the sheets. He pulled a heavy quilt from the end of the bed and spread it over the two of them, reaching across Hux’s chest to ensure he was fully covered.

“Um,” Hux tried, but again no words would come.

They laid in silence for some time, neither one asleep but not completely awake either. It was like a dream, despite their lucidity. Hux was aware of every breath Ben took beside him, and kept his back turned to avoid as much confrontation as possible. He counted the rise of Ben’s chest, and then the fall. It lulled him into a dreamy state, and he could feel himself slipping into it.

“Fuck,” Hux mumbled into the pillow, opening his sleep heavy eyes with a start. “Millicent is going to be so pissed that I didn’t make it home to feed her dinner,”

The thought of his beloved cat going without a meal was enough to make Hux sit up and start to struggle his way from the blankets. He could just take a cab home, it was only two in the morning, Millicent liked the night better anyways and would most likely be up he reasoned with himself. The guilt of abandoning his pet weighed so heavily on him he thought he might throw up.

Ben’s arm reached out to gently press Hux back into the mattress, disrupting his train of thought. He let out a small grunt of protest, turning over to stare at Ben in disbelief. He laid with his eyes closed and his hair painting the pillow beneath his head.

“I fed her,” Ben yawned, returning his arm to cradle his pillow. Hux blinked in confusion. “I knew you were going to be working late again, so I stopped by this evening to give her dinner.”

Hux opened his mouth to ask Ben a question, but he didn’t know what to ask. The other’s eyes were still closed, the topic obviously not affecting him. Hux was unsure as to why everything tonight was having such an impact. That tension was back again, and Hux was irritated with his inability to sort and compartmentalize his emotions. Still, with the steadiness of Ben’s breath beside him he relaxed within seconds once again.

“Thank you,” Hux blurted out finally, his voice sweet and sincere. It prompted Ben to look at him finally, staring at Hux curiously from his side of the bed.

The two sat in silence for a moment, yet it felt unlike any silence they had shared before. Ben’s eyes shimmered in the light from the street that seeped in through broken and bent blinds. Hux felt his breath catch in his throat for reasons he could not explain. Ben turned onto his side toward Hux, disrupting the carefully laid blanket. They were close enough that Hux could smell that same floral shampoo he remembered.

The sounds of the street seemed distant compared to the thudding of his own heart. It had grown loud in his ears, and he willed it to be quiet. Hux wondered if Ben could hear it as well, hoped to god that he couldn’t. He held his breath, desperate to quiet his mind and body.

“It was no problem,” Ben’s whisper sent tingles down Hux’s spine, “I would do anything for,” his voice faltered for a second, eyebrows scrunching and split second panic flooding his eyes. “Millicent,” Ben finished quickly.

Hux mouthed the name, head pulling back in confusion and surprise, but Ben was already too busy rolling onto his other side to notice.

-

“Yes, Mom, we’re on the way to the airport now,” Hux listened to Ben sighing into the phone. Suddenly, he reached out to grip onto the console so tightly his knuckles turned white.

Hux looked over with a look of sheer panic, almost certain that Ben’s mother was killed on the other line mid sentence. He mouthed frantic questions, and watched as the color drained from Ben’s face as well. Keeping his eyes on the road was hard when his best friend looked like the life had been sucked from him within the span of five seconds.

“Yes ‘we’ as in I’m bringing someone,” Ben choked out and Hux almost pulled the car over on the side of the highway upon hearing those words. “Did I not mention it?” Ben laughed weakly, and Hux punched him hard on the thigh.

Ben shrugged at him and continued listening to his mother. Hux, being the great friend that he was, offered to go with Ben to this family get together. And Ben, being the absolute asshole that he was, didn’t alert anyone of this. Fantastic. Hux imagined walking through the door to confused faces, the whispering that would happen when he left the room, the added awkwardness of his presence.

“No, it’s just Hux,” Ben explained easily, and Hux really punched him hard this time. Ben’s face contorted in pain that he tried to conceal from his voice, promising he would call his mother when they landed and that he couldn’t wait to see her.

“Just Hux?” Hux huffed, throwing in a few extra slaps for good measure. Ben shoved his arm back to his spot in the driver’s seat. “You actual fuck. No one knows that I’m coming,”

“She’s excited!” Ben promised, his eyes pleading as he covered his face with his hands. “She’s been wanting to meet you for years, I talk about you all the time. It’s best this way, she would have probably asked for your number to ‘check in’ if I told her before.”

Hux’s anger dulled momentarily, more intrigued at the moment. Ben talked about him to his mother. He tried not to wonder what was said. It was easier to focus on the latter half, to express relief that he might be walking into something terrifying, but it would only be for the time they planned.

“I would have assumed you cleared it with her,” Hux said, voice almost like a scolding parent, “but they’re not going to be pissed that I’m showing up essentially unannounced?”

“Technically, I just announced it,” Ben laughed, and Hux just sighed in response.

If the remaining five days went the same way as the drive to the airport, Ben wasn’t going to have much skin left not covered in Hux-made bruises. They parked without an issue, but Ben went on and on about how ridiculous Hux was to pay for airport parking.

“I’m having a friend pick it up tomorrow,” Hux explained.

“A friend?” Ben looked at him curiously, “Since when do you have friends?”

“I have a life beyond you,” Hux said simply, but he enjoyed watching the gears shifting in Ben’s head.

They were quiet for a while, going through the motions of handling payments and navigating the airport. Hux handled all the talking and Ben sat quietly behind him, something brewing behind his eyes. He held out a sandwich bag to him, urging him to take it.

“One last treat,” he explained, “But you have to brush your teeth and wash your hands when you finish because you never know who might have an allergy.”

Ben turned the peanut butter and banana sandwich over in his hand a few times. He nodded in agreement and followed behind Hux once more as he checked their bags and read the map to ensure they would take the fastest route to the terminal. The entire time Ben didn’t say a word, just munched on his sandwich and occasionally stared in Hux’s direction.

By the time they finally got to the terminal Hux’s head was swimming. He replayed every potential interaction with any family member over and over in his head. He planned the exact words he would say to Leia when she invited him into her home. He practiced the stoic look he would offer Han if Han decided to look up at him. He felt exhausted already.

“Hey,” Ben approached the chairs, freshly washed and brushed after his trip to the bathroom.

“How are you feeling?” Hux asked, trying to show his sincerity.

Ben shrugged and returned to his seat next to Hux. He played with the tag on his luggage until it frayed. Hux was studying the itinerary of the remaining afternoon more intently, and absentmindedly reached down to brush Ben’s hand away from unraveling it further. Their fingers brushed only briefly, but it was enough to pull Hux out of his own head.

“Hey,” Ben said again.

“Hi,” Hux responded, still staring down at his laminated schedule.

“Are you, uh,” Ben cleared his throat, “Are you seeing someone?”

Hux nearly snorted, laughing loud enough to elicit a few glances from the other people waiting for their flight. Ben looked down at his hands for half a second before offering weak laughter of his own.

“Wait,” Hux furrowed his eyebrows, “Ben, are you actually serious?”

“I’m just asking, I,” Ben huffed, his mouth frozen open as he tried to find his response, “You know it’s just been a while since we talked about anything like that, I was just… I was just wondering is all.”

“Is this about the car thing? Are you so shocked at the idea of me having another friend?”

Ben looked embarrassed at that point, shrugging it off. He was right, they hadn’t talked about anything like that in a while, but it was only because Hux had nothing to talk about. Suddenly, he realized that Ben could be doing anything with his love life and it didn’t necessarily mean he would discuss it with Hux.

“It’s someone from work. Is that what you want to hear? It’s, uh,” Hux groaned, “It’s my assistant, okay? She’s doing it as a personal favor or whatever, but… it’s her.”

Something joyful spread over Ben’s face at the admission, but only for a split second. It was barely registered but Hux felt a pang in his heart. It was true, he had a lot going on constantly. In the next moment he showed the expected sympathy and apologized a half dozen times under his breath, assuring Hux over and over that he was just stressed and stupid. Hux waved it off and they sat mute beside one another for a few minutes.

“Do you really think I’d even have time to date? I spend all of my free time with you,” Hux broke the silence with a chuckle.

Ben snickered back at him, shaking his head and burying his hands in his face. His embarrassment was still obvious, as was his regret for saying anything in the first place. Hux thought that the sacrifice of his own dignity might be worth ten minutes of Ben’s distraction from their destination.

“Who knows,” Ben said, “Maybe you’re not as busy as you claim.”

“Ben,” Hux teased with a shake of his head, “Do you really think I would have shared your bed last night if I was seeing someone?”

Ben looked at him, face expressionless and hair partially covering the corners of his eyes. Hux wanted to push it back, to see his entire face and read his every emotion.

“I don’t know,” Ben replied, voice almost a whisper, “Would you?”

Hux felt his brain short circuit. Every racing thought and rumination turned to black for the longest ten seconds of his life. Every conversation he played over and over again in his head surrounding this weekend were disregarded as Hux searched his brain for an answer, any answer.

The person at the desk called for their boarding. It startled Hux out of his spell and as if on cue his emotional repression generator seemed to switch back on. It was easier to switch gears, he assured himself. Ben was joking, and Hux made it weird by not laughing back. He felt stupid and guilty, and thought about all of the ways he could apologize.

Instead he said, “Well, that’s us!” and scrambled to his feet. Ben’s shoulders rose and fell heavily but he stood up a beat later and gathered all of his luggage. They walked side by side to the gate and thanked the flight attendant who accepted their boarding passes. Hux felt himself buzzing as he guided them down the aisle to find their seats.

The flight was only six hours, which was nothing to Hux. For business he had flown halfway across the world. He settled into the seat with ease and set up his space exactly how he did every time he flew. Methodically he removed what he could while the trays were up, supplying each man with various plane “necessities”. Hux relaxed into his seat almost immediately. For Ben, however, it proved to be a challenge.

“Does your mother know about Millicent,” Hux asked as Millicent’s carrier slid swiftly under seat, the cat only letting out a single mewl of protest before Hux slipped her a treat. The sound of her crunching made him feel warm, and he was happy to have her whether or not Ben bothered to tell his mom.

“My mom loves cats,” Ben assured him, leg bouncing up and down nervously. Hux took a deep breath.

“That is not the question that I asked,” he reminded him, turning to face Ben properly, “I asked if your mother knows-”

“Please, Hux, can we not argue about this right now,” Ben’s begged, voice tight as he gripped the armrests. Hux noticed that, like in the car, his knuckles have turned white from the grip. “I’ll text her I promise just… Hux, please.”

Ben looked at him, eyes hopeful that Hux would let it go for the moment. Hux hadn’t noticed until he looked down that Ben’s fingers were pressed into his forearm. It vaguely reminded him of Ben’s hand on his shoulder the night before, in the office. Hux shook the thought fervently, biting the inside of his cheek. Ben was struggling, and Hux realized he was getting weird again.

“So, you’re, um, afraid of flying,” Hux commented, and almost slapped himself across the face as soon as it popped out.

Ben nodded, trying to appear as unaffected as possible. It was serious, Hux realized, if he wasn’t immediately launching back with something sarcastic. There was no melodramatic pouting or hand shaking anger. He was scared to be on a plane, that was it. Ben was just scared.

Something instinctual launched Hux into a desperation to relieve Ben’s suffering. He drew back on the countless romantic comedies he was forced into watching over the years. Whenever the couple is on a plane, one of the people is terrified beyond belief. Hux almost chuckled at the thought of him and Ben being such a classic cliche, but the moment he saw himself beside Ben in a romantic comedy it was over. Hux tried to shake the thought from his brain to no avail, and it rooted.

Hux took in a deep breath and pried one of Ben’s hands from the armrest. In the time it took Ben to open his eyes, Hux entwined their fingers and set them back on the arm. Ben turned his head to look at Hux. Gratitude washed over his expression, and Hux felt warmth inside his chest when he realized that he made the right call. The plane began to move and Ben’s hand squeezed tighter.

“Sorry,” he tried to laugh it off.

Hux felt his shaking through his hand alone, and quickly pulled it against his chest, resting over his heart. Hux hesitantly placed his other hand on top of theirs. When the plane lurched again Hux squeezed Ben’s hand and nodded at him.

“Hey, Benny boy,” Hux spoke softly, “Look at me. Please. It’s okay, I’ve got you. Tell me what you need. Tell me how to help you, Ben.”

Ben briefly looked at Hux like he didn’t recognize him. They hit another bump and Ben squeezed him again, his other arm looping through Hux’s to grip him tightly. Hux let out a startled breath but managed to maintain his composure.

“I need this,” Ben whispered, “Just this.”

Hux held his hand through the take off, though he was pretty sure he broke a few fingers. Again, Ben’s hands were warm and his hair smelled like that same shampoo. Hux noticed that Ben’s hair was thicker than it looked. Again, the familiar guilt crept up on him. When they were steady and in the air, Ben didn’t let go of his hand. It wasn’t until ten minutes after take off that he unlooped their arms, and thirty minutes before he let go of Hux’s hand. Hux didn’t comment on the amount of time, and shamed himself for being disappointed when it ended.

“Thanks,” Ben said. His cheeks were so red it made Hux’s hand twitch to feel the warmth of his skin.

“Oh, no problem.”

“Hux,” Ben emphasized his name, “Thank you.”

He tried to nod but it didn’t come out looking right, he knew that. Ben’s smile seemed genuine, and Hux tried to relax now that they had separated. Ben’s arm, however, stayed resting on the divider between them. It made Hux remain on alert, almost wishing that Ben would need him again.

“So the cat,” Hux blurted out, the shakiness from his voice dissipated.

He turned away from Ben and opened his water bottle, taking an extra long gulp while his head stopped spinning. It was the physical contact, he reminded himself, he just wasn’t used to touching another person. Twenty something years of physical distance had to be the cause of his increasing heart rate every time their skin brushed.

Ben sighed quietly and simply nodded. He hooked himself up to the airplane’s wireless internet and began tapping away at his phone. Hux glanced over his shoulder and saw the text chain with his mother, filled with emojis and ‘I love you’. Hux felt a pang of envy at the affection they shared. He turned back to grab his own phone and scanned through a e-mails sent since they arrived at the airport.

They were quiet for the majority of the ride, both finding something to attend to. Hux was struggling to finish everything humanly possible before they touched down. He finished some paperwork, updated his calendar, checked and rechecked their week’s schedule. It was more empty than he liked, but he told himself there was plenty of time to update it when they arrived and spoke to Leia.

Hux didn’t know how much time had passed until he felt a hand on his shoulder and jolted upright. He looked around, disoriented from the sudden interruption. Ben gestured up and Hux realized the pilot was announcing their descent. Hux carefully packed all of his things away and held a treat under the seat to feed Millicent.

“Do you need, ah,” Hux held up his hand and shook it a little.

Ben cocked his head to the side, almost in disbelief at the offer. They didn’t talk about the way their fingers fit together easier than before, or the way they both trembled slightly as the plane started to land. The grip was different this time, but Hux assumed it was his own overthinking.

They landed without an issue and got off the plane side by side. Thankfully, no one was waiting directly outside for them. Hux had a little time to regain his clarity as they walked through the airport. It wasn’t until they were entering the area that Ben started to crack.

“Please just be mom, please just be mom, please just be mom,” Ben chanted under his breath as they made their way to the baggage claim. Hux watched him carefully, repeating the same prayer in his own head.

The anxiety of meeting his family coupled with flying had left Ben a nervous wreck. He was still shaking, and Hux had no idea how to subdue it. Like on the plane, he racked his brain to find a quick way to help Ben. His head was still foggy from the flight and lack of sleep, so he resigned to the recurring thought that kept running through his mind, the plan that seemingly worked just moments before.

Seeming like the most reasonable thing to do, Hux stuck his hand out and held tightly to Ben’s. He gave a strong squeeze in an attempt to snap the other man out of it. Ben paused in chanting his mantra but Hux just shrugged and led him through the crowd of people to where the dozens of luggage carousels sat.

“Would you like to sit with Millicent and wait, or come with me to get the luggage?” Hux asked, rewriting the list in his head to plan for the events of the next few hours.  
Ben hesitated a moment, and stepped forward to be closer to him. Hux took that as his answer and cautiously led Ben across the room. He could be set off at any second into an anxiety attack by the looks of him, and Hux was determined not to let that happen.

“And word on whether or not Millie will be sleeping outside?” Hux asked, his voice tinted with gentle teasing. Ben laughed weakly, nodding as he pulled out his phone.

“She’s hoping Millie will be able to convince my dad that there is a definite need for a cat around the house,” Ben answered slowly, his voice more drawn out than usual. Hux studied his expression for everything and anything it had to offer.

To let Ben regain his sanity, Hux stopped asking questions. Instead, they waited and watched for their luggage, their fingers still crossed over one another. Every so often one would hold tighter for half a second, a gentle reminder that they stood together. Hux kept careful track of Ben’s pulse, and smiled to himself when he felt it even out.

Somehow, he managed to get the suitcases with one hand while the other remained gripping onto Ben’s. Millicent mewled with distaste from her place on the floor, and Hux promised that he would hold onto her soon enough. Ben wordlessly reached into Hux’s jacket pocket with his free hand and gave Millicent a treat to keep her calm.

“I love her little crunching,” Ben admitted, slipping her another.

It was not unlikely that the people around him thought Hux was crazy, talking to the cat and almost killing himself to get the suitcases with one hand. Usually every second would be spent worrying what others thought of him. In this moment, however, he could focus on nothing outside of Ben. That was, until he was face to face with Leia Organa.

Hux hadn’t recognized the name at first, not knowing anyone besides himself who was in the habit of referring to Ben as ‘Benny’. He absolutely hated it, and Hux only managed to get away with it after years of pestering. Ben noticed though, and his heartbeat skyrocketed once more as soon as he heard his mother’s voice calling out for him.

Hux dropped Ben’s hand as quickly as he had taken it, crouching down to scoop up Millicent’s carrier. The disappointment he registered on Ben’s face he assumed was purely from the terror of seeing his mother. When Hux looked up again, a small woman that he recognized from pictures was pulling Ben into a giant hug.

Beside her stood a slightly taller girl who couldn’t have been more than twenty or so. Rey. Hux recognized her from pictures as well, and he offered her a gentle smile. Rey seemed to be surprised at the gesture, and lifted a hand up to wave in his direction. Ben ignored her completely, focused entirely on his reunion with Leia.

“Oh, Benny, I swear you get taller every time I see you,” Leia crooned, holding onto her son’s arms tightly. Ben’s face was warm and happy, and while the anxiety was still obvious he looked more at ease now.

“I’ve been the same height for twelve years, Mom,” Ben laughed, and tugged her back for another hug.

Upon seeing Rey, his demeanor shifted. Her eyes held hope, but it was quickly diminished when she saw the way he looked at her. Hux wanted to say something, wanted to whack Ben and tell him what an asshole he was, but his position stayed stiff and firm as he focused on not shaking Millicent’s carrier.

“Hux!” Leia cried out, pulling back from her son to look at the man. She walked to him with arms outstretched, and he quickly passed off the carrier to an awaiting Ben before awkwardly accepting the hug. “I’ve been hearing about you for ten years!”

“Good things, I hope,” Hux shot a look in Ben’s direction, and he held his hands up as if to say he was innocent.

“Of course, of course,” Leia waved it off, “My Ben just adores you, honestly, all he can talk about some days is how much-”

“Hux, this is Rey,” Ben interjected, gesturing to the girl standing uncomfortably to the side. Hux bit back a smile at the news of Ben’s adoration, but realized Leia was most likely exaggerating. It’s how mothers were, he assumed.

“Ah, Rey, the girl I’ve heard so much about,” Hux introduced himself, and she looked between him and Ben in surprise.

If Hux was capable of having his heart broken he thought this would be the perfect time. Rey’s expression flooded with the hope that her brother would finally get over his teenage resentment and accept Rey as his sister. Hux knew how hard the house was on Ben growing up, and he imagined Rey faced similar obstacles. If Rey hurt Ben by joining the family, Ben hurt her by refusing to remain.

“So much?” she repeated, obviously suspicious.

“Really just, a standard amount,” Ben corrected.

Rey’s smile faltered slightly, and Hux felt his chest tighten. Of course he knew Ben’s side of the story, and without having met Rey it was easy to accept the dramatics as some close resemblance of the truth. But there, standing in front of her and seeing the constant twist of her emotions left him empathetic in a way he wasn’t used to.

“Ben, you’re so cranky after you fly. Don’t be rude to your sister,” Hux warned, and Ben’s face contorted with betrayal.

Hux wondered if he would regret the comment when Ben refused to meet his eyes. Hux felt confusion and the overwhelming need for everyone standing around him to like him, to want him to be there. He let his wringing hands drop to his side, brushing against Ben’s pinky with his own. The other man did not yank back as expected, and Hux felt relieved without really understanding why.

Leia was off again in an instant, leading the way to the car, rambling about what a great week it would be to have everyone back at the house. Rey gestured to the front seat in an offer to Ben, but he silently opened the back door and climbed in. She offered the same to Hux, but he just shook his head and almost mouthed an apology.

Hux sat behind the passenger seat of the car while Leia and Rey arranged the luggage in the back. Ben seethed beside him, wringing his hands and picking at his cuticles. If he was left to his own devices he’d be bleeding by the time they got to his childhood home. Twenty minutes in and he already looked on the verge of a meltdown. Hux reached out to touch his shoulder.

“Hey,” he whispered, but Ben did not look up.

Still, he hadn’t flinched away from Hux’s touch. Following the same method of comfort that worked thus far, Hux dropped his hand from Ben’s shoulder to his fingers. They didn’t wrap around one another this time, but he gave them a gentle squeeze.

With a sigh so soft Hux nearly didn’t hear it Ben finally turned toward him. His eyes were glassy, somewhere far away. Hux’s voice caught in his throat, and he racked his brain to come up with whatever sarcastic bickering would pull Ben from his trance. The trunk of the car slammed behind them and the women chatted as they opened their doors. Ben shut his eyes.

“Ben,” Hux tried again, “Ben, please look at me.”

His voice was hushed, desperate to keep their intimacy hidden from Rey and Leia. His first instinct was to jerk back when he heard them piling into their seats, but the flinch only removed his hand for a fraction of a second before he was holding Ben again.

“I’m here,” he reminded him, “I’m yours.”

Ben stared at him curiously as if waiting for the bitter punchline following his words. Instead Hux just offered a small smile, a secret for only them to share. It took a few seconds for the words to register for either man, and Hux felt his stomach turn to lead from the vulnerability he showed Ben in the last few days alone.

“I promise, I’m yours,” Hux heard himself saying the words before he realized he was speaking.

And if Leia and Rey heard the soft exchange between the two, neither mentioned it.

They drove in silence for some stretches of road, and some rapid conversations the others. Rey offered music control to Ben but he waved it off, claiming his phone was on the verge of dying. She held out her own and he stared blankly at the screen before turning away to look out the window. Hux almost laughed at the ridiculousness.

They pulled into a twisting dirt road that spiraled up several small hills. It must have been nearly half a mile before they saw the beautiful house rise up over the horizon. Hux looked at Ben incredulously, never having been told the state of his family’s finances. He remembered Ben hunched over bills while Hux drew out expense sheet after expense sheet, begging Ben to just accept the money he had to offer. Hux asked himself what other help Ben refused without his knowing.

“It’s been a busy day with planning and getting some of the bigger things ready to go,” Leia explained, her voice suddenly tighter, “You boys just missed the delivery of all the rented chairs and tables.”

Rey became nearly silent the closer to home they got, and she buried her face in her hands when they neared the house. Hux couldn’t see what she had been looking at, everything seemed perfectly polished on the outside. He assumed it must have been fear of Ben’s reunion with Han.

All at once Ben let out a choked breath, his eyes wide as he looked out the window. Hux followed his eyes and saw a man about their age standing in the front yard by a stack of folding tables. He placed his hand above his eyebrows to shield his face from the sun and lifted the other to wave at the incoming car.

“Is that,” Hux whispered, quirking an eyebrow.

“Oh, Poe will be so excited to see you, Benny!” Leia jumped in before Hux could even finish the question, but her confidence thus far almost shook as she put the car in park.

Rey turned to look at them sympathetically, and she and Ben shared a surprised look. She rolled her eyes, nodding her head toward the man standing in their yard. Ben snorted, offering a smile to Rey for the first time since he saw her. As quickly as their gazes connected they were pulled apart.

“No,” Ben said, shaking his head as soon as Leia and Rey moved to open the trunk. “Take me back to the airport. I’m not doing it.”

“Ben,” Hux sighed, unbuckling his belt and moving to help with the luggage. “Come on, it won’t be that bad. Your mom said it herself, he was only here to help with her party. He’ll be gone soon.”

“Great. I’m not leaving this car until he’s gone,” Ben whispered, face deadly serious and voice borderline threatening. Hux was unaffected, entirely accustomed to the anger Ben could slip into when he felt uncomfortable.

Hux glanced up in the rear view mirror to see Leia and Rey exchanged worried looks, whispering among themselves. Ben sat firmly, refusing to move, with Millicent perched in his lap. At least he would have someone to protest with. Hux sighed and unbuckled his seatbelt, opening the car door and climbing out to help with the luggage.

“Not to worry, he’s just a little travel sick,” Hux lied with ease, and they soaked it up. A feeling of relief washed over the group, and they laughed nervously as they insisted on helping Hux bring the things in.

Before he could protest, the luggage was taken from his hands and Leia assured him that they could handle it. His priority was to lure Ben out of the car, apparently, and he imagined how poorly that would go.

“I see the traitor is back,” Ben commented when Hux clamored into the car again.

“Well I’m not going to be rude to your mother, am I?” Hux bickered, and Ben’s resolve cracked ever so slightly.

“I told you that I’m not leaving this car-” Ben started, and Hux cut him off.

“Until Poe Dameron leaves, yes, yes, I understand,” Hux nodded, and Ben shot him a wary look. “Millicent, however, must get inside. She needs her dinner,” Hux reminded him.

“You’re fucking cruel,” Ben spit out, but sighed in resignation.

Hux grinned like a fool, mentally thanking Millicent for the help. Ben refused to let go of her, only held tighter as Hux helped him out of the car and across the lawn. She purred happily in his arms, thankful to finally be out of her crate.

“You’re going to be covered in her fur,” Hux reminded him, “Ben don’t you dare stick your face in her fur-”

As if it was a direct challenge Ben shoved his face into Millicent’s head. She pressed up against him, and before he could pull back he was already desperately trying to wipe the little hairs away from his lips.

“You are so fucking stupid, it’s honestly unbelievable sometimes,” Hux said.

“Rich coming from you,” Ben fired back with ease.

“Sorry, it’s hard to understand you with all of that cat hair in your mouth.”

Ben swiped the back of his hand across his lips, somehow holding Millicent in one arm like it was nothing. Hux stared at his bicep briefly and pulled his eyes away when he felt himself getting red.

“I knew I shouldn’t have brought you. I bet my other friends would be kind and supportive during the worst week of my life,” Ben accused.

“What other friends?” Hux taunted back.

“My assistant,” Ben teased, returning his other hand to scratch the top of Millicent’s head.

Hux frowned, faltering in his steps slightly. It made him think of the plane, of the way Ben looked at him when they mentioned sharing a bed. They walked slower than they usually would, both exhausted with the trip and something else Hux didn’t understand.

“You know I’m kidding,” Ben spoke up when Hux didn’t respond, “Huxy, you’re my best friend. I wouldn’t ever have… it’s you.”

For a moment, Hux forgot about where they were. It’s you, he repeated in his head. He wasn’t able to answer before someone called Ben’s name, beckoning him across the yard. For a second it seemed like they might make it before being noticed. Poe was halfway across the lawn, tending to the grill now. Hux swallowed thickly, knowing it meant the other man would be around for at least a while longer.

“Bring Millicent inside,” Ben commanded quietly. “I don’t want his scummy hands to ever touch her. She’s ours.”

Hux shot him a look of complete and utter disbelief, but took the cat anyways. Ben gently pushed Hux by the small of his back, and led him to the door. As Hux was slipping inside, he heard Ben’s name called out once again. Ben reached forward to close the door between them, ushering Hux to find his mom in the kitchen.

“It’s too late for me,” he spoke dramatically, and Hux used all of his willpower to keep from rolling his eyes. “He hasn’t seen you, take care of the cat. Millicent, I love you,” Ben choked out.

The sound of footsteps approaching caused Ben to shut the door finally, and Hux wondered briefly if he had walked into a soap opera instead of a family home. He stood in the threshold of the home, fuming over Ben just abandoning him as soon as they arrived. Hux reminded himself he was there for Ben, not to be coddled through the experience.

Timidly, Hux entered the home and tried to decipher where the kitchen might be. It only took a moment before his name was being called from down the hall. Leia waited in the kitchen with a wide grin, Rey perched on a stool beside her. They welcomed Hux in, and thankfully took Millicent into their arms.

“You have a beautiful home,” Hux recited the same speech he practiced in the mirror for the last five days, “Thank you so much for allowing me to stay with you all. If there is anything I can do to make myself useful please just let me-”

“Oh goodness, you’re just what I expected,” Leia clapped her hands together, stepping forward to pull Hux into yet another hug.

It was more physical affection within the last day than he had had in at least two years combined. Hux tried to relax into it the best he could, but when Leia pulled back he could tell she sensed his awkwardness. Still, she rubbed his upper arm before walking back to her former spot and stirring something on the stove.

“Sweetie, we are so happy to have you here. I’ve been trying to convince my son to bring you home since the first time he talked about you,” Leia said, “You make yourself at home and just focus on navigating the chaos!”

Her tone was joking but Rey let out a surprised laugh beside her. She received a warning look and repositioned herself on the stool to keep from its continuation. He wondered if they expected him to know anything about the family, if they were confused as to why his friend would come with him to a big family reunion and stay at the house for nearly a week.

“Thank you for your hospitality,” Hux stammered.

Before he could embarrass himself further Hux felt his phone vibrate with the pattern he set for Ben’s contact. He excused himself and checked the message quickly, almost scoffing when the message read ‘Help’. Hux glanced up and looked out the window, seeing Poe and Ben standing just feet apart. Poe was laughing, and Hux watched in slow motion as the man rested his hand on Ben’s shoulder. Something shifted in him when Ben didn’t step back.

“I, uh, I’m gonna check on Ben,” Hux explained.

Rey and Leia shared a secret look, craning their heads to watch the two men on the lawn. Leia sighed when she saw the two of them together and shook her head. Rey offered Hux something that again looked like sympathy.

“He and Han were supposed to have finished unloading everything hours ago. I guess he invited him to stay for dinner,” Leia tutted, reaching out to pat Hux’s arm.

“Oh, that’s… fun. Is Mr. Organa here or-”

“Oh, honey,” Leia laughed loudly and shook her head, “You call us Leia and Han.”

Hux nodded curtly and tried to smile. Again his eyes shifted to Ben, and again his phone buzzed with the familiar pattern. He felt it would be rude to check it twice within the same short conversation, but his hands grew tingly with his desire to find out what was happening in the yard.

“And don’t you worry about the two of them, either. It was all years and years and years ago,” Leia held up her spoon, pointing out the window.

“I- what?” Hux asked, confusion surfacing. Rey only smirked at she pet Millicent.

“You know, Ben is absolutely enamored with you-” Leia continued and Rey jabbed her in the side.

“Mom, Ben would murder you...” Rey warned, and Leia waved her hands around in surrender.

For the third time his phone buzzed, and Hux watched Ben’s head turn wildly as he looked for any sign of his best friend coming to his rescue. Leia and Rey bickered back and forth again, but Hux couldn’t register their voices.

“I’m sorry, I just,” he gestured to the window again and Leia waved her free hand.

“You go ahead, it’s best to be introduced sooner than later. Now I know you and Benny had a long trip so I made up the bedroom-”

“Mom,” Rey interjected again, “Hux, run while you can.”

Hux shared a small smile of gratitude and thanked the mother and daughter another half dozen times as he left the room. His pace quickened as soon as he was out of the room, and if he wasn’t visible through the window he might have run to Ben’s side. He was doing it again, he was failing as a friend. Hux tracked the interaction back again and again as he crossed the yard, feeling as though he messed everything up on both sides.

Hux could hear the two of them before he was in their line of sight. He could hear them, and he knew why Ben sent the distressed text within three seconds. Poe Dameron knew how to rile Ben up, that was evident.

“After you left for school, Han didn’t know what he was gonna do! His only son, gone halfway across the country for art, right?” Poe asked, and Hux can feel his blood boiling from where he is.

“Yes,” Ben spit out, and Poe’s laugh is almost malicious.

“Is that going well? You’re not living on the streets, are you? Last I heard you were definitely living up to that stereotypical starving artist,” Poe chuckled, and Hux wants to punch Poe square in the jaw for the words.

“It’s great, actually,” Ben said, voice teetering on the familiar anger he worked so hard to swallow.

“But like I said before, it’s so nice to see someone from the family taking over the shop. For the longest time, it was just your dad and I. And while they consider me a part of the family, it’s not the same as Rey getting involved, you know?” Poe sighed.

“Of course,” Ben replied dryly.

Hux rounded the house to where Ben and Poe had moved to, out in the backyard where the grill was stationed. Poe’s back was to him, but he quickly caught Ben’s eye. Ben looked so happy to see him that he may break down crying, and Hux restrained himself from breaking into a full sprint to get to him.

“I swear, she acts more like your dad than you do, it’s so-” Poe’s voice cut out halfway through the word, turning to follow Ben’s eyes.

“About time,” Ben uncrossed his arms and let them drop.

“Sorry,” Hux said, “Just got caught up with your mom and Rey.”

Hux gestured to the window where they sat in the kitchen. When their eyes traveled the yard it was easy to see the two women staring at them, and then popping out of sight. Ben groaned quietly and shook his head.

“Hello there,” Poe said curiously, “Leia never mentioned you were bringing a guest, Benny. I’m Poe.”

“It was,” Ben’s voice is strained, the casual nature of Poe’s relationship with his family cutting him like a knife, “a last minute arrangement.”

Poe’s eyes shifted back to Ben, a look of triumph in his gaze. The cockiness behind Poe’s grin made Hux’s blood boil. He saw Ben getting more and more aggravated, like it was the other man’s intent from the start. There was a look of complete and utter distress in his friend’s eyes, and Hux could not hold back the lie that bubbled up in his throat.

“You know Ben, he’s a disaster when it comes to planning in advance,” Hux laughed lightly, dropping his hand to entwine his fingers in Ben’s. “I’m Hux, his boyfriend.”

For a moment, the look that flashed across Poe’s face was enough justification for Hux’s lie. When he felt Ben tense up, however, he wondered just how well it would go. Cursing himself in his head he wondered what he had just done. A weekend of support might have been ruined by his impulsive desire to cut Poe down.

“Boyfriend,” Poe whistled, eyes intent on Ben. It was as if Hux wasn’t there anymore, and he felt slightly out of his comfort zone as the animosity between the two heated up. “I can’t believe the King of no titles and attachments has a boyfriend. Last I heard you ‘just couldn’t be tied down’.”

The words were a direct attack on Ben, and Hux looked to him anxiously. They had talked a fair deal about relationships and whatnot in the past, but Ben didn’t have much to offer. Just an ex that became the son his dad had always wanted. Normal things like that. Hux never understood the full extent of the relationship, but he was suddenly realizing it was bigger than he imagined.

“Come on, Poe. That was over a decade ago. Of course I’ve grown since then,” Ben laughed, lifting their held hands over Hux’s shoulder. He pulled him closer, their sides pressed against one another.

The tension that previously froze Ben’s body was more relaxed now. He was still worked up, his heart rate increased and the grip on Hux just a little too tight. But the rage had dissipated substantially and Hux was dedicated to keeping it that way. No asshole ex was going to undo the years of painstaking work Ben put into himself. No one was going to hurt him while Hux was there.

“Of course,” Poe clicked his tongue, “I’m happy you finally grew up, Ben. It was tough for the rest of us waiting around and watching. Your dad thought it would never happen,”

Hux scoffed, his eyes wide and traveling between the two. Without a second thought he moved his free hand to rest on Ben’s chest like he was holding him back from going off the edge. They looked at one another and he just shrugged like it was a totally normal conversation to be having.

“Sorry I- sorry. I don’t know what came over me,” Poe coughed, nodding curtly, “Just, uh, weird day.”

Ben grinned at his shame and Hux was sure he reveled in it a little too much. He accepted Poe’s apology without fanfare and placed his free hand over his heart where Hux’s had not yet moved.

“I’m okay,” Ben turned his head slightly to whisper into Hux’s ear.

“It really is nice to see you again, Benny,” Poe said quietly, genuinely if Hux read him correctly.

“Yeah,” Ben agreed simply.

“And Hux, right?” Poe said quickly, “Great to meet you. I’m, ah, excited to catch up and everything.”

The two only nodded politely and Ben tugged Hux impossibly closer yet again. For half a second Hux considered how nice it would be to rest his head on the other man’s shoulder. The thought disappeared within an instant, but Hux knew it would be back later when he least expected it. He cursed his repetitive thinking.

Hux watched Poe walk across the yard, and into the house where Leia and Rey were most likely waiting. He had been embarrassed, that much was for sure. For all Hux knew, Ben had been just as active in the taunting before he arrived. Still, he knew the side he was on.

Hux felt his own cheeks flush slightly when they were finally alone. He was afraid to speak, afraid that a bitter moment may have ruined the next five days. Hux tried to push the thought of their potentially ruined friendship from his mind, refusing to acknowledge the heart ache it threatened to cause.

To his surprise, Ben laughed. It wasn’t a regular laugh either, it was a deep seated belly laugh that had him doubled over and clutching his stomach. He still held Hux against him, and he felt every convulsion of laughter.

“Are you…” Hux started and Ben shook his head.

“God, Hux,” Ben looked at him with something hidden, “What the fuck am I getting myself into?”

They finally untangled themselves from one another. Ben still laughed, and soon Hux joined in. They were exhausted from the journey, starving from a lack of food, and overwhelmed with the chaos they already stepped into. When Ben’s hands lingered at Hux’s shoulder he stopped trying to read into it, at least for the moment.

“What are we getting into?” Hux corrected him when he could finally breathe.

Ben’s died down at the comment, and he smiled timidly at Hux. Inside they would have to talk about all of the details, they would have to navigate an impulsive lie that Hux threw them into. In that second, however, it was them and them alone.

“We,” Ben repeated.


	3. You Don't Know How Lucky You Are

When they entered the house again Leia was waiting with two ready made plates of food and a couple of beers. Her grin was wide and she did a little dance as she handed them over. Hux pretended to look at the meal but kept his eyes focused instead on the ground.

“Thank you so much,” he repeated the same words he said whenever he was handed food, “It smells incredible, I’m excited to dig in.”

Hux didn’t know what was happening until after Ben gently took the dish from his hand. He nodded to the beer and Hux picked them up robotically. Of course he had thought about this, of course he had realized five days at someone’s home would result in meals together. Focusing on Ben let him forget that, however.

“Ma, it looks great,” Ben assured her.

“I know you boys are tired,” Leia nodded, “I was telling Hux I set the bedroom up already, I thought you could have your lunch in there and settle in. Your father won’t be home anytime soon so we’re having a late dinner that you two will join.”

She raised her eyebrows for their confirmation, though she didn’t phrase it like a request. Ben nodded and Hux thanked her again and again for the food. The smell was overwhelming and he realized how hungry he was, questioning the last time he ate. Ben agreed for Hux and tapped his shin with his foot before leading him down the hall.

They climbed the stairs and Ben gently kicked the door at the end so it would open for the two of them. Hux couldn’t move before Ben was balancing two plates on one arm and spreading out a throw blanket on the ground with the other. He gestured to the makeshift picnic blanket and Hux plopped down next to him.

“These are for you,” Hux held out the beer.

“She has plenty of wine,” Ben teased him, “All red.”

Ben didn’t try to hold conversation while they ate. Both of them needed a quiet moment to decompress from the day so far. So much was packed into under twelve hours, and now that they finally had a quiet moment alone Hux’s mind went back to racing.

“Food now,” Ben reminded him, popping a hunk of chicken into his mouth.

Hux picked at the plate, finding it more difficult to eat where they were rather than at a table. Ben, as if reading his mind, stood up to lift one of the bedside tables and place it in front of Hux. He was tall enough that he could eat without feeling too uncomfortable, despite the awkwardness of his arms.

“Hux,” Ben said gently, “Do you want to be alone?”

It wasn’t accusatory, and he wasn’t irritated. Ben knew how to talk to Hux without patronizing him, even if he still got upset with the intimacy every once in a while. Now, sitting on the floor of what he assumed was Ben’s old bedroom, he expected to be crawling out of his skin with the need for space.

“No,” Hux answered, surprising Ben as much as he surprised himself.

They ate between brief conversation, mostly about the food or the bedroom. Hux’s lie hung over the room like smoke. Still, they did not address it. Hux worked methodically to clear his plate, and Ben kept his eyes on the other side of the room. They had never discussed it aloud. Hux never told, and Ben never asked. Somehow, like so many things in their friendship, Ben knew.

“We should probably,” Hux kept his voice low, and an eye on the closed door, “Talk about this. Right?”

Hux stood awkwardly with his plate before Ben swooped it out of his hands and set it on a little table by the door. A napkin was placed over the top so that the food was covered, and Ben promised to return the dishes to the sink as soon as they exited the room again.

“Ben,” his voice a little more severe, like an owner scolding their dog. Ben looked up with an expression of boredom. Sometimes it was incredibly hard for Hux not to strangle him.

“Talk about what, honey?” Ben schmoozed, winking in his direction.

It must have been the jetlag, the new food in his stomach, one of Ben’s sudden highs. Never had he expected this side of Ben, the overconfident, arrogant, testing side, to emerge during the week. Everything Hux had consciously, meticulously planned out was now scrapped due to his own idiotic impulse.

“Listen to me very carefully,” Hux commanded, stepping quickly to cross the room and pick up his suitcase.

“All yours, baby.”

Hux could have screamed, but he focused instead on sorting through his belongings. The rapidity of his movements were a drastic change from the fatigue he exuded in the previous hours. Ben didn’t speak, only held his breath and teetered back slightly. He had his own suitcase in his hands but knew well enough to wait for Hux to finish before he jumped in.

“I left my work for you. I flew halfway across the country for you. I am staying in the home of a family I do not know for five days, who you can’t stand, by the way, for you” Hux started, and Ben coughed.

“So this ‘relationship’ is for me then?”

Again, Hux was reminded of their discussion at the airport. He narrowed his eyes slightly, trying to find the joke behind Ben’s eyes. In ten years he had never felt so confused by his best friend. They maintained something steady, and this trip was already shaking everything up. Something in his tone was challenging, but he couldn’t figure out why.

“That is not the point,” Hux snapped in a harsh whisper.

Ben grinned now, clearly unaffected by Hux’s techniques in intimidation though he tried. He threw his hands into the air and sped around the room, hanging his dress shirts and tucking sleep shirts into the drawer. They didn’t speak again until he was finished setting everything up in the bedroom and the bathroom.

“What I am trying to say,” Hux took a deep breath, “Is that I am doing this for you,”

Ben narrowed his eyes, waiting for the further guilt trip or power tactic. When nothing came, he nodded slowly in confirmation.

“So,” Hux debated placing his hand on Ben’s shoulder, “I would love it if you lend me a bit of generosity, and help me plan this lie.”

“The lie you told,” Ben quipped, and Hux groaned as his head fell back. Ben’s arms shot out to grab Hux by his waist, keeping him from stumbling back into the misplaced end table.

Hux didn’t move, just tipped his head back to the normal position and stared at Ben patiently. It was now or never, they were expected for dinner within a few hours and Hux could feel the stress of potentially being caught in their lie pile onto his shoulders.

“My love,” Ben whispered, voice achingly sincere in a way that made Hux’s stomach flip, “I would like nothing more than to plan my life with you.”

Hux smiled at this, feeling finally like he had won control of the situation. As long as he was in charge, he felt a sense of confidence. And yet something in him went numb at the sound of those words leaving Ben’s mouth.

“Sentiment doesn’t suit you,” Hux sniveled, shoving Ben’s hands from his waist and crossing the room to heave Ben’s bag onto the bed, “Where are you staying?”

Ben looked at him in shock, like he couldn’t believe the question. Lifting his arms he gestured to the room around them, pointing directly at the bed for emphasis. Hux instinctively took a step back.

“So you let me unpack everything I brought into a room I’m not even staying in-” Hux started.

“But you are, sweetheart,” Ben sighed dreamily, rolling onto his stomach to stare longingly in Hux’s direction.

Hux froze in place, looking around. There was no couch in the room, there was only one bed. He could have laughed, convinced now that this week would end up killing him after all. Six hours of sleep beside Ben was barely manageable, and that was a single night.

“I don’t…” Hux shook his head.

“There’s no guest room,” Ben shrugged, “And I’m guessing they’ll think it’s pretty weird if my boyfriend stays on the couch.”

“Me?” Hux scoffed, “I am a guest, Ben.”

“So am I,” Ben shrugged, “Technically.”

Hux paced back and forth, light with his footsteps to ensure no one downstairs would pick up on his walking. Ben watched him, amused as always, still sitting on the bed. Hux didn’t think it was very funny, but he couldn’t hold onto anger with the other man looking at him like that.

“Ben…” Hux shifted, “You know I-”

“Hux,” Ben shook his head, “I’m messing with you. Say the word and the room is yours.”

It wasn’t Hux’s fault that he feared showing any vulnerability, or at least that’s what he told himself. Sleeping beside Ben for one night was easy when he felt dead on his feet. Eating across from him was easy when they did so constantly over a decade. Now, everything felt out of place.

Hux didn’t say the word. He didn’t reject the idea of Ben sleeping separately either. He couldn’t make a reasonable decision right now, he felt borderline delirious. They still had to finish unpacking, sort through the details of their ‘relationship’, eat dinner with his family, get ready for bed, sleep beside one another. It was overwhelming.

“Shower,” Ben urged him, “We have a couple hours at least, Han is always later than he says he’ll be.”

Hux looked at him skeptically. Ben disappeared into the attached bathroom and came out with a fresh towel. He put it in Hux’s hands and practically pushed him into the other room. The door was shut behind him swiftly.

Thankfully the shower was simple to navigate. Hux had his soaps set up already and he unwrapped a new loofa from its bag before pulling the curtain back. For a few minutes he was alone. He expected it to soothe him, but instead he was trapped in the repetition of his anxieties. Over and over he played out the things he said, the ways he acted. He read every emotion of the others he met as contempt for him. By the time he got out he was overwhelmed and convinced that his coming would ruin whatever chance Ben had of connecting with his family.

Ben was waiting for him outside. On the bed laid a pair of sweatpants he did not recognize. Before Hux could ask he noticed his outfit labeled for tonight hanging perfectly on a hook outside of the closet. Ben held out the pants and snatched a shirt from the top drawer beside him.

“You need rest,” Ben assured him.

Hux’s mouth was agape, and when he glanced over Ben he noticed the right side of the bed. The pillowcase Hux decided was stupid to bring was on the pillow. A heavy quilt was draped over the comforter, opened slightly to allow someone to slip in. There was a glass of water on the nightstand and only a dim lamp in the corner remained on.

“Ben, what the fuck,” was all Hux could manage.

“I just, uh,” Ben shifted his weight between his feet, “I know you thought it was dumb to bring your pillow so I thought having the sheet would be nice. And, uh, you’re tired so I wanted to have it ready.”

Hux didn’t know how to handle the expansion in his chest. It hit him like a truck, but somehow he was still conscious. He stepped forward to run his fingers along the pillowcase, feeling awestruck that it was truly in his hands.

“And you packed extra clothes, I know that, but I didn’t want to snag anything that would throw off your plans so… ta-da!”

Ben held out the t-shirt. It was worn and frayed at the seams. Hux recognized it immediately as one of Ben’s classics. It was one of his favorites as well, and he faintly remembered mentioning it to Ben some years ago when it really began deteriorating.

Hux realized at that point he was still in a towel. He pulled it tighter around his waist, and Ben took that as a cue to leave. He held up his own towel and outfit to change into, gesturing to the bathroom.

“I already asked my mom to give us a half hour’s notice,” Ben promised him, “I’ll handle it, just please lay down.”

Hux sighed but nodded after a moment of consideration. It was hard not to leap into the bed immediately. Somehow Ben made the idea of a nap too enticing to pass up, but Hux still resolved to remain awake despite curling into the blanket.

Time felt elusive when he laid down, his eyes fluttering closed almost immediately. Ben exited the room, and Hux didn’t even hear the door close. Behind his eyelids flashes of dreams lulled him out of his own head as he hung between sleep and consciousness.

He felt himself slipping despite his best efforts to remain awake. As he drifted off to sleep he could have sworn he felt the other side of the bed shift with new weight. Opening his eyes was too difficult a task, even when he felt ghosting fingertips trace a fallen strand of hair from his cheeks.

Hux couldn’t remember his dreams when he woke up, and couldn’t remember where he was either. He opened his eyes, face to face with Ben. Barely a foot away his best friend laid with his lips parted and his shagging hair covering his forehead. Hux’s heart caught in his throat with surprise, and he bolted upright to look quickly around the room.

“We still have time,” Ben murmured, unprovoked, “Come back to bed, Armitage.”

Hux should have been infuriated with the use of his name, but the anger would have gone to waste as Ben’s heavy breathing evened out within a matter of seconds. Hux laid back down slowly, stiffly staring straight up at the ceiling. Ben’s words rang out in his head, and Hux flipped over to squeeze his eyes closed again, desperate to escape his mind.  
He woke up again to a hand shaking his shoulder. It took a second for his eyes to open and adjust, the room suddenly darker than when he laid down what must have been minutes ago. Ben smiled down at him, his hair practically sticking up in some places.

“Hey,” Hux offered, throat dry.

Ben handed him the cup of water. Hux took a few gluttonous sips, thankful for the rapid relief. In the next second there was the back of Ben’s hand on his forehead, then the inside of his wrist. Hux jerked back slightly in surprise.

“So we’re just touching each other now,” he stated, voice still hoarse.

“You’re warm. I was just worried you’re sick.”

Hux watched him suspiciously and felt guilty for his curtness. What meant to be a taunt came off angrier than he intended. He still wondered if Ben was playing some kind of prank on him, if he had put something on his skin as a joke.

“I’d have to kick you out of my bed if that was the case.”

“Your bed?” Hux scoffed.

Ben looked at him with something secretive in his glance. They shared a moment of silence and Hux convinced himself yet again he created something uncomfortable between them. He wished the sleep and food would have fixed the cloudiness of his head, but he still had trouble navigating the rapid thoughts.

“Okay, fine,” Ben shrugged, “Our bed.”

The words set Hux into yet another frenzy. He asked when dinner would be, how much time he had, who would be there. Ben sat on the bed still, tapping through his phone absentmindedly while he answered Hux’s every question. He was in and out of the bathroom, pacing back and forth as he frantically got dressed and washed up before the meal.

“You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay,” Hux repeated under his breath, the words melding together.

Ben managed to get up finally and stretched his arms over his head. He finished the glass of water on his own side before pulling off his t-shirt to change into something less wrinkled. Hux looked at him and stopped in his tracks.

“Are you… Did you sleep in jeans?” He asked in astonishment.

Ben just shrugged in response and lifted his leg high to show Hux the stretchy material of the fabric. Still, Hux noticed the red marks along his hips where his skin pressed against the rough fabric. He looked away.

“Don’t we have more pressing matters?” Ben said.

Hux remembered the ridiculous lie he told earlier and cursed himself. He sat down with a thud on the bed and buried his face in his hands. He was tired, he was hungry, and he wanted to be home. Millicent jumped up onto the bed and rubbed against his hands. He couldn’t decide whether it made it better or worse.

“Okay,” Hux sucked in a deep breath, “Okay. Let’s do it. How long have we been together?”

Hux pulled out his tablet and opened a new word document. It was titled and dated with ease, his fingers moving without his mind telling them to. Hux’s fingers shook slightly when he wrote their names down beside one another.

“My baby is so romantic,” Ben snorted, rolling over that he was now on his back. “It’s new. Let’s say, a few months. Then I have an excuse as to why I didn’t tell my mom,”

“A few months,” Hux repeated, scrolling through his calendar, “Let’s say, late February?”

“Valentine’s Day?” Ben perked up, looking at Hux excitedly.

“No,” he shook his head in disgust, “I refuse to even acknowledge that greeting card holiday, let alone suffer through an anniversary on the same day-”

“For our fake relationship,” Ben qualified, and Hux ignored the blush blossoming on his cheeks. “Fine, pumpkin, we’ll do late February,”

Hux scoffed at the nickname, and Ben’s eyebrows shot up. It seemed that he found the perfect recurring nickname, the one that would make Hux steam every time he heard it. Hux regretted the show of indignation.

“Pumpkin,” Ben tested out the waters, and Hux ignored him as he typed the new information into his tablet, “Oh, honey, don’t give me that grouchy face,”

Hux focused all of his efforts on staying calm under the rapid fire of pet names. He had never been referred to as anything of the sort, and it made his stomach churn. Even his parents refused to call him anything but his first name, his full name, when he was a child.

“Here,” Hux grumbled, shoving the tablet into Ben’s hands. He was still laying on his back, with Millicent now curled up happily on his stomach.

“Christ, Huxy,” Ben mumbled, looking over the various details his best friend had come up with in the span of five minutes.

“I told you not to call me-” Hux gasped out, about to burst and Ben lazily swatted a hand out to pet Hux’s arm.

“Sorry, pumpkin,” he murmured, eyes scanning the story of their first date, the various relationship quirks, and other minute details involving their so-called relationship.

Hux stood awkwardly, unsure what Ben would think of it all. Granted, the majority of his list stemmed from romantic comedy tropes that he forced him to sit through. Still, he felt self conscious as Ben scanned Hux’s perception of what a romantic relationship should be.

“Two dozen roses on a first date is a bit excessive,” Ben commented.

“Well, you are very infatuated with me,” Hux shot back, smoothing out his button up shirt carefully.

Ben didn’t say anything for a moment, but his lips parted like he wanted to. In the next second, the thought passed and returned to staring at the screen. He typed a few notes of his own with Hux watching intently behind him.

“No sex, huh?” Ben snickered when he got to the end of the list, and Hux swiped the electronic back from his hands.

“Hypothetically,” Hux huffed, “And only if anyone asks.”

“Do I get to touch you at all, Hux?” Ben challenged.

“Well, yeah, if you know… if we need to make it more believable,” The tips of Hux’s ears burned.

Ben didn’t say anything else, just scratched behind Millicent’s ears while Hux puttered around the room to organize everything, despite having done it before his nap. When he turned back, he caught Ben staring. Both averted their eyes immediately, looking to random corners of the room. Leia, the saving grace she was, knocked at the door half a dozen times. Hux jumped with surprise, and Ben laughed aloud at his jitteriness.

“We’ll be out in one second,” Ben practically yelled and Hux whacked him across the stomach.

“Ten minute warning!” Leia called back, her voice already disappearing down the hall.

Ben took his sweet time, gently placing Millicent onto a fluffed pillow before he sat up. When he stood, he noticed the excessive amount of ginger cat hair lining his dark sweater. His clumsy hands attempted to swat it away, and Hux let out an exasperated breath.

Pulling a lint roller from his carry on bag, he approached Ben wordlessly. Ben automatically stuck out his arms in a T-shape, smiling pleasantly as Hux ran over his clothing with the tool. He cursed him out under his breath, using several sheets before Ben even began to look presentable.

“-absolute mess, I swear sometimes if it wasn’t for me you’d be running around with God knows what all over your clothes,” Hux rambled as he worked the tool along Ben’s torso, “Twenty minutes in this shirt and you’re already filthy.”

From the doorway, they heard a cut off giggle and Hux whipped around to see Rey standing. She held her hand over her mouth, eyes wide and almost fearful as she held Ben’s gaze. Hux avoided her eyes.

“It’s, um,” she started and Ben brushed her off.

“We know,” he spoke curtly, and Rey nodded with the same bluntness as she turned on her heel.

Hux shot Ben a look, mixed with irritation and disappointment. Ben only looked confused in return, unsure as to why Hux continuously was taking Rey’s side. Hux’s hands still worked the lint roller another time over the shirt, sighing as he did so.

“I’m not taking her side,” Hux responded, knowing Ben’s expressions without needing to hear the words. “I think she’s really trying.”

Ben clucked his tongue, arms crossed over his freshly lint rolled chest. Hux returned the tool to his bag, and beckoned Ben to follow. It was now or never, he knew, and his job now was to just get Ben through dinner without a meltdown.

“You don’t know her,” Ben assured him in a harsh whisper, “Everything she does, she does to be better than me just to rub it in.”

“You don’t know her either,” Hux snapped, voice soft so that no one in the kitchen may hear him. “It’s been five years. She’s grown up, give her a chance.”

Ben took the words into consideration, something that surprised Hux. Almost instinctively now, Hux looped their fingers together and led Ben into what promised to be another battle. Ben led him to their spot, and glowered at the sight of Poe.

“So,” Leia chirped from the head of the table once everyone was “You two have known each other for, what, eight years now?”

“Ten this Thursday,” Hux corrected automatically, and he could feel the intensity of Ben’s stare without needing to look at him.

“Ten!” Leia shook her head in disbelief, “Well, what made you try out a relationship now?”

Hux tried to ignore the people around the table staring at him for an answer. To his left sat Leia, to his right Ben. To Ben’s right was Rey, quiet and watching for a chance to add commentary without receiving a dirty glare from her brother.

Across from Hux was Finn, Poe’s fiance. From what he had been told so far, they knew each other even before Rey joined the family. Hux wondered if he was there to support Rey in the way he was there to support Ben. Next to him, of course, was Poe, whose demeanor had changed completely from their encounter in the yard. He seemed kinder now, less bitter.

Finally, at the other end of the table, was Han Organa. He showed up late, sat down without a word, and began piling food onto his plate without so much as a glance in Ben’s direction. He was the one who invited Poe, and it was unclear as to whether or not he even remembered his son was coming to visit.

Now, Han Organa was staring directly at Hux, like he had just realized someone unfamiliar was sitting at the family dinner table. Under the weight of his stare, Hux couldn’t breathe. All of the carefully laid backstory they just went over half a dozen times was gone from his head. He was at a loss.

“It was me, actually,” Ben spoke up for him, a hidden hand coming to rest on Hux’s thigh for silent support. “I was the one who uh, made the first move,”

Hux could have deflated he was so relieved. The feeling of Ben’s hand grounded him and he slipped one of his own hands under the table to squeeze Ben’s thankfully. In the next second, they both returned to their normal positions, hands back on the table.

“How sweet,” Leia cooed, marveling at her son. Hux would have felt guilty for the deceit, had the lie not felt so genuine in the moment.

“It actually took Hux here a while to catch on,” Ben explained, and Hux felt the internal panic alarms going off. Ben was going off script. What was the point in having a plan if he wouldn’t follow it?

Hux questioned whether Ben had even been listening. He tried to prepare himself for the onslaught of questions and listened intently to ensure he was keeping up with their lie. Hux turned slightly to catch Ben’s eye, but Ben’s gaze was warm and confident. Hux trusted him with his life at that moment.

“I took him on a few dates, before he understood that they were dates,” Ben smiled, and Hux scoffed.

“Well it’s not my fault we have dinner upwards of three times a week normally as it is-” Hux interjected and Ben’s flowing laughter filled the room as he cradled Hux’s cheek for just a moment.

It looked real, Hux could tell that from the faces of everyone around the table. His cheeks burned a deep red, unused to such blatant attention unless it was in a professional setting. He realized, quickly, that he was out of his element entirely. Hux nodded at Ben, relinquishing his control of the conversation.

“My big move was a whale watching trip,” Ben sighed, “And he had no clue.”

Hux looked down slightly, confusion washing over him. He remembered the ride they took. It was at least a year before, maybe two. Prior to the trip, Ben was adamant about steering clear from boats. Boats of any kind, he despised. It didn’t matter how many yacht parties Hux invited him to, even if they were remaining stationary, Ben refused.  
Hux, on the other hand, had always wanted to go whale watching. With his work schedule he could never schedule it just right. It also embarrassed him profusely to be a man in his twenties attending an experience meant for children all by himself.

Then, one day Ben showed up unannounced at 5 o’clock on a Saturday morning. He let himself in with his key and practically scared Hux to death. Ben dragged him from his bed and informed him that there was a surprise waiting for him.

Hux was groggy, but Ben’s electricity encouraged him to get ready without too much complaining. Ben laid out clothes for him that would fit the excursion, and Hux didn’t have the energy to reconfigure the outfit. By the time they made it to the harbor, Hux was almost asleep on his feet. Ben wrapped his hands over Hux’s eyes and led him carefully from the car down the sidewalk. When he finally released him they stood on a dock before a massive boat.

“Ta-da!” he had screamed, holding up the whale watching tickets in front of Hux’s face and watching the childlike smile spread across it.

They spent the next three and a half hours at sea, Hux leaning over the railing to point out every shimmer he saw in the water, and Ben leaning over the railing to hurl his breakfast into the water. Hux laughed about it, but he brought Ben back to his place and made him a warm lunch to help with the stomachache. They spent the afternoon huddled under blankets to make up for the cold sea air, and Hux woke up in his own bed despite remembering falling asleep on the couch.

“Whale watching was a date?” Hux asked, voice soft enough to border on a whisper.

The table erupted into laughter around him. Drawn back to reality, Hux reminded himself that it was just a ruse. He had underestimated Ben’s story telling skills. It was easy to get caught up in his eyes, his hand gestures, his deep voice. Hux made a mental note to keep himself in check.

“God, this one,” Ben chuckled, looking at Hux fondly, “He can practically run a company without a second thought, but romance is lost on him.”

Hux tried not to react negatively and instead picked up his fork to poke at a green bean. With everyone’s eyes on Ben for a moment he could manage a few bites here and there. Ben glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

“So, whale watching resulted in three hours of seasickness and absolutely no results,” Ben explained, and Hux rolled his eyes, “And I realized I would need to make things as obvious as possible.”

Hux glanced up, surprised to see that everyone at the table hung onto Ben’s words. Even Han was showing mild interest between bites of steak. Maybe the countless romance movies Ben watched did do some good, because Hux couldn’t imagine himself lying with such ease. It wasn’t until the words left Ben’s mouth that he realized they made his heartbeat quicken, if only slightly.

“A few days after, Hux finally has a break in his busy work schedule,” Ben continued, “I show up to his apartment with three dozen roses.”

At this point, Ben turned to stare directly into Hux’s eyes. They sparkled with mischief and confidence, but something else that Hux couldn’t distinguish as well. Leia let a hand flutter over her heart, cooing at the romantic attempts of her son.

“Bit excessive,” Hux grinned slowly.

“Well I was just infatuated.”

The little nod to their previous conversation gave Hux newfound confidence in his best friend. He wasn’t as clueless as Hux expected, nor as vindictive. Even with his ex sitting across from him Hux felt like he was the only one receiving Ben’s attention. Everyone else was background noise.

“And I’m standing outside of his door, heart about to beat out of my chest, waiting to see if I had just ruined ten incredible years of friendship,” Ben spoke, and the energy in the room was almost tangible as they awaited the ending.

Hux’s eyes flickered from each face, amazed at how easily Ben was able to capture them. He wondered what had gone down the last time he was here, and why Ben was so nervous to come home. There was no reason to be. It was impossible not to be enamored with Ben.

“So, the door finally opens, and it feels like Hux is going at about a quarter of the speed he usually is. I’m clutching these roses so tightly I can feel the thorns digging into my hands,” Ben reached out to hold the back of Hux’s neck, to keep him sturdy as he continued, “And Hux just looks from me, to the flowers, to the giant card strapped to the front that has ‘I Love You’ scrawled in my messier than usual handwriting, and he just says ‘It’s about goddamn time’.”

Hux felt his heart lurch in his chest, at the point of almost believing Ben’s words because everything he said felt so real. Hux combed his memory, trying to find this lost one, but to no avail.

For a moment, the table congratulated the two of them. The mood was bright and chipper, the buzz was almost euphoric. Hux was wrong to have worried, this wasn’t a battle. It was a breeze. Ben’s smile was broad, like he was thinking the same thing.

“Yeah that’s nice and all,” Han spoke up for the first time, voice gruff and indifferent, “But would you mind passing the potatoes, Rey.”

The mood dropped in an instant. Leia’s tutting had no effect on Han, he just reached over the table to take the potatoes from her hands. The only sound in the room now was the spoon digging into the goop and slapping against Han’s plate. Ben fell silent, clearly disappointed. It wasn’t enough that everyone else had enjoyed the story, not if his father so clearly did not care.

“It’s really such a nice story-” Leia started, but before she could get through the sentence Han interrupted her.

“Say, uh, Rey,” Han waggled his finger to point at his daughter, “Tell them about that car you fixed the other day. Benny, you gotta hear this.”

Rey’s face blushed a deep red. She kept her head staring in her lap a moment, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. Hux felt another twinge of sympathy for the girl. It was obvious to him that she hated her position as much as Ben did. Her father sacrificed her just to keep his son down.

“I just, uh, fixed an exterior coolant leak,” Rey coughed, shrugging as she picked at her meal.

Han leaned back in his chair, a look of pride washing over his face. Ben looked like he had been slapped. Hux realized then that Han must have never looked at him the same way. He felt the need to attack, but restrained himself from showing emotion.

“Isn’t that wild?” Han exclaimed, “Her first coolant leak. And she fixed it in an hour. It took Benny six months to learn how to even diagnose a coolant leak. It’s a wonder I ever thought he has what it takes to be a mechanic, it’s just not for everyone.”

Ben stared down at his plate, and the tension between the table rose. Hux saw the slightly smug look on Poe’s face, as if he was reveling in his ex’s uncomfortable situation. Finn and Rey, on the other hand, looked mortified. Leia gripped the knife in her hand tightly but her husband would not look at her.

She was about to tear her husband to bits, from the look on her face. Han simply continued munching on his dinner, unaffected by the friction that had taken over the table. A fight on the first night was going to set a horrible tone for the remainder of the visit, and Hux repeated prayers from his childhood like it would do any good.

“That’s a really good job, Rey,” Ben spoke up finally, looking at his sister with a gentle smile.

Rey’s eyes widened in complete shock, looking back and forth between Han and Ben for a moment as if it was a cruel trick. Hux wondered just how often Han used Rey to rile his son up. From the sounds of it, she was the weapon he utilized best. It became clearer and clearer that Rey felt just as trapped in the situation, and Hux pleaded that Ben recognized it as well.

“Thank you, Ben,” Rey answered with a curt nod, and just as easily Ben went back to cutting his steak and popping the pieces in his mouth.

Hux felt the warmth of Ben’s hand cover his own. It was only after this that Hux realized he had a tight grip on Ben’s knee. Somewhere during the confrontation, he had instinctively held onto Ben, a silent promise that he was there for him.

Hux tried not to ask himself what impact that had on Ben’s actions.

They finished dinner without another big bump, but Ben grew quieter after the altercation with his father. By the time it ended Leia was ushering them up to bed. Hux tried to argue and help out with the clean up, but she waved a wooden spoon at him and threatened them a little too sincerely for his liking.

“So, your dad is a dick,” Hux agreed, fluffing his pillow before tossing it on the bed once they made it to the room.

Ben laid on his back already, eyes closed and his hands crossed over his chest. Millicent purred from her spot on his stomach, and needily nuzzled his arms. He stroked her head, deliberately scratching all of her favorite spots.

“I thought it went nicely,” Ben admitted, and Hux remained quiet. “What are your family dinners like? With the General.”

Ben teased the nickname, voice similar to the telling of a spooky story. Hux scoffed. His father ran his house the way he ran an army. As uptight as Ben accused him of being, things used to be far worse. Hux tried not to think about it often, especially with the way they left things.

“Silent unless spoken to,” Hux reached into the back of his brain to remember the proper meal etiquette of his home. “Father eats first, prayer must last for at least five minutes, no discussion of personal and private matters at the table-”

“Christ,” Ben’s eyes were open now, looking at Hux delicately.

Hux turned away, feeling as though he had already revealed too much. If Ben’s talk of his home life was little, Hux’s was still somehow less. The closest he got to home now was in the nightmares that left him shaky for the remainder of the day.

“Is that why you left?” Ben asked tentatively.

“We don’t need to talk about it,” he shrugged.

“Hux,” Ben’s voice was gentle, soothing, and Hux wanted nothing more than to listen to it for the rest of the night.

“I left for a lot of reasons,” Hux cleared his throat. “I felt… suffocated. For a little while I had my mom but, uh, you know. There wasn’t really much she could do to help. Then it was just the two of us. And he hated me for it.”

It was the most Hux had shared at one time about his family, even with Ben. Perhaps in the past there had been some drunken rambling, but nothing either man ever addressed after. For ten years he managed to bottle it all away, to forget the past he wished he never had, to hide the family that he was ashamed to be a part of.

“Everything had to be perfect and I,” Hux’s voice threatened to catch, “wasn’t.”

He felt Ben’s arms wrap around him, holding him against his chest. Hux still faced the opposite way. His body was rigid and Ben pulled back after a moment. Unknowingly Hux’s body tipped to chase the feeling of his embrace. Ben caught him in his arms yet again.

“It’s okay,” Ben murmured in his ear, “I’ve got you.”

Hux let Ben hold him, if only for a minute. His chin was pressed into Hux’s shoulder, his hair brushing against his neck. It made him shiver, and Ben silently pulled up the quilt from the end of the bed to wrap around them. Hux could live an entire life without blankets if he had Ben’s warmth to keep him steady.

“Traveling just makes me,” Hux cleared his throat, “Very overtired. Stupidly overtired.”

Ben nodded at the justification, not saying another word. Hux pulled back and scooted to the edge of the bed, pushing himself up quickly to stand halfway between the bed and the door. Millicent mewled at his feet, and Hux bent over to scoop her up and hold her tightly to his chest.

“Come to bed,” Ben coaxed, and the words sent Hux’s head spinning.

“There is really no spare? Surely the couch can’t be bad, it looked really comfortable,” Hux started, feeling the terror rise in his chest.

He remembered laying next to Ben before, how his eyes looked in the starlight, how he felt every breath the other took. It was too much, not when he was so vulnerable. They would have to fall asleep together, wake up together. The threat of it rocked him.

Ben took his hand carefully, led him to the bed and pulled back the blankets. He ushered Hux to climb in, which he did, and let Millicent curl up on his chest. He laid perfectly still, waiting for the other side to open up in the same way.

“I’ll take the floor, we need to keep up appearances after all,” Ben explained, and something like disappointment curled in the pit of Hux’s stomach.

He didn’t disagree when Ben pulled a pillow and blanket from the bed and curled up on the rug. It was better this way, Hux knew that. Besides, Millicent was used to having an entire half of the bed to herself.

“Hux?” Ben’s voice drifted through the darkness as they each teetered on the verge of sleep.

“Hmm?” Hux managed to get out, his eyes heavy with the weight of fatigue.

The room returned to silence. For a second Hux thought he must have imagined the whole thing and grew embarrassed. He had to get Ben’s voice out of his mind, he had to remind himself what existed between them, not what his brain was trying to convince him he wanted.

“I think you’re perfect,” Ben answered finally. Hux heard the shift of blankets followed by Ben’s deep breathing.

This time, Millicent seemed awfully small laying next to him.

-

“So, uh, Red,” Han huffed, awkwardly standing at the counter as Hux helped Rey with the dishes.

Ben was off showering, Leia had gone to the market, and Poe seemed to remember that the Organa house was not where he lived. Rey peered over her shoulder to meet Hux’s eyes and raised an eyebrow.

“Hux,” he corrected slowly, unsure if Han really didn’t know his name or was just joking. Either way, the nickname had never sat well with him.

“Huck, right,” Han nodded, “That your dad’s name?”

Rey bit back a smile from beside him. Hux handed her the last bowl to be dried, and then she was off. He looked to her silently pleading that she’d stay but within the blink of an eye she was down the hall and out of his sight. That left Han and Hux alone in the kitchen.

“Kinda,” Hux said, “It’s my last name. I don’t go by my first.”

Han grumbled in agreement, mumbling something about his buddies calling him Solo. Unsure of what to do with his hands, Hux began drying the dishes over again, scrubbing every last inch of them like it was the most important task in the world.

“You’re… close friends with Benny,” Han started, and Hux marked this as the shortest conversation to ever make him want to stab his own eyes out.

“Yes,” Hux leaned against the sink, “Ben and I are in a relationship-”

“Oh, I don’t need to hear about that,” Han shook his head, and Hux found himself taking full offense to the dismissal of his fake relationship.

Hux felt his defenses rising, felt himself closing up. His hands shook at the thought of Ben’s father resembling his own and could only pray that Ben would pop out of the shower soon and come save him. However he also knew how long Ben could draw out a hair wash and had no such hope it would actually happen.

“Okay,” Hux tried, bracing himself for whatever he would be faced with.

“Nothin’ against it. I’m just not interested in hearing about my son’s bedroom habits,” Han shook his head, scratching his beard and Hux was sure he would combust at any given second.

“Of course,” he choked out, instead.

“Not to offend you, or anything, I’m sure you’re, uh, arrangement is nice,” Han continued, falling into a web of vaguely homophobic comments that Hux tried to pass off as ignorance instead of maliciousness.

“Right,” Hux nodded.

“I’ve never been in a relationship with a man, but I did have a friend, Lando, back in high school who I’d sometimes-” Han started and Hux was positive this was the place he was going to die, “Well that’s beside the point,”

Hux let out a small sigh of relief at the diversion from his best friend’s father’s gay sexual history. Han stood idly for a moment, and Hux drummed his fingers against one another in one of his favorite patterns.

“So Benny,” Han coughed.

“Yes, Benny,” Hux repeated the nickname, willing to say anything to change the topic.

Han scrunched his eyebrows, drumming of his fingers and tapping his foot as well. He looked distressed, like he was working up the courage to say something difficult. Hux once again checked the hall behind him, hoping to see another member of the house traipsing through the door to save him.

“He’s… doing alright?” Han asked, and Hux could have punched him in the face for the tension he created to ask that question.

Hux’s shoulders hunched over slightly, relaxation sweeping his body. The things he had worked up in his head were so much worse than the three word question.

“He’s doing great,” Hux assured him. “He loves his job, he finally got a studio for his artwork, and he’s really excited to reconnect with you all.”

The last, while a bit of a stretch, still rang true. Han’s expression changed to something Hux could almost register as pride, and he bitterly wondered when Ben would ever get to see the same thing from his father.

“He loves his job?” Han repeated, cautiously.

“Completely. He’s a curator at an art gallery, an amazing job for his age, and he’s still able to create his own stuff as well,” Hux explained, not wanting to give too much away. It was Ben’s story to tell, not his.

Han nodded gruffly, patting a hand on the edge of the sink. It was clear that he didn’t know how to treat Hux. The dynamic between him and Ben was so strange, that it wouldn’t be much easier for him and Ben’s boyfriend.

“He’s unbelievably talented,” Hux told him quietly.

With that Han looked him directly in the eye. He searched Hux’s face for embellishment or taunting, but found none. If Hux wasn’t mistaken he saw a smile spread across Han’s face as he turned away to look out the window.

“Well,” Han continued to nod, “He’s lucky to have you around,”

Before Hux could thank him, Han lumbered out of the front door towards his car to head to work. Hux gripped the edge of the sink, trying to hold himself upright, a quiet part of him knowing he would suffer through a million conversations that difficult if he was lucky enough to have this for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you are reading i hope you're enjoying, let me know if it is living up to the original so far! definitely a slower burn lol


	4. Teach Me

“Look who’s finally out of the shower,” Leia crossed her arms, “I nearly sent Hux in there to check on you!”

From where Hux sat at the dining table he coughed on his coffee, turning away in embarrassment. He didn’t have to look at Ben to know the shit eating grin he was wearing on his face. If he kept his eyes down, hopefully he wouldn’t have to address the comment. 

“If only you had.” 

Hux whipped around, frowning in Ben’s direction. He beamed back despite Leia’s tutting and Rey’s disgusted grunt from the other side of the room. Only a day back and somehow Ben was offering confidence Hux could never have anticipated. 

“You’re vile,” Hux muttered when Ben pulled out the chair next to him.

“Oh, baby relax,” Ben slipped an arm around his shoulder, “I’m only teasing.” 

Hux wondered how Ben expected to reintegrate normally into his family when he kept forcing all of the attention on their fake relationship. It might for the week, he admitted, but what would happen the next time Ben came home?

Something flipped in his stomach. Hux hadn’t considered the future before, what would happen after this week together. He had been meticulous about staying as present as possible, but every so often his mind wandered into the anxieties of coming years. 

Hux had always been so adamant about planning for the future, with every move he made he had himself months ahead in mind. The impulsiveness of his actions within the last day and a half made him sick, and he reminded himself over and over to focus more on the consequences of his actions.

He held his hands under the table, tapping the pads of his thumbs to the tip of every finger in quick succession. If his family hated Hux, then it would just make things harder on Ben. Why hadn’t he thought about that before offering to come? Hux was in over his head, drowning in a responsibility he kept drifting away from. 

Suddenly the coffee in front of him smelled revolting. He pushed it a little farther away and turned his head so that it wouldn’t affect him as strongly. Leia talked and talked but he struggled to register her words. Every inch of him was stiff with the desire to appear the perfect guest, the perfect partner for her son. 

So what did the future hold? Hux imagined every terrible thing that could come from his interference, from a complete blowout between the family to Ben’s life long resentment toward him. 

One thought kept pressing through that he refused to acknowledge. His mind threatened to slip into a silly daydream. If he let it creep too far to the front, Hux could imagine Ben bringing him home a second time, just to keep up appearances. 

And maybe, his brain considered for half of a second, they wouldn’t have to keep pretending. 

“Hey,” someone was touching him.

Hux flinched away, embarrassed with the obviousness of it as soon as he realized others were watching. Ben’s voice had been low, but the sound of Hux’s body hitting the chair beside him sent two new pairs of eyes in his direction.

“Hey,” Ben was quieter now.

Hux nodded quickly, averting Ben’s eyes. He shoved the repetitive thoughts away again. It took only a deep breath or two before the overwhelming emotion subsided. Still, he was forced to acknowledge the way his movement shifted the energy of the room. 

“I’m sorry,” Hux cleared his throat, “Just caught up in thinking about work. I’m not used to having so much time off.”

Leia looked at him sympathetically, nodding her head in an understanding way. With his explanation Rey looked back to her book and remained quiet in the corner. It was easy for her to melt into the background, but he still wondered what was going through her head.

“Is there anything we can do to help you relax?” Leia asked sweetly. 

The question hung in the air. Hux sat with his mouth slightly agape, mind blank from the offer. He thought about the usual means he would take to relax. A glass of wine was likely socially unacceptable so early in the day. 

Ben’s eyes were boring into him, the man practically on the edge of his seat waiting for Hux to look back. He maintained his gaze on Leia and faked a smile so bright she mirrored it. With a shake of his head he carefully folded his hands on the table and attempted to look calmer than he actually was. 

“Thank you. I think this cup of coffee will be all I need,” he held the mug up, lifting it to his lips and holding his breath while he pretended to take a sip. 

“Did you boys sleep alright? Was the bed comfortable enough? I know the time zone change isn’t drastic but I imagine you’re still experiencing some jet lag,” Leia spoke a mile a minute, concern obvious on her face. 

“Everything was great, Mom,” Ben assured her. 

She didn’t look entirely convinced. Rey rustled the pillows where she sat on the couch and Ben’s expression changed with the reminder she still was in the room. Hux still refused to meet his eyes. 

“I think a shower will help,” Hux blurted out suddenly, absolutely desperate for an opportunity to regain composure.

Leia nodded eagerly and practically ran to the downstairs bathroom to bring him a fresh towel. Hux took it, offering a robotic thanks as he pushed his chair back. The sound made him clench his teeth, but he had more than enough experience hiding when he felt uncomfortable. 

“I’ll see you after,” Hux promised Ben without looking at him, “Your mom made an incredible breakfast, and with any luck your forty minute shower wasn’t long enough to let it get cold.” 

“Oh, Hux, how sweet,” Leia clapped her hands together, delighted with the compliment, “I tried my best, Benny’s dad usually does the cooking for breakfast.” 

She laughed at the way Hux teased her son and reached out to ruffle Ben’s hair to continue the taunt. Within an instant she popped into the kitchen to bring him his plate. Rey took that as her sign to sneak off, and when Hux looked back at the couch she was gone already. 

“Can I,” Ben started but Hux cut him off with a shake of his head. 

“Sorry,” Hux coughed. He left before Ben could respond. 

Halfway down the hall Hux realized he left the towel on the table. It was embarrassing to have to go back, and for a second he questioned whether or not it was worth it. He had brought a towel or two of his own, but he hated the thought of offending Leia after she was so quick to give him another. 

Hux stood halfway up the stairs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He weighed the pros and cons of going down and heading up. Leia was a kind woman from the looks of it, but it was only his second day at the home. What impression might that leave?

The worry got the best of him and Hux decided to return to the dining room. He crept down the steps quietly, anxious to make any distracting noise. The sound of his socks against the rug was non-existent, and within a painstaking forty seconds he was outside of the room. 

“Was it my fault? Did I say something I shouldn’t have? I just feel horrible,” Leia’s voice carried.

Hux stopped in his tracks, realizing they were talking about him. He wondered who was out there, who she was talking to. He knew he had made a mistake, that he should have spent more time trying to assure them he was fine. He had never had so much trouble stifling his feelings before, he couldn’t imagine why it was so troublesome now. 

“Mom,” Ben sighed, like he was about to repeat the same words he said over and over again.

“I know how long you’ve waited for this, how hard the last few years have been,” Leia responded. 

“Mom,” Ben repeated.

Hux felt embarrassed for thinking this could have been about him rather than the reunion of an estranged son. He cursed himself for taking the attention away from Ben, hated himself for forcing himself into the center of everything. 

“You looked on the verge of death when he walked out,” Leia continued, “Benny, it just breaks my heart to see you this way.”

Ben wasn’t supposed to worry about him. Hux was supposed to be his rock, and here he was hiding in the hallway. Ben reached out for him and Hux wasn’t there, he pulled away. He pulled away like he did every time, even when his best friend needed him. Now, he had abandoned him when he should have his support. 

“Mom,” Ben tried one last time, but it was weaker now. 

“I don’t want to ruin this for you, Benny,” Leia’s voice fell lower, “You seem so happy.” 

There was a drawn out silence, like Ben was thinking hard over her words. Hux wished he could be in his mind. He wished he knew how to help him. He wished he had listened more when Ben talked, paid better attention to his emotions since the night before, and supported him the way he had promised. 

“If anyone is going to ruin this it’ll be me.” 

Hux sat mulling over the words. It hurt him to know he was placing so much of the blame on himself. He didn’t understand how Ben could see himself that way. He never ruined anything, he only made it better. Everything that Ben touched turned to gold, even when Hux had already turned it to stone. 

“Whatcha doin’?” 

Hux stepped back in surprise, eyes wide with his mortification. Rey stood behind him, leaning against the wall. Her eyes flickered to the doorway and he saw a knowing smile spread across her face. 

“Eavesdropping,” she said, “Kinda hard not to when they’re talking about you, right?” 

“Me?” Hux shook his head in bewilderment, “They’re not talking about me.” 

Rey stared at him like he was a puppy. He felt uncomfortable with her confidence, running over different pleads in his head so that she wouldn’t mention it to anyone else. She pushed herself off of the wall. 

“Whatever you say,” she sing songed, voice barely above a whisper. 

Without another word she practically skipped into the dining room. Hux nearly ripped his hair out, wondering whether he should step forward now or let her rat him out. If only he had said something before she got away. 

“Rey,” Leia laughed awkwardly, their former conversation ending immediately, “I was wondering where you ran off to.”

“I bumped into Hux,” Rey announced. 

With a deep breath he prepared himself for the fallout. Yet again he acted selfishly, stupidly. He ran over the same prayers from his childhood that he no longer believed in, the words running together the faster he went. 

“You- what do you mean? Is he-” Ben started, but Rey waved her hand.

“He’s fine. Just forgot his towel,” she gestured to the table, “I told him I’d grab it, I had to come back down to grab a water anyway.” 

Hux took it as his cue to run. It surprised him how easily Rey lied for him, how she covered him without his offer of an explanation. Every interaction they shared made him question who the girl really was. 

She reminded him of Ben, he realized. 

The shower was a good idea. He scrubbed himself half raw and cleaned his hair two separate times. It felt familiar to do something so simple and his muscle memory took over to leave him feeling infinitely better than before. 

After fifteen or so minutes Hux knew he was taking too long. He scrubbed his face with a cloth one last time, not bothering to care about his carefully planned skincare routine. It was more important now to feel the anxiety wash off of him. 

Hux walked out of the bathroom to find Ben standing frozen in the center of the room. They stared at each other unmoving for nearly ten seconds, neither expecting to see the other. Hux pulled his towel tighter and looked away.

“Um,” He tried, but for once he had no idea what to say. 

“Sorry, I-” Ben stumbled backward, “I still heard it running when I came in, I just needed to grab something.” 

Hux nodded and did his best to smile. It threw him off, that was for sure, but he could recover. He needed to recover if he was going to help Ben, rather than harm him. All that mattered was getting through the week without a blowout, and hopefully mending some of the animosity. 

“Sorry again,” Ben gestured to the door, “I’m just gonna…” 

When his hands moved Hux heard the tell tale sound of pills. Something in his gaze was pained, and he saw now how drastically Ben changed since he last saw him. It was a bad day, he knew, and he hadn’t been there. 

“Ben,” Hux reached out and caught his wrist. 

Turning around, Ben looked at him carefully. Hux held him a second longer before he dropped their hands and moved back to reposition the towel. He felt entirely bare standing there, and the chill of the room made him shiver. 

“How can I help?” Hux whispered. 

Ben was quiet for a long time.

“Don’t leave me again.” 

“I won’t,” Hux found himself saying before he could even think of the words. 

“Okay.”

The air was knocked from Hux’s lungs. The pleading in Ben’s voice was obvious, but Hux could not believe it was for him. It stunned him how deeply Ben cared for him, he had never realized before. 

Ben sat on the bed for a second. Hux would have joined him but he was on the verge of freezing if he didn’t get dressed. He looked around the room but Ben cleared his throat, gesturing to the other side of the bed. 

Again, his outfit laid out awaiting him. Hux should have felt differently about Ben going through his things. When he looked at the other man he saw the hesitance on his face, reworking his actions through his head. 

“I won’t look,” Ben offered when Hux started making his way toward the bathroom. 

They had changed in front of one another just two days before without an issue. Hux had never felt uncomfortable in front of Ben before. He questioned why he felt the need to go into another room, and why Ben thought it was because he would look. 

“Okay.” 

Hux tried to change as quickly as possible, but it proved to be a task with his trembling fingers. He blamed the lack of caffeine from the morning and made a note to grab another cup now that his stomach had settled. 

“Should we,” Hux jerked a thumb toward the door. 

Ben smiled slowly, nodding his head. Hux watched him look at the bottle of emergency benzodiazepines, running his fingers over the label. With a sigh he tucked it back into the pocket of his suitcase. When he caught Hux watching he shrugged. 

“You help more than they do anyway.”

-

Hux stood awkwardly next to the front door, hands folded in front of his waist. Ben was across the room, his hands on his mother’s shoulders. The difference in their height was almost comical, and in his dark outfit he looked like he would consume her whole. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to just have dinner here? It’s practically ready, you boys don’t even have to eat with us,” Leia said.

Hux felt guilt blossom in his chest. Poor Leia had just gotten her son back, and here he was taking him away to their weekly dinner. When she excitedly described that night’s dinner at lunch had to look away when Ben reminded her of their plans.

Hux couldn’t help but offer to stay in. Leia had smiled sweetly, but he saw the sadness. Ben turned away from him for a second, his jaw clenched. They would still be eating together, technically, so what if there were a few other people around? 

Ben had refused to give in and explained that he made a reservation almost a week ago. Hux’s eyes flickered over in astonishment. Their usual Thursday night plans were a random draw, alternating turns. If he remembered correctly, Ben had taken that last turn. Still, he didn’t argue further. 

“Thursdays are sacred, Ma,” Ben explained in the present, and Hux’s hand fluttered up to trace his lips, smiling at the word.

“Oh, aren’t you two the sweetest,” Leia tutted, following him to the front door, “And Hux you look very handsome.” 

He thanked her as sincerely as he could, trying to ensure that he was making up for his stumble that morning. Hux even moved to give Leia a hug goodbye, and at the sight of her happiness he knew he made the right call. 

She forced the two together, pulling out her phone to snap a few pictures. Hux tried to subdue his blushing, but failed miserably as soon as Ben’s sturdy arm pulled him closer. It was the first time he touched him since Hux reached out first in the bedroom.

Hux couldn’t help but lean his head against Ben’s shoulder. 

As the last picture was taken, Hux was whisked away by the hand. Leia shouted after them to please be careful with her car, and Ben only jingled the keys in his hands as a response. 

“You’re driving?” Hux asked cautiously, leaning against the door for a moment. 

“Yes,” Ben answered, “I am.”

Hux narrowed his eyes, but reluctantly circled the car to the other side. He didn’t ease up his expression as he popped in, and locked his seat belt as tightly as it could go for good measure. Ben snorted with laughter.

“Someone doesn’t like it when they’re not in control,” Ben commented, voice low and suggestive. 

Hux felt his lower stomach stir, just from the sound of Ben’s voice. He did his best to ignore it, focusing only on how tightly he could grip everything around him to stay in place. Ben started the ride out by swerving all over the empty road just to scare him. When his life flashed before his eyes, everything he saw was Ben. 

Ben, when he stopped messing around, was a good driver somehow. Hux eased up on his grip, letting out a deep breath and patting Ben thankfully on the arm. It was obvious how pleased the other man was with the physical contact.

“You could be worse,” Hux complimented, and Ben beamed at the praise. 

“You’re too sweet, pumpkin.”

Hux made a disgruntled noise and pulled his hand back into his lap. He was sick of getting flustered over the goofy things Ben said to him. He reminded himself that he was only affected because he wasn’t used to this kind of attention.

“Mad at me, baby?” Ben taunted.

“Keep it up,” Hux threatened, “And I swear I’ll crash the fucking car myself.”

Ben swerved the car quickly, just enough to make Hux curse under his breath. He shot him an angry look, but it was impossible to stay mad at the ridiculous smile he was met with. 

“Weed or liquor?” Ben asked casually.

“I- What?”

Ben tapped the center console. Hux opened it and was hit with the smell of something that definitely should not have been in Leia Organa’s vehicle. 

“Where did you even get this?” Hux rifled through it. 

Ben only winked in response. Beneath the plastic bag sat a metal flask. Hux opened it and sniffed, gagging at the scent of vodka. Ben shrugged, explaining it came from his parent’s liquor cabinet. 

“You’ve reverted to sixteen apparently.”

“Then I’ll take it for myself,” Ben grabbed the flask and shut it in the console. 

They sat quietly for a few moments, listening pleasantly to whatever radio station Ben found. The more he thought about the dinner the tighter Hux’s stomach became. He had no idea where they were going or what they were doing. For all he knew, Ben was bringing him to the fish fry food truck they passed on the way back from the airport. 

“I know you want it, pumpkin,” Ben glanced over at him.

“To escape spending time with you maybe,” Hux said quickly. 

“Well then how about we head back and you can have dinner alone with my parents.” 

Hux mimicked him but stopped giving Ben a hard time. After fifteen or so minutes in the car Hux sighed and pulled the flask out. It took a significant amount of effort, but he managed a few gulps of the vodka. It reminded him of his early twenties, when he and Ben would share a bottle of bottom shelf liquor just to throw it back up. 

“Well,” Hux coughed, “If one of us is wounded tonight at least we’ll have rubbing alcohol to clean it out.” 

When they finally reached the restaurant, Hux had loosened up. Being alone with Ben in the car felt familiar, like the shower. There, it was just Hux, Ben, and a flask of liquor. It was rare that Hux drank anything beyond a few glasses of wine on a night spent with Ben, but here he was.

They parked and Hux triple checked that everything illegal was out of sight. When he sat back up to open the door, Ben was already standing in front of him. He held out a hand, gesturing to the flask. Hux would have laughed at the offer to help him step out of the car, but his knees suddenly felt weaker than anticipated.

They stood still for a beat, hands still connected with both of their eyes glued to the touch. It must have been Hux who let go first, but it was hard for him to remember as they walked into the building.

“Ben,” Hux looked around the restaurant.

It was fancier to anything they had ever gone to, even when Hux treated Ben to birthday extravaganzas. He felt insecure suddenly, struggling to smooth out his jacket. As if on cue Ben reached over to fix his tie. He shrugged, brushing off the surprise Hux felt. 

“Reservation for two,” Ben grinned at the hostess.

Hux followed behind, still in shock as he looked around. Every table was full, and Hux realized that Ben looked into the restaurant before they came. He wondered how many he had searched, and what made this one so special.

“I asked for a table in the back,” Ben explained when they sat down, “As far away from everyone else as possible.”

Hux wished he was able to take the flask from his pocket and take a few more swigs. At every turn Ben was doing his best to make Hux happy, to make him comfortable. It felt impossible to keep up with, and impossible to accept. 

“You’re looking at me like a weirdo,” Ben commented without looking up from his menu.

Hux hadn’t realized he was staring. Now, with his eyes in focus, he didn’t know how he was supposed to look away. It hit him all at once, how desperately happy he was to have Ben in his life. The night felt like a dream, and he refused to allow it to morph to a nightmare.

“You look different in candlelight,” Hux answered finally, chin resting on the heel of his hand. 

Ben’s eyes flickered up, and Hux watched the flame dance in his pupils. It was entrancing, and he could have pouted when Ben looked away. His hands came up to tuck his dark hair behind his ears, something he only did when he was nervous. 

“You’re different when you’re drunk on liquor,” Ben spoke in a hushed tone after ordering Hux’s favorite red wine for the table.

“You hate wine,” Hux fired back, and Ben didn’t try to hide his smile. 

“I hate you,” he answered and Hux shook his head.

“No, no. You’re infatuated with me,” Hux laughed. 

Ben was silent for a moment, flicking through the pages of the extensive menu. He reached out to move the candle slightly out of Hux’s reach, so that he would not burn the place down. 

“Infatuation implies that my affection will be short-lived,” Ben answered finally. 

Hux didn’t have the opportunity to register the words before the waiter was back to take their orders, a bottle of red in his hand. Ben gestured to Hux, requesting water for himself.

They sat in a comfortable silence, Hux sipping his drink calmly and Ben practically swallowing his in one gulp. They both watched each other over their glasses, taking turns averting their eyes. It was a show to see who would crack and taunt the other first, but neither broke. 

Their hands sat dangerously close to overlapping on the table. Again, it felt like they were simply waiting for the other to make a move. Neither broke in that way either. Hux didn’t move his hand, even though he had to use his non-dominant hand to lift his drink.

Ben’s leg jumped up and down. Hux could feel it through the ground faintly, but enough to know the veracity of the movement. He kept checking over his shoulder, and when the food finally came his mood shifted into something else.

“Have you been here before?” Hux asked curiously.

“Oh, no,” Ben shook his head, “Well, once, kinda.”

Hux looked up at him, pausing the careful dissection of his food. He raised an eyebrow, awaiting the rest of Ben’s answer. The other man laughed, tucking his hair again. 

“It was a wedding,” he admitted, “When I was pretty young.”

“Oh,” Hux took a tentative bite.

It was all that he could manage to get out. He hoped that a meal would help dismiss the effects of his drinks so that he could better analyze what was going through the other man’s head. Ben nodded again, continuously glancing up from his plate like he was about to say something. 

The waiter returned to take away their finished plates. He didn’t have time to check if they were interested in dessert before Ben was ordering the strawberry sponge cake Hux had been eyeing the entire evening. 

In the blink of an eye they were alone again. The section of the restaurant was quieter than the main dining room, and Hux wondered how Ben managed to secure them such a private spot. Moreover, he wondered why he would do all the trouble to do so. 

“I have something for you,” Ben shattered the silence finally, and Hux perked up curiously. 

Ben reached into the inside pocket of his jacket, removing a small velvet box. Hux furrowed his eyebrows as the other man placed it delicately in front of them. He looked around the room, somewhat in disbelief, wondering if his best friend was playing a prank. 

In some way, the night felt like a dream already. With the sudden pounding of his heart he wouldn’t be surprised if this was the event to wake him up. 

Ben returned his hands to his side of the table. His leg was bouncing again, his hands rising to smooth his hair back yet again. Hux would have laughed at him any other day, he would have teased him to the point of an argument in the middle of the restaurant. He was unable to come up with anything to say. 

Ben gestured again to the box. Hux opened it carefully, savoring the seconds until he realized the entire evening was some big practical joke. He would be embarrassed, he thought, when it was something silly and he had gotten so worked up over nothing. 

When he finally lifted the lid Hux could barely pull in another breath. Inside sat a thin locket, carved with the most delicate design he had ever seen. Hux took the pendant between his fingers, glancing up to Ben for approval.

“Ta-da!” He said, quieter than he ever had before.

Hux noticed that he was playing with his fingers, a tell tale sign of his nerves. Again, Hux convinced himself that he would open it to find something goofy, still unsure of himself. 

His fingers shakily popped open the locket. Spreading it apart he gasped at the brilliant colors shining back at him. It was Ben’s work, so obviously his work. Hux ran his finger over the miniature painting.

“Ben,” Hux breathed in, “It’s beautiful,” 

“Yeah?” Ben asked hopefully, “It was, um, the first painting I ever did that was inspired by you.”

Hux had never seen this one before. In the dim light it was difficult to see every intricate detail, and he held the necklace up to the candle for a better look. In complete disbelief, Hux realized he had inspired Ben to create art. 

“The first?” he looked up. 

Ben chewed on the left corner of his mouth. Hux couldn’t remember the last time he saw him so worked up, not even on their journey to his childhood home. His eyes shifted back to the locket and he was unable to look away. 

“I never knew how to tell you,” Ben said softly.

“Tell me?” Hux asked, “Tell me what?”

Ben looked at him like he was in pain. Something in his gaze pleaded for Hux to understand, but he couldn’t. It felt like he was in a movie. Before tonight he had never felt such a painful longing in his chest. He refused to accept what he was longing for. 

Ben didn’t have time to answer. The waiter reappeared suddenly, placing the dessert directly in front of Hux. He wanted to explain that it was for the both of them, but when he looked down he froze in place. 

Strawberry syrup decorated the plate, an elaborative script spelling out ‘Happy Anniversary’.

Oh, Hux felt the guilt rising. Ten years Thursday. He had said the words just the day before, and somehow it didn’t resonate with him. Somehow, he didn’t realize exactly what ten years on Thursday meant. 

Somehow, he had blown it off the same way he consistently did with everything surrounding Ben. Ben, who tried so desperately to be the friend that Hux didn’t even deserve. He swallowed thickly, unable to pick up his silverware.

“Happy ten years,” Ben smiled weakly. 

“Ben,” Hux trembled, “I don’t… I didn’t get you-”

Ben’s hand was suddenly holding his, balanced carefully over the candle between them. They stared directly at each other, neither looking away bashfully this time. Hux felt transfixed, like the night would disappear if he broke their gaze. 

“You’re all I could ever want,” Ben murmured, “You’re all I’ll ever need.”

Hux felt like he was drowning in Ben’s words. He couldn’t sort his thoughts or feelings, it all came rushing to him at once. There was no escape from the way Ben looked at him, and he wished over and over again that the other man truly meant what he said. 

“Hux, don’t you get it? You’re everything to me.”

Ben’s softness must have been a cue, because the waiter was back in an instant. He asked if something was wrong with their dessert, but Ben assured him they were fine. Hux didn’t look away from him the entire time he spoke to the other man. 

Hux finished his glass of wine in two large sips before Ben returned his gaze to him. He told himself it was the alcohol that made him so susceptible to the romance of the situation. Ben’s words played over and over in his head. 

Again his hands returned to the locket, tracing the silver metal with a gentleness he never knew he was capable of. The delicacy of the small clasp made it impossible for him to unhook it. The bleariness of his eyes didn’t help either. 

“Let me.”

Ben stood up, towering over Hux as he remained at the table. Warm hands traced over the nape of his neck. Hex shakily held the necklace up and felt the cool metal settle over his chest. It weighed heavily on him, like it added fifty pounds for his aching chest to carry. 

Ben took his time hooking the clasp, the softness of his fingers a sharp contrast from the cool chain. When he finished Hux remained still while Ben ran his knuckles over Hux’s neck. He never wanted him to let go. 

Hux felt like he was going to be engulfed by the other man, like he would melt into his body and live there for the rest of his life. At that moment Hux couldn’t imagine his life without Ben. He would do anything to keep him there.

“So?” Ben tried to smile as he sat down across the table. 

“I love it,” Hux promised, voice half choked. 

Ben beamed at him, relief washing over his face. Hux felt the truth caught in his throat, clawing at him to escape. With tight lips he refused to speak the secret that had been running through his head for as long as he could remember. 

_ I love you,  _ Hux wanted to say. 

Instead of forcing himself to work through the feelings, Hux continued to drink. He watched himself carefully, maintaining the balance between anxious sobriety and unfiltered intoxication. 

Ben finished off the cake with ease, teasing Hux with the final strawberry. He stole Hux’s fork and he couldn’t figure out why until Ben stabbed the fruit and held it up in front of Hux’s mouth. With some hesitance he leaned forward and took the bite.

“You’re ridiculous,” Hux said, but he smiled anyway.

A glass of wine past tipsy left him laughing and lightheaded. When they walked out of the restaurant Ben kept him walking in a straight line by linking his arm around Hux’s waist. Funny enough, Hux didn’t remember needing help walking. 

By the time they began to return to the house, far later than Ben had promised, Hux was another gulp of vodka into his fervor. Ben pulled over to the side of the road and snatched it from him, scolding Hux like a child between their laughter.

“Your voice is bad,” Ben shook his head, “Hux it’s so bad.”

Hux continued to sing loudly off key, something only Millicent and Ben had ever seen. Inhibitions that restricted him every other moment of his life were thrown out the door. He rewrote the lyrics of songs playing through the speakers, slipping Ben’s name in wherever he could. 

Ben groaned and covered half of his face with his free hand. In an instant that hand was now on Hux’s face, covering his mouth. He stopped immediately in complete surprise. From his hand Hux could feel Ben shake with laughter. 

“No more,” He warned. 

“You don’t like it, Benny?” 

“Keep it up,” Ben shook his head, but there was no anger in his voice. 

Hux continued to dance along to the radio and try to keep up with the lyrics. Ben reached over to whack him more than a few times before they finally managed to make it home. It was hours later than they promised Leia, but Ben assured him he called her and she was completely understanding.

“Your yard is so long,” Hux whined as Ben dragged him toward the side door. 

“We’ve gotta come in here, the front door is too close to my parents’ room,” Ben explained. 

“Do I at least get the flask back when we’re inside?” Hux asked hopefully.

“All of that and more.” 

It only took a minute or two for them to get from the car to inside the house, Ben somehow managing to unlock the door with one hand while he had the flask to his lips with the other. 

The door opened slowly and Ben stumbled forward a little, catching Hux by the waist when he threatened to tip too. They stood frozen like that for a second, their chests just inches apart and eyes locked on one another. If Hux wasn’t mistaken he saw Ben’s eyes flick down to his lips. 

“Oh my god.” 

Hux and Ben sprang back from one another, each looking sheepishly away. Ben finished entering the house and pulled Hux through, closing and locking the door behind them. Rey stood awestruck, a massive bowl of popcorn in one hand and a bottle of Jack Daniels in the other.

They all stared at each other, unsure of what to do or say. The television was on with a streaming service pulled up, and the couch was set up with half a dozen different blankets and pillows. It appeared they stumbled into Rey’s movie night, and Hux frowned when he realized she was all alone.

“Oh, Rey,” he scrunched his nose and shook his head, “I really expected you to have better taste in alcohol.” 

Relief washed over her face, like she expected someone to start reprimanding her. Ben was more rigid than usual, Hux could feel it even without touching him. 

“I just take it from my parents,” she admitted, “I almost got caught once but then I just blamed it on Dad.” 

Ben snickered, a genuine smile crossing his face. Hux stood frozen, feeling well aware that this was his moment. If he could pull everything together, then the siblings might have an opportunity to reconnect. Hux just had to figure out how to get Ben onboard. 

“I took some of Mom’s vodka,” Ben said. 

Rey nodded, obviously trying to play it as cool as possible. Hux wondered if Ben saw the same thing he did. 

“Are you interested in some company?” Hux asked before Ben could pull him away.

Automatically Hux took his hand. He squeezed it tight a few times, looking over at him. Hux pleaded with Ben to trust him, and though they exchanged no words Ben agreed to give it a shot. 

“Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, of course!” She exclaimed just a little too loud, “Sorry, um, I have popcorn and some candy. If you want it.” 

Rey set down the bottle quickly and picked up three different pouches of candy. The excitement behind her eyes was obvious. She didn’t even try to hide how happy she was to potentially spend time with Ben. 

“That sounds great,” Hux assured her, “Ben?”

“Yeah, totally,” he nodded briefly. 

Hux squeezed him again, looking at him, imploring him to just try it out. Maybe it was the vodka setting in, or maybe it was the puppy dog eyes Rey threw in their direction, but Ben finally squeezed Hux back. 

“I’m not drinking Jack,” Ben announced, “Absolutely not.” 

“If you want to steal more of Mom’s vodka you’re the one who’s getting the lecture,” Rey laughed, “But it’s you, so she probably won’t care.” 

Hux raised an eyebrow at the comment. Ben seemed somewhat thrown off as well, but it didn’t register as anger. It was more understanding, like he suddenly realized that Rey had her own relationship with her parents, and maybe it wasn’t as carefree as he thought. 

“Well what about,” Ben started, pulling a joint from his jacket pocket, “This!”

“That was in your suit pocket? Ben, that’s your only suit-” Hux started.

“It is not my only suit!” 

“It is, without a doubt, your only suit,” Hux bickered.

“Fuck off, I have other suits.”

“Then where are the others, Ben? Why have I never seen the others?” 

Ben grumbled as he dropped Hux’s hand and walked across the room. He held out his hand to Rey, gesturing to the bottle. She handed it to him and he dropped his head, taking a deep breath.

“Ben,” Hux gasped, “Ben, you don’t have to do this.”

“I do,” he nodded, “The vodka smells even worse.” 

Uncapping the bottle, Ben poured three shots, one after the other. Rey and Hux gasped, both shocked with the lack of reaction. He shook his head and recapped the bottle. 

“Rey, that’s horrible,” Ben coughed. 

“And that’s why I’m taking you up on the weed,” she shrugged. 

Ben and Hux promised they would return within a moment, but Hux was going to die if he had to remain in his suit for a minute longer. They were quiet up the stairs and slipped into the room together with ease. Thankfully, his parents were on the other side of the house, but Hux still had no desire to wake them up. 

He removed his suit jacket and turned to hang it before removing everything else. He wasn’t expecting to see Ben already down to his underwear, his clothes thrown across the bed while he rummaged around the closet for a hanger. 

“Oh, no,” Hux whispered under his breath, averting his eyes. 

He did not let himself acknowledge what he thought when he saw Ben. Hux focused intently on changing, his eyes cast down at the ground the entire time. If he looked up Hux wasn’t sure what he would do. He thought it could kill him to see Ben like that again.

“You really think this is a good idea?” Ben asked. 

It broke his heart instantly. Ben was questioning their fake relationship, he was questioning whether or not it was a good idea in the first place. Ben was questioning him.

“You don’t?” He asked quietly. 

“I mean, I don’t know,” Ben shrugged, “We’ve just never really spent time alone.”

Hux turned his head to the side. He didn’t understand what Ben was talking about, they spent countless hours together when they were back in the city. They had just gone out on a date only hours before. 

A fake date, Hux reminded himself. 

“You’re right, she does seem different,” Ben continued, “And I know you’ll be there, so we won’t technically be alone.”

“Rey,” Hux said slowly, “You’re talking about Rey.” 

Ben turned to look at him strangely, like Hux said the dumbest thing he could ever think of. He tried to laugh it off, making a joke about the liquor going right to his brain. The other man didn’t seem entirely convinced.

“It’s a good idea,” Hux approached him, clutching Ben’s forearm, “You’ve gotta let go of the past. Focus on the future.” 

Ben stared at him hard, like he was waiting for Hux to hear his own words. It made him feel small, and he moved to drop his hand from Ben’s warm skin. Instead, Ben caught his wrist in mid air and brought it up to his chest. 

“Hux,” he whispered. 

“Ben,” Hux laughed weakly, tapping him on the chest and attempting to move away again. 

Again, Ben held onto his wrist. He remained with his hand placed over Ben’s racing heart, pounding rapidly against him. Hux was unable to look away this time, he hung onto every breath Ben managed. 

“Armitage.”

Hux shivered at the sound of his name. He couldn’t remember the last time it didn’t make his skin crawl to hear it. But in the dimly lit room with Ben’s voice calling out to him and Hux’s hand over his heart, he wished he would say it again. 

“Um, Ben?” Rey’s voice came from the other side of the door, a gentle knock following. 

They stared at each other. Hux broke away first, and Ben dropped his hand. 

“One sec,” Ben coughed. 

He opened the door and she stood in the dark hall, holding her phone out. Ben looked down, taking it into his hands.

“She’s ordering pizza,” Ben chuckled. 

Ben clicked around to order, humming under his breath. Before Rey could object he pulled out his wallet and set the bills in her hand. He promised to be down in just a minute more after grabbing a lighter. 

The door remained open and Rey’s footsteps disappeared down the hall, traveling down the stairs within a few seconds. Ben moved to his bag and fished out a lighter with his initials scratched into it. Hux suddenly wondered who was around to steal his lighters. 

Ben looked at him one last time, searching Hux’s face. After a moment he just nodded and started walking toward the door. Hux followed, feeling like he was a disappointment but not understanding what he did. 

Rey was standing by the door wrapped in a throw blanket. When she saw the men her face lit up, and Hux wondered if she thought they were blowing her off. He felt guilty for not coming down earlier, and wished that whatever interaction he shared with Ben had never happened. 

“For our guest of honor,” Ben held out the joint to Rey as they settled into the outdoor furniture. 

She looked between them and took it from him with a smile. Ben held out the lighter next and gestured for her to begin. Hux had the flask in his hand but Ben reached over to remove it from his lap. 

“Excuse me,” Hux scoffed.

“You’ll thank me tomorrow.”

“Ok Mr. Jack Daniels,” Hux crossed his arms. 

“I’ll get you wine when we go inside if you’re still that upset about it,” Ben rolled his eyes.

Ben reached out to Rey and took the joint from her hand, lifting it to his own lips. Hux hated the way he looked when he did it, hated how attractive he made it seem. Everything Ben did seemed so much more romantic than it should have. 

Hux, on the other hand, coughed through the entire hit and far beyond it. Ben watched him, rubbing his back and handing him a water bottle. Hux’s eyes stung and he continued to cough while Rey and Ben passed it between one another.

“It’s okay, my love,” Ben murmured, and his body went a little rigid when the words tumbled out.

Ben took the joint from Rey and stood up, walking in a circle for a moment. Hux’s breathing finally evened out and he continued to drink the water Ben gave him. By the time he came back Hux was weakly holding out his hand for another. 

They laughed at him, but passed it to him anyway. When Ben sat down he seemed more relaxed, leaning back in his chair and stretching his arms wide. Hux coughed less now, but felt sad when Ben no longer rubbed his back without asking. 

“Hey,” he choked out.

Ben looked at him curiously. Hux picked up Ben’s hand and placed it back on his shoulders. The touch was featherlight at first, like Ben was questioning whether he knew what Hux was asking or not. He pressed down slightly and Hux hummed contentedly. 

“You guys are cute,” Rey commented, “Absolutely sickening. But cute”

Hux beamed, lolling his head to the side lightly so it brushed against Ben’s shoulder. For once he felt happy to be touched and embraced, he wasn’t embarrassed for needing contact. He was questioning the stiffness of Ben’s grasp though.

His hand drifted to the locket resting on his chest. Hux skimmed his fingers over the front and the back to feel the engraved portion. It rested so delicately in his hands he wondered if he would break it with the wrong grasp. 

“Only when other people are around,” Ben ran his fingers through Hux’s hair, “He’s a fucking nightmare otherwise.”

“Coming from the literal worst man in America,” Hux snorted. 

Rey laughed beside them, her eyes slightly red and her movements a little slower than before. She greedily sucked in the smoke and sipped at her drink, flinching every time the liquor touched her tongue. 

“Oh my god,” Rey bolted up, “The pizza. They just texted me, he’s here.” 

In one swift movement Rey was out of her chair and halfway across the lawn. The speed she ran at was wildly impressive, and Hux made a note to ask what kind of physical training she did to move that quickly, even when intoxicated. 

“Perfect timing,” Ben said, “It’s about dead.”

“One more for me?” Hux asked sweetly, pursing his lips slightly for Ben to insert the joint. 

Ben stared straight at them. The joint burned still in his hand, rapidly decreasing while he sat awestruck. Hux didn’t see it happen but suddenly Ben’s fingers were cupping the side of his face. He held him perfectly still, bringing the roach to his lips.

“You’ll burn your fingers,” he explained quietly.

Hux breathed until his lungs hurt and watched Ben suck the last remaining smoke before he put it out with his shoe. They didn’t speak, both waiting for the other to do something, even though they weren’t sure of what.

“Oh,” Hux sat upright, “Oh, we should not have let her go meet a delivery man outside, alone, in the middle of the woods.” 

Ben’s eyes widened and Hux couldn’t move before he saw him shoot off across the yard. He called her name halfway there, and disappeared before Hux managed to stand up. It grew colder the second Ben wasn’t by his side, and Hux wondered if he should follow him to the front. 

Hux sat still for a few minutes, thankful for the time alone to recompose himself. The events of the night played over and over in my head. He tried to decipher the looks Ben gave him, the kind words he said.

If Hux was a more gullible man, he might wonder whether or not Ben mirrored his feelings. It was a thought he pushed away for so long that when it finally began to seep its way in he had trouble closing it off before the flood.

“Boo!” 

Rey popped her head out of the side door and laughed when Hux jolted backwards. Ben scolded her, and Hux wondered if the weed was slowing everything down or if Ben and Rey were just unbelievably fast. Either way, he followed them into the house. 

“Sit down, pumpkin,” Ben beamed at him, gesturing to the little spot on the couch he made while Hux was fumbling his way inside. 

Hux managed to get into position without too much trouble, and Ben draped the same quilt from upstairs over his body. He wasn’t present enough to put much thought into how it got there, he only pulled it close to his face and breathed in. 

“Smells like you, Benny.” 

“Ew,” Rey wrinkled her nose.

“Watch it,” Ben warned, but the malice he had toward Rey seemed to slip away in the dead of the night.

Ben stood above him with a plate. Hux couldn’t remember if he had been there the whole time or not, but he decided to stop worrying so much. He felt relaxed and happy nestled into his spot and eager for his best friend to plop down beside him. 

“I tried to do it just how you like,” Ben crouched down to hand Hux the plate, “If it’s not right just tell me, I can cut it differently or bring you the silverware.”

Hux’s favorite pizza sat cut in perfect squares, almost the same as how he would do it himself. Ben looked at him anxiously, clearly hoping that he had done well enough for Hux to enjoy. 

“Thank you,” Hux could barely get it out of his mouth, “Come sit.” 

Hux patted the spot next to him, pulling the quilt back so that he could settle in. Ben looked over his shoulder like Hux could be talking to someone else. He nodded finally and sat down on the couch, the two men just inches apart. 

They all argued over what the best thing to watch would be. Ben, as promised, relinquished the flask back to Hux. He had no need for the drink, however, and felt more intoxicated from leaning into his best friend than anyone else. 

The distance between them felt rigid, and Hux grew tiresome of sitting so close to Ben without actually feeling him. With some mustered courage he shifted over so they were touching, resting his head against Ben’s shoulder. 

Slowly, Ben moved his arm to wrap it around Hux’s shoulder. He pulled him in closer, practically into his lap. For the first time Hux didn’t question the meaning behind the touches. The only thing that mattered was feeling the heat of Ben’s chest against his. 

“It’s a classic,” Ben argued for his movie choice. 

“I think classic is a stretch,” Rey hummed.

They both looked to Hux but he could barely think straight let alone speak. He just shrugged his shoulders and offered his vote to Ben. Rey rolled her eyes but agreed that a romantic comedy wasn’t the worst choice they could make. 

Hux tried his best to remain awake for as long as he could. Every moment left his eyes feeling heavier. He curled closer to Ben without realizing and felt the quilt move to cover his shoulders better. 

“Don’t let me go,” Hux requested in a mumble.

“Never,” Ben vowed. 

The feeling of falling made him jump a few times, and each time Ben was there to rub his back and hold him tighter. They shifted again so that Hux was laying down next to Ben with his head cradled on the other man’s chest. 

The sound of Ben’s voice kept him calm, and the intoxication he felt made his body heavy with sleep. He drifted in and out, managing to mumble some indication that he was still awake every once in a while. Soon though, he didn’t bother with it anymore. 

“Hux can’t hang,” he heard Rey’s voice.

Hux tried to respond, to promise that he was awake, but he couldn’t move. It wasn’t worth it, he decided. His energy was better spent counting the beats of Ben’s heart and savoring the feeling of his arms. 

“He’s always tired,” Ben pet Hux’s hair, “He works too much.”

The low sound of the movie droned on in the background. Hux heard the music and the laughter but he couldn’t even remember what was playing. Their words were warbled most of the time, but every once in a while he would have a few minutes of clarity as he struggled to maintain consciousness.

“Hey,” Ben’s head moved to face Rey.

“Hey…” she answered tentatively. 

“Rey, I, um,” Ben cleared his throat, “I’m sorry. For everything I just… I shouldn’t have blamed you. It wasn’t fair.”

Hux felt newfound energy at the sound of their speaking but he didn’t dare move. It was a moment between the two siblings, and this is what he had been hoping for the entire night. They just needed to spend time together without anyone else in the house looking over their shoulder. 

“I never meant to hurt you,” Rey promised, “It’s been hard for me too.” 

“I know,” Ben assured her, “I wish I could have made it easier on you.” 

Their silence was uncomfortable and Hux wished he could just shake Ben and make him spit out whatever he was thinking. Rey mirrored his stoicy and for a moment Hux wondered if that was going to be the end of the conversation. 

“I’m sorry too,” Rey piped up, “I shouldn’t have played into all of it. I was just happy someone finally wanted me, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Ben’s arms tightened around Hux, “I know how you feel.” 

“They really love you, you know. Mom never shuts the fuck up about you.”

Ben laughed a little, but quieted himself when he realized Hux shook along with him. If Hux was more coherent, he could have sworn he felt Ben’s lips ghost across the top of his hair. It made him wish it was real. 

“She might,” Ben agreed. 

“Ben,” Hux heard Rey sit up, “Who do you think she talks about you to?” 

Another long silence showed Hux that Ben was struggling to comprehend Rey’s words. For years he thought his father not only disliked him, but didn’t care about him. To hear confirmation that he did in some capacity must have been difficult to register. 

“And who do you think Mom resents for the loss of her son?” 

“Rey,” Ben shook his head, “She loves you.” 

“I know,” Rey confirmed, “I know even if it’s fucked up the way they show it, they still love me. Just like they love you.” 

The words settled in the air and Hux did his best to raise his head, to offer support. He couldn’t even manage the effort and felt the sleep consuming him once again. In his struggle to stay cognizant he wiggled around a little bit, lulled back to stillness by Ben’s soothing circles on his back.

“I’m glad you came back,” Rey admitted.

“I wasn’t going to. Last time was just…” Ben’s voice trailed off. 

“I know,” Hux heard her take a sip of something, “So what changed your mind?”

“Him.” 

Hux’s body threatened to tremble at the word, but he was suddenly in desperate need to remain still and silent. Ben pulled him closer, cradling his head in his hands. It was so different from the way they had touched before, even when they were pretending in front of Ben’s family. 

The fingers in his hair were too deadly, and Hux felt himself slip all at once into a deep sleep. His dreams were vivid flashes of a happiness he couldn’t recognize, and he chased them wildly to see what his brain was trying to tell him. 

“Hux, it’s time for bed.”

He pulled in a deep breath and opened his eyes. The light of the television was blinding, and he saw credits rolling on the screen. Rey was already up and moving, putting everything away to remove any evidence that they had been down there. 

Ben lifted him carefully so that he could get up, then reached down to pull Hux to his feet. He wavered slightly, heavy with the need to continue sleeping. If it were up to him he would have spent the night on the couch, curled up next to Ben. 

“Quiet,” Ben reminded Hux as they crept up the stairs. Hux drowsily lifted a finger to his own lips as a silent promise that he would behave. Ben shot him a look that was too quick to understand. 

They navigated through the house without tripping, by some miracle, and made it to their room without any issues. Ben fumbled around with the doorknob, and Hux wondered why it was taking him so long.

“What is even happening right now,” Hux grumbled and Ben turned to cover Hux’s mouth with his hand. 

“Absolute child, you’re supposed to be the one taking care of me,” Ben beamed, pinching one of Hux’s cheeks.

Rey watched amusedly, silently having slipped up the stairs behind them. During her time at the house, Ben had not been there much. Hux could only wonder what she had seen before. Vaguely, he remembered Ben’s’ hot and heavy relationship with Poe. It shot something hot through him.

Poe, who was so vicious against Ben every time he was around, had gotten to touch every inch of Ben as much as he wanted. Poe, who he despised to this day, spent years by Ben’s side in a way Hux was too fearful to. Poe, who would sit at the breakfast table the next morning, had kissed the lips Hux had been staring at the entire night. 

Rey watched them expectantly, as if she were waiting for them to drop everything and hook up right there in the hall. She winked at Hux and somehow Ben finally managed to get the door to open.

When he turned back, Hux surged up to slot their lips together for a kiss. Ben was surprised, and staggered back with the force of Hux’s body. He reached out and held Hux by the waist to steady them, pausing only a second more before melting into the kiss. 

Hux felt his heart soar, and he grabbed the back of Ben’s neck to pull him impossibly closer. This was what he had been missing, this was what he had been aching for all this time. Ben. Ben. Ben. 

The name replayed over and over in his head, with Hux grasping at him in an attempt to secure more. Ben’s fingers dug into his hips, like he was anchoring Hux down from drifting away. 

“Hey lovebirds,” Rey whispered from down the hall, “probably wait until you get to the other side of the door to do that.”

Ben pulled back, flushed and surprised. In her hands she held out the quilt they had been curled up in downstairs. Stepping forward, Hux took the blanket and offered her a hushed thanks. She glanced between him and Ben and smiled secretively. 

A disoriented Hux was led through the doorway, Ben’s hand soft around his wrist. Hux drifted off to the bed and collapsed on the right side. His head was spinning slightly, and he questioned whether it was from the alcohol or the way Ben’s hands had held his body. 

Millicent was in his lap in an instant, and Hux sighed as he buried his face in her fur. Ben still stood frozen by the door, back pressed against it with a curious look at Hux.

“I’m sorry,” Hux apologized quietly, “I wasn’t thinking straight. I saw Rey and panicked.”

The look that crossed Ben’s face was complete despair, something that Hux had expected the opposite of. He let go of Millicent, who leapt from his lap to go curl up on a pillow. Ben staggered forward slightly, bracing himself against the dresser.

“Ben?” Hux started, but Ben only forced a smile.

“To keep up appearances,” he mumbled, “Right.” 

“Ben-” Hux tried again, sensing that something was wrong. Why couldn’t he understand what was wrong? 

Ben avoided his eyes when he moved across the room to pull his pillow and blanket from the bed. They fell down to the floor with a thud and he turned away from Hux so that he didn’t have to see him.

“I’m just gonna go to bed, we’ve got a long day tomorrow.”

“Hey,” Hux sat forward, “Ben did I… I’m sorry, I took it too far.”

“It’s not that,” Ben turned to look at him, “Hux, tell me you know it’s not that.”

He was at a loss. The pain inside him was all consuming, he tried and tried to figure out what Ben was talking about. He stared back at him hopefully, but after a second he turned back to his makeshift bed on the rug and started to sit down.

“Hey,” Hux pleaded, “Come to bed.” 

Hux used the same words used by Ben the day before, and the other froze for a moment. He shook his head, gesturing to his little spot on the floor. Neither moved for a moment, and Hux felt himself drifting away from the one man who kept him anchored.

“Please, lay with me?” he asked, pushing himself down onto the floor beside Ben. 

There was something deeper in his request, something that neither would dare acknowledge out loud. Hux’s chest was tight with anticipation, his thoughts still melding together from the drinks. 

“Please,” he repeated, squeezing his eyes closed to avoid the rejection. 

A hand came up to cup his cheek. It was quickly removed, and Hux opened his eyes as Ben was standing up. He held his hand out to help Hux and didn’t let go when they finally stood face to face. 

“I don’t want to be the reason for your back problems,” Hux explained weakly.

“How sweet,” Ben’s voice was hoarse as he attempted to joke back, “seeing as you’re already the reason for my headaches.” 

Ben still held him as they walked toward the bathroom. They stood side by side in silence as they brushed their teeth, now a foot apart. Hux missed the way it felt to have Ben’s hand in his own.

If he played up his sleepiness, Hux refused to admit it. He stumbled over his own feet and Ben caught him yet again. They walked together again, Ben pulling back the blankets so that Hux could climb in without an issue. 

Still hesitant, Ben stood at his own side of the bed. Something in his eyes suggested he would take the floor after all. Hux lifted his arm and patted the bed, his eyes struggling to remain open. Finally, Ben relented. 

They laid side by side, Hux curled up on his side facing Ben, and Ben on his back staring up at the ceiling. Neither spoke and Hux felt himself in the similar dreamlike state he faced earlier. The warmth Ben exuded was too good to pass up, and Hux scooted just inches closer to him.

“Ben,” he murmured, eyes still closed, “I’m sorry I kissed you.” 

The bed creaked with the weight of Ben turning over towards Hux. He still could not open his eyes to see him, but he felt him move just a little closer as well. Their hands brushed against each other, but Hux didn’t flinch away.

It felt so much like a dream that Hux couldn’t remember if the words actually made it out of his mouth. He half believed he was already asleep. The struggle to remain awake became too difficult, and with one soft sigh he decided to apologize again in the morning. 

“I’m not,” Ben whispered through the darkness, but Hux thought he imagined it as he slipped back into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ... it's a lot longer than anticipated ... (trying to get it finished within the next week or so - i am doing my best!!!)


	5. La Naissance

Hux woke up to a raging headache, difficulty swallowing, and a nagging feeling that something had gone horribly wrong the night before. His eyes opened cautiously, and upon taking in his surroundings he remembered exactly what happened. 

Ben laid next to him, dark eyelashes resting against his cheekbones, hair curled around his face, and lips parted ever so slightly. Hux found himself wanting to reach out and cradle his face.

That was the problem, he realized. Last night he had wanted this. He was relieved when Ben slipped under the sheets next to him that purposefully wiggled closer to feel the steady rock of his breathing. 

It was unacceptable. Something about the recreational drug use and ruse of a fake relationship threw him off so badly that he had almost enjoyed kissing his best friend. No, Hux corrected himself, he did enjoy it. 

Hux did not want to think about the way Ben’s fingers dug into his hips when he held him, or the hunger that kept him clinging to Ben for far longer than necessary. Hux refused to acknowledge the stirring in his stomach at the memory, and squeezed his eyes close tightly to will it away.

In the next blink, Ben’s eyes were open too. Hux didn’t think that anyone could get more beautiful than Ben had been sleeping next to him, but he was wrong. His own lips parted as he sucked in a shaky breath, their eyes held steadily on each other. 

It wasn’t just the night before, Hux realized, he wanted Ben now too. 

“Do you have the time?” Ben asked, voice riddled with sleep and Hux blinked in surprise.

“Uh,” he rolled over onto his other side, snatching his phone from the desk, “About a quarter past eight,” 

Ben sat up easily, running a hand through his tangled hair as he stretched out. He seemed calm as ever while Hux sat panicked in the space beside him. He tore his eyes away from the taut muscles of his best friend’s back and instead took to examining his nails.

“We’d better get up,” Ben yawned, “If I know my mother, she’s about to beat the door down.” 

Without another thought, Ben threw back the covers and climbed out of the bed. He didn’t even look at Hux as he walked towards the adjoining bathroom, and Hux tried not to let his heart hurt because of it. 

“Ben,” he called out for him, “About last night, I-”

“Don’t worry about it, Hux,” he said easily, “It’s easy to get caught up in a fake relationship.”

The door closed and Hux flinched. He rubbed his eyes, drank the cup of water on the nightstand and took the ibuprofen beside it. For some reason, he didn’t think the ringing in his head was from the drinking alone. 

Hux laid his clothes out and made the bed. He tried to make himself as useful as possible and tucked away every stray t-shirt and straightened out the nightstands. The shower was still running when he finished.

Hux stared forlornly at the bed. Without thinking it through he laid down on Ben’s side and pulled his legs closer to his chest. He kept his eyes closed, focusing on how much the pillow smelled like Ben’s floral shampoo. It wasn’t enough. He wanted the real thing. 

“Hey,” the door had opened without Hux hearing it, “You good?” 

Ben stood before him in his towel hung low at the hips. It wasn’t even tucked, just held together loosely by one of his massive hands. Hux wished he hadn’t opened his eyes. The dryness of his mouth only increased as he watched. 

“Hungover,” Hux lied. 

Ben looked skeptical. He looked around the room for some clue but eventually resigned to getting dressed. Hux bounced up, pointing to the handle of the closet door. He set out an outfit for Ben, like he had done for him the last few days. 

“I wasn’t sure, um, if this is what you wanted to wear. But you’ve been such a big help to me I just… I want to make you happy.”

“You’re unbearable,” Ben returned, but he smiled anyway. 

The smug look Rey wore for the entirety of breakfast was enough to make Hux blush. When Leia commented on the redness of his face he blamed a scalding shower. The truth was too delicate for even Hux to fully admit. The pit in his stomach refused to subside, even after three helpings of eggs and two waffles. 

Ben, on the other hand, was more cheerful than ever. And, by some cruel twist, more affectionate than ever as well. The hand wrapped around Hux’s shoulder didn’t move for a minute, and the grip only tightened as the morning went on.

Finally, Hux dropped his own hand to rest lightly on Ben’s thigh. He saw Ben’s eyes flick over to him. Their fingers looped together, and Hux wondered what the point of a hand on the thigh was anyway when no one else could see it. 

“How are the two of you even awake?” Rey asked in awe, shooting a look in Hux’s direction that made his cheeks flush a deeper pink.

“I should ask you the same thing,” Ben quirked an eyebrow, “You were just as awake when we saw you last.” 

“I was about to go to bed,” Rey shot back, and Hux wondered if the entire family possessed that classic spitfire tongue. 

“So were we. Busy day,” Hux laughed, fiddling with his fork as he tried to steer clear of whatever plot was resting behind Rey’s eyes.

“Maybe you were going to bed,” Rey mused, sipping her drink slowly, “But you two sure didn’t seem like you would be sleeping anytime soon,”

Hux dropped his knife onto the ground, erupting into an apology as he pushed back the seat to pick it up. Ben met him halfway down, their faces so close that their noses brushed against each other.

“Rey Organa,” Leia scolded, throwing her napkin onto the table. 

Rey just laughed, pulling a leg up onto the chair to hold against her chest. Han kept his eyes cast down on his plate, refusing to become a part of the mess that had unfolded at his kitchen table. 

Hux noticed something devious in Ben’s eyes, locked with Rey’s in a twisted game. Hux wanted to beg him to just let the subject drop, and placed a hand pleadingly on his thigh. Ben’s hand ghosted over Hux’s, holding him in place.

“Nothing to worry about mother, I promise Rey’s insinuations are far off,” Ben assured her, and Hux let out a sigh of relief seconds too soon. “Hux is completely celibate.” 

Han sputtered into his drink, spraying half the table with orange juice. Leia let out another shriek, rushing to get napkins to clean up the mess. Rey watched with a smile that could have split her face, clearly not having expected her taunting to go so far. 

“Oh my god,” Hux mumbled into his hand, bent over the kitchen table bashfully, “I’m so sorry, let me help-”

Like a curse, that now familiar hand moved from his thigh to rest on his back, rubbing up and down along his spine. Hux could kill him. In fact, he would kill him if he got the chance. Leia shushed him and threw a dish towel over the mess, wiping it up quickly. 

“I, for one,” Leia started as she sat back down at the table, “Think it’s very noble of you to adhere to that rule, Hux.” 

Hux thanked her weakly, his face nearing the color of his hair at that point. The inside of his head was just screeching at this point. Ben brought a hand up to caress his cheek and Hux immediately moved into the cool feeling. 

“Is it a religious promise?” Leia continued, and Hux almost let out a sob at the topic. Ben and Rey watched him like it was a sitcom, and he wondered how it took so long for the two of them to learn to get along. 

“Just, uh,” Hux shrugged, “A preference. Choice. I chose to do it. Because I preferred to, uh, not.” 

At this point Ben had turned away to hide his laughter, and Rey sat triumphantly at the other side of the table with her smile to a minimum in case her mother scolded her further. Hux clenched his fist to show Ben, and he only patted it sweetly in return.

“Oh, so you’ve always had this plan?” Leia inquired, and before Hux had to answer Han slammed a hand down on the table.

“For god's sake, Leia, stop asking the poor boy about his sex life,” Han bellowed.

“Oh my god,” Hux repeated, burying his face in his hands once more and Ben’s laughter filled his ear as he snickered into his shoulder. 

“Oh, Hux,” Leia frowned, “I hope I haven’t made you uncomfortable.”

“He’s fine,” Ben reassured her, “Right, baby?”

Hux wished he could attack Ben right there and then. The feelings he had for the other man were mixed at the moment, and he briefly wondered how he could ever show his face in the Organa home again. The thought brought on the pain of an unsure future. 

“Just a little embarrassed,” Hux tried to laugh it off, “But that’s entirely your son’s fault.”

At this point, Rey popped up from the table to begin clearing the dishes. Hux stood to join her, yanking his hand away from Ben’s lap. He refused to look at him, only thanked Leia and Han a dozen times for the meal and walked quickly to the kitchen.

Ben sat frozen in his seat, and Hux caught a glimpse of him the next time he came out to grab a plate. There was something like fear in his eyes, a fear not present in most of their usual bickering. 

In the kitchen, Hux gripped onto the sink and lowered his head. Rey patted his back sympathetically, sliding a dish into the basin beside him. Hux picked it up and began to scrub. They stood side by side, Hux washing and Rey drying. 

From the dining room Hux could hear Leia scolding Ben over and over, and the mumbled apologies that followed. He would give his best friend hell the next time they were alone, but Hux found he missed his touch the second they parted.

They took longer on the dishes than was really necessary. Rey didn’t complain when Hux scrubbed every plate over and over again until his hands were red and raw. She just silently dried them and returned them to the cabinets.

“Hey,” she said, leaning against the counter as they finished.

Hux looked up helplessly at her, hoping that his look of complete horror may cull her from further teasing. Rey frowned apologetically, reaching out to secure a hand on his shoulder. He sighed with relief.

“I, for one, think it’s very noble of you-” she restated Leia’s words, and Hux groaned as he threw his head back with dismay.

“Fuck off, Rey,” he whined, and she continued to laugh as she walked back into the dining room to receive her scolding from Leia. 

Hux practically covered his face when he came back into the room. Ben’s chair scraped the floor and he stood immediately. Everyone else had vacated the room, probably so they didn’t have to interact with Hux when he emerged. 

“It was funny,” Ben insisted, following behind Hux like a puppy.

Hux did not speak. He only examined his nails as he walked up the stairs, ripping any stray cuticle skin that seemed to be out of place. They entered the room and Hux sat down on the side of the bed. 

“You can’t stay here forever,” Ben continued, and Hux looked up at him with eyes as cold as stone.

“Watch me,” he warned in a low voice. 

Ben practically pouted, rolling onto the bed so that he was on his stomach. Hux ignored the way that Ben jostled his legs when he did so, and refused to acknowledge the butterflies springing up in his stomach with each touch. 

“Here’s a thought,” Hux said, and Ben moved in to listen eagerly, “Why don’t you go choke on a dick.” 

“Only if it’s yours, pumpkin,” Ben retorted, and Hux froze in place. 

“What a shame,” Hux coughed out, “I’m celibate.”

“Hypothetically,” Ben reminded him with vigor, and Hux wished he could kick the smirk off of his mouth. 

Hux didn’t respond, just continued to stare straight past Ben with a hard look on his face. It had only been a half hour since the mess at the breakfast table, and he was nowhere near ready to show his face around the house again.

“Sweetheart,” Ben pleaded lowly, running a hand up and down Hux’s thigh. 

“Stop using those stupid pet names,” Hux ordered.

“Darling,” Ben tried again, looking up with wide eyes as he crowded Hux’s space.

“You’re wasting your time,” Hux huffed, “I don’t know who this stupid act would work on but if you think I’m budging so much as an inch from my current mood-”

“Baby,” Ben crooned, voice gravelly and barely above a whisper.

Hux’s breath caught in his throat, and his eyes flickered over to meet Ben’s. Ben sat with a look of smug satisfaction, knowing that he was wearing Hux down slowly. He hated the way the teasing made him feel something genuine.

“I am angry with you,” Hux warned, but his tone didn’t hold its former bitterness.

“Then be angry with me,” Ben agreed, “But stop ignoring me.” 

Hux let out a resigned sigh, nodding patiently as he brought his hands up to check his nails once more. Ben looked content, and flopped back down onto the bed.

“Let’s do something fun,” he offered, voice laced with excitement. 

Hux was not entirely sure he was up for anything that Ben considered to be fun. But Ben looked at him so sweetly that he would have relived the entire morning if he could make him smile just once. 

“Fine,” he agreed curtly, waving his hand, “But I’m not leaving this room.” 

It was a challenge, of course, for Ben to come up with something to do within the confines of the room. Hux hoped that it would buy him some extra time. If he was lucky maybe Leia would sweep Ben away to give him some time alone. 

Ben set off snooping around, shuffling through drawers and checking under dressers until he wedged his way into the bathroom. With a delighted yelp, he came barrelling back out, bag in hand. 

Hux looked at him blankly, waiting for further elaboration. Ben unzipped the bag to pull out a small bottle of paint. Hux narrowed his eyes, attempting to read the fine print on the front.

“Oh my god,” Ben scoffed and tossed it in Hux’s direction, “It’s nail polish.” 

“Nail polish,” Hux repeated.

“We’re going to paint our nails,” Ben said slowly, as if explaining a plan to a child. Hux flipped him off immediately, and Ben surged forward to kiss the finger. 

“Uh,” Hux coughed, holding his finger tightly, “Fine.”

Ben smiled excitedly, pulling a bottle of dark red from the bag for himself and handing it over to Hux to rifle through. Hux felt overwhelmed by the color choice, and grabbed the first thing his fingers could get a grip on. It was a deep green, reminding Hux vaguely of the evergreen trees lining the yard outside. 

“Nice choice,” Ben encouraged, uncapping his own polish.

Hux followed suit, feeling incredibly anxious that he may drip the paint all over the rug. He bent over the side of the bed, pulling up a towel that Ben lazily discarded after his shower, and laid it out in front of him.

“Hux,” Ben asked, voice light and amused, “Have you ever painted your nails before?”

“No,” Hux’s voice angry from consistent patronization, “But it can’t be that hard.” 

Ben didn’t say a word, just silently put the bottle of nail polish remover coupled with some spare cotton swabs between the two. Hux found it offensive, but he kept that to himself. 

The first swipe was a complete disaster. Polish covered half of Hux’s index finger, and he scoffed indignantly as he examined it. Ben’s smile grew, but the look Hux sent him was enough to keep him quiet. 

Hux took a deep breath and unscrewed the top to the nail polish remover. He attempted to remove just the polish on his skin, but his hand slipped and ended up taking off a streak from his nail.

A strangled noise escaped his throat, and Hux repositioned himself into a more serious stance. His knees were tucked up against his chest, making a little table for his hands to rest on while he painted them under close examination. 

After several attempts, more than a few swigs of nail polish remover, and a steady hand, Hux had managed to paint his left index finger almost perfectly. It made him happy to see the success, but he was sure it would take the entire day for him to finish both hands.

Suddenly, there was something brushing at his toes, and he peered around his knees suspiciously. 

“Hey,” he scolded Ben, “What do you think you’re doing?” 

Ben was laying on his stomach, legs kicked up in the air, a bottle of navy blue polish in one hand and the brush in the other. He looked up at Hux and then back down at his friend’s toes. 

“I’m painting your toenails,” he said as if it was obvious. 

“Paint your own toes,” Hux said angrily.

Ben lifted his foot flat in the air so that Hux could have a view of his perfectly painted toes. Before he could say anything else, Ben held up a hand to show his fingernails as well. 

“What are you,” Hux huffed, “Some kind of… nail polish wizard?” 

The other man stared at him, bursting out into laughter when he realized Hux was serious. His hand fluttered up to the feeling of the locket at his chest, the locket with artwork inspired by Hux.

“Oh. Painter. Right.” 

Ben blinked a few times, brush frozen in the air above Hux’s right pinky toe. With a shrug, he nodded and continued on with his work. By the time Hux had two more fingers done his toes were already dry. 

“Just let me help, angel,” Ben pleaded, “I can do a pretty little design.” 

Hux was adamant now about finishing his alone. It was mortifying to see Ben finished twiceover while he was still on the first hand. The next time the brush slipped he almost threw it at the wall, but Ben took it from his hands.

“One of these days, Ben,” Hux muttered under his breath, “One of these fucking days.” 

“What’re you gonna do? Give me the world’s worst manicure?” Ben murmured as he ran the brush effortlessly across Hux’s fingers.

“Knock it off.”

“Or what, pumpkin?” 

Hux sat silently for a moment. There was something in Ben’s voice beyond their usual teasing. It frightened him to not know what was going on in his best friend’s mind. It frightened him more to know what was going through his own.

They were back in the hall, Ben’s fingers dug into his skin. Hux tasted the liquor but couldn’t bring himself to care, caught up entirely in the feeling of Ben’s lips slotted against his. Their bodies were warm from the way they held each other before, and Hux couldn’t stop wishing for Ben to lay with him the same way in their bed. 

Hux wondered if he would ever be able to look at Ben the same again. He averted his eyes to avoid the answer. The thought of losing him was overwhelming. If he had known how confusing things were going to get Hux would have never come in the first place let alone lied out of impulsive jealousy. 

“Benny?” the sharp knock at the door sent both men jumping.

Leia waited on the other side of the door, poking her head in when Ben gave the okay. She grinned at them both, meeting Hux with sympathetic eyes. It was hard for him not to immediately run and hide. 

“Your dad needs help with the car,” Leia told him, voice laced with excitement.

Ben went white as a sheet, looking rapidly around the room. Hux knew all about the issues that came with seeing his father, let alone doing what drove them apart in the first place. Leia seemed too happy to disappoint, however, and he nodded slowly. 

Hux followed Ben downstairs trying to will away his persistent replays of their kiss. He prayed that no one could read his mind now more than ever. The more he thought about it, however, the more his face revealed exactly how he felt. 

“Oh, fuck no.”

They stood in the kitchen, looking outside into the driveway. There was a car that Hux believed to be older than he was. Han was bent over, hands digging around the engine in a way that Hux could never comprehend.

Standing beside him, unbelievably, was Poe Dameron. His hands were on his hips, lifted every so often as he gesticulated while they spoke. Both men shook with laughter and Hux watched as Han placed his hand on Poe’s shoulder.

"They just need an extra pair of hands. I promise your dad will be on his best behavior.” 

“Absolutely fucking not,” Ben shook his head and turned around, feet stomping up the stairs. 

Leia looked lost, glancing between the yard and her son. Hux couldn’t imagine the situation on her end. She was trapped between her son and her husband, and her son’s ex who had somehow become a surrogate child for the family. 

“I don’t know what to do,” she admitted, sitting down at the counter. 

“He’s just overwhelmed,” Hux sat down beside her, “Give him some time.”

“We don’t have time,” Leia shook her head, “He’s leaving so soon and I’m worried this time it will be for good.”

Hux was paralyzed with the love Leia had for her son. He tried to remember his own mother, tried to remember if she had ever loved him so strongly. The only memory that emerged was the way she kissed his tears away before leaving him behind. 

“Leia,” he placed his hand on hers, “I would never let that happen. He loves you all so much, he just doesn’t know how to handle it. Let me talk to him, he’ll come around.”

“Oh, Hux,” she sighed, “I’m so happy you boys finally found your way to one another after all this time.”

Hux squeezed her hand, repeating his promise again. He didn’t bother trying to decipher her words beyond surface level. If he stopped to think about it for too long, he might really start to convince himself that Leia knew more about Ben’s feelings for him than Hux did. 

From the top of the stairs Hux heard the door slam and Leia buried her face in her hands. He stood up, reassuring her one final time before he took off for their shared room. Hux tripped over his own feet in an attempt to get to Ben as quickly as possible.

He entered the room quietly, careful not to startle Ben. The other man’s clothes covered the room, the blankets everywhere. Ben’s hands were on the bottom of the mattress like he was planning on flipping it. Hux hurried to his side.

Ben shook beside him, the red on his face traveling down his neck and assumedly to his chest. Hux didn’t touch him but knew how hot his skin must have been. He would have taken all the heat for himself if it meant Ben would feel better.

Still, he didn’t look at him. His grip tightened around the mattress. The whites of his knuckles were concerning, a stark contrast from the rest of his flushed skin. 

“Don’t let him do this to you,” Hux murmured, but Ben still did not move. 

Hux reached his hands out, setting them gently on Ben’s. He used the breathing patterns that Ben told him worked best, slowly encouraging the other man to breathe along with him. Ben’s grip relaxed on the mattress and he lowered it down so they were sitting on the floor. He did not fully pull away though. 

“Is this anger your friend or your enemy?” Hux repeated the words from countless meditation videos Ben used to watch. 

It took him a moment to consider the question. The clarity still escaped his eyes, and Hux wished he could slip into the other man’s brain to bury all of the hurt. He had been doing so well, especially with Rey. It didn’t seem fair that his father continuously attempted to ruin it.

“Enemy,” Ben said with a resigned sigh. 

Hux pulled his hands away and let Ben continue his breathing. The vehemence of his rage had subsided, but Hux could still feel the tension radiating from his body. He stepped back quickly, rushing to his suitcase and pulling open the front pouch. Hux walked back over to Ben and crouched down next to him. The other man was unmoving, eyes staring straight ahead. 

“I brought your care kit.”

Ben blinked rapidly, the dryness of his eyes disappearing. He turned slowly to look at Hux, and he simply held out the bag of items that had a history of helping Ben calm down. There were soft things to touch, hard things to squeeze, nice things to smell, and everything else he could manage to fit into his suitcase. 

“You still have it?” Ben questioned slowly. 

“Of course,” Hux opened it and encouraged Ben to look around, “I bring it with me everywhere I go.”

He removed a tattered carnival plush, running his fingers over the frayed purple fabric. They won it after an unspeakable amount of ring toss attempts. Ben used to beat it off of the walls when he wanted to punch them instead. It was covered in uneven blue thread from where Hux did his best to mend the fabric when it started to fall apart. 

“You kept this,” Ben said. 

His hands shifted around more, now removing the remnants of his favorite candle. The purple wax was stored in a corked bottle, and Ben uncapped it to breathe in slowly. They bought it while shopping around a flea market, but had never been able to find another. Hux could smell it from where Ben held it, and he turned his head away slightly to escape the memories. 

Hux kept in time with the breathing patterns and felt Ben match it beside him. He wanted to hold his hand. It was an overwhelming feeling and Hux hated that a few days with physical affection was turning him into a new person.

“Oh, no,” Ben smiled slightly.

Two folded pieces of paper were pulled out and they both knew what they were before he opened them. One night when they were still in school Ben refused to let Hux finish his work, pestering him constantly to give it up. Hux had refused, and within twenty minutes Ben passed him a sketch of an angry looking Hux hunched over a textbook.

In return, Hux tried to recreate the attempt to tease Ben in return. When he held up his own picture they couldn’t even try to pretend it was remotely good. Hux had been embarrassed when Ben clutched the paper and laughed so hard he had to wipe away tears. 

Hux hated it, it made him feel stupid to even look at the drawing. There was so much talent in his best friend but he couldn’t even draw a circle without Ben laughing at his attempts. He knew how much Ben loved that drawing though, so he couldn’t bring himself to throw it away. 

When they both looked at the sketch it was hard not to laugh. Ben’s was quieter than usual, but it made Hux’s heart soar just to see him smile. He would draw a million shitty portraits for Ben. 

“Tell me how to make this easier for you,” Hux asked gently. 

Ben’s hands trembled as he held the objects, the wax tinkling in its jar from the movement. There was no hiding his physical reactions, and Hux only hoped that they would have the chance to calm him back down without incident. 

“You already have,” Ben whispered, “Every second of every day.”

Hux was floored by the comment. It twisted him up inside. Everything was supposed to go according to his carefully constructed plan, but at every turn of the way it unraveled more and more. He wondered if Ben knew what he was doing to him by speaking that way.

“I’ll do anything,” Hux promised, “Ben, I’ll do anything in the world for you.”

Ben looked at him like he didn’t fully believe the words. Hux wondered how he could make him understand the way he felt. It killed him to stifle whatever budding romantic feelings he was developing, but he would swallow that heartbreak if it meant keeping Ben in his life. He would live every torturous day as his friend, even if it left him shaking. 

“Can I…” Hux was having trouble keeping his hands still, “Do you want to be touched or… or held or something?”

Ben nodded slowly seemingly in disbelief. Hux moved towards him slowly, turning the other’s shoulders slightly so that he could get a better grip. He wrapped his arms around Ben’s shoulders and sat with him for a long time, their cheeks resting against one another’s shoulders and the scent of Ben’s detergent strong in Hux’s nose.

“You don’t have to go,” Hux said, “We can stay here.”

It must have been minutes before Ben finally pulled back. The anger had disappeared from his face, though his body still held more tension than usual. It would take some time, Hux knew that, but he looked on his way to normal.

“You’re right. I can’t let him, both of them, do this to me,” He looked around the room, “Sorry that I… I’ll clean it all up.” 

“You know how much I love a good hour of organizing,” Hux assured him.

“Still…” Ben sighed.

It took a second for the two of them to stand, their joints aching with the awkward position on the floor. Ben laughed when Hux grunted and groaned, kicking his legs up in an attempt to stretch his hips. He mimicked him and almost sent the lamp flying across the room. 

“Do you want me to come out there?” Hux asked as they headed towards the door.

“I’ll be okay,” Ben promised, “It’ll only be a little while. You can coddle me plenty when I come back in.”

“I don’t coddle you.”

“Hux, you mended my teddy bear. Granted, you did an absolute shit job at it-”

“I really cannot stand you,” Hux cut him off. 

“No, maybe not,” Ben smirked, “But you sure as hell didn’t mind sitting in my lap for a couple minutes.” 

Hux felt his face flush. It had been to calm Ben down, he repeated to himself. He prayed in his head that his affection wasn’t that obvious. It was just a few more days until they made it back home. Then, everything would be back to normal. He would be out of this little bubble and laugh about how caught up he got in his own lie. 

“Well, with how long you held on it seems like you enjoyed it just as much.”

Ben looked at him like he was stupid, yet again. It was infuriating. Never in his life had he felt so out of the loop, especially with Ben. Ben never hid his feelings and he had no issue telling Hux why he was being an idiot. He wanted it back. 

“You’re right,” Ben returned, taking his hand, “I did.”

It seemed as though Ben was trying to kill Hux. He consistently said things to throw him off his balance then turned away and acted like nothing happened. They continued down the stairs and into the living room where Leia was waiting for them.

“I’m going,” Ben sighed in surrender, “But I’m not holding the flashlight.”

Leia remained quiet as to not spoil the moment but Hux saw how happy she was to see her son relenting to spending time with his father. It seemed like she would burst but she managed to maintain a level smile and waved. 

“You’re going to do great,” Hux promised in a whisper as they stood beside the door.

He turned to walk back into the house, either to speak with Leia or reorganize their room. Ben was going to be fine, and if he checked up on him through the window every once in a while no one had to know.

“Hey.”

Ben didn’t drop Hux’s hand when he started to pull away. Instead, his grip tightened slightly. With a sharp yank Hux felt himself stumble forward and smack into Ben’s chest. The other’s free hand stroked his cheek.

It was completely unexpected, but somehow Ben’s lips were now on his own. Hux gasped in surprise, unable to lean into it before his best friend had pulled back and opened the door. He slipped out of the house with ease and Hux stood staring until he reached the other men. 

“Cute,” Rey’s voice shocked him from his trance, “But sickening.” 

Hux laughed weakly and ruffled his hair. They weren’t alone in the room, he remembered that now. It wasn’t fair for Hux to read into a chaste kiss goodbye, not with what he did the night before. Still, he felt out of whack. 

“Aw, give them a break.” 

Finn stood watching as well, popping diced melon into his mouth like he was watching a movie. Hux didn’t know how to respond, he just felt himself tighten up and force any semblance of emotion to the back of his mind. 

“You're not the one who had to spend a whole night with them,” Rey shook her head.

“Which you woke me up at almost five in the morning to gush about,” Finn shrugged.

“Finn,” her voice was a hiss, “I did not.”

She looked thrown off, and it made Hux grin. Every moment he spent with Rey was another reminder of how similar she and Ben were, how well they would get along once everything was put behind them. 

“Rey,” Hux stepped forward to place a hand on her shoulder, “I for one think it’s very noble-”

Hux was cut off with a groan before he could finish and Rey mumbled something about going for a run. He waved goodbye but she ignored him as she pulled on her shoes and walked out of the door.

And then it was Hux and Finn. It wasn’t a pairing he expected, that much was sure. The other man stood, still eating his fruit, as if he was waiting for Hux to finally break the silence and clear the uncomfortable tension in the air. 

“It’s strange, right?” Finn grinned.

Hux laughed, feeling slightly relieved that they weren’t going to dance around the subject with small talk. Something about Finn seemed to pull him down from the chaos of the Organa household. He nodded in agreement. 

“I remember my first visit,” he continued, “It felt like a whole different reality.”

Hux wished Finn knew exactly how fitting his words were. The second he promised Ben to come home with him he felt like he stepped into something entirely different from the rest of his life. 

“I thought I knew what I was in for,” Hux shook his head, “Apparently not.” 

They both looked out the window to the men working on the car. Everything seemed normal, though Ben was standing farther off. Hux wondered if he should have ignored Ben and followed him out there anyway, he was still in a fragile state from his earlier outburst. 

“It’s gotta be super weird to see Poe around, right?” 

Hux fiddled with his fingers, unsure of how to respond. Finn seemed genuine and kind, but he worried about walking into a trap. He didn’t want to say anything that might incriminate him or anger the other members of the family. 

“Hux,” Finn laughed, “I’m not gonna tattle on you. It’s pretty fucking weird that your boyfriend and ex are out there fixing a car together in the yard.”

“Ben used to talk about how often he was around, but I always thought he was just exaggerating. He’s… dramatic sometimes.”

“Right,” Finn nodded, “Now imagine you’re me, and the big family introduction dinner your boyfriend brings you to is at his ex’s house.”

Hux almost choked on the gasp that escaped his throat. He looked incredulously at Finn, realizing then how incredibly similar their experiences were. His mind quietly reminded them that it wasn’t the same, that Finn was Poe’s fiance and Hux was just Ben’s friend. 

“No way,” Hux shook his head, “How did you manage to get through that one meal, let alone continue coming back?”

“Poe lost his mom when he was eight,” Finn explained, “His grandpa took him in, but he stayed at the Organa’s when he was off at work or just needed a break.”

Hux frowned. Ben had never told him this part of the story. He knew that they were childhood friends and had spent a lot of time together growing up, but this felt different. Why wouldn’t Ben have told him anything beyond the messy breakup?

“I didn’t know,” Hux admitted, “There’s so much I don’t know.”

“When Ben left for college Poe stopped hanging around as much. The breakup was hard on him, I’m sure you’ve heard all the details.”

Hux nodded but knew he was lying. No matter what Ben had told him, he knew it wasn’t the entire truth. There was something hidden behind the way he talked about Poe. Hux looked out the window again and noticed Ben inching closer to the other man.

“His grandpa died in March of that year. Leia was so good to him. Han gave him a job,” Finn sighed, “It’s hard to be upset about something like that. And I started seeing Poe years after that summer.”

“That summer,” Hux repeated quizzically. 

“The one following Ben’s freshman year,” Finn clarified, “I really think they could have mended everything right then if they didn’t fall back into it that last time.”

Hux stared out the window. Ben knew him for a year at that point, but he never mentioned getting back together with Poe. When he returned to school there was increased vigor for his hatred of his ex, but Hux had always assumed it was because Poe still hung around the house. 

“Do you think Poe is ready to put everything behind him?” Hux glanced over. 

“It sure would make everything a lot easier. What about Ben?”

Ben and Poe looked to be having a normal conversation. Han had left them alone to grab something from his shed, and Hux wished for a beat that they had never come down the stairs. It was selfish, he knew, and he pushed the thought from his mind.

“I didn’t think so at first,” Hux swallowed thickly, “But now I’m not so sure.” 

With a little prodding Hux finally accepted Finn’s invitation and sat down with him in the kitchen. It felt wrong in some way, but he hated himself for thinking so. It was ten years ago, Hux thought, but corrected himself. Nine years ago, as far as he knew. 

“Hey,” a gruff voice came from behind them, and Hux turned to see Poe in the doorway.

Finn beamed at the sight of his fiance, pursing his lips for a kiss hello. Poe smiled softly at him and gave him just what he asked for, tipping Finn’s chin up with his fingers from where he sat on the stool. It was too intimate for Hux to witness, and he desperately wanted to leave. 

“Where are we off to next?” Finn asked, starting to stand.

“Actually,” Poe coughed, “Hux, I was wondering if I could talk with you for a second?”

“Oh, boy,” Finn raised an eyebrow, settling back in to watch.

“Alone, Finn.” 

Finn mumbled some obscenities at his fiance and pushed himself up. He gave Poe another kiss, whispering something in his ear. Hux knew he was talking about him from the way Poe’s eyes remained glued on his body.

“So…” Poe looked at him as Finn walked out of the room, “Can we chat?”

Hux was at a loss for what Poe could possibly want to talk about. If the conversation with Finn was weird, this was without a doubt twice as bad. His eyes glanced to the window and he saw Ben with his father, gesturing to the engine. 

“Okay,” Hux agreed hesitantly. 

“Finn and I were talking and I…” Poe was trying to find the right words, “I get this must be pretty uncomfortable. Me. Being here.” 

“Well,” Hux shrugged, “You said it.” 

Poe chuckled a little, obviously hoping that Hux would give him a chance. If the man was around to stay, Hux figured it was his duty to make things as easy for Ben as possible. From the story Finn told Poe wasn’t about to go anywhere, even if Ben wanted him to. 

“I forgot what it was like to have him here. Leia is so happy that he’s around, and Han would never admit it but I know he’s just as desperate to keep his son around,” Poe laughed weakly, “Even Rey won’t shut up about it. And I… You saw it. I was so bitter towards him when we spoke for the first time.”

Hux nodded slowly. He was unsure as to whether or not he was supposed to speak at this point. From the rapidity of Poe’s words he decided against it, carefully thinking everything over as he went. 

“I just. Listen, Hux, I’m begging you to just hear me out,” Poe leaned closer, “I don’t know what you’ve heard about me, and I know I deserve a lot of it. But I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t… I don’t want to tear a family apart.”

Poe covered his face with his hand and took in a deep breath. Hux silently poured a glass of water from the filter and pushed it his way. When the other looked back down he seemed surprised, but thanked him quietly and drank half the glass in one go. 

“I don’t want to lose my family either.” 

The words could barely get out, and Hux suddenly felt every ounce of malice dissipate. It was startling to him how quickly vulnerability had gotten to him. Perhaps it was because he had refrained from experiencing most emotions for the last decade, but Poe’s voice dug a hole in his chest. 

“How can I help?” Hux asked sincerely, the jealousy in his gut subsiding.

“Really?” Poe looked at him suspiciously.

“I know how happy he is to be home, even if he won’t admit it,” Hux found his gaze drifting back to the window, “I’d do anything to keep it that way.”

“Just mediate?” Poe requested.

Hux looked to him and sighed. He nodded and took a long drink of his own water. It had been a long enough day already, and it was barely the afternoon. He cursed himself for having napped days earlier, it felt like his entire rhythm was thrown off. 

It had to have been the nap.

“How did it go out there?” Hux asked cooly.

“Fine, surprisingly,” Poe nodded, “I got out of there when it started getting tense.”

“You abandoned him.”

“I was making it worse,” Poe snorted, “Han has a habit of weaponizing the people around him to make Benny upset.”

There it was. There was the nickname that Ben protested every time Hux tried it out. Still, it flowed effortlessly from Poe’s lips, not even a taunt. He wondered if Ben yelled at Poe for calling him that when they were younger. 

Looking at Poe, he doubted it. Ben started walking back towards the house and Hux wiped his face with his hands in preparation. Han had already climbed into the car and was driving off. The closer Ben got, the more worried Hux became. 

“Oh,” Ben stood in the kitchen doorway.

“Uh-oh, caught gossipping,” Hux tried his best to seem normal, “Don’t worry, it’s all about you.” 

Ben didn’t laugh, he didn’t even crack a smile. Something within him seemed angered all over again, and Hux stood up immediately to cross the room to him. He cupped his face with his hands, forgetting Poe entirely. 

They stood frozen like that for a moment. Hux questioned why his first instinct had been to touch him, why his body kept pushing him to do so. Poe sipped his water in the background, but he didn’t flinch away. 

“I’m okay,” Ben lifted his own hands to hold Hux’s wrists in place. 

They broke apart after he spoke, both awkwardly turning away from one another. Hux couldn’t stand the feeling of being alone, and took a step toward Ben just as Ben did the same. They bumped into each other, the backs of their hands pressed to one another.

“So what’s going on here?” Ben asked tentatively. 

“Well,” Hux said slowly, “As a professional mediator-”

“Christ, Hux, you took one seminar.”

“I would love to use this gift to help you two,” Hux finished, “And for your information, it was a six week program.”

“For an hour,” Ben continued, “The classes were for an hour.” 

“I am the go-to mediator for the company,” Hux argued, “I have sat in on countless meetings and… that’s not the point. This is not about me.”

Ben mimicked him under his breath and Hux whacked him. Poe still sat silently, obviously unsure of whether or not he should react to their arguing. In a second everything was still again.

“Ben,” Poe stood up, “I asked Hux to help me out.”

At this the other man grimaced. Poe shrunk back slightly, clearly working through what he wanted to say over and over again in his head. Hux sat patiently and hoped he wouldn’t have to jump in so soon. 

“I’m happy you’re home, Ben. I didn’t think I would be, but I’ll do anything to get you to come back more often. Tell me how we can fix this.” 

Unfamiliar jealousy twisted in Hux like a knife. He tried his best to remember the way that Poe had looked at Finn when he came in. He reminded himself it was almost a decade ago. He thought about Ben coming home from school where they shared a room to sleep with Poe instead. 

“You were my best friend for my whole life, Ben,” Poe told him, “I loved you so much it could have killed me. And when I was a kid I thought it would. We didn’t work together like that, I think we both knew it. But the fear of losing you was too much to bear, until suddenly it was real.”

Ben kept his eyes trained on Poe. He brought his hands up to fiddle with nervously. Hux watched them instead of focusing on the other man’s words. It felt like he shouldn’t have been there, he just wanted to disappear. 

Poe’s words were running through his mind, and he played back every time Ben had held him in the last hundred hours. He wondered what he would throw away by being honest about his feelings. The look of devastation on Poe’s face when he spoke made Hux realize he could never bear to experience that pain.

“I hated you for leaving me here alone. And I hated it even more the second time.”

Ben’s eyes flickered in Hux’s direction but he refused to look at him. Their past relationship wasn’t his business, he was here as a friend to help Ben rebuild his family over the next few days. This was just part of the job. 

“I couldn’t stay,” Ben shook his head.

“I know that now,” Poe assured him, “It was just so much easier to hate you than to miss you. Every time you came home it was a reminder of the love I lost. I was angry that you had everything I could ever dream of here at home, but you left anyway.” 

“I never knew how to apologize,” Ben admitted, “It was easier for me to hate you too.”

“I never meant to take your family from you,” Poe stood up and placed a hand on Ben’s shoulder, “I wish I could take the last ten years back.”

“There’s so much I regret. There’s so much I wish I had done years ago,” Ben murmured, “I should have called you, Poe. I should have come home to see you forever ago. Instead I waited around for you to make the first move and got more miserable by the day.”

When Hux looked up Ben was staring at him. He shifted away again, thankful that he wasn’t needed as much as expected. It was better this way, he knew, but it scared him how quick Ben was to forgive Poe. 

The two men hugged, Poe clapping him hard on his back. They stayed together a beat or two longer than normal, and Ben’s eyes were closed as he dug his chin into Poe’s shoulder. Hux felt frozen, too anxious to move from his spot across the room. 

Their voices became background noise as he sat in his own head. Hux had nothing to be jealous of. Hux had nothing to worry about. Poe and Finn were engaged. He and Ben were just friends. 

“Well, professional mediator,” Poe’s voice snapped him out of it, “I guess you are as good as you say.”

“That was all you guys. You just click, I guess,” Hux returned. 

Poe laughed about that and shook his head, turning away to grab his drink. Ben watched Hux cautiously but Hux refused to look at him. It was killing him to sit in that room and pretend to be in love with his best friend while simultaneously pretending not to be. His feelings felt so crossed that he couldn’t distinguish what was real anymore. 

“I’ve gotta send a couple work emails,” Hux spoke up, “Are you two okay for a little time alone?”

“More than okay. Right, Benny?” Hux almost shuddered at the nickname.

“Sweetheart,” Ben stepped forward and Hux forced as genuine a smile as he could muster. 

“You know how Snoke can be,” he explained curtly, pushing himself up onto his toes to give Ben a quick kiss on the cheek, “See you at dinner, guys.”

As Hux was leaving he could hear Poe excitedly explain the dinner plans to Ben, asking him if he’d help with some of the preparation. He called after Hux that he was invited as well, and Hux waved a thanks as he disappeared up the stairs.

Alone, he stared at the ceiling. He wasn’t lying, there were plenty of emails to attend to. Even with his time off there was responsibility. It felt like a whisper calling him back to the real world that he didn’t want to answer. 

Poe’s words continued to plague his thoughts. ‘ _We didn’t work together like that, I think we both knew it. But the fear of losing you was too much to bear, until suddenly it was real.’_ It shocked him out of his little fantasy. He witnessed the loss of a lifelong friendship due to a failed romance. 

Hux didn’t know how to exist without Ben anymore. He knew he could do it, but the thought of it hurt him so badly he groaned. 

It took all of his energy to complete the tasks at hand. The room was reorganized, the bed remade, the emails answered. After a couple hours Hux realized his absence was bordering on rude, especially if they had started cooking. 

He looked out the window from their room and saw Poe and Ben standing by the grill. They were laughing, heads thrown back and arms bumping together. The ease with which they touched each other reminded Hux that he wasn’t special, just starved of affection. 

Hux smoothed out his shirt and fixed his hair. He told himself to stop with self pity and just be happy for his best friend. His eyes drifted back to the bed, their bed, and noticed the stray curly black hairs on his own pillow. 

His heart soared with the thought of sharing it again for the next two nights. His stomach dropped with the reality of what would come after.


	6. Earnestly Yours

“Now you all behave.”

Leia stood with her arms crossed, eyes flickering between the group sitting at her kitchen table. Han was beside her, holding out her jacket so that she could slip her arms into it while maintaining her gaze on the rest of them.

“Yeah, right,” Rey teased from her seat.

“Rey Organa, you listen to your mother,” Han warned her. 

“Yeah, Rey, listen to your mom,” Finn teased quietly.

Leia’s birthday wasn’t until Monday, but Han insisted they have her birthday dinner when she wasn’t caught up with work. They stood dressed in their best, eyes scanning the room for any last minute issues.

“Mom, come on, we’re fine,” Ben waved it off, “Go enjoy your dinner, stop your worrying about us. We can manage a night alone.”

Leia still looked uncertain. Hux wondered how much of it was centered on Ben. Every time she looked at him it seemed like she was drinking everything in, constantly petrified that her son would leave her and never return.

“I’ll keep an eye on them,” Hux offered jokingly.

While the rest of the table groaned, Leia grinned widely. She thanked Hux for his offer and seemed to finally settle into the idea of leaving. Han held the door open for her as she shouted her last goodbyes. 

“Finally,” Rey leaned back in her chair. 

Almost immediately she was back up, crossing the room to run up the stairs. Hux stared quizzically after her but no one else seemed to be concerned. When she returned a moment later she held up an unsettling amount of alcohol. 

“Jesus,” Hux shook his head, “I don’t think I can handle another day of it.” 

“Well too bad,” Ben yanked him closer, “We’re on vacation, Huxy.”

“Ooh,” Finn cooed, “Huxy? How cute.”

Hux rolled his eyes and didn’t play into the taunting. He shot Ben a dirty look for using the name in the first place but was just met with a grin. It could have been worse, he realized, he could have used his first name instead. 

“Count me out,” Hux crossed his arms over his chest.

“What about now?” Rey held up a bottle of his favorite red. 

Hux was unsure as to how Rey got the alcohol in the first place, let alone knew his favorite wine. From the smirk on the man beside him he guessed that Ben had something to do with it. 

“There is no way we could get through even half of that,” Poe shook his head, “Rey, I think you forget how young you are.”

“I have a friend coming over,” Rey grinned, “Because the four of you are disgusting and I am sick of watching it all alone.” 

“Aw, Rey is lonely,” Ben held his fist up to his eyes and mimicked crying. 

She cursed at Ben worse than any sailor Hux could imagine. They laughed together, the love obvious in their eyes. It was everything he could have ever hoped for Ben. Yes, he still had to overcome the issues with his father, but every other relationship was being slowly mended and the past forgotten. 

There was a quick knock at the door and Rey almost ran to answer it. She threw it back and cheered, dragging a tall blonde woman into the house. Finn and Poe waved, obviously having met her previously. 

Ben turned to look over Hux’s shoulder and offered a smile, but no recognition crossed his face. It felt overwhelming to suddenly have someone else thrown into the mix just as Hux was starting to feel welcome with the people already there. He took a deep breath and worked himself up for the introduction.

“Phas, this is my brother Ben, and his boy-” Rey started.

“No fucking way,” Phasma barked out a laugh, “Leggie?”

“Lyn?” Hux shook his head, “What the fuck?” 

He barely had a moment to register her movement before Phasma was lifting him from his seat, practically yanking him away from Ben’s grasp. Hux practically dove into the hug, fully expecting to wake up from his dream at any moment. 

“You’re not going to believe this, I posted your letter on my way out tonight,” she exclaimed excitedly. 

She gripped his arms and shook him back and forth. Hux whacked at her but she refused to release him. Before he could object she was pulling him into another bear hug, her strong hands beating against his back.

“Sorry, what is happening?” Rey stood by the open door. 

Hux suddenly remembered the rest of the people in the room. Phasma pulled him under her arm and pinched his cheeks. Hux half heartedly swatted at her hand but was resigned to the teasing. 

“You never mentioned me, my love?” Phasma grinned.

Hux bumped her with his hip. She made kissy noises at him and he let her ruffle his hair without too much resistance. When he glanced down at Ben he noticed the confusion behind his eyes, tinted with an unrecognizable anger. 

“Hux and I are old flames,” she announced. 

At the words every pair of eyes in the room went straight to Ben. He was doing his best to seem normal and calm, he knew that, but Hux saw the gears turning in his head. From beside him, Phasma squeezed his hip just the way he hated.

“We went to school together,” Hux rolled his eyes. 

Poe and Finn exchanged a look between themselves, their eyes quickly snapping back to Ben. He sat silently, his eyes trained firmly on Phasma. She was jostling Hux back and forth and he allowed her to without complaint. 

“Is that all I am to you? A former classmate?” Phasma flicked him. 

Rey closed the door and moved to the end of the table where the alcohol sat. She began pouring heavy glasses, pushing the first one toward Ben. He waved it off, still silent and watching. Hux noticed his scowl from the corner of his eye.

“My sweet, sweet, first love,” she sighed dreamily. 

Hux shoved her off at that point and she danced around the table to grab a glass from Rey. Looking down, she realized suddenly that Ben’s fingers were curled in the loop of Hux’s jeans, as if he was holding him in place. 

“All jokes, I swear,” Phasma held her hands up, “Leggie and I are childhood friends. I bearded for him for a while.” 

Something deflated in Ben, like the anger had slipped out of him. He reached across the table and snagged Poe’s glass from his hand, taking a strong gulp before he replaced it. Hux refused to look at either of them, ignoring the way his blood bubbled. 

“Oh,” she grinned, “So you’re Hux’s Ben?”

Ben looked at her curiously. Hux had talked about Phasma with him before, but he never discussed their relationship in depth. It was something secret he had from home, something good that he was terrified to ruin if he spoke it out loud.

“I am,” he said, “You’re Gwendolyn?”

“I am,” she nodded, “I feel like I know you already, every time I talk to Hux it’s Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben. I’ve been waiting around for years for the two of you to get together.”

Ben seemed surprised at the comment, like he expected Hux to hide their relationship as well. The rest of the group cooed at him and teased. It was difficult for him to keep his composure, and he wished he could pull Phasma aside to reprimand her in quiet. 

The look of pure terror in Hux’s eyes cut her further comments off. Her eyes shifted between the two of them, a devious smile plastered across her face. Ben tightened his grip and tugged Hux back so that his arms wrapped around his waist. 

“I’m sorry,” Rey held up her hands, “Leggie? Lynnie? I feel like I’m in a fever dream.”

“They call me Phasma,” she explained to Hux, “And Leggie is just a play on Armi-”

“Just a fun nickname,” Hux cut her off.

Phasma looked beyond excited, and Hux buried his face in his hands. Somehow, he had made it through the entire week without the group questioning his name. Leia knew, of course, but she was kind enough to never have spoken it aloud. 

“They don’t know,” she commented.

“Don’t know what?” Finn’s head tilted to the side. 

“I’m still very confused,” Hux tried to divert, “How do you guys know Lyn- er, Phasma?”

“Rey and I did some pilot training together,” Phasma explained quickly.

Rey ducked her head down when Ben looked at her. Poe stared her way sympathetically, and Hux wondered if her mother and father knew about these classes. From the look on Ben’s face, he clearly did not. 

“You’re training to be a pilot?” he asked quietly. 

“It’s just for fun,” she returned, “Don’t tell.” 

Their eyes remained locked onto one another for a moment. The more they spoke, the more they seemed to click into place. If Ben expected Rey to be the golden child with an easy life, this week was showing him that wasn’t the reality. He nodded solemnly at her. 

“Great,” Finn nodded, “So now that we’ve covered that…”

“Leggie?” Poe finished his thought. 

So close, Hux thought, so close to escaping the teasing he knew would come from his first name. He could only imagine how Finn and Rey would rip into him for the remainder of the weekend. 

“Huxy baby, why don’t you tell them?” 

Ben’s grip on Hux tightened substantially. He practically ripped him from his seat and into his lap. It was subtle enough to not be noticed by anyone else, especially with their interest in this newest scandal, but it made Hux shake. 

“She’s making fun of my first name,” he mumbled.

Poe, Rey, and Finn’s eyes all opened wider, seemingly coming to the realization that they didn’t actually know Hux’s first name. It was a miracle he had managed to outrun their questions thus far, but now he sat trapped at the dining table. 

“I hate you,” he looked at Phasma. 

She blew a kiss in his direction, winking at the same time. Rey finished pouring out the drinks and casually took a seat on Phasma’s leg. Hux raised an eyebrow but didn’t say a word. Ben seemed to look just as curious. 

“It’s Armitage,” he sighed finally. 

The room was silent for a moment. Phasma’s grin was unmanageable. Ben, on the other hand, seemed bitter. Hux wondered if he was ostracizing him, if he felt uncomfortable being the only person out of the loop. He held his hand.

“Wow,” Poe let out a low whistle, “Is it… a family name?” 

Hux shook his head. It seemed to be, like everything else in his childhood, a way for his father to make him feel like an outsider. It wasn’t until he reached elementary school that he learned it was something to be teased over. Sometimes he thought his father did it on purpose.

“It’s nice,” Finn tried, but ended up giggling halfway through. 

“People called him Armie,” Phasma explained excitedly, “So I needed something a little more special.”

Hux sighed and shook his head. Rey held out a glass to him yet again. He glanced at Ben, noticing the darkness behind his eyes. The drink was refused and he snuggled further into his best friend’s side.

Phasma and Rey broke off into their own little world, playing their own drinking games and catching up a mile a minute. Poe and Finn removed themselves to go start a fire and set up some chairs. Hux felt like he was trapped between the past and the present, floating alone at sea. 

“I’m gonna grab some water,” he said robotically, “Anyone need anything?” 

Phasma and Rey shook their heads and smiled, and were right back into their conversation before Hux could breathe again. Ben stared at him, releasing him and then helping him up out of his chair. He followed silently into the other room. 

“So,” he started as Hux poured his drink, “I didn’t know you were still in contact with your high school girlfriend.”

Hux laughed, assuming his best friend was making a joke to break their tension. When he looked back, however, it was clear Ben meant something else with his words. All at once Hux felt the heat of his anger fly back.

He pictured himself alone in his room, closed off from the rest of the world and desperate to get back to Ben. In the same moment he saw his best friend spending the summer carefree and happy, running back to the man he spent days and nights complaining to Hux about. 

“That’s really rich coming from you,” Hux snipped.

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“We’ve spent the last three days with your ex,” Hux reminded him, “Your actual ex. Not just someone pretending so your dad wouldn’t kick you out of the house.”

Ben went quiet. It was clear he hadn’t expected the hostility. Just that afternoon Hux was encouraging Ben to mend the broken relationship he had with Poe. It felt hypocritical for him to be angry, but he couldn’t help it.

“I’m sorry, that isn’t fair,” Hux rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, “There’s so much happening, I just feel like I can’t keep up with any of it.”

He thought about the two of them falling in love all over again while Hux stared at the ceiling and promised himself that his thoughts of Ben were normal. For ten years he convinced himself time and time again that he just wasn’t used to having a friend as good as Ben, that he loved him in that way and nothing further. 

“Hux,” Ben stepped forward.

“Why didn’t you tell me you went back to him?” Hux asked, voice cracking slightly. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Ben shook his head, “It’s been over since-”

“Since we went into our sophomore year together,” Hux finished.

Ben clearly looked taken off guard. Hux felt the guilt rising for potentially causing a rift in the carefully glued relationship they had just mended. He hated his head for its dizziness and confusion. 

“Finn mentioned it in passing,” Hux explained, “I know there’s things you aren’t telling me, and that’s fine, but it seems like a pretty big detail to gloss over.”

There was another prolonged silence between them. Hux finished his glass of water and poured another within it, gulping down half of that serving as well. The coolness did little to soothe him, but he continued to try. 

“This is a lot for me to handle,” Hux spoke again finally, “I just need to… to know what’s happening. I need to have a plan.”

Ben looked guilty. Before he could respond they heard the familiar bell jingling into the kitchen, Millicent mewling and attempting to climb up Hux’s leg. He sighed and scooped her up like a child, cradling her in his arms. It gave him some comfort, and he thanked himself again for bringing her. 

“I’m sorry,” Ben said, “I was so afraid of ruining things with you.”

“Ruining what? Did you think I’d end our friendship because you were sleeping with your ex for a couple months?” 

Every time their eyes met it was like Ben was trying to tell him something. Had they been truly alone Hux might have screamed at him to just  _ say something _ . It was killing him to feel closer to Ben than ever before while simultaneously shut out. 

“Ben?” Poe poked his head into the kitchen.

Hux wanted to leave. He wanted to sprint up the stairs and pack his suitcase, book the next flight back home and run away from everything built up within him. If he hadn’t loved Ben so much, maybe he would have had the courage to do so. 

“What’s up?” Ben asked, eyes still trained on Hux. 

“Uh,” he cleared his throat, “Rey said you are harboring some of our favorite herb.” 

Hux broke the eye contact first. He provided the best smile possible and nodded in Poe’s direction. The conversation continued, but he could barely hear his own voice. This time, he did not reach out to Ben to steady him. 

Poe waved as he left the room, telling them to come out whenever they were ready. They stood alone, awkward in a way Hux hated himself for growing used to. Ten years of friendship erased most of the uncomfortable moments between them, and Hux worried he ruined it with the trip. 

“I don’t want you to be mad at me,” Ben admitted.

“I’m not mad,” Hux sighed, “That whole Lyn thing just… threw me off. There’s so much I didn’t even know I had to prepare for.” 

“Maybe,” Ben said quietly, taking his hand, “You should be open to things not going according to your plan.”

Hux wanted to be angry. He wanted to scream at Ben for patronizing him, to explain yet again that he traveled to be with a family he didn’t know for a week solely for the other man. Instead, he let his head tip forward to rest against Ben’s shoulder. 

“It’s hard,” he admitted.

“I know,” Ben replied, “But as long as we’re together it’ll all be okay.” 

Hux promised him that he was okay, and then Ben was gone. He braced himself against the counter, cursing his body for needing so much support the last few days. There was nothing he could do to feel better, and the exhaustion only compounded with every day.

Finally, he hobbled outside. The water bottle in his hand was massive, and he figured he would need to go through it a few times. Maybe it was dehydration, he told himself, especially after drinking more in two days than he had in the last three months put together. 

Ben was still missing, and Hux assumed he was grabbing his weed. It always calmed him down when he got himself worked up. Hux felt pretty relaxed from it the night before as well. He figured it would be better to bury his worries in recreational drugs rather than succumb to his worries.

Phasma and Rey were already outside, both wrapped up in whatever inside jokes they had. Finn was splayed out on a picnic blanket, Poe’s coat wrapped around his shoulders. He smiled at him with something hidden and sad. 

Hux watched the flames of the bonfire flicker, reminding him of the candlelight that danced in Ben’s eyes. The memory washed over him, and he wished he hadn’t pushed Ben away just moments before.

As if on cue, he felt the heavy hand settle on his knee. 

“I was just thinking about you,” Hux admitted, eyes entranced. Ben glanced over, slightly startled, and Hux smiled gently. 

“Good things?” Ben asked timidly, and Hux leaned over to rest his head on Ben’s shoulder. 

“Good things,” he confirmed, voice laced with affection.

“Jesus Christ, you two are worse than Poe and Finn,” Rey groaned from where she sat curled up in a lawn chair, cradling a cup filled halfway with whiskey in her hands.

Poe let out a barking laugh from where he settled in with Finn on the blanket, one arm around the other’s waist and the other clutching tightly to his hand. Finn looked at him in complete awe, his own smile blossoming as Poe’s did. 

“And yet no one is as over the top as you and that drink,” Poe commented from his spot on the ground.

“Are you sure you don’t want any wine, pumpkin?” Rey taunted from across the fire. 

“The peer pressure in this group,” Hux shook his head, “Is astounding.”

Ben moved before Hux had the chance to, stepping forward to grab the red cup from Rey. It was fuller than he anticipated, and Hux promised himself this would be his limit for the night. When he saw the way Ben was staring at him he started to question that vow. 

Hux felt his heart warm, from the wine in his cup as well as the arm latched tightly around his waist. It wasn’t necessary for the two of them to be so close, and yet if he had anything to say about it they would remain attached the entire night. 

The night only got better as it went. Rey and Ben acted like the siblings they were, and Hux was amazed at how much they seemingly resembled their parents. Ben, his mother, and Rey, her father. It was uncanny. 

A different side to each of them came out that night, more open and loud and patient with each other. It felt like a dream to Hux, he had never expected to meld so quickly with a group he didn’t belong to. 

“Alright, alright,” Poe said, taking a sip of his drink before setting it on the grass next to him. Finn instantly stole his hand back, and Hux was dizzied with the amount of affection between them.

Ben tightened the grip on his waist, pulling Hux’s legs until they were splayed out in his lap. A small hum of contentment left his mouth, and Hux nuzzled into him to steal some of his warmth. 

“What are you blabbing about now,” Finn whined, reaching to steal a sip from Poe’s cup before the older caught him. 

The two fought for a moment, bickering over whether or not Poe really had a rambling problem. Hux shuddered under the cool night breeze, and Ben bent down to press his lips to the shell of his ear.

“Are you cold, honey?” he asked quietly, rubbing a hand soothingly up and down Hux’s arm. Though Hux tried to protest, his chattering teeth gave him away. 

Ben pulled back completely, and Hux pouted as he sat shivering even harder. In one swift motion, Ben removed the hooded sweatshirt he was wearing. Hux’s jaw dropped slightly, not entirely sure what was happening. 

“Here,” Ben handed him the clothing, and Hux held the soft fabric between his fingers for a moment before he could move.

“You didn’t have to,” he tried, but Ben pressed a warm hand to Hux’s ice cold skin.

“Baby, please,” Ben whispered, and chills ran up his spine from the words. 

With no further argument, Hux tugged the sweater over his head. He sighed contentedly at the warmth, pulling the sleeves over the palms of his hands to hide as much of his skin as possible. 

Ben nudged his shoulder with his nose, reminding him of their previous position, and Hux’s heart skipped a beat. Carefully, they rearranged themselves to how they had been sitting before, with Hux’s legs in Ben’s lap and his head on Ben’s shoulder. 

“Mm-mm,” Ben shook his head, “Not close enough.”

Hux had no opportunity to protest before he was lifted from his own chair and crammed beside Ben. It was a large chair, but likely not meant for two large men to share. Ben took Hux under his shoulder and pulled his legs into his lap. 

The fit was somewhat uncomfortable, but Ben worked at rearranging them until Hux settled into his side. He looked up to see Phasma watching them from across the fire. Her suspicion was obvious, and Hux only hoped she would keep her mouth shut for the night. 

“Alright, well, anyways,” Poe huffed, checking Finn lightly with his shoulder. Finn just laughed, a sweet song that rang through the night and Hux found himself smiling at the two. 

“Did you finally remember what you were going to say,” Rey asked, a smile playing at her lips.

“Yes, I finally remembered what I was gonna say,” Poe mimicked, waving the two youngest off as they squealed with laughter. “Hux,” he called, “Are you really, uh, what’s that word, ah, celibate?” 

Finn clicked his tongue, jabbing Poe in the ribs. Poe outstretched his hands, confused as to why the question would warrant such a reaction. Hux heard Finn scolding him and Phasma almost spit out her drink in surprise.

“Poe,” Ben frowned, “That’s over the line.” 

“Hux, don’t think you have to answer that,” Finn assured him, shaking his head at Poe. 

Hux cleared his throat, and he felt Ben’s thumb draw shapes against his hip. He was practically shielding him from the group. The constant contact kept him tethered down, and he squeezed his arm to thank him.

“It’s… complicated,” Hux answered truthfully. 

Rey booed from her spot in the corner, and Finn threw an empty cup in her direction. With ease, she snatched it from the air and hurled it right back at him, pegging him directly in the leg. 

Phasma whacked Rey on the arm. She looked surprised, as though she didn’t understand the issue with the question. Their eyes met across the fire, and Hux wished he could play it off with ease without someone in the circle knowing the truth.

“Call it Catholic guilt,” he tried to laugh, but no one else joined in. 

And just like that, Hux remembered the boy that broke his heart. The boy that he had snuck around for, the boy that he had given everything to. It was against every rule his father kept, against every moral his church taught, and yet it was worth it. 

For the first time in his life he threw all caution to the wind. There was nothing he held back, nothing he hid from who he assumed was the love of his life. The affection was so easily returned, how could he not believe every word he was told?

Hux believed that he could take on his father with this boy by his side, that he could finally escape the totalitarian household he had been trapped in his entire life. He was older by a few years, and let Hux sleep in his bed some nights when home got to be too much.

In the middle of a particularly bad fight he packed a bag, cramming everything and anything he could fit. He snuck out to the car where the other boy was waiting. They drove around for hours, stopping along the side of a country road to scramble into the backseat. Hux laid in his arms as the sun rose, drifting in and out of sleep.

“Wake up,” the voice was in his ear.

Somehow he hadn’t awoken when they started driving. There they sat, right in front of his house. Hux flew back, practically diving into the trunk. The clock read a quarter past seven, and he knew his father was downstairs getting ready to leave.

“We can’t be here,” Hux had cried out, “We have to leave.”

“Armie,” he laughed back, “I’ve gotta get to work.”

No matter how desperately Hux pleaded he was still left with his bag standing outside the front door. There was no time to hide, no time to try to sneak around the back. His father opened the door and saw both Hux and the boy driving off. 

When he called the boy, begging him to let him move in to get away from his father’s wrath, he was rejected. Hux screamed that he loved him, sobbed with the idea of living at home for another two years with his father knowing his secret. 

“Listen,” the other boy had sighed, “I haven’t been totally honest with you. The truth is, I’m engaged. I didn’t expect… whatever this is to go this far. You’re a great kid, Armie, but the most I can offer is a day or two at my place here and there while she’s away.” 

What was previously a hostile environment at home got out of hand. Hux brought Phasma home with him, showing her off as his girlfriend and claiming everything else was a big misunderstanding. She stood by his side, but he always questioned when she would leave too. 

Around the fire, Hux’s eyes were glassy. He blamed it on staring directly into the light. It had been years since the encounter, but the feeling of another’s hands on him still made his skin crawl on most days. 

“Call it no one else’s business, actually,” Phasma finished for him.

The mood shifted, and he saw the regret between Poe and Rey. They both offered sincere and prolonged apologies, but Hux just waved them off. When he looked up there was another cup of wine waiting for him, and he threw away his earlier promise to take it easy. 

It was silent except for the crackle of the fire, and Ben caught his hand as the bottle shook in it. Hux tried not to look at him, but Ben held his gaze. There was a promise behind his eyes, something that Hux had longed for for so long. Again, it was just the two of them. No one else in the world mattered in that second, just Ben and Hux. 

“I’m really sorry, Hux,” Poe repeated, “I promise I wasn’t making fun of you. Doesn’t make it less of a dick move, though.” 

Ben ran a hand through Hux’s hair, trying to tell him something without words. Hux couldn’t decipher it, but he tried anyway. Hux assured him yet again that everything was fine, and did his best to begin joking around again. 

Within a few minutes the tension passed. Hux thanked every star in the sky that he wasn’t pressed to speak about it. He didn’t know what he would say, it was difficult for him to process even a decade later. 

Ben pulled Hux as close as he could come, and Hux clung on for dear life. Hux brought a hand up to his chest where the pendant sat. He could feel the outline beneath Ben’s sweatshirt, and it filled him with a sense of comfort. When he caught Ben staring down at him, he didn’t look away.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, “I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay,” Hux squeezed his hand, “I didn’t tell you.”

He could see the way Ben’s thoughts raced through his head. They would talk about it all later, he was sure, but for now he was content to ignore the past and focus on the present. It was easy to do so when Ben was touching him so sweetly.

“Oh, Benny,” Poe sing songed.

Hux tensed up slightly, pulling his gaze away. It shouldn’t have bothered him, he knew. Still, he felt a loss at the use of his favorite nickname for Ben coming from everyone else’s lips. If Ben had told him they called him that, he would have found something new. 

“Always something,” Ben whispered to himself.

Poe jumped up and Ben wordlessly handed him a few joints. They were significantly larger than anything Hux had ever seen him smoke. He kept one in his lap, hand reaching into Hux’s sweatshirt pocket to retrieve the lighter.

“Two nights in a row,” Rey grinned, “Ben, you should really come home more often.”

The smell was something Hux had grown used to from Ben’s nights spent at his apartment. It helped him create, he claimed, but Hux only laughed when Ben drew ridiculous cartoons of him or Millicent in what he called an artist’s fervor. 

“Do you have your water?” Ben grinned.

Hux rolled his eyes and grabbed the joint for himself to make a point. The point, unfortunately, was that Ben was right. He coughed until his eyes watered and cursed Ben for not bringing edibles instead. 

Again, Ben rubbed his back in soothing circles. Hux could feel him taking long drags next to him, offering to hold it for him if he wanted it again. 

“Ben, leave him be,” Finn laughed, “He looks on the verge of death.”

“No,” Hux coughed weakly, “Don’t leave me.”

“Never, baby,” Ben murmured, brushing his hair back. 

They all lounged around, sharing various nostalgic stories. Hux found himself entranced by Ben’s lips, watching them contort with every expression and hit of his joint. Ben pet his hair as he spoke, never taking both hands off of him at once.

Hux felt himself shaking with the weight of his feelings. They were crushing him, inescapable as he resigned to being buried beneath them. It was overwhelming to him, and he had half a mind to run away right then.

“Hey,” he ducked his head down as Poe and Phasma argued over something irrelevant, “Do you need space? Am I touching you too much?”

It melted Hux’s heart to know that Ben was still thinking of him, still trying to his best to make him comfortable. He wanted to settle into his chest and live there forever, soothed day in and day out by the steady thudding of Ben’s heart. 

“No,” he admitted, “Not enough.” 

To prove his words Hux wrapped both arms around Ben’s neck, pulling himself up slightly so that their heads were resting against each other. On impulse he drifted his lips across Ben’s jaw and felt it clench.

Hux reached up to hold onto Ben’s face, tracing over his cheekbones and jawline. Ben let his eyes flutter closed, keened into the touch, and practically purred with contentment. Hux leaned forward, their lips centimeters from brushing once again.

“No making out in the circle,” Rey yelled, whipping a marshmallow at them.

Neither pulled back. Ben leaned forward to rest his forehead against Hux’s. From around them they heard more booing, but it felt impossible to care. He would live in a world of constant taunting if it meant holding Ben this close. 

Ben whispered his name. Hux’s heart almost gave out. 

This time, he was unsure as to who leaned in first to close the distance. Hux thought it might have been both of them, but the question felt distant and unimportant. What mattered was the feeling of Ben’s lips on his.

It felt like he was falling, spinning and spinning as he flew down. There was no fear of the crash now. Hux knew he was going to hit the ground hard, and that the recovery might feel impossible. But right now he enjoyed the feeling of floating above the clouds. 

Again, they were pelted with marshmallows. Phasma had joined in as well this time, laughing as she alternated tossing one in her mouth and one across the fire. Poe and Finn laid on their backs, staring at the stars and entirely disconnected from the rowdiness surrounding them. 

They pulled back finally, but he didn’t look away from Hux. In a moment this would pass, he told himself. They would drift back into their comfortable friendship, they would forget everything that happened this weekend. 

Ben kissed him again. And again. Ben continued to cup his face despite the screams, peppering sweet kisses along Hux’s cheeks. It felt like he was afraid to let go. Hux knew that he was as well. 

“Okay, okay,” Ben looked back, “We’re done.” 

“Hux was supposed to be in charge,” Rey shook her head.

If he was supposed to look sheepish he was incapable of doing so. It felt like nothing he could do would get him close enough to Ben. The night was a fairytale and he was sick of ruminating in his anxieties.

“I pass the baton to you, Rey,” Hux nodded solemnly. 

“Dear god, no,” Phasma cackled.

Rey mimicked her and threw a couple marshmallows her way as well. Hux should have felt guilty for making them uncomfortable, but he couldn’t bring himself to. All that he wanted was Ben, Ben, Ben.

“I wish I brought you home sooner,” Ben murmured, “I wish I did all of this sooner.” 

Hux tried not to read into the words, but it was hard with the way Ben looked at him. Briefly he wondered if he was trying to tell him what Hux had been trying to hide away for the last three days. 

No, he reminded himself, not just the last three days. Hux forced the feelings down every time Ben’s hand brushed against him for half a second, every time he showed up with coffee unannounced on Hux’s busiest days, every time he taunted and teased him until they both broke into laughter.

“You’re doing it now,” Hux’s voice shook, “That’s what matters.”

“I have ten years to make up for.”

Their entwined hands moved to Hux’s chest, tracing over the thin locket around his neck. It weighed heavily on his heart, a constant reminder of his adoration for the other man. Ben slowly brought Hux’s fingers to his lips and kissed every knuckle. 

“It’s not enough,” Ben shook his head, “It’ll never be enough.”

Hux couldn’t breathe with him staring like that. For the first time he began to believe that everything wasn’t in his head. In the flicker of the fire he could see clearly for the first time through his tipsy haze. 

“We’ll make it enough,” he promised. 

“What are you two whispering about over there?” Finn wagged his finger.

“It’s rude to exclude,” Phasma sang out. 

Ben stiffened, like he forgot anyone else was around. Hux had, he knew that. At the realization that people were watching something shifted in him. He felt stupid to believe that Ben hadn’t been talking about his family whom he had been estranged from for nearly a decade. 

Still, something in their hushed whispers threatened to convince him otherwise. 

“Probably just talking about how in  _ loooove  _ they are,” Poe giggled. 

“Well if you hadn’t interrupted,” Ben smiled softly, “I was just about to get there.”

Hux’s breath caught in his throat. He was in love. He was in love with his best friend of ten years, the person he gave his entire being to. He was in love despite trying to shove it down for years out of fear and self loathing. He was in love, he was in love, he was in love. 

This time, he was unable to swallow it. 

“Well knock it off,” Rey griped, “We have an hour max before Leia and Han get home.”

“Leia and Han,” Phasma gasped, “Someone is in their rebellious phase.”

She raised both middle fingers, springing up from her seat while doing so. Rey practically sprinted into the house, the twigs crunching under her feet as she went. The rest sat in silence watching after her. 

“So no one’s gonna check on that, huh,” Poe leaned back, resting on his elbows.

“Ben almost let her get abducted by a pizza delivery guy last night,” Hux shrugged.

“I did  _ not _ .”

“Hmm,” Finn shook his head, “It kinda sounds like you did.”

Ben went off about the inaccuracy of the story, blaming Hux just as much. They all bickered over who was really at fault until Rey came barrelling back down the trail with a pitcher of water and a covered plate.

“I can’t believe I forgot this stuff,” she gasped, hands on her knees.

Holding the tin above her head she cheered, trying to hype everyone else up. The older members of the group were clearly less energetic at this point, but Finn and Phasma tried to keep the party going by clapping along.

“It’s cookies,” Rey unveiled them, “Uncle Luke’s cookies.”

Ben practically threw Hux off of him as he jumped out of the chair. He sat slightly disoriented, and slightly sad. Apparently Uncle Luke’s cookies were famously good, because Poe was practically drooling at the revelation as well. 

“He sends his regrets for being unable to attend the big party,” Rey read the note on top, “Bummer for Mom, kinda kickass for us right now though.” 

Ben laughed as he snagged a few from her. She complained about wanting to pass them out, but before she had the opportunity she was surrounded. Hux sat up a little, stretching his arms and legs from their curled up position. 

He stood up, or tried to at least, and wavered slightly. It had been a long time since he felt relaxed enough to curl into a chair and ignore the aching in his joints. This week was encouraging Hux to do many things he usually didn’t.

“Cookie, my love?” Ben held it out to him.

“Oh, Ben, you shouldn’t have,” he grinned.

Hux didn’t have the chance to reconfigure his place in the chair before Ben pulled him directly into his lap. He wrapped his arms around him, nuzzling into his neck. Gentle pecks were placed along the warm skin there, and he shuddered.

“Mm,” Ben breathed hotly where he had kissed, “Cold?”

“No. Not at all.”

They finished the tin almost to completion, content and full bellied as they sat around the dying fire. The commotion was lulled now, apart from the ranting and raving over Uncle Luke’s cookies. They were right, Hux thought, he could only hope he’d have the opportunity to try them again.

“On second thought,” Phasma pointed out, “These might have been for your mom’s party.”

“Oof,” Ben snickered, “Rey, you’re taking that hit.”

Glancing at the few cookies left she simply shrugged, downing the rest of her drink and grabbing another. Hux imagined how sick she would be from all the sugar the next morning, and hoped her youth would give her some cushioning. 

Ben’s lips were at his jaw again. One hand sat on Hux’s thigh, the other moved to hold the back of his neck to keep him in place. Ben surged into him again, refusing to let him go for more than a second or two to breathe. The kiss was too dizzying for Hux to see straight.

“You taste like chocolate,” he hummed against Hux’s lips, diving in for more.

Around them the fire died down. It grew darker and darker as the minutes crept by. Full bellies and lack of sobriety caused a lull between them all. Finn and Poe were practically asleep on one another, their eyes blinking open every once in a while just to look at each other. Phasma had her head on Rey’s shoulder, and the younger girl was swaying ever so slightly. 

Ben’s hands were in his hair. They were on his hips. They were rubbing up and down his thighs, his stomach, his chest, his cheeks, everywhere he could manage. Hux had asked for more and he certainly was receiving it. His head lolled to the side, his eyes heavy. 

His hair was brushed out of his face, and Hux lazily reached up to do the same for the other man. The softness of his waves tickled his wrists and he shivered at the feeling. For this, he was just tugged closer. Ben’s mouth waited just a breath away from his own.

“That’s it,” Rey stood, stretching her arms above her head, “Get to bed or I’m turning the hose on you two.”

“It’s probably a good idea to head in for the night,” came Poe’s gravelly voice, and Hux flinched back quickly. Ben kept his eyes closed, nuzzling into Hux’s hand sweetly.

Finn, far past half asleep, mumbled in agreement from where he laid curled up on the blanket. Rey knocked back the rest of her whiskey, popping up to grab the hose to put out the fire.

“Poe,” Ben called out, not having moved from his spot, “The spare is already made up with everything you guys will need.” 

Finn loved the sound of that, lumbering up from his spot on the ground and teetering as Poe led him in through the back door. Hux moved to help Rey extinguish the fire, but Ben caught him in his grip.

“She can handle it,” Ben assured him. 

“Okay,” Hux whispered. 

They had never been the type of friends to indulge in physical contact. A hug here, a punch on the shoulder there, that was as far as it had ever gone. But now, Hux struggled to imagine what life would be like without Ben’s sturdy arms around him. 

“You said you were mine,” Ben reminded him, and Hux grinned.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promised. 

Rey sprayed the ground by their feet, sending them scrambling. Their hands remained together as Ben pulled Hux up the trail slightly, scowling in his sister’s direction. She just shrugged while Phasma folded the chairs around her.

“Thanks for the help,” she said sarcastically, but something in her tone was fond. 

Hux grinned at her, now cradling Ben’s head against his chest as he played with his hair. Rey rolled her eyes, and gestured to the house for the two of them to get going. The two walked, leaning on each other, from the backyard into the house. Hux was careful not to make any noise as they moved through, despite knowing that no one slept within the walls.

When they finally made it back to the room Hux felt the buzz of the alcohol in his veins, but there was something more powerful swirling through him. His hands guided Ben into the bathroom where they sleepily got ready for bed, both staring directly at one another in the mirror. 

Hux helped his best friend lumber over to the bed, feeling the weight of his exhaustion as they moved. He was quick to take off Ben’s shoes and rummaged around the drawers in the dark to find something to wear. 

When he turned back Ben had his arms up in the air, waiting for Hux to remove his shirt. He rolled his eyes at the childish action, but shook as he stepped forward. His fingers slipped under the hem of the shirt, cold against the red hot skin. 

Their eyes remained on one another as Hux slowly worked the shirt up and over Ben’s head. It remained in his hand as they watched one another, waiting for something. Hux didn’t know what they were waiting for, but he wished it would hurry up. 

“You’re insufferable,” Hux tried to joke, but the words barely came out. 

They were both frozen, and Hux wondered if Ben was savoring the moment in the same way he was. His eyes scanned every inch of the other, desperate to savor every curve of his body and every glimmer in his eyes. 

“Come to bed,” Ben whispered, holding out his hand to run his fingers along the inside of Hux’s wrist.

Hux’s heart flipped in his chest. Every night the words took on a new meaning. He still couldn’t place them as hard as he tried. After a decade he thought it would be easy to not only understand but anticipate Ben and everything he said. 

Hux was at a loss. 

Gingerly, he pulled back the blankets and slipped underneath them. Hux was careful to leave space between the two of them, but it was gobbled up in an instant when Ben rolled over onto his side. 

A large hand rested on Hux’s waist, and fingers drummed along his back. Hux let out a tiny gasp of contentment, inching closer. Ben grinned, relaxing further into the mattress.

“There is a spare room,” Hux noted casually, and Ben yawned.

“Yes,” he affirmed, eyes closed though his hand kept moving. 

“I could have slept there.”

“You could have,” Ben agreed.

“So why am I sleeping here?” 

“Because,” Ben said simply, “I needed an excuse to sleep next to you.”

Hux didn’t reply, just watched Ben’s calm face as they laid in silence. Neither dared blink for a second longer than absolutely necessary. It felt like a dream and he couldn’t handle the idea of waking up. Life without what they shared tonight would be a nightmare. 

Hux reached forward to cradle Ben’s face, and felt the smile bloom. He nuzzled into it, lips pressed to his palm. They laid like that for a long time, their fingers dancing across one another in a way Hux had never experienced.

Somewhere downstairs they heard footsteps but Hux just ignored them. It was the two of them now. Nothing outside of their bed mattered. Nothing outside of the look on Ben’s face mattered. Hux held himself back from closing the distance between them entirely. 

In the silence of the night they listened to each other breathing. They were close enough for Hux to smell the mint of Ben’s toothpaste and the smoke in his hair. He brushed the long waves from the other’s eyes, scooting closer to get a better look of them. 

Try as he might Hux couldn’t prevent sleep from overtaking him forever. It came in gentle waves, growing with every time his eyes snapped open again. He refused to acknowledge the ache that came with the realization that this would disappear in the morning. 

Hux had it now. He had this night forever. The feeling of Ben’s lips against his would remain burned into his memory no matter what happened between them. 

“Hey,” Ben murmured, “You’re falling asleep.”

“Hmm,” Hux tried to argue back, but his eyes were growing too heavy.

“Hux,” he whispered, “Kiss me goodnight.”

“Ben,” Hux yawned, “No one is watching.”

“Consider it practice then.” 

Hux pried his eyelids open, though he could only manage about halfway. Their eyes met and the anticipation bubbled in his chest. He could barely get a thought in, then Ben’s lips were on his own. They laid tangled up in one another and Hux was unable to register time passing. 

Ben pulled away and Hux leaned in for more, securing one last kiss before he felt too heavy to move. As if reading his mind, Ben pulled him gently on top of his chest to rub his back as they drifted off to sleep.

“I love you, pumpkin.”

If Hux wasn’t incapable of even opening his eyes he might have thought he heard the words beyond his dreams. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u r enjoying :-)


	7. In the Morning

Hux refused to open his eyes when he first woke up. He let himself focus on the arm curled around his waist, the chest his cheek pressed against, and the steady breathing of the man beside him.

If he opened his eyes, it would be over. The night before, filled with tender touches and soft words, would come to its end. It was unlike anything they shared before. And it was to keep up appearances for the most part, Hux knew that, but there was something about the way Ben looked at him before they fell asleep that made him want to believe there was more.

The way that Ben kissed him when no one was looking forced hope to break through his armored heart. 

Ben’s grip tightened slightly, his fingers brushing along Hux’s spine. Even through the thick fabric of Ben’s sweatshirt he was responsive to the touch. On a normal night he would be shivering with the cool of the morning no matter how many blankets he piled on himself. 

There was nothing but warmth radiating within him.

Hux held his breath, positive that the shudder he was holding back would wake Ben. Guilt rushed through him, and Hux became hyper aware of the deceit. It was supposed to be a fake relationship, yet he had started to crave it.

It wasn’t just the physical affection that Hux had deprived himself in years past, no, there was more to it. It was every fond glance, every reassuring word, every smile cast in his direction that made his heart beat to the threat of explosion.

It was Ben. 

Beside him, Ben stirred. Hux couldn’t help himself, desperate for a glance at the sleeping figure before it ended. Still holding his breath he ventured to lift his head slightly to look at the other man.

Ben’s hair fell in loose waves across his face, accentuating the ghost of a sunburn he had procured the previous day along his cheeks. His eyelashes, longer than Hux had ever realized, curled at the tips and reflected the gray light of the room off of them. 

His breathing, though gentle, caused his entire body to rise and fall dramatically. Leave it to Ben to look theatrical, even when asleep. The shirt he wore clung to his chest, and Hux let out a shaky breath as his eyes trailed over the accentuation of each curve.

They had never been so close.

Hux had never taken the opportunity to really look at him, but now he drank it in. Ben looked like he could pop out of the shirt, his muscles flexing against the thin fabric as he dreamed. Hux’s heartbeat raced, and he made a firm mental note to keep his hands still.

Where his hands were, however, did not help. One rested on the curve of Ben’s hip, just below his waist. The other was spread out against his lower abdomen, with the tips of his fingers lingering on his chest. 

Ben squirmed once more, soft parted lips opening into a real yawn, and he used whatever sleepy strength he had to squeeze onto Hux. Ben’s cheek laid flat against the top of Hux’s head, and he let out a steady breath that ruffled his hair. 

Hux, for the fiftieth time this trip, truly believed he was going to die. Whether it was from suffocation or a heart attack, this would be the end for sure. 

His own hands repositioned themselves timidly to get a better grip, and Ben let out a satisfied mewl as he nuzzled against Hux. It turned his entire body to jelly.

The sun had not risen, and yet Hux felt more awake than ever. He was aware of every spot on his body that Ben touched, that being the vast majority of it, and did his best not to lean into the other’s body with the full weight of his desire.

Previously resting on his side, Ben wriggled in his sleep once more to reposition his legs. In doing so, his hand slipped down from its former position to rest at the bottom of Hux’s back.

Feeling the small patch of cool skin that was exposed due to the sweatshirt riding up, Ben’s hand chased the feeling. Hux let out a surprised gasp at the newfound warmth, back arching slightly as Ben’s fingers spread across the skin. 

Heat shot from the base of his spine through the rest of his body, and Hux craved it more than ever before. The remaining inch or two between their bodies was closed, as Hux chased the heat that radiated off of him.

It was better than sleeping alone. Infinitely better. Millicent purred from her spot at the end of the bed, content in her new position. And Hux, just this once, let himself imagine waking up this way every day.

Hux stared longingly at him, a part of him pleading that he reciprocated even some of these feelings. Slowly, he felt Ben’s fingers dance across the small of his back, drawing spirals and shapes along the warming skin.

“Is it morning yet?” Ben’s voice was low, barely audible over the beating of Hux’s own heart. 

“Almost,” Hux returned, his own whisper hushed so that they would not break the bubble so meticulously formed around them.

Ben’s cheek still rested against Hux’s hair, and he nuzzled it slightly. Hux let the affection go straight to his chest, overflowing with something he had not felt in a long time, perhaps forever. It terrified him to lose it. 

Neither made the move to pull away, despite both being awake and coherent. Instead, they breathed each other in as time passed slowly. 

“Are you cold, pumpkin?” Ben asked, well aware that Hux was trembling around him.

“No,” Hux confessed, and Ben did not prod for further explanation. 

Hux wasn’t sure how long it had been since they woke, the gray light of the sunrise still trickling in slowly through the opaque curtains. An eternity had fit within the span of a few moments. An eternity was not long enough. 

“Can I show you something?” Ben asked, hushed. 

“Yes,” Hux spoke without consideration, ready to give anything that Ben requested to him without a second thought. 

“We’re going to have to get up,” Ben informed him gently. 

“Then the answer is no,” Hux mumbled, face buried in Ben’s chest.

“Hux,” Ben tried, and he hated himself for breaking so easily. 

With a nod, he detached himself from Ben. It was a slow, painstaking process, and as he sat up the room spun from a mixture of sleepiness and dehydration. Ben handed Hux a bottle of water from the bedside table like he could read his mind.

Hux was afraid of what words would tumble from his lips if he looked at him. 

“I’m tired,” Hux complained between sips of his water. 

“We’ll take a nap this afternoon, my dear,” Ben assured him, and Hux tried not to choke on the promise of ‘we’. 

Ben lumbered his way into the bathroom, and Hux only stared after him for a few seconds too long. He considered it a feat that he tore his eyes away at all, with the view of sweatpants hanging low on Ben’s hips and skin exposed from the rucked up shirt. 

They held each other up yet again as they managed to brush their teeth. Hux’s eyes drooped, and he let his eyes flutter closed to listen to the sound of Ben’s humming against him.

By the time they slipped out of the room, Hux was ready to curl up and go back to sleep. The sun had not risen completely, coating the yard with an eerie blanket of light. 

Ben insisted on ditching their shoes, and Hux huffed as he felt the morning dew gloss over his ankles. Ben reveled in it, dragging his feet across the grass as they trekked along the lawn.

“We were here last night,” Hux reminded him, voice bitter and Ben shushed him.

“I thought you were a morning person,” he taunted, and Hux haphazardly whacked his shoulder. 

“I thought you weren’t,” Hux shot back, slumping as they walked past the fire pit and into a wooded area.

Hux’s eyes narrowed as he looked at the terrain, starting to feel nervous about the lack of cover on his feet. Ben had no problem walking through the sticks and knee high plants, but Hux carefully maneuvered around them.

Before he could let out another long winded complaint, Ben pulled him from his feet and tossed him over his back. Hux laid limp against him, reveling in the firmness of Ben’s arms circling his legs.

“No more complaining,” Ben commanded.

After a few minutes more of walking, Ben pushed back the branch of a blossoming tree and revealed the destination. Hux’s eyes widened, too entranced to think of a sarcastic comment to taint the moment.

Ben plopped down at the edge of a short cliff, patting the grassy area next to him. Hux tentatively lowered himself, crossing his legs as he looked out beyond them.

Below, a wide creek bent and swirled as the trickling water sped along. Tall plants shrouded the ground, swaying against the steady beating of the wind. Flowers bloomed as far as Hux’s eyes could reach, every color he could imagine lining a far off meadow.

Even in the dim light of an anticipated sunset he saw the beauty well enough to knock the breath from his chest. Hux couldn’t pull his eyes away, trying to drink every ounce of color he could get a look at. The serenity of the scene pulled him from his sleepy state, and he held back on blinking as often for a chance to see more.

“When I was younger and got into fights with my parents, this is where I came,” Ben’s voice only added to the dreamlike nature of the scene.

Hux imagined a younger Ben, something that had always been so difficult to do, fleeing to this spot for some sense of peace. It made sense. The shrouded area felt like an entirely different world. 

“How far have you gone,” Hux asked, eyes stretching to see the expanse of land.

“Just here,” Ben admitted, “I didn’t want to taint the rest.” 

Hux could have laughed at the confession. From his experience, everything that Ben touched was made more brilliant by the interaction. The flowers would flourish under his touch, Hux believed that. He kept the thought to himself. 

“Have you ever,” Hux started.

“No,” Ben finished the thought for him, “Only you.” 

Hux’s chest swelled, and he vaguely connected the feeling to being knocked off of his feet by the wave of an ocean when he was a child. Somehow, with Ben by his side, he was able to hold his head above the water. 

Hux wanted to tell him how he felt, to make him understand what the week had done to him. He wanted to acknowledge the ache in his chest that had always been there when Ben was around, but was always so easy to subdue before.

Now, his entire body flared with the need to wrap himself up in Ben. It was like he had gotten a taste for the feeling, and formed an addiction. Every second that they weren’t touching but close enough to drive him to the brink of insanity. 

Ben, as if hearing this thought, covered Hux’s hand with his own. 

They didn’t talk about the night before, or anything for that matter. It was enough to sit in the silence of the final moments before morning as long as they were together. Hux let himself tip to the side, his head pressed to Ben’s shoulder. 

There was no fear of the moment ending. Hux only drank in every ounce of the way Ben’s arms felt around him, how the heat of his body exposed something within himself he didn’t know existed. 

The sleepiness still plagued his body and Hux felt his body grow heavier as it overtook him. Ben shifted so that the two of them laid down in the grass, placing Hux’s body on top of his own as far as he could manage. 

If there was a moment he could live in forever, it would be this. 

The sun was unable to break through the leafy canopy, even if it tried. Hux briefly wondered if anyone would notice them missing and come to look. Ben rubbed his back as if to dispel his fears. 

Try as he might, his dreams overtook him once again. The colors whirled past his eyelids but they paled in comparison of Ben’s eyes. The grip on his body didn’t loosen, and Hux allowed himself to relax into the touch without the plague of racing thoughts. 

It wasn’t until the sun rose above the treeline that Hux awoke. 

He pushed himself up slightly, looking around him with bleary eyes. Somehow, he was back in their bed. For a beat Hux was certain he had dreamed the entire thing, and a piece of his heart broke at the thought. 

From beside him Ben grinned, reaching out to trace his face. 

“You really were tired,” he murmured, “I wondered if you were dead when you didn’t wake up once as I carried you inside.”

“You carried me?” Hux’s head dropped onto the pillow once again. 

Ben shrugged. They laid on their sides, eyes locked on each other. It reminded Hux of the night before when he refused to fall asleep, too terrified of what the morning would bring. 

“We promised Rey we’d help cook your mom breakfast,” Hux reminded him quietly. 

“It can wait,” Ben assured him.

So, Hux let the time pass. He was too groggy to turn and check the clock behind him. Nothing mattered outside of the way Ben looked at him. 

If he kissed him, sober in the light of the morning, would he run away?

“Benny boy,” Rey’s sharp knock interrupted his thought.

Ben squeezed his eyes closed tightly, like he could make her disappear if he wanted. She knocked again, chanting for the two of them to wake up and give her some help. Hux pulled back slightly, heartbroken to face the day. 

They climbed out of bed and Ben opened the door to let her know they’d be down in a couple minutes. She waved a spoon in his face, warning him of what would happen if he went back on his word. 

When he turned around they faced each other, finally awake and focused. Hux wished he could tell Ben he loved him without the words springing a trap in his throat. 

Neither one spoke, and the air remained tense between them. Hux broke away finally, the guilt building within him again. He wondered how Ben would feel if he found out how dizzying it was to hold him. 

They descended the stairs quietly. At the bottom Ben turned to him like he was desperate to say something. Hux’s heart raced, pleading with whatever god there might be to stop falling apart every time their eyes met. 

“What’s the hold up, boys?” Poe walked toward them with his arms raised.

Ben stared at Hux the same way he had been all weekend. He wondered if he could see through him, if he resented Hux for what he dragged him into. It was a mistake. He wanted to scream _please don’t leave me_. 

“Nothing,” Ben said finally, “We’re coming.”

Hux fell in line, walking quietly behind Ben. Their perfect bubble had been burst, and if he had to blink away tears he refused to acknowledge it, even in his own head. Today was about Ben, he knew, not his own inner turmoil. 

Finn and Rey were already in the room, arguing over the delegation of breakfast tasks. Rey wore a chef’s hat atop her head and continued waving her spoon around the room. When she spotted Hux and Ben she narrowed her eyes and pointed at them. 

“Do you think the two of you can manage pancakes without shoving your tongues down each other's throats?” 

Hux laughed uneasily and grabbed the pancake mix from her hand. He read the back diligently, trying to remember if he had any experience with cooking them. Ben snickered, snatching it away from him and dumping an unmeasured amount into the bowl.

“No plans, baby,” he wagged his finger.

He followed Ben around the kitchen, doing anything and everything he asked. Hux felt nervous enough to do the same for everyone there. They had no issue with bossing him around, laughing at how eager he was to please. 

“Your boyfriend is so cute,” Rey teased. 

“And what a good little helper he is,” Poe continued.

Hux frowned, feeling suddenly insecure. He wasn’t sure what the normal amount of help would be, he had never really made breakfast before. The closest he ever got was buttering the toast while Ben managed to finish everything else with ease around him.

He looked to Ben anxiously, trying to determine if their taunting was a joke or laced with genuinity. It embarrassed him to suddenly feel out of place, and his fingers began their tell tale tapping.

“Is there… should I do something else?” Hux asked him weakly. 

“Hey,” Ben dropped the spatula on the counter, “They’re just assholes. You’re doing everything right, sweetheart.” 

The other three glanced over briefly, and he saw their faces switch to concern. It was uncomfortable for anyone to see him so vulnerable, especially a group of people he barely knew. Hux feigned a smile and asked for his next directions. 

His anxiety only increased with the smell of the food. Meals had been going well somehow. It might have been the way Ben held him the entire time, or the way he leaned forward to block Hux’s extended silverware use from the rest of the table. 

Everyone in the kitchen was munching as they went, offering bits and pieces to one another. Finn offered him a half a cinnamon bun, promising it wouldn’t spoil his breakfast entirely if they shared. 

Hux took it into his hands and let out a fake cheer, assuring Finn it looked delicious. No one was watching him, he knew that, but it suddenly felt like every pair of eyes was on him. There was no fork and knife that would allow him to break the food down as he wanted. 

Had he been high, like the night before, maybe he could have gotten it down like he did the cookie. This felt like an impossible task, and when his teeth bit down Hux set the rest down on the table immediately.

“Finn,” he choked out, “That is incredible.”

The other man grinned at him, shooting him a thumbs up. Hux counted up and down from ten over and over, losing count as he went faster and faster. Every noise increased dramatically in volume, everything smelled like it was held directly under his nose.

Hux felt himself starting to slip.

“Hey,” Ben tried to catch his wrist but he was already gone. 

The weight of his body sagged, and he braced himself against the wall outside the kitchen. He could hear them whispering, and Ben assured them it was just a hangover made worse by sugar. No one seemed convinced.

All that he had to do was make it to the bathroom, then he could sit on the floor for a while and even throw up if he needed to. Hux cursed his heightened anxiety, cursed his compulsions, cursed his inability to function normally when Ben needed him most. 

“I should have spoken up earlier.”

Hux didn’t remember Ben crouching down in front of him, nor the feeling of his hands on his knees. He raised an eyebrow, pulling them back slightly. Hux shook his head and they were returned to his legs. 

“Sorry,” Hux laughed weakly, “I’m supposed to be taking care of you.”

He pushed himself up, focusing on evening out his breathing. It was a lapse, he told himself, but today wasn’t the day to get caught up in his thoughts. Ben held his shoulder, rubbing his index finger in little circles. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, “I’ll be better for the rest of the day.”

Ben shook his head, something mixed between disappointment and anger on his face. Hux felt guilty, knowing his decrease in mood was due to him alone. 

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” Ben murmured, cupping his cheek.

It felt impossible for the wave of anxiety to have dissipated so quickly. It still rested in the pit of his stomach, threatening to emerge again. And if it did, he now knew that he wouldn’t be alone. 

“Anything you need,” Ben promised, “Tell me.”

“I’m okay now. I promise.”

From the kitchen he heard Poe’s loud laughter. Ben’s head turned immediately toward the sound and Hux cast his eyes down at the floor. It was over between them, he told himself, but he couldn’t help but feel the hurt. 

“If it’s too much-”

“It’s not,” Hux assured him, voice wobbling slightly. 

Ben didn’t look like he believed him. Still, he held his hand and led him back into the kitchen. It had only been a few minutes and Hux was eager to make up for his absence. Everyone was a little gentler with him now, and he hated it.

They were finishing up as he drifted around the kitchen, washing dishes as quickly as possible and reorganizing everything on the counter for easier access as they cooked. Poe clapped him on the shoulder when he didn’t have to scour the kitchen for the salt. 

“Benny should’ve brought you home a while ago,” he laughed, “Last time it took us twice as long, and the mess was… worse to say the least.”

“Worse,” Finn scoffed, “Poe had to take a shower he was so drenched in egg and flour.”

“It is astounding you’re alive,” Rey shook her head.

Hux laughed along, feeling a little better when their grins widened as well. He was experiencing more social interactions within this five day stretch than he usually would in a month, and that was including brief conversations at work. 

Work. He remembered it and the discomfort crept up his spine. Five days without interruption with Ben, not even as they slept, would once again be reduced to a few hours at night. Granted, he reasoned with himself, they did usually see each other for at least a little while every single day. 

Hux wondered how Ben wasn’t sick of him. 

“Hux, you look trapped in your own head,” Rey frowned. 

How many times had someone thought that about him? Was his anxiety more obvious than he realized? Could people pick up on his compulsions with ease? Had the family already figured out his issues he thought he kept hidden so well?

“The party is going to be fine,” Finn assured him.

“If anything they’ll like you too much,” Poe continued.

The attention was overwhelming. He was used to professional flattery, but that was usually for the sake of sucking up to the boss. It had been a long time since he sincerely believed any of those compliments.

“I’m fine,” Hux lied, “Just hungover.”

“Mhm,” Rey rolled her eyes, “Off of two cups of wine.”

“They were big cups,” Hux narrowed his eyes.

Ben rubbed his lower back as Hux scrubbed a pan in the sink. He wordlessly saddled up beside him and dried them as he went. 

“Your pancakes-”

“Are done, my love.”

When Hux turned around he saw the perfectly plated stack of pancakes. They looked better than anything he had ever gotten from a diner. 

“Why don’t you make me pancakes?” Hux huffed.

“You hate pancakes,” Ben reminded him.

“Well,” he spoke slowly, “Maybe I wouldn’t if you were the one making them.”

Rey slammed her hands down on the counter, holding up a towel to scream into it. Poe and Finn just laughed, obviously used to being the ones to irritate Rey with their sappiness.

“I’m begging,” she pretended to sob, “For one minute this weekend please let me exist without the four of you spewing romantic comedy bullshit.”

“Rey has never been in love,” Finn explained easily. 

“And I never will be with the way you all act,” she gagged. 

Finn wrapped his arms around her shoulders and nuzzled into the crook of her neck. He was too tall to be doing it, but that didn’t stop him. She threatened yet again to whack him with the spoon but he just kissed her cheek and jabbed at her sides.

Hux watched them and felt his heart flip over. They were friends, he reminded himself, and they showed physical affection. Ben had teased him and touched him that way just the evening before, and Hux had the nerve to think he was special for it. 

“Weren’t you obsessed with Finn as a tween?” Ben said.

“We don’t talk about that,” Rey stuck her nose up. 

Poe grabbed Finn away from her and snuggled up to him, mumbling about the girl stealing him away. 

“The drama of it all,” Finn laughed, “I’ve been suggesting a throuple for a while now-”

Rey and Poe immediately launched into their reprimanding. Hux watched from the sidelines, enamored with the way they all clicked without any bumps along the way. Every moment they all spent together Hux felt himself grow more envious of the dynamic.

After the squabbling they all decided it was finally time to set everything up before Leia woke up. It was shocking she hadn’t already with the racket they made in the kitchen. Hux raced out with the plates and silverware and quickly dressed the table.

Ben and Rey blew up balloons as quickly as possible, taking turns breathing in the helium and laughing at the ridiculousness of each other’s voices. For the first time he saw Ben touch her gently, and she seemed just as surprised.

“I’m glad we’re doing this,” Ben spoke to her softly, “I’m glad I came home.” 

Hux’s heart swelled with happiness. It didn’t matter how he felt today, it didn’t matter that this might all end when they flew home the next day. Ben was content with his trip home, and he was catching up on everything he missed out on for so long. 

“You should come visit sometime,” he offered. 

“Really?” Rey’s eyes widened.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I think you’d like the city. Maybe you could show me some of your piloting skills too.”

Hux felt like he was intruding and left the room to head into the kitchen. Trespassing again, he found Finn and Poe wrapped up in each other. He stumbled back and hit the wall, apologizing as he went. 

“Hux,” Poe laughed, “It’s okay. Now that you’re part of the family you’ll have to get used to how gooey we are too.” 

Part of the family. Hux repeated it over and over in his head. Now that you’re part of the family, part of the family, part of the family, part of the family, over and over and over.

Poe and Finn seemed to sense his surprise. They smiled, opening their arms and ushering him over. Hux walked timidly toward them, and as soon as they got their hands on him he was pulled into a big hug. 

“Oh,” Hux was stiff, “I, um, I’m not used to… this.”

“Group hugs?” Poe joked. 

“No, uh,” his hands gestured around as they let go, “Family, I guess.”

The confession was as shocking to Hux as it was to the other men. He cursed himself for getting so emotional during the week. It was too far, he thought, it was more than he should have said to people he just met. 

“Lyn is the only thing I have left from home.”

The words tasted like vomit on his tongue. He ducked his head down, trying his best to laugh it off. Hux blamed his vulnerability again on exhaustion and dehydration, gulping down a glass of water as if to prove his point. 

“I’m sorry,” Poe shook his head, “I know how hard it is to lose your family.”

Hux wanted to tell him that he would never understand. He didn’t lose them, he never had them in the first place. 

“Well, you have us now,” Finn promised. 

No, Hux realized, he didn’t. Somehow he let himself get caught up in more than just Ben. He was in love with the idea of a family like this. It was something deep in his chest that would rip him apart the second he went home to lay in his bed all alone. 

Still, the way they hugged him and assured him of their affection made those worries dissipate for just a moment. For today, he knew, they were there. 

“I hear the birthday girl emerging,” Ben poked his head in the kitchen.

The look of surprise that crossed his face when he saw the three of them in an embrace was plain on his face. Hux smiled sheepishly, slipping from their arms and walking past Ben without an explanation. 

Ben caught him before he could fully leave and yanked him against his chest. One arm was wrapped around his lower back and his opposite hand was placed on the back of his head. Heavy fingers carded through his hair, and Ben’s lips rested on his temple. 

“Aw, Benny is jealous,” Poe laughed.

Finn pinched his side and shook his head, holding Poe’s hand as they left the kitchen. Ben remained holding Hux in his arms, swaying slightly back and forth like he would lose his balance without it. 

“Just a minute more,” he whispered, “Please.”

Hux didn’t object. He clung right back, desperately trying to find the words to tell Ben he never wanted to be let go. Was it deceitful to beg for the contact? If Ben discovered his feelings would he feel repulsed by Hux’s pleasure from his touch? 

“Okay,” Ben pulled back, “Okay.”

If the sound of Rey’s voice calling them back into the room hadn’t interrupted his thoughts, Hux might have asked Ben what the shakiness in his voice was from. His mother, he reasoned, the party. 

They made it back into the other room just in time to see Leia walk in. She gasped, completely surprised by the set up. The sleepiness in her eyes washed away completely, and she rushed forward to take each of them into her arms. 

No one seemed upset when she clung to Ben for an extra few seconds. He held her back just as ferociously, and Hux felt something rising in his throat. The love between them was so visceral, he just couldn’t conceptualize it. 

From across the room he caught Finn and Poe looking at him, their eyes shifting away when he saw their staring. 

“I just love it,” Leia’s voice was wobbly, “Oh, thank you all.” 

She went in on her second round of hugs, rubbing Hux’s back and mumbling a whispered thank you that he was pretty sure didn’t relate to the breakfast. 

They settled in, and before Hux could wonder where Han was he suddenly swept into the room with a bouquet of flowers. Ben seemed surprised but didn’t speak up. 

Leia took his face in her hands and kissed him. Rey and Ben shared a disgusted glance with each other, but their parents thankfully didn’t catch them. 

Han settled into his spot at the head of the table, right next to Ben. He reached out and held his son’s shoulder, smiling at him. The rest of the family hurriedly dished out the food, unknowing of the contact. 

“Thank you for coming back, Benny,” Han spoke softly to him, “You have no idea what it means to your mother.”

Ben maintained his smile but Hux saw something slip out of him. It was his father he was still trying to impress, to reconcile with, to love. 

“You have no idea what it means to me, either,” Han continued.

The silence between them was new. It wasn’t filled with their usual tension, but it still hadn’t relaxed. Han’s hand remained on Ben’s shoulder for another moment longer like he was afraid the loss of physical contact would result in something further. 

“I missed you guys,” Ben admitted, “I didn’t know how to make up for what I’ve done.”

“You were just a kid. I’ve been trying… trying to express myself a little better,” Han cleared his throat, “I made myself angry at you instead of admitting I was afraid to lose my son... I wish I could go back and do it all over again.”

“Hey,” Ben squeezed his father’s arm, “We’re fixing it now.”

Han nodded, and before the rest of the table could catch on they quickly returned their hands to their laps and attention to the food. Hux didn’t look at Ben, but he placed a hand on his thigh. The other man tilted his head so it knocked gently against his own. 

Ben smiled at him with something so pure Hux wished he could bottle it up. They remained close, their chairs scooted a little closer together than they should have been. Arms and elbows knocked against each other as they ate and talked. 

The table overflowing with both food and people was everything Hux could have dreamed for. In his childhood he sat silently, eyes cast down at the meal he managed to scrounge up while his father stared daggers at him. 

Now, Ben’s arm was around him and Rey teased him sweetly. Poe laughed at his jokes and Finn sent him reassuring smiles when everyone else got too rowdy. Leia cooed over him like he was another one of her children and even Han offered kind words when he happened to speak. 

“Everything is almost set up,” Leia clapped her hands, “Your father is picking up the drinks and karaoke machine on his way home from work.” 

Han offered a wave and a mumbled goodbye as he walked out the door, heading to do a few hours of repairs before his wife’s party. Ben and Hux offered to set up the tables the night before, but she promised it would only take a few minutes. 

“Mom, come on,” Ben shook his head with a laugh, “Karaoke?”

Leia frowned as the giggly bunch of slightly younger adults all chimed in. Rey joining in with the taunting, Poe assuring everyone his songs would be a sight to behold, and Finn promising Leia that it was a party staple.

“I didn’t plan this party,” Leia shook her head, hands going up in surrender. “It was your father’s idea.”

This elicited a somehow rowdier response from the table, and even Hux couldn’t hold back a few teasing comments this time. The thought of Han Organa performing karaoke was almost too much for them to handle. 

“What song do you think he’ll choose?” Rey asked between bites.

“My bet is that he won’t even get up there,” Poe rolled his eyes.

They argued back and forth over what he might choose, incapable of accepting the idea that the karaoke machine was actually Han’s idea.

“It’s really no surprise,” Leia scoffed as she cut into her pancakes, “The Organa boys are all very musically inclined.” 

And with those words, a different mood set over the table. Hux looked from each face in confusion, watching the various expressions. Leia remained indifferent from her place at the table.

“Poe,” Ben warned, eyes closing slightly, and Hux watched as a smile of sheer delight spread across the other’s face. 

“Oh man,” he pressed his hands together, rubbing them like he was about to do something devious.

Hux only showed confusion, looking to Ben for some sort of explanation and receiving a look of horror in return. 

“Do you,” Hux narrowed his eyes, the notion too impalpable to be true, “Do you sing, Ben?” 

Ben stuck up his nose, ignoring the words all together. The glare he was shooting at every member of the table warned them to do the same. Poe and Rey looked like they may burst. Finn looked almost sympathetic. 

“Didn’t you ever tell Hux?” Leia asked, waving her fork around, “Benny used to be in a band in high school.” 

“No,” Hux’s own expression turned from disbelief to glee, mirroring that of Poe and Rey. 

“Mom, please,” Ben warned, but Leia was not intimidated by her son’s threats.

“What was that stage name you had?” Leia asked, setting her silverware down to look hard at Ben. “Kylie Ron?” 

Rey and Poe dissolved into laughter, trying desperately to hide their reactions from Leia. Poe hid his face in the crook of his arm, and Finn patted his back so that he wouldn’t choke on his breakfast.

Rey’s laugh was far less muted, her chair tipping back slightly from the force of her body shaking. Leia scolded her halfheartedly.

Hux stared at Ben in complete awe, very unaware of this past secret. They had spoken extensively of high school experiences, and yet this band never came up. A band with stage names, nonetheless. 

“And the name of the band was something like,” Leia racked her brain, trying to remember something they had likely not discussed in at least a decade, “Night Ron?” 

Ben’s grip on his fork tightened, and Hux noticed the red spread across his cheeks. Ben Organa was embarrassed, he realized. It was a rarity, as Ben felt entirely shameless in most instances. 

“The name,” Ben sucked in a deep breath, “Was the Knights of Ren.”

Leia clapped her hands together as if everything clicked. Even Finn had broken at this point, giggling into his napkin. Rey’s forehead rested on her knee, her breathing labored as she tried to calm down.

“Wouldn’t it be Knights of Ron?” Poe tapped his chin, “Because Kylie Ron-”

“My name was _not_ Kylie Ron.” 

Hux waited patiently, raising an eyebrow at Ben. He looked mortified and like he was trying to find some way around it. After a second it became clear he wasn’t going to. 

“It was Kylo Ren,” he grumbled finally.

“What kind of music did you guys play?” Hux asked, seemingly innocent, but Ben’s glare showed that he saw right past the ruse. 

“Oh it was that, screamy stuff, now what’s that called, hun?” Leia asked, and Hux’s jaw dropped entirely. 

“Screamo?” Poe offered, playing along, but Leia shook her head. 

“That wasn’t the word they used, no it was something else,” she tapped her temple, and Hux caught Ben eying his butter knife as if it would be less painful to impale himself than sit through the remainder of the conversation.

“Death metal with crying,” Rey piped up, and Ben let his head fall onto the table, wrapping his arms around it to hide himself. 

“No, no,” Leia sighed, “Benny, what was it that you and your little friends used to call it?” 

Ben mumbled something into his arms that no one could make out. Leia frowned and repeated the question.

Ben mumbled, into his sleeves again. 

“Benny, you know that my hearing isn’t what it used to-” Leia complained.

“Emocore,” Ben sat up abruptly, spitting out the word as if it was poisonous. 

Rey and Poe looked over to Hux with childlike joy in their eyes, and Hux stared back in complete shock. Ben Organa, his best friend of ten years, the man he had abruptly developed real romantic feelings for, was in an emo band. 

“No,” Hux whispered, and Ben groaned as his head fell back into his hands. 

Leia tittered about how wonderful it used to be to go to their concerts, and that she had gone to every single one as their manager. Hux imagined Ben and a few of his friends piling into her minivan, and found the idea of it almost endearing. 

“I’ll tell you what I didn’t love though,” Leia noted, “Ben, here, stealing all of my eyeliner. I swear it was a stick a week with this boy-”

“No,” Hux repeated, and Poe nodded excitedly. 

Ben hadn’t moved from his curled up position, and Hux would have given anything to see the look on his friend’s face. Mortified, he was guessing, by how much the blush had spread down his neck. 

“You know what,” Leia said suddenly, placing her hands in her lap, “I think the pictures are in one of my scrapbooks.” 

“Mom,” Ben’s head shot up, voice pleading as he tore his fingers through his hair. 

“I personally think it’s only fair that Hux gets to see them,” Rey nodded firmly, “You know, to see the past of the man he’s gotten himself involved with.” 

“They’re in the mint green one,” Finn quipped finally, and the look of adoration that washed across Poe’s face was unmistakable. 

“Traitor,” Ben groaned, clutching his arms around his stomach. 

Here he was, Hux thought, here was the dramatic best friend that had been eluding him slightly over the past four days. There was his signature pouty lip and furrowed brow, something Hux relentlessly teased him every day of their lives together before.

And yet, he still looked at Ben with the same affection that he had that morning in the meadow. 

Leia popped up to retrieve the scrapbook. Hux noticed that she had about fifty lining her shelves, and he wondered what other pictures of Ben were hidden within them.

Ben let out a low pitched whine, and Hux gripped the table slightly at the noise. It drew him back from the distraction of his feelings. Ben was suffering from this, and Hux considered it to be karma for the turmoil he had been put through. 

Still, the sound of Ben in pain, even pretend pain, threatened to rip him in two.

Leia spread out the book, flipping through the pages quickly. Hux saw a rush of a life he didn’t know, filled with a far younger family. They looked happy, he noticed, and wondered how long after the rift between them occurred.

Ben caught him peeking over his shoulder. There were no books of pictures at his home. Hux figured the extent of his photographic documentation up until high school was the yearly ones he had to take for the yearbook. 

Finally, she slowed down her turning. Rey scrambled over behind them to look, followed quickly by Poe and Finn. Ben glared in their direction, but Finn just shrugged and sent him a wink. 

Leia froze on one page, and Hux let out a shout of laughter. Dressed head to toe in black stood a teenage Ben. Hux was overjoyed at the sight. 

Somehow, this Ben had even shaggier hair. In some pictures it was pulled up messily into a ponytail or bun, which reminded Hux of how Ben looked when he cooked for them. The memory made him smile absentmindedly. 

Wrapped around Ben’s shoulders was something that resembled a robe, but also looked like it could be a cape. Hux narrowed his eyes, trying to get a better look at the dark and slightly blurry picture.

“Is that a blanket?” he asked, and Ben nearly shoved him out of his chair.

“Of course not,” he griped, anger tinging his words. 

Hux was about to apologize for the question, when Leia gasped and pointed at the robe he had been referring to. Ben’s face paled slightly, knowing his mother was about to embarrass him once again.

“It was actually a Halloween costume-” she started.

“Mom, come on,” Ben interrupted but she waved him off.

“-That we found while looking for theatrical makeup! Ben used to even wear it around the house sometimes he found it so comfortable and warm,” Leia laughed.

“He wore it to school once,” Poe taunted.

“To a _talent show_ ,” Ben reminded him. 

“That was my first concert,” Rey sighed dreamily, “It was so bad I didn’t go to another for three years.”

Hux ran his fingers over the picture, sure that if he reached out to touch them he would realize they were a figure of his imagination. 

Ben tried to yank it out of his hands but Leia smacked him away. Rey, Poe, and Finn pointed out various pictures to describe the memories behind them. Even after all this time, they could recognize them with ease. 

“Did you write your own music?” Hux asked.

“We… usually played covers,” Ben responded simply. 

Hux clucked his tongue, flipping to another page. Leia stood beside her son, holding up a rock and roll hand sign. Ben looked so happy beside her, like he wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else in the world. 

“I never got a song,” Hux commented.

“Ben,” Rey gasped, “The love of your life? Your soulmate? He hasn’t gotten one of your famous love songs yet?”

“Love songs,” Hux repeated. 

Ben shook his head yet again. It wasn’t often that he had an entire team to gang up on him with. Usually it was just Hux, and if Ben grew sick of it he would just throw whatever was closest by at him. 

“Poe,” Hux turned to him, “Did you get love songs written for you?” 

The grin on Hux’s face was an obvious sign of his taunting Ben, not genuine anger. Finn snorted and bumped his fiance on the hip. 

“Just one or two,” Poe said coolly. 

“And here I am,” Hux sighed, “Without a single one.”

When Ben looked at him Hux tried to get him to smile. While everyone else was pointing to the various pictures, Hux took his best friend’s hand and placed it to the spot on his chest where the locket sat under his sweater.

The anger lapsed for a moment, like he was trying to figure out Hux’s actions. It was clear he was surprised that he had been wearing it the entire time, like he expected him to tuck it away at the first opportunity he got. 

They turned back to the book, Hux standing up to get a better look at some of them. Page after page showed Ben singing, dancing, and even working around the house in his costume. And Leia was right about the eyeliner. 

Ben, despite his angsty get up, still had a look of youth and hopefulness in his eyes. Hux recognized it as the same look he had received when they were together that morning. It warmed his heart. 

On the final page there was a picture of Ben fast asleep on the couch, his left arm raised over his head and the other resting on his chest. The cape was wrapped tightly around his shoulders, and the makeup was halfway down his face.

Leia and Ben continued to argue, Ben convinced that his mother had ruined his entire life and Leia using words such as “charming” to convince him otherwise. 

“I think they’re cute,” Hux admitted, softly, and a hush fell over the room. It was the last thing anyone had expected him to say, that was for sure.

Rey and Poe looked almost disappointed, like they had expected Hux to rip Ben apart alongside them. There was certainly enough material to, from Kylie Ron to the clothes that looked like they belonged in a garbage can instead of on a person. 

“What?” Ben asked, suspicion clouding his expression, “You do?” 

“Yeah,” Hux shrugged easily, flipping the pages to view a few others with the rest of the band, “Plus, you don’t look half bad in eyeliner.”

Rey made a gagging noise, clearly disgusted by the turn of events. She turned on her heel to walk away from the group, begrudgingly calling over her shoulder that she was off to take a shower. 

“I can’t catch a fucking break with the two of them,” she grumbled to herself.

Poe pouted slightly, looking to Hux for any other joke he had to make. There would be plenty in the future, Hux was sure of that, but he stood firm on his stance in the moment. Poe just sighed, thanked Leia for her hospitality, and promised to be back later for the party.

Hux didn’t look at Finn for a moment, but when he did he was surprised. Finn looked pleased, eyes flickering from Ben to Hux with an almost smug expression. Hux was positive he had looked at Finn the same way before, when the love between him and Poe was overwhelmingly obvious. 

Before Hux could ask what his deal was, Poe was dragging Finn out toward the car by his hand. Finn waved, tauntingly almost, and linked his arm with his fiance. Hux didn’t understand the meaning behind any of it, but he held onto the silent interaction in an attempt to decode it. 

“See, Benny, I just knew Hux would love them,” Leia beamed.

Ben just slumped his shoulders and finally convinced his mom to shut the book. Hux would need to see them again before they left, of course, but he figured the other man had been put through enough. 

“We should go get ready,” Ben interrupted Hux’s thoughts, pulling him from the dining table.

“The party starts at seven,” Leia reminded him for the millionth time, gesturing to the yard where a team had already begun assembling the tent, “I need you down here around 5 for help setting up.”

“I know, Ma,” Ben reassured her.

“Hux, you make sure he looks presentable,” Leia commanded, and Hux had the vague desire to stand at attention when she gave orders. 

“Yes, ma’am,” Hux nodded curtly, and from the corner of his eye he saw Ben bite his lip. 

Leia smiled happily as she checked her watch, rambling about a hair appointment while she gathered her things and made her way towards the door. With one final shout, the door swung closed behind her and left Ben and Hux alone in the dining room. 

“At ease,” Ben teased, voice dangerously close to Hux’s ear.

“Fuck off,” he returned, but his voice shook.

Ben only laughed at him, grabbing his shoulder to drag him back toward the stairs. Hux allowed himself to be moved around, reveling in the feeling of Ben’s hands running across his body. 

Checking the clock he sat it was already nearly noon, and tried to track where the time had gone. It felt like the week was flying by so quickly he couldn’t keep up. Soon, he thought, he would be left in the dust.

“Hux,” Ben called over his shoulder, “Still up for that nap?”

His pace quickened slightly, but if Ben noticed he didn’t say a word. _Hux,_ Ben’s words replayed in his head, _Kiss me goodnight._

It was silly for him to think he’d receive the same request as they fell asleep again. Ben had been high, he had drank, they were tired. 

Maybe, he thought, Ben was just as deprived of physical contact as he was and that was why he wouldn’t stop touching him at every opportunity. 

The bedroom door closed behind them and Ben leaned against it. Every time they were alone there was something unspoken between them. Every time it made Hux’s heart beat twice as fast.

“So,” Ben smirked, “You think I was cute?”

Hux scoffed and rolled his eyes. He turned around to grab something comfortable of Ben’s to change into without a second thought. It wasn’t until he held the clothes in his hands that he realized what he’d done.

“Well, I think you’re cute when you wear my clothes, darling,” Ben took a step toward him. 

“And I think you’re…” 

Nothing came to Hux’s mind. There was no easy quip, no witty retort. The only thing he could manage was breathing, and even that wasn’t going so well. 

“What am I, Hux?” Ben challenged, still getting closer. 

It was harder for him to shake it off this time. If Ben touched him now he knew it would be over. Everything he had so carefully hidden would come barreling from his chest, just hours before the party Ben came all the way here for. 

“Annoying,” Hux choked out.

“I don’t think you mean it,” Ben challenged.

“Well, I do.”

Hux offered his best smile to show he was joking around. If he announced that he was going to shower the words came out a jumbled mess, but he couldn’t focus on his voice. 

Before Ben could come close enough Hux ran into the bathroom, shutting the door softly behind him. The lock clicked and he slid down to the floor, his hands in his hair practically yanking out the roots. 

He was spiraling. 

“Hux,” Ben called from the other side.

“I’m okay,” he promised.

There was a silence long enough that Hux wondered if Ben walked away. If so, he wouldn’t have been surprised. He would have walked away from himself if he could. 

“I’ll be in bed,” he continued, “Waiting for you.” 

The footsteps walking away were impossible to track. Hux leapt to his feet and turned on the showerhead. He took the fresh towel Leia gave him and held it up to his face, screaming directly into it. 

The sound would be muffled by the fabric and the water, he was sure of that. He screamed and screamed until his throat was raw and his head was spinning. 

Time alone did little to help him. The only thing on Hux’s mind was the party. He was panicked that things would go too far again, that he would take advantage of Ben’s affection and project it as something more meaningful than it was. 

He scrubbed and scrubbed, telling himself that the longer he spent in the shower the more likely Ben was to be asleep by the time he got out. 

Hux hated himself for taking Ben’s clothes but slid into them anyway. They were slightly bigger due to the bulkiness of the other man, and Hux could have laughed at how he looked in the stretched out fabric. 

He had half a mind to steal the shirt. It would be better to lay it on his pillow at home rather than sleep alone. 

The door opened slowly and Hux breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Ben’s body buried beneath the covers, still even with the noise. As he crept closer he saw that his eyes were closed and his heavy breathing resembled his usual sleep.

Hux realized he could now recognize how Ben slept. 

He sat down at the edge of the bed, laying as far from the other man as possible. Hux told himself that it was so he wouldn’t wake him, but the real fears were too persistent to keep down. 

There was barely a second between the time his head hit the pillow and the feel of his body being dragged across the mattress. Ben’s arm settled firmly around him, and he let out a sleepy sigh against Hux’s neck.

“I already set two alarms. Sleep, beautiful.” 

Hux would have laughed at the pet name if he had any air in his lungs. Within a few seconds Ben was back to his heavy sleeping. The sun peeked through the blinds, but it didn’t prevent Hux from slipping into his own dreams. 

He’d give anything to lay there with Ben for the rest of his life. 


	8. Polyhymnia

Ben fiddled with the buttons on his shirt. He had spent the last ten minutes deciding how many to leave undone. It was between three and four at this point, Hux noted. For a second Ben’s hands stilled, dropping to his side to admire his reflection. In the next second, they were on the buttons again.

“You’re going to loosen the thread,” Hux warned from his spot across the room, “Might even pop one.” 

The idea of ruining the shirt obviously hadn’t crossed Ben’s mind. He stood staring at his hands in complete horror. Gently he tugged at one of the buttons, relieved when it remained just as tight as before.

It was the thousandth thing he had obsessed over that afternoon. First was his hair, should it be up or down? Then came the outfit itself, what would look good without leaving him over dressed? 

Every chair and table they helped assemble had to be perfect, and Hux was dedicated to organizing them just how Ben wanted. Their lunch needed to be big enough to last them until the late evening, but not so big that it would ruin their appetite. 

Now, it was the amount of buttons on the shirt he begged for help picking out. 

Hux crossed the room to where Ben stood, reaching up to take the other’s hands into his own. They trembled slightly, and Hux wanted to take every anxiety away from him so that he was his usual ridiculous self.

Hux would rather have the whiney, overly dramatic, angsty teen version of Ben in place of this one. This Ben was foreign to him, someone he had only seen a handful of times in the entire decade of their friendship. 

They remained connected, Hux refusing to release his hands so that he couldn’t play with it anymore. He wanted to tell Ben that he looked so good it made his heart stop. 

“Make it four buttons,” Hux advised him instead, undoing the fourth button on his shirt. “It shows off more of your chest.” 

“Not everyone wants to see my chest, like you do,” Ben taunted nervously, his grip on Hux’s hands tightening slightly. 

“Yes, they do,” Hux corrected. “It’s a nice chest.”

It was impossible to restrain himself from running his fingers down the bare skin. Maybe someday he would be able to undo all of the buttons, not just the fourth. Hux could have laughed at the thought. 

Ben offered a weak smile but didn’t budge. He still looked as wrecked as before, and Hux racked his brain to think of something, anything, that may subdue his worries.

“You’re okay,” Hux promised him, “Ben, I’m here.”

The nervousness was quickly turning to a mixture of anger and depression. One moment he reddened and paced back and forth, feet loud against the wood. Hux reached out to stop him but Ben avoided his grip.

In the next second he was completely still, eyes red around their rims and lip wobbling slightly. He refused to sit down out of the fear that he could wrinkle his clothes. 

They still had three quarters of an hour until they were due at the party, and Hux was convinced that Ben would only work himself into a frenzy if left with his own thoughts.

“How can I help?” Hux pleaded. 

Ben just shook his head, the heels of his hands digging into his eyes. It was going to leave his face red, and then he would have a meltdown over that as well. Wordlessly Hux went to the bathroom and wet one of the washcloths with cool water. 

“Sit down at least,” Hux coaxed him, “You can take off the shirt.” 

The other man continued to circle the room, his fists clenching and unclenching depending on his thoughts. For once Hux wished he would talk and talk and talk about everything that was scaring him, not bothering to hold back. 

In a flash Hux was standing in front of him, hands placed gently on his chest. Ben stared at him angrily but didn’t pull back. Steadily and slowly Hux undid the buttons, careful not to pull on them too hard. 

Ben allowed the shirt to slide off his shoulders. This time Hux didn’t stare at him or avert his gaze, he kept his eyes trained on the other man’s and took his hand carefully. 

They walked back slightly toward the bed. Hux didn’t let their hands drop as he rearranged the pillows slightly to give him an easier place to rest. Ben refused to look. 

“Please,” Hux squeezed him gently, “Just for a minute.”

Finally, Ben relented. He sat down on the edge of the bed, his head hanging low. Hux watched the tears drip down his cheeks and land on his dark wash jeans. It felt like his heart was shattering. 

Carefully Hux reached out to hold his face. Ben looked up slowly at him, the anger gone from his gaze. It was now a pure sadness that seemed unmanageable. It reminded Hux of the days on end Ben spent in bed curled under his covers.

If Hux had held him all those times before would it have helped? 

His fingers cleared the tears carefully, pressing the cool cloth to his cheeks. It removed some of the heavy flush on his face, and Hux then moved to hold it against his forehead. Ben blinked slowly. 

“Please,” Hux pled again, “Let me take care of you, mo chroí.”

The name slipped from his lips without his realization. It was a pet name he hadn’t heard since he was a child visiting his extending family overseas. Hux spoke only a little of the Irish language, trying to rid his mind of any memories from home. 

It was the first term of endearment his grandmother taught him before she passed away the following year. Hux remembered repeating it under his breath over and over before in bed, only ten but already dreaming of a love that would sweep him away from the pain of his home. 

He hadn’t uttered the phrase since he was a child, still clinging to the idea of true love. It seemed impossible that he could say it without a second thought. If he wasn’t so wrapped up in Ben he might have questioned why. 

The glass of ice water on the bedside table was placed in Ben’s hands. He shivered slightly, taking it up to his lips. Droplets spilled down the corners of his mouth, falling in time with the tears he could not stop. 

With some effort Ben finally laid down on his side. They had thirty minutes still, and Hux would do anything to make him feel better within that time. He knelt next to the other man and dabbed his cheeks with the cloth until the tears stopped. 

“You’re okay,” Hux murmured, “I’m here. I’m yours.” 

The rest was helpful, but Hux knew if Ben remained in bed for long enough it grew difficult to climb out. The next goal was getting him to a point of functionality that would allow him to attend the party without incident. 

“Hey,” Hux smiled, “Wanna paint my nails?” 

Ben looked up, clearly confused. The words took a moment to sink in, his reaction time slower than usual. Hux pulled back to scurry to the bathroom. He pulled down the bag filled with various colors. 

When he returned, Ben still looked concerned. His eyes flickered from the bag to Hux a few times like he was determining reality versus a dream. 

“I thought you said you didn’t want them painted for the party,” Ben’s eyes drifted to Hux’s perfectly scrubbed fingernails, a feat that had taken him nearly an hour after the amount of polish that spilled on his skin.

“Don’t get cocky,” Hux teased, “But I’ll let you give me a few of those designs you were talking about.”

Ben still didn’t move on his own. Hux slipped a hand under his head and pressed slightly, encouraging him to sit up once again. His eyes glanced to the clock, fear emerging once again.

“Focus on me,” Hux said, “It’s only us.”

Ben didn’t say anything, and Hux hoped and prayed that he had offered a solution to even the smallest sliver of his nerves. All he wanted to do was help, but he still wasn’t sure how to do something as simple as that. 

“These colors aren’t preferable for your skin tone,” Ben mumbled, and Hux scoffed, taking full offense. 

Ben’s smile came naturally, and Hux’s heart warmed with the hope of his best friend’s happiness. The bag was removed with hands, and he noticed for the first time how gentle every touch Ben made was. 

“Should I sit?” Hux asked quietly.

Ben nodded slowly, patting the space on the bed next to him. The polish in Hux’s hand didn’t look like any of the ones he saw before. They were thinner and had long skinny brushes. 

“They’re for little details,” Ben explained. 

Hux floated down next to him, crossing his legs and turning to get a better angle. This way, he could see every micro-expression that flashed across Ben’s face, the way he liked it. 

Ben finally decided the first color, shaking the bottle before he pulled the brush out. It was far darker than any color Hux had suggested, and he took a deep breath. This was for Ben, he could let go of his control for one night if it was for Ben.

“Navy,” Hux commented as the dark color made thin strokes on his index finger, “That’s the same color you used for my toes.” 

Ben nodded, offering a smile before his face went back to complete concentration. Hux noticed that his tongue stuck out slightly between his lips as he worked. He couldn’t draw his eyes away from the look of pure bliss on Ben’s face while he painted. 

Somehow, he was able to finish Hux’s nails within ten minutes with only one very slight mishap. Of course, he was an artist and had experience, but it didn’t take away how impressive Hux found it. 

“Good?” Ben asked as Hux examined his nails, and he realized the other’s voice was shaking.

“Perfect,” Hux corrected, looking into Ben’s eyes, “If I hadn’t bought you dinner upwards of twice a week for the past decade, I would consider paying you.” 

That elicited a real laugh from Ben, the kind that had his shoulders rolling and hair bouncing. Hux felt a small bout of pride, and before long he was joining in on the fit of laughter. 

There were little flowers in white and navy on his fingers, and Hux held them close to his face. He examined the detail and was shocked with how intricate the designs were made within such a short period of time. 

The only one that didn’t match the rest was his left ring finger. The stems of the flowers twisted into the shape of a heart, the letters B and H drawn carefully in the center. Hux stared, refusing to look up.

It made his throat dry up. It made his heart beat so hard he wanted to throw up. It was for the party, he told himself, but he questioned who would be close enough to his nails to even notice. 

“Thank you,” Ben said suddenly, voice warm and sweet, and it dizzied Hux just to hear. 

“I should be thanking you, since, you know, you were the one that painted these-” Hux babbled, unable to stop his head from spinning. 

“Hux,” Ben reached out to hold onto his forearms, “Thank you. For everything,” 

Instinctively Hux held him back. His hands were tight, but neither addressed the design. Hux didn’t have the guts to ask why he did it. 

Ben checked the clock, seeing another fifteen minutes before they were due downstairs. This time inescapable sadness did not pass over his face. They sat quietly, holding onto each other tighter than ever. 

“What does it mean?” 

Hux furrowed his eyebrows, trying to place Ben’s question. 

“What you called me before,” Ben clarified.

The dryness of this throat had not gone away completely and Hux felt it restricting even tighter. A part of him wished Ben was too out of it to register the words. Another part of him had been desperate to answer the question.

“It’s an Irish term of endearment,” Hux choked out. 

“What does it mean?” Ben pleaded. 

“My heart.” 

The words came in a whisper, and Hux would die if he had to repeat them. Ben’s eyes were locked on his. There was no escape, no use in pulling away. For a second he considered closing the distance between them.

They jumped, startled by the sudden ring of an alarm. Hux scrambled to the bedside table, smacking the button on his phone to end it. 

It was still silent between them. Hux wanted to prod Ben to go downstairs. He wondered whether or not he had made things worse. There was enough to worry about already. 

“We should go,” Hux managed. 

Neither moved. Hux stood in front of Ben, and Ben held his wrist in his hands. The stillness between them might have looked like a painting, and he only wished he had the talent to get it down before the memory slipped his mind.

No, Hux realized, there was no way he would ever forget the way Ben was looking at him right now. Never. 

“We should,” Ben confirmed finally. 

“Okay,” Hux nodded.

Still, they remained in place. The clock ticked beside them, growing closer and closer to 5. They had already gotten in trouble for being late to cook breakfast, and Hux should have been more concerned about arriving on time. 

“Hux, I…” 

Ben couldn’t finish the sentence. His voice trailed off into the same silence they had been settled into. In another world Hux would have begged him to finish his thought. In this world he thought the words would break his heart. 

He finally stood up, their hands still entwined. Hux helped Ben back into his shirt, buttoning it up with more effort than usual. They settled on three buttons, but decided that the fourth could always be undone if that was what the party called for. 

They tied their shoes and descended the stairs, each knowing the taunting they would receive for just barely making it on time. Hux pushed the door open and led him through, squeezing his hand as he went. 

“You’re fine,” Hux soothed, their hands swinging as they walked through the yard. 

“Benny! Hux!”

Rey stood across the yard by the bar waving her arms wildly. The only people there were the immediate family, but she called to them like they would have trouble seeing her. 

“Someone has started in on the champagne already,” Finn explained as they got closer.

“She’s got the right idea,” Ben laughed uneasily. 

Rey bounded forward to throw her arms around Hux. He stumbled back but caught her with his free arm. She placed a kiss onto his cheek before moving on to Ben. 

“Oh, god.”

The hug for her brother was even more dramatic. She could barely reach to get her arms around his shoulders, but when she did she was practically hanging off of him. Ben dropped Hux’s hands and held her tightly. 

“I’m so glad I don’t have to go through this whole thing alone,” she mumbled into his shirt. 

“Oh, come on,” Ben shrugged, “You’ve always had Poe and Finn.”

“They’re not my brother.”

Finn smiled softly from beside her. Hux wondered if Poe would have had the same reaction, but didn’t dare ask. 

When Rey finally let go they had to hold her back from running back to the bar. They threatened her with tattling to Leia and through her whining she agreed to hold off until she went through enough greetings.

Relatives and family friends were only just starting to arrive in big numbers, and the amount of guests tripled within ten minutes. Ben turned to the counter behind them and picked up a bottle of tequila.

“That’s the liquor you’re going for?” Hux asked incredulously.

Ben shrugged and knocked back the shot that threatened to overflow. He discarded the tiny plastic cup into a nearby garbage pail. The look on his face was clearly not pleased, and he griped about the lack of salt and lime. 

Rey was already running across the yard, seemingly rushing through introductions. It was funny to watch her bounce from group to group, all hugs and smiles. When she looked back at them she made a face.

Finn was still beside them, complaining about the likelihood of being Rey’s babysitter for the night. Poe was on his way, late as usual, but there would still be help if she got too rowdy. 

“She hates these things,” he said.

“Don’t we all,” Ben shook his head, another shot slipping past his lips. 

“Watch it,” Hux teased, “You’re too old to have a babysitter.” 

Hux rolled his eyes, and retook hold of Ben’s hand. They had another five minutes or so before the rounds needed to be made. The three scanned their eyes for Leia or Han, but neither were to be seen. 

“Ben Organa? Is that really you?” 

Hux felt his heart drop. It was real. They were there. Everything the last week had been leading up to had finally arrived. Troves of older people flocked to Ben, practically fighting one another to say hello.

There was the sudden desire for Hux to pull his hand back. His eyes darted back and forth, unsure as to whether or not he should speak up. Ben refused to let go. Hux let Ben introduce him and offered smiles and waves to the guests. 

If the entirety of the night played out in the same way as the first fifteen minutes, they’d have nothing to worry about. Relatives were more excited to see that Ben was present than they were to question the reasons he had been gone so long in the first place. 

Hux considered the roles reversing. If Ben ever did come home with him, would things go as smoothly? Definitely not, of course, as his family was overrun by people that justified their hate with religion.

In a flash, he realized that Ben would have no reason to be introduced as his boyfriend in the first place. Outside of this week, he wasn’t. They were friends, friends since college who held a strictly platonic relationship. And yet, Hux wanted to keep Ben’s hand in his own longer than another day. 

But this would be the end, he was reminded in a heartbreaking twist. Their flight left at noon the following day, and then it was back to normal. Hux sucked in a twisted breath, and Ben squeezed his hand tightly.

He glanced up, receiving a concerned look from him. The other had noticed the drastic fall of his mood, and looked at him with such worry it broke Hux’s heart. There was nothing he wanted more than to gobble up every worry Ben had and swallow them down low. 

“Stop worrying about me,” Hux scolded him.

“It’s hard when you’ve got that look on your face,” Ben said. 

“There is no look on my face,” he huffed, “This is my face.”

In the lull between greetings Ben reached out to poke his cheeks. It infuriated Hux how easily it made him smile. He pinched the squishiest part and Hux gently smacked his hands away. 

Even if it only lasted a second, the time alone with Ben filled Hux with newfound energy. There was only so much mingling they could do before everyone settled in. 

“This is Hux,” Ben slipped a hand around his waist, tugging him closer as he gestured to another relative before them, “My boyfriend.” 

Hux didn’t acknowledge the quickening pace of his heart every single time he heard the words. Instead, he lapped them up. If this was the last time he heard those words from Ben’s mouth, he was going to remember every syllable.

There were only a few awkward encounters, older relatives uncomfortably attempting to weasel their way out of the conversation, vaguely homophobic comments that didn’t seem to phase Ben at all.

“Boyfriend,” the petite, elderly woman repeated, “Is this why you haven’t been home in so long, Benny?” 

She seemed genuinely concerned, and Hux found it almost sweet. However, it didn’t pull him back from the defensive edge he perched on whenever discussing his own sexuality. Things could take a turn at any moment. 

Ben just laughed it off, releasing Hux for a moment to pull the woman in for a hug. Hux should try to remember her name, he knew that, but there had been so many people in such a short amount of time. 

In any other instance, he would pride himself on keeping everyone straight. But this party, with its loud music and absolutely overwhelming amount of people, pulled him from his comfort zone completely. 

The only reason he hadn’t collapsed in a fit of panic was because of Ben. Sweet, affectionate Ben who kept at least one hand on Hux the entire time. Maybe it was to keep up appearances, but for the night he would allow himself to dream it was more. 

It took thirty minutes before Ben dragged Hux back to their place by the bar. It was relatively quiet, especially because of the average party goer’s age. They weren’t the youngest around, but it was close.

“More tequila,” Hux shuddered, “I’m going to be sick just looking at you.” 

“Did someone say shots?” Rey slid next to them.

Compared to earlier she seemed more put together. There was still some redness in her eyes and a flush to her cheeks, but she smiled at them and refrained from slurring any words. 

“Did Mommy say you’re allowed another?” Ben grinned.

Rey mimicked his words, holding her hand up as a puppet. Hux laughed heartily, wondering again how it took so long for the two of them to find one another. Only a few days in and it seemed like they had been just like this their entire lives. 

“Benny boy,” Poe’s voice came suddenly, and Hux turned to see him holding a red plastic cup over his head. Finn, unsurprisingly, was nestled under his free arm.

Ben chuckled and pulled Hux under his own. It wasn’t a competition, he knew that, but part of Hux questioned what touches were for show and what ones were real. They walked toward the center of the yard where they stood and all huddled in a circle.

“Well, if it isn’t our little Kylie,” Poe clucked his tongue, “How the hell are ya?” 

“Poe, I swear to god-” Ben started, but Hux cut him off. 

“He prefers the full title,” Hux intervened, “Kylie Ron, Master of the Night Rons.” 

Ben looked at Hux with the mixture of betrayal and astonishment, dropping his arm immediately from holding him. Poe made up for the missing physical touch by clapping him on the shoulder. 

“How the hell did this asshole peg down a gem like you,” he hooted, and Hux laughed to hide the ache in his heart. 

Ben looked at him strangely, like the comment had dredged up something he didn’t want to think about. In an instant, Hux reached out to gingerly touch his arm. The other man leaned slightly into the touch.

“I’ll tell you what,” Poe sighed, “If Rey didn’t blab about seeing the two of you play tonsil hockey the other night, I would’ve thought you two were just overly feely friends.”

Hux felt his heart drop, and Ben shot him a look of distress. The two had assumed their fake relationship was convincing so far. What else was there to it? Throw an arm around someone else, hold their hand during dinner - was anyone else suspicious?

“Well, you were too wrapped up in Finn to notice the rematch last night,” Hux tried miserably to make a joke but felt it fall flat. 

“Poe,” Finn grumbled, scolding his boyfriend and shooting Hux an apologetic glance, “I’m so sorry. He’s on the verge of being drunk already.”

“Everyone is starting early tonight,” Hux laughed again, still trying to break the tension.

“Listen, I’m just saying,” Poe held up his hand, the cup in it dangerously close to slipping from his fingers, “I remember Ben being a lot different back with his flings in high school.”

Flings. There had been more than one. The only one that Ben really discussed was Poe, and that was because he had entwined himself with the entire family after the breakup. Hux kept his eyes cast down.

“Hey,” Ben stepped between them slightly, “Watch it, Poe.”

It didn’t take long for Poe to realize the mistake in what he said. As if connecting his comment with the conversation around the fire the night before, his eyes flashed in a sudden understanding.

“Fuck, Hux,” he started, dropping his arm from Finn to take a step forward, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” 

Ben still stood between them, his eyes dark. Hux pulled him back slightly, rubbing his back in big circles. The last thing they needed was an angry standoff, especially over Hux’s feelings.

He shook his head quickly, waving off the apology easily. What he should worry about now was their lack of convincing. Not his own personal feelings. Not the fact that he thought things were starting to get real between him and Ben. It really was just a ruse. 

And a poor one at that, apparently. Hux racked his brain, trying to figure out what else he could possibly do to make their relationship convincing. The panic was threatening to uproot him but he remained calm and collected. 

“It just didn’t seem like the right place for anything too crazy,” Hux lied between his teeth, “This being the first time I’ve met his family, and all.” 

Poe nodded, seemingly relieved by the explanation. He apologized again, but Hux shook his head indignantly. Finn reached out to squeeze his shoulder, and Hux smiled politely before excusing himself to get another drink. 

Ben didn’t want him. Ben would never want him. Ben had never wanted him. Ben didn’t want him. Ben didn’t want him. Ben didn’t want him.

He chanted it over and over in his head, lips moving to form the words silently. He yanked at his fingers, trying to find a pattern that would help calm the thoughts screaming in his head. Glancing over at Ben he wondered if there was anything in the world that might help.

“Let me guess,” Hux jumped at the sudden voice, “Poe put his foot in his mouth again?” 

Rey stood in front of him, her hair that had been held up the entire trip so far now cascading down her shoulders. It must have happened during her most recent run around the yard. 

The snippy attitude from before had softened, and Hux wondered if he was doomed to face the family’s pity for the rest of the trip. 

“I’m just thirsty,” he fired back, and Rey snickered.

“There’s water in the cooler,” she offered innocently.

Hux wavered in his hold of her gaze, a small smile spreading across his face when he recognized her usual self shining through. With a shrug, he rummaged around the bar trying to find something to stop the racing thoughts.

Rey lifted a jug filled with margaritas up. Hux narrowed his eyes and she promised they were extra strong. 

“I made it myself,” she bragged.

“So I’m sure one will keep me good for the rest of the night,” Hux smirked.

Hux raised the cup to his lips and took a big gulp, shuddering as if to prove a point. She laughed and bumped his shoulder with her own. 

“He must have said something wrong,” Rey commented, peering over Hux’s shoulder, “Ben keeps looking over here with the stupidest look on his face I’ve ever seen.”

“Ben always looks stupid,” Hux grumbled, eliciting a rumbling laugh from Rey. 

“Let’s look like we’re having a great time so he gets jealous,” Rey sang.

“Oh, so you have to pretend?” Hux shook his head, “And here I thought we were bonding.”

Rey grinned at him, teetering forward slightly to place her arm around him. Hux was surprised that he didn’t tense up at the contact. He felt concerned as to how his body would react when he was deprived of touch again.

She waved in Ben’s direction, tauntingly, and Hux scoffed as he reached out to whack her hand down. Rey only grinned at him, focus drawn away from Ben entirely. 

“So,” Rey asked, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, “How’d you do it?” 

Hux stirred his margarita with a tiny paper umbrella. Rey only rolled her eyes, leaning against the bar as if the conversation was moving too slowly for her. 

“How’d you get him to come home in the first place?” she asked, “And better yet, be nice to us all? Even my dad, I heard the two of them having as close to a normal conversation as possible this morning while washing dishes.” 

Hux’s heart swelled with happiness for his friend. Of course, Ben told him about the conversation with Han, where they discussed the weather and how Han’s mechanic shop was holding up, and Ben’s new studio a few blocks from his apartment. But hearing from Rey that it had gone as well as described only made him happier.

“I didn’t do anything,” Hux admitted with a shrug.

“Oh please,” Rey set a hand on her hip, “We both know that’s not true.” 

“I just,” Hux shrugged, “I offered to come.” 

Rey’s demeanor changed, surprised at the turn of events. Hux looked down from her gaze, uncomfortable in the way she was looking at him.

“You offered,” she repeated, “You’re telling me that Ben didn’t beg and plead and drag you here by force?” 

“He, uh, didn’t want to come at all,” Hux explained slowly, “So I told him that I would stick it out with him, you know, be there for any fights he got into with his dad. Help him put up with Poe.”

Hux didn’t finish but they both knew the other reason he came. Rey looked away, somewhere between sad for the past and happy for the future. 

“You saw the aftermath last time,” Rey deduced, to which Hux nodded, “And yet you still came to this event that promised to be an even bigger blowout.” 

Hux just shrugged, not having seen it as that big of a deal beforehand. He was just doing this for Ben, to make him happy, to make up for the ten years prior that he had been just about the worst friend imaginable. 

“You’re the reason it went so smoothly,” Rey informed him, voice deadly serious, “You saw him in the beginning. He wouldn’t get out of the car when he saw Poe in the yard, he looked like he was about to vomit whenever Dad was around.”

“Oh, I don’t think-”

“He wouldn’t even look at me until you started talking to me.” 

Hux shook his head furiously. None of this was his doing, it was Ben. Ben had grown up in the last five years, he told himself. He had just psyched himself up for a blowout that wasn’t really bound to happen.

“I’d never even heard his real laugh until you showed up,” Rey whispered, the conversation to be kept intimately between them. 

“I just wanted to make him happy,” Hux admitted, equally as soft, “That’s what good friends do.” 

“Good friends,” Rey repeated, rolling her eyes at the term, “You must be great friends to look at each other like that all the time.” 

Hux felt something like a stab to his stomach. He was more invested than he thought. 

“Why did you guys wait ten years anyway?” 

He turned to her and tilted his head to the side. The cup was still held to his lips and he wished that someone would come to interrupt the conversation. When he glanced over his shoulder Ben was talking excitedly with his mom. 

Neither looked away when their eyes met. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Hux cleared his throat, turning back to face her. 

“Oh come on,” she rolled her eyes, “You had to have known how he felt. All of those years of constant whining to my mom. Every other week he was like ‘I’m going to tell him this time I swear’ then three days later it’d be the same excuses.”

Hux couldn’t get the ringing out of his head. Rey was drunk. Rey hadn’t known Ben for years. Leia was dramatic. Ben was shit at communicating his feelings. There was a misunderstanding, there had to have been.

Heavy footsteps fell behind him, and Rey’s eyes flicked over Hux’s shoulder. A strong arm wrapped around his waist, and he silently sipped his drink as he curved into the touch. Ben’s head moved down, kissing the corner of Hux’s mouth when he stopped drinking. 

“Well,” she said, pouring a copious amount of margarita into her cup, “It was nice talking to you, Hux, but I’ve gotta fill myself up with a lot more alcohol before I have to watch the two of you hang off of each other again.” 

With a curt wave, Rey was off, lifting her cup to her lips and bouncing off to find Leia. Hux watched after her in astonishment, feeling like the entire conversation was some scenario he made up in his head.

The words weren’t malicious, Hux could tell that much. Rey might have been drunk but he wondered why she would make something like that up. Ben’s hand rubbed up and down his bicep. 

“What was that about?” he asked pleasantly, trying to decipher the look on Hux’s face.

The conversation hung low over his head. It threatened to tear him down from where he stood. Barely an hour into the party and he was already ready to hide himself as far away as possible. 

Ben waited patiently for the answer, bumping Hux on the hip a little to remind him of their conversation. He finished another hearty sip of his drink and without thinking handed it to Ben to finish.

The other man took it without issue, wincing with the amount of alcohol Rey piled into it. He shook his head and tipped it back, slamming the cup down on the bar and gesturing to the jug. Hux just shrugged, watching Ben pour a little more. 

“She tried to convince me that I’m the reason this week went so well between you and your family,” Hux rolled his eyes.

Ben didn’t say anything at first, just watched after Rey while she twirled around the dance floor. With his fingers gently squeezing the curve of Hux’s waist, Ben took another sip of the sugary drink. 

“You are,” he spoke finally, and Hux’s heart dropped.

“Ben,” Hux shook his head, “I don’t get it.”

“My love,” he sighed, “I wish I could make you understand.”

Before he could continue the conversation, ask Ben what exactly he meant, try to find some clarity within those words, Hux was whipped around to face another relative. 

“This is Hux,” Ben introduced him, hand running slowly up and down his side, “My boyfriend.” 

-

“The party is here!”

Hux and Ben watched as Rey dragged Phasma across the yard toward them. She had her arms raised above her head and did a little dance on their walk over. 

“Is that your nickname, Phas?” Poe snorted.

“Occupation, actually,” she shrugged as Rey practically threw a beer at her. 

Phasma uncapped it with a kick of her boot on the bottom of the bottle. Everyone watched in awe, Rey quickly popping down to the ground to pick it up. She was offered the first sip but after one sniff she firmly refused. 

Ben’s grip on Hux tightened slightly like he was petrified he would be ripped from his arms. Phasma made a kissy face at them. Hux shot her a warning look but it only seemed to fuel her. 

“Don’t worry, Ben,” she teased, “I won’t steal your little boyfriend away.”

Rey laughed and mimicked Phasma’s teases. It still felt wrong for her to be there, a reminder of the past he felt too wrapped up in to move on from. Ten years, he told himself, ten years and his first romantic feelings were for someone he could never have. 

“He does owe me a dance, though,” she nodded, “Considering he ditched me at the prom.” 

“Not the prom,” Ben frowned, “Hux you never told me you had a date.”

Hux rolled his eyes and shook his head. It was the last thing he wanted to get into right now. 

“I went for the first half. And at that point Phasma was already in the broom closet with her first pull of the night.” 

This elicited a rowdy response from the rest of them. Hux felt thankful that the attention was off of him for a moment. He couldn’t bear to explain where he had actually been for the second half of the night. 

In an idiotic lapse of judgement he had run off in the middle of the dance for a single night with his ex. Hux laid in the spot his fiancee usually slept and sobbed into her pillow. Not even Phasma knew where he had gone. He was always sure she had her suspicions, but her smile promised she wouldn’t taunt further. 

“Of course, Ben gets his first,” Phasma assured him.

The more time they spent together the more Ben warmed up to her. Hux was worried it would take some time as their personalities differed so greatly. Somehow, like a lucky break, they were already settling into something comfortable. 

They remained huddled together, each being pulled away randomly to be introduced to someone or answer a question about the party itself. Phasma and Hux remained relatively stationary, both happy to have the other.

“Oh, boy,” Phasma grinned, “Looks like both of our cups are empty. Does anyone want anything? Hux and I are taking a trip to the bar.”

Hux turned to Ben, running his fingers through the dark hair. The curls sprang back into place immediately and he grinned as he tried it again.

“She can go on her own…” he started.

“Get out of here,” Ben pushed him gently, “And get me a water while you’re at it.”

“Horrible manners,” Hux laughed, eyes crinkling as he looked at him, “Ask nicely.”

Ben snuggled into him slightly, bumping their cheeks together. Hux practically giggled, shoving him back. They remained connected and Ben placed little kisses all over his jaw. 

“Please, pumpkin?” 

Hux rolled his eyes and nodded. Ben had his arm around his waist and pulled him to his chest. They kissed languidly, eyes half hooded as their lips pressed together for only a second or two at a time. 

“Jesus,” Phasma tugged Hux by the arm, “Rey was not kidding about the two of you.”

Ben held onto his hand as long as possible, their fingers slipping slowly from one another. Hux allowed himself to be led across the grass, replaying the moment before on a loop in his head. 

They approached the bar and Phasma picked up the jug. It was running low, and Hux made a note to inform Rey before it was completely dry. The breeze of the night threatened to tip him over with the lightheadedness of the kiss. 

“Alright,” Phasma leaned back, “Spill.”

If Hux thought he could fool her he was mistaken. Phasma had been staring at him with a knowing look since he saw her the night before. Glancing around, Hux triple checked that no one else was in ear shot. 

“Don’t you dare try to get out of this,” she warned, “There is no way in  _ fuck  _ that you and Ben have been together this long without me knowing.”

“Well,” Hux sipped his drink, “Maybe I don’t tell you everything.”

“So that’s the route we’re taking?”

Hux sighed, leaning forward to rest his hands on his arms. It only lasted a second, he was hyper aware of the people around them. If Ben happened to spot him like that it would be a whole other thing for him to worry about. 

“I fucked up, Lyn,” he shook his head.

“You’re gonna have to give me a little more than that, hun,” she urged gently. 

The usual dramatics of Phasma were replaced by something soft and caring. Hux hated it. The last time she treated him so sweetly was when she visited him in the hospital. He swallowed thickly, pushing the memory away. 

“We’re not… together,” Hux admitted, “I just came to support him as a friend, but when Poe was talking to him I got so…”

“Jealous?”

“No, no,” Hux rubbed his eyes, “Maybe. I don’t know what came over me. I just grabbed his hand and…” 

Phasma looked at him sympathetically. It was clear that her suspicions were right, and Hux couldn’t stand being seen through. It worried him to know that there were doubts, especially after Poe’s mishap earlier. 

“God, I really fucked up.” 

The words were like sludge in his throat. It broke him to feel the weight of it. Every time he thought he convinced himself his feelings were just a silly mistake he was swept right back into the current. 

“Hux,” she sighed, “You didn’t-”

“I’m in love with him,” Hux buried his face in his hands, “I’m so fucking stupidly in love with him I think it’s going to kill me.”

Phasma reached out for him. She glanced over her shoulder, conscious of the eyes that might be on him. Hux let out a shuddering breath. 

“What did I do?” He gasped, “I got impulsive and now I’m going to ruin everything.”

“Have you talked to him?”

Hux looked at her like she said the most ridiculous thing possible. She shrugged like the question wasn’t out of the ordinary. The idea of telling Ben filled him with a lead that dragged him down. 

“With everything going on?” Hux shook his head, “Lyn, that’s not fair. I’m here to make things easier, not weird and confusing.”

“Hux, come on,” she huffed, “You can’t be this oblivious.”

It made him feel like a child. Everything was happening so quickly around him and for the first time in his life he couldn’t keep up. The feelings he finally addressed were ripping him limb from limb. 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

There was a new anger behind the words. Everyone talked to him like he was out of the loop, and he couldn’t stand it. Phasma felt like his last line of defense and now she was analyzing the buried emotions he could barely get out. 

“Hey, I’m sorry,” she spoke softly, “I’m sorry. That wasn’t helpful.”

Hux wanted to scream. Instead he tapped out patterns with his fingers and toes, his thoughts swirling so quickly he couldn’t distinguish them. The fence around him was constricting and soon he wouldn’t be able to breathe. 

“I think there’s things he’s not telling you too,” Phasma offered.

He was incapable of speaking. Hux resented Phasma for leaving him with this thought, this thought that would play like a broken record in his head. He hated her for giving him the hope he didn’t think he deserved. 

“Talk to him,” she urged.

“No,” he choked out, “I can’t lose him.”

“Hux,” she sighed.

“I can’t,” Hux squeezed his eyes closed, “Not now. Not when everything is still so fragile.”

Looking over to the group he saw Ben, Poe, and Finn laughing together. In the next moment he was pulling his mom in for a hug, his dad shaking his hand after they released one another. 

It wasn’t his night to spoil. 

“You’re not going to lose him,” Phasma promised.

“What do you know,” the anger dissipated from his voice. 

“I know that friends don’t look at each other the way you two do.” 

Hux wanted to argue further but couldn’t find the energy. In the next breath Leia was waving him over to where they stood. He clutched the water for Ben tightly in his hand. Phasma pushed him forward slightly to get him going.

“Hi,” he said timidly, “How are you enjoying your party?”

Leia pulled him in for a hug, practically hanging off of her feet. Hux held her back, wondering how many he had left before they left and he would be unable to return. It caused him to hold on a little longer than he usually would. 

“It’s so wonderful,” Leia grinned.

“Thanks for helping with the set up,” Han shook Hux’s hand. 

“It was the least I could do,” Hux assured them, “I can’t thank you both enough for your hospitality and kindness-”

“Oh, Hux,” Leia laughed, “Quit it with the formalities. Is that how you’d talk to your own parents?”

By some miracle Hux didn’t react. Ben’s arm was around him instantly. The embarrassing thing, he thought, wasn’t that he didn’t have parents anymore. Instead, it was the fact that he did speak to them that way when they were all still together. 

_ I have no one,  _ he wanted to say,  _ My mother left me all alone and died before I could get her to come back. My father didn’t let me look him in the eye. _

The way Leia smiled at him had guilt churning in his stomach. He laughed along and promised he would be less rigid next time. They joked around and somehow the pain managed to subside. 

_ This is the closest thing to a family I’ve ever had,  _ he could have cried,  _ And none of it is real.  _

Leia and Han were pulled away by other guests, and he smiled when he saw their excitement. It was beautiful to see an everlasting love before his eyes. It broke his heart to know he would never experience the same thing for himself. 

“How’s the anxiety?” Ben asked casually.

“Manageable,” Hux shrugged, “How about you?”

“Better now that I have you back in my arms.”

“Yuck,” he laughed, but it didn’t stop the flip of his heart.

They stood still together for a few minutes. Ben still held him, and encouraged Hux to rest his head on his chest. It felt like they were safe from the rest of the world as long as they were together. 

After a minute they finally fell back, looking at each other fully. Hux wanted to kiss him, but wouldn't allow himself to act on it. Maybe someday he would tell him like Phasma suggested. It was easier to put off than to plan. 

Ben and Hux walked toward the tent where the rest of their group were gathered around a table. Rey and Poe were arguing about something indistinguishable. Phasma waved knowingly but Hux refused to address it. 

“You two look like you’re about to vomit,” Finn hummed.

“Woop, I have the cure,” Poe grinned, holding out a dab pen to them. 

“It’s a good cure,” Phasma assured them. 

Ben grinned at him, wiggling his eyebrows. Hux rolled his eyes but relented, allowing himself to be dragged away into the house. A few people milled around waiting for the bathroom or just taking a moment to cool down. 

They slipped by everyone, Ben offering curt waves and explaining they were grabbing something for his mother when he refused to stop. There was some tutting behind them and Hux blushed at the thought of their insinuations. 

Ben closed the bedroom door behind them and unveiled the pen. The music from outside was audible from where they stood and he danced around the room as he took his hit. When Hux reached for his turn Ben shook his head.

“You have to do a dance.”

It was ridiculous. The way he moved looked like he would tip over at any minute, and Hux had the gut reaction of reaching out to catch his head if he fell. 

“Come on,” Ben beamed, “Remember how good you used to be at all of those parties?”

It was taunting, he knew that. Before Hux had grown used to alcohol he was a notorious table dancer. There were more than a few occasions where he slipped and had to be caught by his best friend waiting patiently in the audience. 

“I don’t even know the song-”

Ben grabbed his hands, swinging them in a circle. Hux laughed, allowing himself to be thrown back and forth. Finally, he felt comfortable enough to try some moves of his own.

They were both horrible. If anyone was watching they would be unable to keep a straight face. Ben was lip syncing, the two of them trying to remain as quiet as possible so that no one would come knocking. 

Hux, however, would have watched Ben in adoration for the rest of the night. 

He was finally given the pen and did his best not to cough as intensely as the nights before. Ben snagged it back from him and in an instant they were rushing back down the stairs. His best friend took a risk and hit it as they were about to pop into the living room. 

Ben seemed far calmer, and even excited to get back out there. He encouraged Hux to keep up, tugging him every once in a while with a laugh. By the time they got to the tent he felt settled. 

“Here, Hux, let me grab you a seat,” Poe stood up.

“He’s okay.”

Hux had no time to object before he was yanked into Ben’s lap. Somehow they both managed to fit on the chair without it collapsing immediately. Poe raised an eyebrow and settled back into his seat. 

The tent was nearly vacant following the dinner rush. Hux was thankful, glancing around every so often to see if they were receiving dirty looks. Each time Ben would kiss his cheeks until he finally returned back to normal.

“You’re going to get us kicked out of your own mother’s birthday party,” Hux swatted at him.

“Don’t care,” Ben nibbled at his neck. 

Rey dipped her hand in a cup of water and flicked it at them. Hux covered his head as she continued her relentless attack. There was a real worry for a moment that she would dump the whole cup on them. 

Phasma finally got the cup from her grip and poured it out in the grass next to them. Rey threatened to continue with her margarita but Ben pulled away and sat as normally as possible. Within a few minutes she seemed satisfied. 

“So,” Finn gestured to the stage, “Who’s first?”

“If you think I am drunk enough for karaoke,” Hux scoffed, “You are sadly mistaken.” 

Poe booed, Rey threw an empty cup at him, and Finn leaned over to shake Hux’s shoulders, urging him to get up on stage. The karaoke machine had more takers earlier in the night, and they suspected it would increase later on as well.

“This is our chance!” Rey said excitedly. 

Hux stood firmly in his stance, shaking his head. He had watched one drunk adult after another stumble onto the stage and belt out songs they barely knew the words of, with an occasional child thrown into the mix.

“There’s no way I could top that four year old’s cover of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” Hux shrugged, “So, what’s the point.” 

Once again, the group hurled a mixture of insults and encouraging words his way. Hux broke his stern resolve, bursting into laughter as they took turns shaking his shoulders one by one. 

“Why don’t you all get up there, then?” he shot back and between mixed mumbles of excuses Ben stood up.

“Poe and I will do it,” Ben offered, and Poe looked at him suspiciously.

“Will we?” he stood up slowly, unsure of the angle Ben was getting at.

Despite the two of them steadily rebuilding their rocky friendship, there was obviously still hesitation. Ben smiled warmly, reminding Poe of the times he used to come to the band practices he held in his garage.

“Unless,” Ben taunted, moving to sit back in his seat, “Your voice has withered with your old age.” 

Poe reached across the table to grab Ben’s shirt, looking him sternly in the eyes. Ben only smiled in return, standing again to his full height and waving Poe along. 

“Follow me,” he instructed, crossing the tent to approach Leia.

Poe followed, somewhat reluctantly, pressing a kiss to Finn’s temple before he left. Ben, as if realizing he forgot something, turned and jogged back. Hux was barely able to settle into his own seat before Ben’s hands were on his cheeks tugging him in for a kiss. 

“If you idiots do that on stage I’m burning this place down,” Rey threatened. 

“Oh, come on,” Finn grinned, “They’re in love.”

Ben was gone before he could hear the words. Hux exchanged a knowing look with Phasma, but she didn’t look sympathetic. She winked in his direction as they watched Ben bound over to where Leia and Poe stood. 

The look that crossed Leia’s face was almost horror, but she finally answered him after what looked to be some pleading on Ben’s part. He kissed his mother’s cheek, and beckoned Poe to follow him into the house.

“What is your boyfriend planning?” Finn asked curiously, following their steps with wide eyes.

“I ask myself the same question every day,” Hux admitted, equally as confused. 

For a few minutes, nothing happened. A couple people took their turns with the karaoke, but a strange silence fell over the table. Each wondered just what Ben and Poe were up to. 

Seemingly out of nowhere, Poe appeared on the makeshift stage. The lights had been dimmed, only revealing his outline. Ben was gone still, despite each of the three craning their necks to see some glimpse of him. 

A soft piano played, and Hux recognized the tune as somewhat familiar. He couldn’t quite place it, though, and looked to Rey and Finn for some clarification. They shared his confusion, and strained to get a better look at Poe.

“How can you see into my eyes like open doors?” Poe’s voice came softly, and Hux still struggled to place the lyrics.

As the verse built, so did Poe’s voice. Ben was still out of sights, and Hux was beginning 

To wonder just how he had roped Poe into a solo performance. In the seconds before the chorus hit, the early 2000s song finally clicked with Hux as Ben jumped into view.

“Wake me up,” he yelled into the mic, the lights finally flashing up to show the two of them. Hux almost passed out on the spot. 

Dressed head to toe in black, Poe was practically drowning in Ben’s large clothes. Beside him, Ben wore a similar outfit with one key exception. There was a shaggy, dark grey blanket wrapped around his shoulders that vaguely resembled his Kylo Ren attire. 

Most surprising, however, was the thick eyeliner that had been applied to both men. Even from their spot farther back in the crowd, it was unmistakable. Hux’s breath caught in his throat, somewhere between laughter and a gasp when he realized. 

“Oh boy,” Finn laughed. 

For the majority of the song, Ben’s role was in the background. It was Poe who sang the sweet harmony, voice lilting along the notes of the piano. After a particularly soft solo performance, Hux was almost disappointed that the song had ended. 

Again, he was wrong and not at all prepared. 

“All this time I can’t believe I couldn’t see, kept in the dark but you were there in front of me,” Ben started, a mixture of screaming and rapping, and oh, Hux had forgotten this snippet of the song. 

Poe and Ben circled each other as they sang their duet, faces grim and serious. At the last drawn out note, Poe fell to his knees, tipping his head back and outstretching his arms to hold the word as long as possible. 

The entire tent was speechless. Hux sat with his jaw dropped, watching as Poe held his position for a few seconds after the song ended. Ben stood, face grim and eyes searching the crowd almost menacingly. Rey’s voice cut the silence.

“Kylie Ron returns!” She shouted, standing up to throw a fist in the air. 

Her cry was followed by Finn and Hux’s vehement cheers, and chanting of the old name. Those around sat confusedly, scattered claps drifting through the audience as Ben and Poe took their bows. 

The rowdy table toward the back continuously chanted the name Kylie Ron, with Poe joining in from his spot up front. By the time they made it back, the next person had started on stage, though their performance was somewhat timid due to the show beforehand.

Poe slouched in his seat, immediately wrapping an arm around Finn and reaching for his drink. The eyeliner was smudged halfway down his cheeks, and Hux figured that he had most likely done it on his own. 

Ben followed closely behind, undoing the draped blanket with one hand and tenderly placing it around Hux’s shoulders. Hux looked confused, opening his mouth to scold Ben for giving him his mess when Ben cut him off. 

“I know how easily you get cold,” Ben explained quickly.

Hux broke into a grin, running his hands over the worn fabric as he wrapped it tighter around his shoulders. Ben’s hand tentatively took Hux’s in his own under the table, and he squeezed back tightly.

It was difficult to look at him directly. Hux hadn’t realized how good Ben would look with the black charcoal lining his eyes. It was smudged already, and his mind drifted to how they might mess it up further.

“-the best karaoke I’ve ever seen, I swear, Ben we thought that you just weren’t gonna show,” Finn rambled excitedly, bouncing up and down in his seat.

“I would never turn down a chance to embarrass myself in front of the entirety of my family,” Ben shrugged, sipping his drink casually. 

“Likewise,” Poe grinned, raising his cup to clink with Ben’s. 

Hux still tried not to focus too heavily on the eyeliner drawn along Ben’s waterline, but he was slipping. It seemed to be as perfectly applied as his nail polish, and Hux cursed Ben’s steady hand. 

Swallowing became difficult when he noticed just how dark Ben looked overall. He thought the other had a grungy look to begin with, but this was otherworldly. He found it tough not to trace every outline of Ben’s body in his skin tight t-shirt. 

“So,” Hux coughed, dragging his eyes from Ben’s chest, “Who’s up next?”

After watching the wreck of a performance put on by Ben and Poe, the rest of the table was eager to get involved with karaoke. Much of the audience had dispersed, moving on to get dessert or join the dancing across the yard.

It left ample opportunity for the five to get their turns on stage. Combined with the everflowing margaritas and secret hits of Poe’s pen they were each eager to make fools of themselves. 

First, it was Rey rushing to the stage. She typed in the numbers on the karaoke machine, smiling fiendishly as she stood in front of the microphone. 

“This one is for you, Hux,” she gestured out to the crowd, “Stop kissing my brother in front of me.”

Hux choked on his drink, covering his face with his hands. Ben rubbed his back, jeering at his sister but laughing nonetheless. He could only be grateful that the stereo was far quieter than the rest of the music across the yard. 

When the first notes of Mr. Brightside by The Killers filled the tent, the table erupted into applause. Rey moved along the stage gracefully, singing the lyrics only slightly off key and seemingly serenading her cup of whiskey. 

The way she bounced was astounding to Hux, like when she was able to sprint around the yard with ease. She finished her drink and managed a series of handsprings and flips that left their jaws on the floor. 

They moved up closer to the stage, standing in front of it to dance along. Hux was warm with the happiness of finally feeling like he fit somewhere. The jostling made him laugh and he allowed himself to be spun around by the different members of the group. 

Rey threw her hands up into the air as she finished, letting out a loud whoop. It was astounding that Leia hadn’t come over to reprimand them. When he caught her looking over she looked more happy than anything. 

She bounded off the stage and continued her dancing as she went. Poe twirled her around and she landed in Finn’s arms, encouraging him to jump along with her.

“There’s no more music,” Finn laughed. 

“Uh-oh! I guess it’s time for someone else to hop up there!”

Before Finn could object Rey was pushing him toward the stage. He climbed up and kicked her away. She spun back to the group and shimmied back and forth, bumping them all to keep the energy high. 

“I’ve never done karaoke,” Finn warned, “Please keep that in mind.”

The music began and Poe’s eyes lit up. He and Rey looked at each other, the excitement obvious between them. Hux listened to music so infrequently these days that the song didn’t register until Finn began singing. 

“It’s his song,” Poe explained, “Like, listened to it every day for at least five years.” 

The last thing that Hux expected was for Finn to sing was a Natasha Bedingfield song. It felt fake to see him singing Pocketful of Sunshine on the stage, somehow managing to do both the main voice and the background adlibs. 

It was timid at first, but due to the cheering and dancing by the end Finn was belting out the words. Hux was shocked at his vocal talent, wondering just how much he must have practiced singing the song over the years. 

Poe watched beside them, absolutely entranced. It was a look of genuine and unconditional love, something that everyone else was somehow able to ignore. It only made Hux’s pining worsen. 

Ben practically picked him up, shaking him slightly. Hux let himself be thrown around by the other man, unafraid due to the knowledge that Ben would always be there to catch him. When his feet came off the ground it only made his smile wider. 

“Incredible,” Poe clapped, “You did so great, baby.”

Finn waved him off, still breathing a little heavily from the performance of a lifetime. Hux was shocked by the energy between them all. Thankfully Phasma stepped up before he could be goaded onto the stage. 

“Tonight,” she raised her glass, “We are young.”

It astonished Hux that he recognized the songs. It was unexpected, he never realized how influential Ben’s music was. When they were in school together there was never a weekend night when he didn’t have something blaring through his speakers. 

Now, surrounded by people he felt himself learning to love, he was beyond grateful to be able to sing along. They all stumbled over the words once in a while, each trying to guide the others. 

Rey held Hux’s hands, trying to teach him a few simple dances. He stepped on her more than a couple times but she didn’t mind, she just climbed on top of his feet and let him kick her around. 

Blush spread down his cheeks when Poe and Finn yanked him away, sandwiching him between them as they danced. He didn’t seem to mind the physical affection, suddenly. Every anxiety he had surrounding the weekend was suddenly gone. 

Is this what he had been missing for all those years? Was there still time for him to have it for real?

They sang along with Phasma, shouting the words over the music. She held out the microphone to the crowd, finishing off strong as the song ended. They cheered her on as she continued to dance, gesturing to Hux. 

“You’re up, Huxy,” Finn chanted.

“Only I can call him that,” Ben warned, pulling Hux back into his arms.

Finn rolled his eyes as he let out a half sincere apology and gestured to the stage. The rest of the group was eager to push him up there, practically pulling Hux away.

Hux was released from Ben’s grip, and given an encouraging smile as he made his way to the front. Unfortunately, his musical knowledge was not very extensive. It mostly consisted of classical music that he could work to. 

“Hello,” he stood in front of the microphone, waving awkwardly, “This is a song I used to sing sometimes.” 

“Incredible intro, buddy,” Poe shouted from his spot, and if there weren’t children running in and out of the tent Hux would have flipped him off. 

With one last gulp of his drink, he set the empty cup down on stage. As a child, he didn’t have much of an outlet. He was to be neither seen nor heard unless spoken to. The only thing he had was his mom’s old CD player she left behind. 

Hux would lay in bed repeating the same mix she made over and over again. It had been years since he thought about it, but the memory of dancing around his kitchen when his father wasn’t home gave him a shot of nostalgia he was unfamiliar with. 

The music started and Poe’s head fell back with laughter. Hux’s heart threatened to give out with all of the attention suddenly on him. When he met Ben’s eyes, he felt a surge of confidence.

“Tumble outta bed and I stumble to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition, yawn and stretch and try to come to life.”

The Dolly Parton song seemed to be the last thing anyone expected from Hux, including Ben. It was something he only enjoyed alone, and in a very particular mood. Suddenly, he felt the ability to correct the trauma of his childhood with the happiness of the future. 

As the last shot of alcohol warmed his body, he began to get more adventurous. His voice grew louder and his dancing wilder. Ben stared at him from the crowd with dark eyes, and Hux blew him a kiss.

The more he sang the more Hux realized he related to the song. There was no balance between his life and his work, everything seemed to meld together. Every day left him feeling more zombified than the last.

But here, with Ben, he felt truly alive for the first time in years. This was the way he wanted to live forever, surrounded by family and friends and the love of his life. 

The crowd cheered, dancing and singing along. At some point Rey was placed on top of Phasma’s shoulders and they wandered to the stage to offer Hux a shot. During a lull in the lyrics he knocked it back, immediately launching into the next verse. 

Everything was overwhelming but he didn’t let himself worry. The only thing in the world that mattered was the way Ben looked at him, and how happy he felt to be in his arms. 

As he stumbled off of the stage, Ben walked up to greet him. Hux grinned, and for a second it looked like Ben may surge in to kiss him. Instead, Poe broke the tension with another wolf whistle, and Hux looked down with red cheeks. 

“The night’s still young, boys,” Rey cheered.

Hux met Ben’s gaze and smiled. The night was young, and Hux intended to enjoy it without fear of the future. 

He wondered if Ben was clinging onto every last second too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone for your kind comments omg <3 im gonna try to have this finished by the weekend or early next week! let me know your thoughts !!


	9. Nearly Curtains

For the first time in his life Hux pulled Ben onto the dance floor, not the other way around. It usually took him a significant amount of prodding before he would even consider it, but when Poe and Phasma suggested they head over he fell in line behind them immediately. 

Similarly to their time in the tent they were a little wilder than most of the other guests. They each took turns requesting songs, and when Leia cut them off Rey broke into her phone to put a few last minute additions onto the queue. 

It had been years since he felt so fully free, and he let himself believe that this wouldn’t be the last night of his life he felt so happy. Maybe, he reasoned, Ben would bring him home again. Maybe he would get to experience the week all over again.

Maybe Ben had fallen in love with him too.

Just as the thought ran through his head Ben took his hand and jerked him back and forth. Hux laughed, pushing the other man back as they continued to dance. 

For the most part it was the younger people that remained on the floor. Hux watched a group of children do their best to show off unbelievably bad moves, but they all clapped along nonetheless.

Hux watched Ben through a rosy haze, eyes trained on him no matter where he went. Everyone he interacted with adored him, letting him twirl them and laughing at all of his goofy jokes. 

It felt natural to see Ben interacting with the family. They were so removed from the city, so intertwined with the feeling of a love he never imagined himself capable of. There hadn’t been the desire for something like this in his life since he was a child.

And there Ben was, screaming along with his sister to a song from the movie they watched a few nights before. Poe and Finn were jostled back and forth as he bumped each of them to the beat of the music. Even Phasma received a spin or two when she passed by. 

Leia joined them for a moment, just because Ben pleaded with her to. They put on something she used to play as they worked around the house. The joy between them was so visible Hux wondered if he could reach out and touch it. 

Even Han came out for a dance or two, but only when his own requests came on. Though they weren’t touching, there was something between them that Ben had believed would never exist. 

“Look, Leia,” Han laughed, “Benny might have inherited your smile, but he sure as hell got stuck with my dance moves.”

The grin that spread across Ben’s face looked like it could rip his cheeks apart. The sparkle in his eyes showed pure joy, and when his shoulder brushed Han’s neither jumped apart. 

Leia was beside Hux and she reached down to squeeze his hand. There were tears in her eyes but no sadness behind them. It must have been overwhelming for her, he realized, to suddenly see her family click back into place.

They danced together, and neither needed to exchange words. Leia would thank Hux for bringing her son home. Hux would thank her for allowing him to love Ben in the first place. 

No one could have guessed how well the week would go. Every day the family walked around eggshells around each other, trying to exist without another blowout. They didn’t expect it to end with the group of them happy together. 

Five years had changed them all. What felt impossible before was now unfolding before Hux’s eyes. The family Ben spent a decade running from had finally caught up, and their time away from one another had done nothing to keep them apart forever. 

The weight of their first night in the Organa household floated away, and within just a few days Hux watched their joy resemble the early pictures in Leia’s photo album.

This was worth every ounce of heartache. This was worth the pining Hux sank into, the hours he swallowed his anxiety in an attempt to gobble Ben’s up too. It was worth falling in love with his best friend, even if he didn’t love him back.

Their eyes met. It took everything in Hux not to reach out to him. 

Ben swooped his mother up, holding her feet off the ground as they waltzed around the floor. She was yelling at him to put her down, but could barely get the words out between her laughter. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and spun her in a circle as soon as she touched the ground. 

“Happy birthday, Mom,” he called over the music. 

“Even happier with you here, honey,” she pinched his cheeks. 

For a second Hux never wanted to leave. He refused to check the time, and when the dark of the night washed over them fully he simply glowed under the lights surrounding them. 

Phasma came up behind him, and they shared that long forgotten dance he always promised her. Their attempt left them stumbling over one another, and she had to catch Hux by the wrist before he fell. 

“Okay,” she laughed, “Maybe I didn’t really miss out on anything after all.” 

“Lyn, it’s been too long,” Hux shook his head, “I’m sorry I’ve been-”

“You’re still wrapped up in the past, Leggie, it’s time to look toward your future.”

She whirled him around so that he was only a foot from Ben. They beamed at each other, immediately slipping into one another’s arms. Hux curled into him for only a second, relishing every moment of contact they had. 

“I hate to leave you,” Ben gestured to a child beside them, “But I’ve promised myself to another.”

Hux rolled his eyes and waved him off. Ben kissed his forehead, bumping their cheeks together. It was something so small, but it made him want to scream at the top of his lungs how in love he was. 

Rey and Finn danced on him, and his efforts to push them away were unsuccessful. Leia joined in and he could have collapsed from the ridiculousness of it all. By the end of the night he was sure he’d pull a muscle in his stomach.

It wasn’t something he allowed himself to dream of, but watching Ben pass from person to person warmed his heart. Never before had he understood the appeal of an overwhelming family, but now he didn’t want to imagine his life without it. 

Hux’s eyes drifted back to Ben. The sight of him swinging around a child made his heart jolt. He was shocked that he didn’t immediately hate it. Ben pointed in his direction and Hux took a hesitant step forward. The little girl waved to him, beckoning him over.

This stupid suburban fantasy was engulfing him whole. 

Every time he felt like he couldn’t be happier he was mistaken. Ben held the child on his shoulders while he and Hux danced beneath her. She tugged on his gelled hair, pulling strand from strand out of place. 

Ben reached forward to mess with it too, and soon it was falling into his face. To hell with plans, to hell with everything so carefully constructed in his head. Hux laughed and yanked Ben’s hair right back, encouraging the kid to do the same. 

At the end of the next song they set her down and watched her sprint across the lawn to play with the other children. Hux remembered his own years of innocence before the crushing weight of the world sank in. 

And now, here he was, feeling that weight lifted again.

“I thought you hated kids,” Ben tugged him close.

“I do hate kids,” Hux assured him.

Ben tilted his head to the side, following Hux’s eyes where they settled on the others. It all seemed so easy to be so young, but he knew the truth. He wondered how different his life would have been if that joy lasted past the first five years of his life. 

“Just maybe not that one,” he admitted. 

Ben looked like he was about to make his retort, but the upbeat song ended before he could. There was a few seconds of silence, and Hux heard the heaviness of his own breathing.

Lilting piano notes drifted out of the speakers. Several people abandoned the dance floor, seemingly ready for a break. Phasma and Rey waved in their direction, making a beeline toward the bar. All around them, couples paired up at the promise of a slow song. 

It was almost a joke, really, that Elvis Presley’s ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’ started playing. Hux wanted to laugh, because if the week had a theme song it would have been this. Before he could gawk at the irony, Ben settled his hands on Hux’s waist.

“I’ve never,” Hux scrunched up his face, unsure of where to put his hands.

“Take my hand,” Ben instructed quietly. 

“Take my whole life too,” Hux quoted before he could stop himself. 

Ben offered a gentle smile. He brushed Hux’s hair back out of his face, his thumb lingering at his cheekbone. They stared at one another as he entwined their fingers. 

“You know the song,” Ben observed as they began to sway back and forth.

“Of course I know the song,” Hux scoffed, but his voice wobbled.

“I requested it,” Ben confessed, and something rose in Hux’s throat. 

“Well,” Hux said stoically, “I guess your music taste isn’t as bad as what you’ve shown me in the past.” 

The other man only grinned at him. He led Hux back and forth, counting out the steps with him for the first thirty seconds or so. Soon they gave up on anything coordinated and resigned to clinging to one another as the song played. 

The familiar guilt threatened to rise. It seemed like something out of a movie, and Hux couldn’t believe it was real. If he closed his eyes for too long he expected to wake up alone in his bed. 

“Ben, I-” 

Ben cut him off with a kiss, swooping down to connect their lips as gently as he could. Hux stopped swaying, feeling the shock rush over his body. Slowly, he lifted his hands to cup Ben’s face. 

The song continued on around them, and Hux felt the beat of the speakers slowly losing speed against his own heart. Ben held onto him tightly, fingers digging into his waist, and Hux noted how desperate he was to draw him closer.

They continued to sway slightly, but the music seemed to melt into the background. Hux couldn’t help falling in love, not even when he tried so hard for ten years of his life. Everything, absolutely everything, came back to Ben. 

“To keep up appearances,” Ben said softly as he pulled back, but for the first time Hux wasn’t sure if he believed it. 

“Right,” he agreed, “For appearances.” 

They stared at each other for only a beat before Hux dragged Ben back, fingers tangled in his hair. The other man let out a surprised gasp as they collided once again, but kissed him back just as fervently. 

Ben held him like they would tip over if he let go. Hux allowed himself to be anchored to the ground, relying on the other man to keep him steady when his legs threatened to give out. By the feel of Ben’s hands, he needed Hux to keep him upright too. 

It was different from any of the affection they had shared before. Ben kissed him like he would break if he made one wrong move. Hux drifted out of his own mind and vaguely registered the words of the song over Ben’s content sighs. 

_ Only fools rush in _ . His mind played the line over. The onslaught of his feelings over the last four days felt rushed, he knew that much. But when Ben pulled away and pressed their foreheads together Hux was suddenly incapable of remembering a time when he didn’t love him. 

From the second he saw that deliriously goofy smile he knew he was hooked. No one could ever or would ever compare to Ben. He was more than everything he wanted, he was everything he needed. 

Every defining moment within the last ten years included Ben. He was there for him every single day, and Hux vowed to make up for the years he was unable to reciprocate the blinding affection.

There were only the two of them, but that was all he needed for the rest of his life. The family around him was something out of his wildest dream, but he could go on without them. 

It would be impossible to survive without Ben. Hux didn’t dare picture a future without him.

Instead, he allowed himself to dream about everything he shut out for so long. Waking up next to Ben in the early morning, failing as he tried to help make breakfast. Taking his full lunch breaks to spend just an hour together despite his workload, and coming home early that night for dinner. Watching Ben paint from across the room, their room, and showing up to every event the gallery put on. 

Loving him. Holding him. Spending his life with him. 

There, in front of a hundred people he didn’t know, Hux wished he could drop to one knee and promise the rest of his days to the man he knew was the love of his life. Ben held him too tightly to make that a reality. 

They were running out of time. Every second the song came closer to its finish, and the night came closer to its end. In the morning Hux would watch Ben sleep and savor every last second they had together.

And maybe, when they were home, he would show up to Ben’s door with three dozen roses to hear him say ‘It’s about goddamn time’. 

“I can’t help falling in love with you,” Ben sang the last words, low in Hux’s ear.

He shuddered, wrapping his arms tightly around Ben’s shoulders. They stood hugging in the middle of the group, the notes fading out. If he kept his eyes closed, Hux wondered if he could stay in those final seconds. 

The next song faded in, something upbeat with a heavy bass. All around them, people broke off to get back into the fast paced dancing. The two stood, Hux looking at the ground and Ben looking at Hux, refusing to break apart like the others.

Ben’s head nuzzled into Hux’s shoulder, and he felt the heat of his breath. It reminded him of when they slept curled up, warm from the lack of distance between their bodies. 

“The party is almost over,” Ben whispered. 

And so was the trip, Hux thought to himself. He just nodded, and watched a few groups of guests already begin their goodbyes. It was a slap in the face, a horrific reminder of what was to come the next afternoon. 

Ben held tightly to his hand, but Hux could already feel him slipping away.

Leia approached them, a tissue held up to her eyes. Her tears were clear and she didn’t bother to pretend to be put together. She wept as she pulled them both in for a hug, the three of them tightly joined together. 

‘This is like a fairytale,” she cried, “You two are so sweet.”

Hux smiled uneasily, patting Leia’s back. They both held back their chuckles, trying their best not to offend the birthday girl. Han approached them with a wave and held onto his wife’s shoulders. 

“Leia,” he reprimanded softly, “Let the boys be.”

“It’s okay,” Ben assured him, “I’ll take her for a while.”

Ben and his mother walked across the yard. He held her as they went, pushing her back up when she tipped to the side. They settled into a table and she continued to cry. Ben rubbed her shoulders and saw the way he roughly swiped his own tears from his cheeks. 

“I hope we didn’t scare you off this week,” Han cleared his throat.

Hux turned back to him and shook his head, offering his strongest smile. What scared him was something he couldn’t vocalize to the other man. Instead it remained caged in his heart, waiting to be set free. 

“Leia really… well, and the kids,” Han sighed, “We all want the two of you to come back. Soon.”

They stood in silence, watching Ben speak with his mother. The weeping had turned into smiles and laughter, and Hux wondered how he could have held back from seeing her for half a decade. 

“Five years is a long time,” Han continued. 

“Too long,” Hux agreed, “I wish he would have considered it sooner.” 

“Rey said, ah, that you offered to come. And that you convinced Benny to follow through with it.”

Hux could have rolled his eyes at Ben’s tattletale of a sister. Any anger he might have held dissipated when he saw her jumping into her mother’s lap and disrupting the conversation between them.

Ben reached out to try and push her from the chair. It nearly took Leia down as well, and he caught both of the women before they could hit the ground.

“I really didn’t do much,” Hux shrugged, “You know how he can be.”

“That’s the thing,” Han shook his head, “I don’t. I didn’t, not until I saw you boys together. You two just… connect. I never got how to do that with him.”

In the dead of the night Ben whispered to him that he had never felt so understood, so cared for. Hux had tried to laugh it off, too afraid to admit the same thing. Even on their worst days, they still clicked. 

“The truth is, I’ve been a pretty shit dad to him.”

Hux didn’t try to talk Han out of that belief. They both knew the tension between Ben and his father wasn’t one sided. It was from years of build up, and years of trying to ignore the issue completely. 

“I didn’t think I would ever lose my own son. Leia kept warning me, I wouldn’t believe her,” Han coughed.

He thought about his own father. Distantly, he wondered if that was the same way he felt about him. When he was younger he waited by the phone, pleading for any contact beyond a bimonthly call. Soon enough, the calls ended all together. 

“Do you think he wants to fix it? Is there still time?”

Hux remembered the excitement on Ben’s face when he described the earlier conversation with his father. There was hope in his eyes that Hux couldn’t stand to be stomped out. 

“He wouldn’t have come if there wasn’t,” Hux nodded.

“With your dad-” Han started.

“I don’t really have a dad,” Hux interrupted. 

Han looked at him carefully. 

“Yeah, me neither,” he admitted, “Choice or circumstance?”

Hux considered the words. If his father tried to reenter his life would he accept? He thought about the countless nights hiding under his bed from the anger, panicked and wishing he could escape to a world away. 

Maybe if his mother didn’t leave they would have had a chance. He thought about waking up in the morning to the pancakes with chocolate chip smiley faces. His father lingered in the doorway, scolding her for coddling her son. 

Maybe if he had consoled him following his mom’s death they could have connected. Hux remembered the months following the funeral spent banished from the home because he left a dish in the sink or was caught doing something minor his father didn’t approve of. 

“Choice,” he settled on finally. 

They continued to watch Ben. Somehow, he hadn’t looked in their direction once. Leia, on the other hand, shot them cautious looks. The fear in her gaze made Hux question what she worried about. Before he could read into it further Han clapped a hand on his shoulder. 

“Well, if you ever choose to try it out again,” he cleared his throat, “I could use all the practice I can get.”

Hux turned to look at him. Han didn’t move his hand, just offered a grin and a squeeze. There was no way to vocalize his gratefulness. The sincerity of Han’s expression made him realize the truth behind the words. 

Thankfully, there was no need for Hux to express his thoughts. Han gave him one final squish and was off, seemingly rescuing his wife from their children. The words stuck in his head. He refused to let himself get caught up in the offer, but something inside of him desired it so strongly he tilted forward. 

Ben was suddenly there to catch him. 

“Were you just talking to my dad?” he asked. 

“I was,” Hux nodded.

Ben looked at him, waiting for more. Hux didn’t know what to say. Why would Han speak to him instead of his son? He remembered the anxiety in his eyes as he asked about Ben, and whether or not they would be able to come back together. 

“He wants you to visit more.”

The words hung in the air and Ben watched his father lift his mother up, dancing with her across the yard to the dessert table. It was difficult to read him, but Hux felt almost positive that the other man felt the same way. 

“What do you want?” Hux asked gently, “Do you think this could be home to you again?” 

Ben turned to him. He took his hand. 

“I’m glad I came back, I can’t thank you enough for convincing me,” he smiled, “But, Hux, this isn’t home.”

Hux frowned, trying to figure out where he had gone wrong. Everything seemed to fit into place, but apparently he hadn’t been paying attention. Ben placed his hand under Hux’s chin and brought his gaze to meet his own.

“My home is with you,” Ben whispered, “Wherever you are is where I belong.” 

It was dizzying. There was no expectation for a response, Ben just pulled Hux against his chest and swayed in time with the gentler song playing through the speakers. The floor kept giving out from beneath him, sending him tumbling further and further in love with his best friend. 

“Don’t leave me,” Ben begged.

“Don’t let me go,” Hux returned. 

They remained linked together, listening to the sounds of laughter and conversation flow around them. If Hux closed his eyes he couldn’t distinguish whether he was in a dream or wide awake. 

Group by group the yard cleared out. Hux stood by Ben’s side through the rounds, even being pulled in for a few hugs himself by overly touchy relatives. It was easier to deal with the affection than throw Ben off balance. 

It was well after midnight before the majority of the guests cleared out. Leia and Han sat on the patio with some of their closest friends, huddled around a fire and gossiping like teenagers. 

The younger group was relegated to the tent. They helped clean up despite Leia’s protests and when everything they could manage was taken care of they crammed around the one final table and spoke excitedly about the night. 

“Ben, you’re an even worse dancer than I remember,” Poe laughed. 

“Oh please,” Finn rolled his eyes, “Like you have any room to talk.” 

Ben leaned forward to agree with Finn, carefully maintaining Hux’s position on his lap. They hadn’t even thought to find another chair. It was dizzying how quickly they fell into the comfort of each other’s arms. 

“For the love of god, don’t rile him up,” Hux pleaded, “You’re not the ones who have to go to bed with him.” 

Ben sucked in a deep breath, forehead resting on Hux’s shoulder. Was he thinking about their last night together? Did he wish they had more time to curl into one another underneath the night sky? 

“Well, as punishment for tonguing each other all weekend,” Rey held up her clasped hands, “Can we please have one final performance from Kylie Ron?”

“We don’t  _ tongue  _ each other-” Hux started.

“Just one last show?” Finn joined in with the pleading. 

Poe and Phasma started to chant the name louder and louder, threatening to scream if he didn’t relent. Ben opened his mouth to turn down the offer, but then Hux was huddled up to his chest.

“Just one more?” 

“Absolutely not.” 

“Please, honey, you’re so talented,” he batted his eyelashes innocently.

Ben scowled, but Hux saw the glimmer in his eye. He wondered what he could get the other man to do for him if he asked nicely. 

“You’re going to hold this over my head forever,” Ben deadpanned.

“Yep,” Hux pushed forward to press a kiss to his cheek. 

“Fine,” he grumbled, snatching the blanket from Hux’s shoulders to tie around his own, “Consider this the Kylie Ron farewell show.” 

The words were met with both excitement and disappointed. It was clear that no one wanted to get rid of Kylie Ron, not forever. Ben just stalked off to go through the karaoke list. They bubbled with the possibilities, the promise of getting to hear him yell into the microphone again. 

He looked back out at them, making eye contact with Hux. They didn’t speak and he wondered what was turning in the other man’s head. Without a word Ben walked off the stage. 

“Hey!” They called after him, but he just gestured to the backdrop.

Hux laughed, eager for the latest reveal. Leave it to Ben to refuse to start on stage the way the rest of them did. Everything had to be big and dramatic, and once again Hux wondered when he stumbled into one of his best friend’s favorite movies. 

When the track started Rey’s hands fluttered up to her face, fingertips pressed to her cheeks. She looked at Hux with a look of bewilderment and endearment. 

“You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you,” Ben sang out, the track in the background surprising them all, “You’d be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much.” 

“Is he,” Poe narrowed his eyes, “Is this the song from 10 Things I Hate About You?”

Rey nodded, tears welling in her eyes. She ducked her head down, shaking it as she went. Hux recognized it, it was from the only movie he ever allowed Ben to play more than once. It was some silly high school movie with a pretend relationship turned real, and he could have laughed at the irony. 

With the way Ben looked at him, he wondered if there was a deeper message in the choice.

“Oh my god,” Hux gawked as Ben moved around the stage. 

The giant man, dressed head to toe in skin tight black clothing with a raggedy cape hanging from his back and eyeliner so thick it was visible a hundred yards away, now danced around the stage to a song so unfitting for the outfit it was laughable.

“I love you baby, and if it’s alright I need you baby to warm the lonely night,” Ben sang, twirling around to gesture to Hux, “I love you baby, trust in me when I say.”

Rey was hunched over with her hands covering her eyes. It seemed like the long day and countless margaritas had gotten to her, and before Hux could check on her she was wrapping her arms around his shoulders. 

Hux sat in his chair, somewhere between mortified and hysterical, as the rest of the table clapped along to the song and cheered out his name. It was easier to avert his gaze and bury his face in the younger girl’s hair.

When he sat back up, Ben was still singing right at him, gestures and all. Hux mouthed for him to fuck off, and Ben winked at him in return. 

Leave it to Hux to get himself worked up over this ridiculous show. But his heart swelled with adoration, and he couldn’t pull his eyes away from Ben’s. The laughter melted into a soft smile, and Ben tripped over his words as he became absorbed by the look. 

“Get off the stage,” Poe hollered.

“At long last love has arrived, and I thank god I’m alive.”

Hux stared into Ben’s eyes, soft and welcoming, and tried to imagine a world where every passing second filled him with this much joy. That world was possible, he knew, if they could stay like this forever. 

Rey released him and he tried not to laugh at the mascara smudged under her eyes. Poe and Finn didn’t hold back, however, pulling her in and rubbing her back. Through her tears she took another hearty sip of her drink. 

The second Hux’s gaze reconnected with Ben’s he forgot all about her. It was a silly performance, he told himself, it was just a goofy way to make everyone laugh while getting out of singing something that they were actually looking for. 

Ben staggered forward, motioning for Hux to join him. There was no means of getting around it, Finn and Phasma practically threw him up there. Hux found himself led back and forth, up and down the stage. Despite the singing along around them he could only hear Ben’s voice, and the words he sang that mirrored his feelings so intimately. 

“Now that I’ve found you stay, oh pretty baby,” Ben raised one arm, bringing it down to point at Hux, “Trust in me when I say.” 

Ben mouthed something at him. Hux just shook his head, beckoning him to repeat it. He didn’t. 

“It’s disgusting,” Rey sobbed, “It’s so gross.”

“I don’t know,” Hux tilted his head, “I think I kinda loved it.” 

Crossing the yard, Ben removed the cape and went to wrap it around Hux’s shoulder’s again. They returned to their previous position and he let out a sigh of relief at the feel of the other man’s touch.

“Only kinda?” Ben asked. 

“Okay,” Hux relented, “I really loved it.”

They practically giggled, poking at one another and moving in for a peck on the cheek or the corner of a mouth. 

“I give in,” Rey lifted her head from the table, “You guys win. What’s it like to be in love?”

Everyone cooed in her direction, reaching out to pat her head and tickle her sides. Rey sat up straight and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Within seconds she seemed exponentially more put together, but her eyes still watered when she looked around the table. 

“It’s warm and fuzzy,” Poe jabbed her.

“And gooey,” Finn continued, “So, so sappy.”

They all laughed at the taunting. It was clear that Rey would be mortified by the conversation by the morning, but her irritation in the moment had no bite behind it. She didn’t bother trying to get them to stop grabbing at her. 

“Sickening,” Ben repeated her words, “But cute.” 

The group snickered. Hux sniffled slightly, the weight of it pressing down on him once again.  _ Please,  _ he thought,  _ please let me have this. Please don’t take it away.  _

Phasma made a joke but he couldn’t hear it. The alcohol still in his body made him feel like mush, even if it was mostly out of his system at that point. Maybe it was Ben who was making him fall apart, he couldn’t tell. 

“It makes every bad thing you ever went through worth it,” Hux admitted, “Because it led you to him.” 

They all went quieter with the more serious confession. Rey looked at him almost thankfully, like it was the answer she had been looking for. Ben wasn’t breathing beside him, but his heartbeat quickened. 

When Rey pulled herself together she reprimanded them for letting her cry. They all continued to make fun, but Ben had grown quieter. Hux could tell when he was deeply lost in thought. 

“Hey,” he murmured, “Stop worrying. Enjoy the rest of it, there’s still time.”

Ben nodded slowly, but there was disbelief in his eyes. Hux squeezed his hand tightly, throwing him into the middle of an argument between Rey and Phasma. They practically gobbled him alive and within a few moments he relaxed once again. 

There was still time. There was the rest of the night, and the morning. Twenty four hours from now Hux would be asleep in his own bed, Millicent by his side, but Ben missing. He wondered what excuses there had to be to keep him there for just another night longer. 

“It’s getting late,” Phasma yawned, stretching her arms above her head. 

Hux checked the clock and saw it was close to 2:30 in the morning. Leia and Han appeared to be packing it in finally, waving their goodbyes and thank yous. The yard grew quiet, the sound of the crickets suddenly overpowering. 

“I’ve gotta work tomorrow, so I won’t be seeing you, Leggie,” she frowned.

Ben released him and Hux allowed himself to be yanked into a tight hug. They whispered to each other that it wouldn’t be so long this time. Phasma was somehow a town over from his best friend’s childhood home, and he never knew. He wondered what else was standing right in front of him that he had never thought to learn. 

“Come visit,” Hux demanded.

“I will.” 

Phasma did her rounds saying goodbye to everyone else. Rey practically hung off of her, swinging back and forth. It was nice to see that she had people here, and Hux wished he had been a better friend in the last ten years. 

The cab pulled up into the driveway and Ben offered again to let her stay the night. Phasma shook her head, giving him a tight hug as well. There was something said between the two of them, but Hux couldn’t hear. 

“Okay,” she grinned, “One more.”

They reached out for one another and Hux tried to savor the way she held him like when they were kids. Back then, it felt like nothing was ever going to change. Seeing the look in her eyes and the craziness of her hair, Hux realized that it was okay for some things to stay the same. 

“Tell him,” she whispered in his ear. 

Before Hux could reply she was walking across the lawn. Rey hurriedly followed her, and they talked as they went. The last thing he heard before she jumped into the car was her booming laugh, and it made him smile. 

The five left meandered into the home, not bothering to tiptoe around the place. Somewhere upstairs Han called for them to be quiet, but when Rey’s laughter came his own followed. 

“Goodnight boys,” she saluted them, “If you saw me cry tonight, no you didn’t.” 

Ben scoffed, waving goodnight as everyone piled into their respective rooms. The sudden silence as the bedroom door shut behind them pushed Hux off of his feet, and every thought he managed to push back for so long came rushing in. 

“Sleep, sweet sleep,” Ben cried out gleefully as his body crashed into the mattress.

Awkwardly, Hux tried to laugh along. It was their last night together and the thought of sleeping only meant the promise of waking up. Would Ben hold him the same way tonight? 

Hux stood across the room, focusing intently on undoing the buttons of his shirt. When did there get to be so many, he wondered, and why was it so much harder to unbutton them tonight?

Just as he was about to rip the shirt off at the seams, his hands were taken into another’s. Ben stood in front of him, gently unhooking every button that Hux’s hands were shaking too badly to get at. 

“Thank you,” Hux smiled softly, keeping his head down. 

“Of course, pumpkin,” Ben grinned in return.

The nickname was meant to be sweet, Hux knew that, but it felt like a twist of the knife that was already in his gut. Heavy tears welled in the corners of his eyes, and he desperately tried to bat them away as his eyes stayed focused on the carpet. 

The buttons were expertly undone, each one leaving him more exposed than the last. Hux flinched slightly when Ben reached the end. It was impossible for him to speak, and he knew that was for the best. 

“Hux?” Ben asked, holding his arm out to rest on Hux’s shoulder.

Hux pulled back. The lingering feeling of where Ben’s hand had been burned with everything that he could never have. For four days he was able to swallow it whole with the promise of more time, but now that time was up. 

“Please,” he asked roughly, “Don’t.” 

Ben didn’t argue, and Hux didn’t look at the expression on his face. He just brought his unbuttoned sleeve up to his eyes to wipe away the tear that had escaped, and yank in a deep breath. It was pathetic to act this way, he knew it. 

“Hux,” Ben deflated at the realization that Hux was crying, lifting his hands to pull him closer, but quickly dropping them once more.

Hux stole a quick look at Ben, but he wished he hadn’t. He was confused and clearly unsure of how to help him. More than anything he looked distressed. Those soft eyes were now wide with worry as they darted around in looks of an answer. 

“Come to bed,” Ben requested gently, and that was it. 

Hux let out a horrific sob, doubled over in pain with his arms wrapped tightly around his stomach. Ben staggered back, tired and tipsy and shocked. The sound alone was frightening, but the wrecked look of Hux was something completely different. 

It had been years since he broke down in front of Ben. There were only a handful in total when his stress became unmanageable. This wasn’t fair, he knew that. Ben had had such a great night, and here he was, ruining it.

Just like he would ruin their friendship, Hux realized. 

“Hux, please, just tell me-” Ben pleaded, stepping forward to wipe a tear from his cheek.

“Let me go,” he said weakly. 

“Hux,” his voice was soothing and sweet as he lifted Hux’s chin up to look at him.

“I’m just tired,” Hux rasped, “I just need to sleep.” 

Ben didn’t look convinced. He stood, unwavering, watching as Hux let a few of the tears drip onto his cheeks. He reached out to continue wiping them away as tenderly as possible. Everything he did to help hurt Hux even more. 

It was boiling over the edge. Every carefully hidden confession was bubbling up in his throat. Hux worried that if he opened his mouth he would vomit all over the rug. The more Ben whispered his name, pleaded for him to talk, the more Hux felt himself unravel. 

“Armitage, tell me how to help you,” Ben pleaded. 

The look on his face is what did it. There was so much sadness behind Ben’s eyes, sadness that Hux had worked so hard to rid from his body. Now, he was the thing that would ruin the trip. 

“I shouldn’t have come,” Hux admitted, and the pain flashed across Ben’s face.

“What are you talking about?” he demanded, “Was... did someone say something to you? Because if so, just tell me who it was and I’ll-” 

“Ben, I love you,” Hux interrupted him, voice slow and steady despite his terrified resolve. 

Ben froze, mouth hanging open as he searched Hux’s face. This was it, he realized, this was where he lost not only his best friend but the man he truly believed could be the love of his life. 

“I’m in love with you,” he whispered, barely able to get the words out. 

Hux roughly swiped away his tears with the heel of his hand. There was no stopping it anymore. What he wanted to take time to think about escaped his lips. If he had only made it a few days more, maybe he would have been more put together.

Looking at Ben’s face, he realized no amount of preparation would have helped him through this. 

“Every time you touch me I feel like I’m on fire. When you smile, my heart lodges in my throat. I can’t even look at you anymore without feeling my chest ache, I-I feel like I’m going to be sick every time I think of being without you,” Hux choked out.

Ben stood still, unwavering in front of him. His jaw was clenched, and Hux felt himself break down further at the lack of a response.

“I’m sorry,” he pleaded, “I never meant for this to happen, I wasn’t trying to trick you into falling in love with me, I just wanted to be a better friend. You’ve always made me so happy and for once I wanted to do the same for you.”

His entire body was trembling. The tears that wouldn’t stop coming flew from his cheeks, landing in zig zag patterns by his feet. The whites of his socks were darker with the wet, but somehow he kept his eyes on Ben’s. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, “Ben, I’m so sorry. I can’t lose you. I’ll do anything just tell me-”

His voice was cut off by Ben’s lips crashing against his own. He staggered backwards, hitting the wall softly. Ben held his hand up against the back of his head so that it wouldn’t bump the wood. Hux let out a soft gasp, unable to move. 

They pulled apart and for the first time Hux realized just how much Ben was shaking as well. Their foreheads rested against one another, and for a moment neither could manage to speak. 

“Tell me again,” Ben whispered, “Tell me you…”

His voice trailed off but Hux knew the words he wanted to hear. For the first time in his life they didn’t catch in his throat. 

“I love you, mo chroí.”

Ben fell to his knees and Hux came down with him. Both men trembled, barely able to remain upright. They leaned on one another for the support it took to keep from collapsing to the floor. 

“Ten years,” Ben choked out, “I’ve been waiting to hear those words for ten years.”

Hux was shocked. It felt impossible to him that Ben could reciprocate his feelings. It felt more impossible that they had both been circling each other for a decade without the ability to express it. 

“Ben,” Hux asked shakily, “Do you…” 

Hux didn’t have time to finish his question. Ben was pulling him closer again, kissing him like it was his last chance. The lack of air had him stumbling back slightly but the other man gripped him so tightly his upper body didn’t go anywhere. 

“I love you.”

They stared at each other. Hux couldn’t respond to the words, he was too overcome with emotion. The only thing that they could manage was grasping at each other. The thought of letting go hurt him so badly he let out a choked cry. 

Slowly, he was pulled to his feet. Ben walked him across the room and sat him down on the bed. Hux felt the heaviness of the confession crushing him with every minute. He wanted to scream for Ben to just hold him, but he sat frozen in place. 

“I know you were kidding around earlier but I, um, I wrote a song for you. While you were still asleep this morning.” 

Hux couldn’t speak. Ben squeezed his knees, asking him to remain in place. When he removed his hands it felt like the loss of everything wonderful in his life. He tried to place the moments when Ben might’ve had the time and wondered if it was all a big joke. 

He returned with a guitar in his hands. It had remained in the corner of the room all week, and Hux never thought to ask what it was doing there in the first place. 

“I wrote this,” Ben said, looking directly at Hux, “For you, Hux. Only you.” 

The first notes were slow. Ben slipped up a chord or two, and Hux saw the way his fingers were incapable of remaining steady. Without thinking he reached out to stroke Ben’s cheek, a silent reminder that he was there. 

“ Let me hold you my love, and we can hide away,” Ben sang quietly, “I know your heart is scared, but I’m begging you to stay.” 

Hux felt his stomach drop. It was impossible to pull his eyes away from the other man, and he felt overcome with the sudden realization that his love might not be unrequited afterall. 

“ Stay awake, just for a moment, and love me through my tears. Stay awake another minute, and I’ll kiss away your fears.”

Ben continued to sing, though a few words stuck in his throat for a beat. Still, he continued. Still, Hux listened. 

“I’ve loved you half my life, I’ll do anything for you. I’ll give you every second, dear god please love me too.” 

Hux moved closer to him. The melody was soft but Ben’s voice was somehow gentler. 

“Have we fallen asleep, with our arms entwined, heavy eyelids drooping, did I only dream you’re finally mine?”

They tipped forward slightly, their foreheads bumping against one another. He let out a shaky breath and held Hux’s cheeks. 

There was only Ben. 

“I love you,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to Hux’s temple, “I’ve always loved you,” another where tears stained his cheeks, “I will love you forever.” 

Ben’s eyes flickered up to meet Hux’s, and Hux let out a choked gasp. It was all too much, really, and he didn’t know how to respond. 

“You love me,” Hux breathed.

“I do,” Ben promised.

Hux pulled a hand up, fingers tracing delicately along Ben’s lips. Ben stared at him in a way that no one else had before, a way that filled him with such love and promise he couldn’t move. 

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Neither knew where to go from there. They remained with their cheeks pressed together, Ben peppering his lips wherever he could reach before Hux dragged him back into place. Slowly their arms encircled one another and Ben lifted him from where he sat. 

“Again,” Hux pleaded, his eyes squeezed closed. 

They pulled back, looking one another in the eye. What had threatened to spill out for so long was now trapped in the way Hux stared at him. It was overwhelming and he didn’t know how he would survive another minute. 

“You walked into that dorm room and the floor was swept out from under me. The first time I heard you laugh I knew I would never get it out of my head,” Ben held his face, “When we’re together I feel like I’m home. When we’re apart I miss you so much it hurts.”

Hux cried quietly. It was different now, it was no longer the hurt of potential loss. Now, it was the hope of something gained. Something he never expected to know for the rest of his life. 

“Every time I look at you I see my future. There’s no one else, pumpkin, there never has been. Try as I might you’re the only one I can picture at night when I’m falling asleep. You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning.”

If Hux held him as tight as he wanted to, he was worried Ben would break in two. The gentleness of his touch was overridden with a desperation to cling to the love of his life, but now without fear of losing him. 

“Your turn,” Ben nudged him.

“That night when I,” Hux swallowed, “When you found me.”

They both looked at one another. It was something they never spoke about, something that Hux begged to keep hidden. Ben looked hesitant, reaching out to assure him they didn’t have to bring it up. 

It was easy not to speak about something, but impossible not to think about it. Hux remembered the end of finals week the spring semester of their freshman year. He laid on his bed thinking about three months at home with his father.

It constricted him so tightly he thought he would die just laying on his back staring at the ceiling. Attempts at studying gave him no respite, and by the end he was incapable of even reading the words let alone remembering them.

Everything had fallen apart so quickly. The week before he and Ben were laughing until the early hours of the morning

Ben’s medication had been right there, right on the top of his desk with the controlled substance label facing his way. Hux did his research, of course, and calculated that they would be enough to end his own life before he was sent back to that house. 

All night he sat hunched over his own desk, drafting and redrafting notes to the most important people in his life, though there were few. The page for his father was blank, and nothing but unintelligible anger came to his mind. 

When writing Ben’s he could not get even halfway out of the fear that his love for his best friend would prevent him from following through.

Hux had laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling and waiting for sleep. It wasn’t until the next day that he came to, in a different bed entirely and with someone holding his hand. Ben slept in a chair beside him, his head resting on the mattress. 

They promised to never speak of it. But, Hux had also promised himself he wouldn’t fall in love with his best friend. 

“I thought I had nothing left to live for. And then I saw you, sitting next to me,” Hux swallowed, “And you made me feel like I mattered. For the first time in my life I realized someone really loved me. I accepted it.” 

The look on Ben’s face when he had woken up was pure joy. He hugged him tightly and pleaded with him to never scare him like that again. Hux wept into his shoulder and apologized until he couldn’t breathe. 

“Whenever my life was falling apart and I felt like there was no point in anything, I remembered you. And I thought, if someone like you cares so much about someone like me, well then I guess I’m more than what I see myself to be.” 

Hux squeezed his hand, wishing his thoughts were easier to put into words. In another life he would have written a fifteen page document outlining his feelings for Ben. Somehow, he didn’t think he would have been able to get it all out properly that way either. 

“Ben, you taught me that I matter. Even if I can’t see it myself sometimes, I remember how you looked at me when I woke up. On my darkest days I still had someone I knew would miss me. And sometimes that was all it took to keep me going.”

Ben kissed him like he hadn’t before. It was everywhere, all at once. His hands touched every inch of Hux’s body that they could reach, fingers tracing hearts and confessions along his skin. 

“Do you remember, Hux?” Ben asked, “Do you remember what you said to me that night?”

Hux shook his head, trying to rack his brain for the possibilities. One second he was in his own bed, the next he was surrounded by four bright white walls. If he thought about it too hard the memory simply slipped away as his mind became detached from his body. 

“You told me you were in love with me.” 

The shock sent his body stumbling back slightly, but Ben caught him. His face immediately nuzzled into the other man’s neck. 

“You woke up, but not really, and saw me sitting there, holding your hand, waiting for you to be okay,” Ben sniffled, “And you said ‘I think I love you, but I don’t know how to right now’.”

Hux apologized quietly, the guilt simmering up slowly. Before it could take over Ben’s lips were on his again.

“You have been my best friend for ten years. You have meant absolutely everything to me, you have made my life better than I ever imagined it could be. We weren’t ready then, and that’s okay.” 

It all began to click into place. Hux saw the pieces of the puzzle fitting together, the moments where Ben all but told him he was in love. His hand reached up to the locket around his neck, wondering how he could have been so oblivious for so long. 

“I went back to Poe because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I knew I couldn’t rush you, but it killed me to be alone,” Ben admitted, “When he slept on the other side of the bed, I’d close my eyes and pretend it was your breathing I heard. I closed my eyes and imagined it was your hands that touched me in the dark. ”

Hux felt more tears rushing to his eyes and tried to push them away. It was no use. Ben didn’t bother holding his own back. A decade of pent up emotion left them trembling in one another’s arms. 

“Hux if you… if you told me right now you didn’t feel the same way, that you only wanted to be friends,” Ben took a deep breath, “I would still be the luckiest man in the world. As long as you’re with me, in whatever capacity, everything is perfect.” 

“I laid awake with my finger over the call button every night. Every time I saw your name pop up on my phone my heart almost beat out of my chest,” Hux murmured, “It still does, Ben. Every time I think about you my body screams at me to never let you go.” 

They kissed slowly, neither in a rush. They had all the time in the world now, not just a week. The days of their pretend relationship were finished, that much was true, but it blossomed into something more than Hux could have ever expected.

“I’m yours,” Hux promised, “I’m yours forever, if you’ll have me.”

“Forever is a long time,” Ben said quietly. 

“And yet it still could never be enough.” 

Something passed over Ben’s face. It seemed like acceptance, like he was finally giving in to the dream they’d both been holding for years. Hux knew his own expression was still in disbelief. 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Ben assured him, dragging a finger along his jawbone.

“I trust you,” Hux returned, the shakiness of his voice receding. 

The two walked into the bathroom to get ready for bed. It had been a long day, and Hux felt exhausted. He always forgot how draining tears could be, even good ones. They jabbed at each other as they got ready, stifling their laughter so they wouldn’t wake the whole house. 

The second he finished rinsing his mouth out Ben was back on him, pushing him up against the sink and sliding his hands along Hux’s abdomen. He leaned into the heat. 

“Don’t worry,” Ben soothed, “I’ll keep you warm.” 

They wandered back into the bedroom, kissing as they went and laughing when they nearly backed over Millicent. She curled up on Ben’s half of the bed, and Hux only grinned because it meant they would just have to share his side instead. 

Ben pulled back the blankets, holding onto Hux’s hand though their fingers barely touched as he grabbed clothes for them to sleep in. The old worn t-shirt Hux used the first day was placed into his hands, and he held it up to breathe in Ben’s familiar scent. 

“Baby, you have the real thing right here,” Ben teased, engulfing him in his arms. 

“I was gonna steal it,” Hux admitted, “To put on my pillow when I didn’t get to sleep next to you anymore.” 

“Bit excessive,” Ben nipped his neck, “But I guess I love you anyway.”

“It’s about goddamn time,” Hux murmured.

His ribs could have broken from the love that radiated within it as he crawled under the blankets, wrapping his body in the sheets. 

“Come to bed,” Hux asked sleepily, holding out a hand to beckon Ben over from where he stood tugging on a pair of flannel bottoms.

Through his hazy, sleepy eyes, Hux saw the wild grin that broke out on Ben’s face. He climbed in beside him, and was instantly greeted with a mess of limbs tangled up in his own.

“You love me,” Ben tested the words aloud.

“I do,” Hux promised. 

Their heads rested on the same pillow, and after a moment Ben’s migrated to Hux’s chest. They laid there, Hux playing with the long dark curls and Ben kissing everywhere he could reach from his spot. 

“I love you here,” Ben kissed his wrist, moving slowly up his arm, “And here, and here, and here.”

“What about here?” Hux gestured to his lips.

Ben pushed himself up on his elbows, his hair already messy from their brief time in bed. Hux reached out to tuck a loose strand behind his ear and felt the other man shiver at the contact. 

“Especially there.”

Time passed until the light outside turned from black to gray. Their yawning became more frequent and more prolonged. Like the night before they stared at each other, both willing to lose sleep just for more contact. 

“So, what do you think,” Ben murmured, “Do you still love me in the light of the morning?”

“I’ll love you in the light of every morning, and the dark of every night,” Hux pressed their lips together, “And every single second inbetween.” 

The sun was threatening to rise with every breath that they took, and Hux tried to remind them that they wouldn’t have much time to sleep before their flight. They had savored this last night together, even though it was really their first.

“Hey,” Hux whispered, “I don’t want to sleep alone anymore.”

“Don’t worry, I’m already thinking about how I’ll be redecorating your apartment when I move in.” 

They laughed, teetering in and out of consciousness. Somewhere in the dozing Hux made a note to ask Ben to live with him for real when they woke up. For now, they had a few hours to hang off of each other before their final moments with the family. 

“Hux, kiss me goodnight.” 

“Ben, it’s morning.”

“Consider it practice then.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i said it would be 10 chapters..... girls are allowed to lie sometimes (i swear i think it'll be 11)


	10. Petrichor

Hux took a deep breath, lips parting gently over warm skin. The feeling surprised him, and his head lifted up slightly as he looked around the room in confusion. 

He was laying on Ben’s chest. There were arms wrapped so tightly around his waist he had trouble breathing. Muffled voices spoke in hushed tones outside of the door. Ben loved him. 

Hux checked the clock, noticing that they slept later than any of the previous days. It wasn’t the best idea, seeing as they only had a few hours to spend with Ben’s family before they caught their flight. And Ben still hadn’t packed. And traffic was going to be bad so they would have to leave extra early.

He still had his head propped up, with his chin resting on Ben’s ribs. Hux was staring intently at the window as he ran the day’s schedule over in his mind, and tried to bury the fear that Ben had just been intoxicated and the night before was a mistake.

The ringing in Hux’s head only increased, and he tried to recount the number of drinks between the two of them the night before. Ben hadn’t seemed fucked up, Hux promised himself. But there was that lingering anxiety in the back of his mind that he couldn’t quite put to rest.

“Stop thinking so hard,” Ben’s voice came suddenly, and Hux jumped.

“Ben, I,” Hux swallowed thickly, unsure of what to say next.

“Love me,” Ben nodded amusedly, “I know.” 

Hux still didn’t relax, waiting for the moment when Ben informed him that his own love was a drunken mistake. It was just because he missed what it felt like to be wanted, or the fake relationship got into his head, or he was delirious from lack of sleep. A myriad of explanations rushed through Hux’s head.

“Baby,” Ben’s voice was cool and collected as he coaxed Hux back towards him.

“Oh thank god,” Hux choked out, melting into a puddle atop Ben’s chest. He curled into him, wrapped his legs around Ben’s waist and his arms around his shoulders.

Ben hung on just as tightly, pressing gentle kisses along the crook of Hux’s neck. If there was anything better to wake up to, Hux couldn’t imagine it. He let out a gasp of a breath, and Ben worked his hardest to work some of the stress away.

“Ten years of love doesn’t disappear in a night,” Ben promised him gently, practically rocking Hux in his arms. 

“No,” Hux observed, the fire in his chest only having grown since they went to sleep, “It certainly doesn’t.” 

Ben hummed against his skin, drawing flowers along the bare expanse of his back to soothe him. Hux wanted to hate how easily Ben’s fingers could bring him back from the brink of a breakdown, but couldn’t. 

“I’m here,” Ben promised, sensing his fears, “I’ve got you.” 

And he believed it. Years of questioning whether or not he was alone in the world came crashing down the second Ben told him how he felt. It went so differently than he had imagined it, so much better. 

“We should talk,” Hux whispered, feeling the need to get everything out in the open. There had to be a plan. They had to know the boundaries, explain their feelings, be on the same page.

“Okay,” Ben whispered, waiting for Hux to continue.

Hux huffed indignantly. Of course it was his job to start the conversation. His frown refused to stay for more than a second as long as Ben’s hands were on him.

“I want this,” Hux whispered softly, “For real. I want to give this a shot, because I think that we have something good together. It took me a long time to realize it, but we’ve always had something special, something beyond platonic feelings.”

_ Please _ , he thought,  _ please still love me in the morning, please still want to spend forever by my side.  _

Ben grinned, looking almost relieved as he nodded eagerly. Hux narrowed his eyes, waiting for Ben’s input but it didn’t seem to be coming. Leave it to Ben to piss him off as he was proclaiming his undying affections.

“And,” Hux drew his voice out, “You want…”

“You,” Ben answered immediately.

Hux’s heart swelled. It was so simple for Ben, so easy. All that he wanted was Hux. The rest of the scheduling and planning that ran through Hux’s mind ceased for a moment, flooded with  _ BenBenBenBenBen _ . 

“You have me,” Hux whispered.

“Then what else is there to discuss?” Ben asked.

Normally, a million examples would run through Hux’s head. Were they official? Would they tell Ben’s family that the entire thing had been a ruse or maintain their fake anniversary date? How would this work back at home? What were the rules and regulations on PDA? 

But at that moment, Hux was satisfied without speaking. Instead, he connected their lips in a gentle kiss. Ben smiled into it, content with the conversation.

“We should really get up,” Hux informed him slowly.

“Or,” Ben suggested, “You could let me grope at you a little longer.”

Hux rolled his eyes, detaching himself from his iron grip one limb at a time. Ben groaned, reaching out to try and steal him back into the bed. Hux dodged the grabby hands, placing a chaste kiss to Ben’s forehead as he swept across the room. 

“We’re late as it is,” he scolded.

“Then what’s ten more minutes?” Ben whined, flopping down on the bed like a starfish.

Hux laughed, grabbing the clothes he had set out in a neat pile on the dresser. He stalked off to the bathroom, smiling pleasantly at Ben from his spot in the doorway. He looked forlorn, gazing after Hux in a way that made his knees weak.

“You’re an absolute moron if you think I’d be done with you in ten minutes,” Hux noted simply, closing the door to get ready. 

This shower was different from the rest. Hux caught himself singing the same songs they danced to the night before. The smile on his face just wouldn’t fade. 

It felt like a year ago already and he simply couldn’t fathom the fact that it had only been a few days since they came to Ben’s home in the first place. 

The thought of flying back across the country to their old life together dropped his stomach. It was unreasonable, he knew, to want to stay wrapped up in this world forever. Still, when he heard Ben’s knocking at the door that they were being summoned for breakfast he allowed himself to wish for it at least. 

Hux had no time to open the door before Ben was rushing at him again. If he thought the other man was overly affectionate before, he had no idea. No matter how many times he tried to push him away while he finished getting dressed Ben was kissing him somewhere. 

“You’re making us later by the second,” Hux reprimanded him. 

“Keep complaining,” Ben laughed, “But I think you’re enjoying it.” 

He rested on his knees, lips pressed to Hux’s left hip bone. It was impossible for him to tuck his shirt in with all of the attention on his abdomen. With one final bat on the head Ben finally stood up and dragged Hux out of the door. 

“We’re coming,” he shouted down the stairs, all but running.

The family was already sitting around the table, Finn and Rey tutting at their lateness. Usually Hux was overly early, embarrassingly early. Something about this week was teaching him to simply let go of so many things that tied him down in the first place. 

“It’s about time,” Rey shook her head, “Our poor mother was nearly in tears.”

Han chuckled at that, patting Leia on the back as he passed behind her. She gave Rey one of her famous warning looks, but didn’t bother with the usual scolding. 

“Hux just takes forever getting ready-”

“Because you wouldn’t leave me alone for more than two seconds,” Hux interrupted. 

Ben beamed at him, scooting a little closer as they settled into the table. He somehow managed to use only one hand to eat effortlessly. The other was tracing Hux’s back, or resting on his thigh, or stroking his hair. 

It didn’t matter how many bumps Hux gave him to tone it down. Ben was in love with him, and if it hadn’t been obvious before it certainly was now. Their blushing from the night before remained on both of their faces.

When everyone was wrapped up in a joke between Poe and Han, Ben even snuck a kiss. Hux pinched his arm, shaking his head but smiling anyway. He wondered how long it would be until he would feel genuinely irritated by the other man’s melodrama. 

“You two,” Rey steamed from her spot at the table, “Are more repulsive than usual this morning. What gives?”

Hux felt his face flush darker, and kept his eyes glued on his breakfast. Leia sniffled from her end of the table, not so subtly wiping away a few tears with her napkin. So far, she hugged Ben and Hux no less than fifty times each in the twenty minutes since they had emerged from their room, rising from her seat to do so. 

“Poor Armie,” Poe teased, “Ben, give the man a break. He looks like a ripe tomato.” 

“I don’t know, he seems pretty content with it to me,” Finn continued. 

It should have been mortifying, just like their first day home. Somehow Hux just relented to his body being thrown around by his best friend, or boyfriend, they hadn’t discussed labels. 

When Hux looked at Ben the words just didn’t seem to fit. Soulmate felt cheesy, but definitely closer. If he was being honest, the other man was the absolute love of his life. There was no question in his mind about that, and no one word to adequately express his feelings. 

“Leave the boys alone,” Han waved a hand in their direction before shoveling more home fries into his mouth.

Ben looked surprised, smiling gently at the somewhat positive interaction. It was a big step for Han to even acknowledge him, Hux knew that. The kindness that had progressed between them seemed to fill Ben with new life. Rey just scoffed. 

“I can’t curse at the dining table, but Ben is allowed to practically pull his boyfriend into his lap-”

“Enough,” Leia wagged a finger at her, “When you bring home a boy-”

Finn choked on his drink, trying to stifle his laughter. Rey shot him a look, but she couldn’t help laughing either. Even Han had to hide his smile. 

“Or a  _ girl _ ,” Leia huffed, “Or anyone and everyone on the gender spectrum-”

“Mom, please,” Rey groaned.

“Especially so early into a relationship, you’ll understand.”

Rey threw her hands into the air, obviously confused as to how the conversation had turned on her. Ben reached across the table and held her hand, nodding along. Hux bit the inside of his cheek to maintain composure.

“Early?” Rey repeated, “In what world is ten years early?”

“Oh, my sweet little sister,” Ben clucked, “So young, so naive.”

Leia laughed this time, and Hux wondered how Ben had stayed away for so long when she was so eager to have him in her life. Even their hours-long phone calls didn’t seem like the same thing. 

“I just can’t believe you’re leaving so soon,” Leia clutched her napkin tightly, “Isn’t there a way for you to stay just a few more days? Your father and I will pay for any ticket fees-”

From his spot at the table, Han let out an irritated grumble. When he saw Leia staring at him he managed a somewhat pleasant smile instead. Hux applauded his effort.

“Ma, we both have to work,” Ben shook his head.

Hux smiled politely, knowing fully well that Ben didn’t work on Mondays. However, he also didn’t throw Hux under the bus. It was overwhelming how many of the little things Hux came to find so endearing.

“Work is nothing. This is family,” Leia argued.

“Oh Leia, you know they can’t hang around,” Han sighed, setting his fork down, “They took time off already.” 

“It’s just been so long,” Leia placed a hand over her heart, “And it’s my birthday after all-”

Leia Organa was an absolute master at the sympathy card, Hux would give her that. It was clear that she was playing it up, but he still felt just as guilty. In a way, he wanted to spend the rest of his life in the confines of their home. 

“We’ll be back very soon,” Hux assured her instead.

The table fell silent, looking to Ben to find a reaction. He sat unbothered, sipping his coffee with one hand and drumming his fingers along Hux’s shoulder with the other.

Upon realizing that everyone was waiting for him, his eyes widened slightly. Ben set the mug of coffee down, waving his hand as he swallowed the hot drink. Hux held back a chuckle from his seat, trying to keep in mind how serious of a moment it was supposed to be.

“Of course,” He assured them, “As often as possible, I promise.” 

The room didn’t appear fully convinced. Hux poked him, urging him to keep talking. Ben looked hesitant, like he was expecting to mess everything up with his words. They all clung onto the silence, hoping for something more. 

“Don’t you have a long weekend next month, pumpkin?” He asked, “I’m sure we could fly in for a couple days. And if it’s too busy here we could always stay in a hotel.”

“No, no, you always have a room here,” Han shook his head.

It seemed like everyone was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even Leia seemed shocked to see her husband assure Ben so quickly that he was welcome at home. 

“It, uh,” Han gestured to Leia, “It would just break her heart to not get to spend that extra time together.”

No one teased or taunted him. The words were fragile in the air, but Han didn’t seem embarrassed. There was no hesitation in his offer. Hux remembered their conversation from the night before, about him trying harder now. 

“Well,” Ben broke the tension, “Anything to get Hux away from the office-”

“Oh please,” Hux scoffed, turning away.

“Or you could always come visit us,” Ben offered.

“You and your couchless apartment?” 

Leia huffed, looking at Ben expectantly. From the picture he painted, he was living a life of luxury. Well, technically he had been with all of the time he spent at Hux’s place.

“Well, I mean, you obviously wouldn’t stay at my place,” Ben laughed.

“Obviously,” Hux nodded, and Ben pinched his thigh.

“Besides, I’m moving into Hux’s place within the next couple weeks,” he continued, taking another sip of his drink, “So we’ll have plenty of new disposable income to pay for flights and lodging.”

The news was accepted with smiles and congratulations from around the table. Hux looked at him incredulously, but was unable to speak. The brief quips from the night before were serious, apparently, and Hux couldn’t bring himself to want to run off to talk the plans through. 

Ben was going to live with him. They were going to sleep next to one another. Hux would attempt to cook him breakfast in bed and fail miserably. Ben would make the second bedroom his studio and get paint all over the floors. 

“So we’re still saying this relationship is young?” Rey asked.

“What’s the plan for the six month mark?” Poe laughed, “A wedding?” 

Ben linked their fingers under the table. They laughed along at the joke, and the desperation to avoid commitment slipped Hux’s mind for a moment. It would make sense financially, they’d have tax breaks and a say in one another’s health issues if it came to it. Marriage was rational at some point down the road. 

He looked at Ben. Everything else melted away. It would mean spending the rest of their lives together. That was what he had planned to do anyway, so maybe the idea of a six month wedding wasn’t so far-fetched. 

“It took ten years for me to convince him just to date me, I think you’ll have to wait a little longer than six months to get a wedding,” Ben shrugged. 

“A year at least,” Hux grinned. 

Ben looked at him, unable to hide the joy in his eyes. It was ridiculous to think so far into the future just a night after they finally talked things through. But he meant it when he said he was Ben’s forever, if he wanted him. 

Hux stifled a smile, settling into the usual rhythm of their banter. Despite the new aspect of their relationship, the bickering would most definitely continue. Hux would be damned if he let Ben off the hook from that. 

Usually there was nothing more that he loved than sitting down to meticulously sort everything into a neat schedule, but as he watched Ben offer a multitude of plans and ideas that could in no way all happen, he felt content in staying quiet. 

“We,” Ben would say, “Us,” he gestured between the two. Hux loved the sound of it, the unconscious coupling of the two that included Hux in every over the top event Ben tried to suggest. 

At that moment, he was no longer afraid to return home. Maybe it was because he knew that things could only get better from where they were. Or maybe it was because as long as he was with Ben, he was home anyways. 

They finished their food but remained gathered around the table for another hour. Hux laughed through all of the jokes, especially those taunting Ben. When they turned on him he didn’t mind. 

Nothing felt better than the feeling of love, something he didn’t let himself experience for so long. Not only did he have Ben, he now had the family he dreamed of his entire life. Waiting a month to come back to this felt too long, he realized. 

Leia refused to let them help with the dishes. It was a good idea, because Ben still had to pack his entire suitcase. It didn’t matter how many times Hux had offered to do it, the other man promised he could cram everything in within the span of ten minutes. 

Hux watched in horror as the clothes were haphazardly thrown into the bag. It wasn’t a minute in before he swooped in to rapidly fold and sort everything for him. Ben tried to step in but Hux kicked him away and finished it with ease. 

“Thank you, baby,” Ben nuzzled up to his cheek. 

“Thin ice,” Hux shook his head, “You’re on thin ice.”

Ben hummed, obviously indifferent to the threat. Hux wondered where the confidence emerged from, how he wasn’t nervous about their newfound feelings. 

“Hey,” Ben turned over on his side from where he was sprawled out on the bed.

Hux sat on the floor, sorting the pockets so they would be able to grab anything they needed on the flight home. He did one final comb of the room and felt satisfied with their packing only fifteen minutes after they began. 

“What do you want you brat?” Hux jabbed him.

“Call me that thing again,” he stared up at him.

“A brat?” Hux laughed.

“No,” he shook his head, “Your heart.”

At that moment he realized Ben’s confidence wasn’t as deep seated as he was letting on. Fear still plagued his eyes, like he was waiting for Hux to come to his senses and leave. 

“Mo chroí,” Hux whispered, moving closer. 

“Again,” Ben’s breath was shaky, “Please.” 

Hux sat next to him, gently rubbing the bare skin of his upper arms. It was warm, like it was every time they touched. Ben flinched at the coolness of Hux’s hands but relaxed into it after a few seconds. 

“You are my heart. You are my waking dream, you are every wish come true, you are the thing that gets me out of bed in the morning,” Hux murmured, “I love you, mo chroí.” 

He relaxed into him a little more, practically tipping over to engulf him in a hug. Hux let out a little grunt with the sudden weight but let Ben squeeze him to his heart’s content. There were worse ways to suffer. 

“My love,” Hux whispered, “We have to get going soon. Time to say our goodbyes.” 

Ben groaned but relented. He picked up both his duffel and Hux’s suitcase effortlessly, gliding down the stairs with them both. He looked at the other man’s arms and wondered how he had never noticed the strength before. 

Leia stood dabbing her eyes by the front door. Rey was taunting her, but it seemed less genuine than usual. Hux noticed the red rims of her eyes and wondered if everyone else saw the same thing. 

“Mom,” Ben shook his head, “You’re driving us to the airport.” 

“I know, I know,” she said, “It’s just the last time you’ll be in the house for…”

Her voice trailed off. Leia was unsure of herself, and the rest of the family seemed to feel the same way. When Ben left it was five years before he returned. They all watched him like it was the last time they’d ever see him. 

“For a month, guys,” Ben assured them.

Still, no one seemed convinced. Ben rolled his eyes and began his rounds of goodbyes. Rey and Leia were accompanying them to the airport, but he still held them tight and kissed the tops of their heads.

Rey swatted him away, but when he pulled back she surged forward to hold onto him a second longer. This made Leia begin to cry all over again, and her daughter whacked her on the arm. 

Finn and Poe were next. It seemed shocking to the older man that he would be given the same treatment. They held each other especially tight, whispering something that no one else could hear. Finn just grinned and patted Ben on the back. They laughed at Poe and the way he had to avert his eyes. 

When Ben looked at his father there was clear hesitation. He awkwardly stuck out his hand and Han grabbed it. Before he could pull away Han yanked him forward into a hug. If Hux wasn’t mistaken he heard the father tell his son he loved him. 

The hug only went on for a few seconds, but it was far longer than anyone had expected. Han cleared his throat and straightened out his shirt. He clapped Ben on the shoulder and told him to have a safe trip home. It made Hux’s heart soar.

“Armie,” Poe stepped forward, “Don’t think you’re getting out of this so easy.”

He wanted to be angry at the nickname but felt incapable of it. Poe and Finn tugged him close and jostled him around, pleading with him to come back soon and even leave Ben at home if he wanted. They laughed and squeezed each other. Hux allowed himself to be sandwiched between them. 

Leia and Rey threatened him with a big show at the airport if he didn’t get the goodbyes out of the way now. Hux let himself be pulled into two more hugs, savoring the contact. He breathed out a deep sigh. A mom and a sister were two things he never truly had. 

“Oh, you don’t have to-”

Hux’s assurances were cut off by Han putting his arms around him. It felt different from the rest, and he unexpectedly didn’t think about his own father. Instead, he replayed Han’s words from the day before. 

“You take care of my son,” Han gave his back a hard pat. 

There was no time to answer before Han was mumbling his last goodbyes and walking through the door. Hux saw him pause at the car, bracing himself with his arm and wiping beneath his eyes. 

No one addressed the affection, but Ben wiped his own cheeks with his sleeve when everyone was looking elsewhere. They followed Leia to the car and piled into the backseat. Rey yanked Ben’s hand and gestured to the front. 

“You get a whole plane ride back with him,” his mom chuckled, wagging her finger at Hux. 

Ben got to pick the music out as they drove. He played songs that Leia sang along to, and they laughed along to the memories behind them. Even Rey jumped in at some points, reminding them of the days before everything crumbled to pieces. 

When they pulled up to the airport they sat still in the car for a few minutes. Leia reached over the console and held her son. Rey looked out the window, and Hux placed his hand over hers in silent support. 

“Mom,” Ben murmured, “We really have to go.”

She finally released him and they climbed out of the car. Ben took both bags again despite Hux’s protests. Somehow, he still managed to wrap an arm around them as Leia and Rey followed behind them.

“Oh,” Hux gasped out when Leia squeezed him tightly. 

“Thank you, Hux,” she whispered, “Thank you for bringing my baby home.”

He wasn’t sure how to respond. It all felt so sudden and intense. Just a few days ago he knew the family only through Ben’s jaded eyes. Now, he was growing comfortable to the point of considering them his own. 

Rey and Ben were hugging tightly. They appeared to be talking, but Hux turned away so that he couldn’t listen. If he wanted to tell him later, he would. Whatever they were saying, the look on the other man’s face was content. 

They switched partners, Rey offering Hux another pat on the back. Leia swayed with Ben, and he held the back of her head. He promised his mom again and again that this time it wouldn’t be so long. 

“I love you guys,” Ben waved as they finally all pulled away. 

Checking the clock, Hux knew they would have just enough time to make it to their flight. Still, it was hard to leave. He wondered how he could have gotten so attached so quickly. 

Leia and Rey yelled goodbyes as they crossed into the airport. Ben looked back more than a few times, letting out a shaky breath when they were finally far away to be out of sight. Five days ago he would have expected this moment to feel freeing. Now, he looked like he had just broken his heart.

“Let me take care of it all, honey,” Hux cupped his cheek. 

They made it through checking their bags and navigating the TSA lines. Ben kept his head down and Hux led him by the hand, squeezing every so often to remind him he wasn’t alone. Ben squeezed back just enough for Hux to know he was still conscious.

It was faster than they expected, and Hux let Ben drag his feet a little as they searched for their terminal. They stopped a few times for him to lean forward with his hands resting on his knees in an attempt to eliminate the ache in his chest. Hux ran his fingers through the other man’s hair and soothed him when it became too much.

With fifteen minutes to spare they plopped down into seats next to one another. Ben laid his head on Hux’s shoulder, and he played with the dark hair that fell into his face. Slowly his breathing evened out, and he seemed to settle down. 

“I’m here,” Hux promised, “I’m yours.”

“Mine,” Ben mumbled into the crook of his neck. 

For good measure Hux felt a small bite at his skin. He didn’t bother jostling Ben away, just tugged at his hair a little to get back at him. They hummed with happiness against each other, both tired with the weight of the morning and the lack of sleep from the night before. 

Boarding the plane was uneventful. Hux placed his carry on above their heads, pulling out Ben’s medication and handing him a pill. It would knock him out relatively quickly, and Hux felt butterflies at the thought of the other man sleeping against him.

“I’m too big for coach,” Ben whined.

“Well,” Hux said, “Next time we can use your old rent money for something better.”

Ben grinned lazily at him, his gaze heavy with adoration. Hux jokingly tapped him on the cheek before they settled in next to each other. Takeoff would be rough, and so would the descent. 

This time, however, Ben seemed more relaxed. Hux held his hand and rubbed his back, talking to him through it all. It was so much better than the first time when they awkwardly gripped one another, moments from pulling away. 

“God, I love you,” Ben smiled at him with drooping eyes, “You love me?”

“Yes,” Hux assured him, “More with every minute. By the time we land I’ll be sick with it.”

It seemed to be all the other man needed to finally give in to sleep. The fear of before wasn’t gone completely, but it had lessened. Hux knew that he should answer some work e-mails and catch up on what he missed.

It was impossible to focus, however, with Ben snuggled up to him like that. In the last hours of their vacation he decided to relax and enjoy it. The week off had taught him something he never realized about himself. 

Hux didn’t like his job. 

He had denied it for so long whenever Ben brought it up. The people needed him there, he was a good worker, his higher ups were consistently impressed with his work. That desperation for pleasing those in positions of authority over him had never gone away. It all went back to his father, he accepted, everything always did. 

But now, with Ben in his arms and the Organa family accepting him for who he was as a person, he knew his desire to work was simply the desire for validation. It didn’t matter how much he progressed or how many raises he procured, it all centered around making his father proud of him. 

There was a family who accepted him with open arms, with no knowledge of his hectic work life. There was a man who adored him for both his successes and failures. Ben laid beside him and he wondered how he could have given up countless hours to sit miserable in the office rather than spend time with his best friend. 

They cuddled into one another, fast asleep save a few bumps and jostles. Each time Hux reached up to curl his fingers into Ben’s hair until they slipped back into their comfortable rest. 

It was such a good sleep that Hux didn’t wake up until halfway through the descent. Ben slept through the entire thing and he had to gently wake him when they finally touched down. He seemed disoriented, and Hux carefully led him from the place. 

“Wait here,” he kissed his head, setting him on a bench in the baggage claim area. 

It was Hux’s turn to carry the bags now, and he tugged Ben along by the hand. They climbed into the back of a taxi and the other man fell back to sleep almost instantly. He would be up all night, pestering and whining for attention.

It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore as long as he could keep this life. He’d give up every night of sleep to hear Ben’s laugh. He’d relinquish every early morning to be crushed by the weight of his best friend. 

They arrived at Hux’s apartment building and Ben finally woke up. He looked groggy, but stood outside the cab as the other man paid the driver. The elevator opened as soon as they hit the button, and they remained connected the entire ride up.

“Less sleepy?” Hux yawned.

“I guess we traded,” Ben chuckled. 

It wasn’t a long trek down the hall but Hux finally felt the need for uninterrupted sleep. He would ask Ben to lay with him, at least until he slipped out of consciousness. They would have to eat and shower and talk, but that seemed like a distant responsibility. 

“My turn to take care of you, pumpkin.”

Ben jammed his key into the door and pushed Hux inside. They staggered down the hall and into the bedroom. Within a few minutes they were out of their dirty clothes, climbing into the bed side by side. 

“Hungry?” Ben asked, “I can carry you to the shower.”

Hux was barely able to respond. It would make the most sense to shower and eat, and at every other trip those were his first moves. Now, he reached out to pull Ben closer and felt himself growing more tired by the minute. 

“No,” he grumbled. 

It was his turn to have his hair played with and his back rubbed. Only a few minutes separated his whining and sleep. Ben hummed whatever songs came to his head and soothed him every time he stirred.

Hux laid there for twelve hours, stirring only when he felt the bed shift beside him.

“Hi,” Ben grinned. 

“Where am I?” Hux sighed. 

“Home.” 

It was good enough for Hux. He didn’t open his eyes for another twenty minutes, but when he did Ben was staring straight at him. They laughed, pushing each other slightly before snuggling closer. 

The thought of leaving the bed for work in a few hours was distressing. There was so much to catch up on he likely wouldn’t be able to take a lunch or leave before midnight. He’d come home and fall asleep and do the same thing the next day. 

“Take a sick day,” Ben whispered, as if reading his mind, “Lay in bed with me all day. Just us two.”

Normally Hux would launch into a thousand reasons why he couldn’t. It would be almost a week since he was in the office, e-mails and responsibilities had gone unchecked for days, there were important meetings he had to attend.

If he didn’t go back when he promised there would be a bigger issue than the extended period of time off he had already taken. His boss was already displeased and made it increasingly apparent in her emails that Hux was continuously ignoring. 

Ben looked at him like he was holding his breath. Hux wanted to lay in his arms forever.

“Okay.” 

A look of surprise crossed Ben’s face, like he had expected to be reprimanded. Instead he let his eyes close again and felt the other man trace shapes on his bare back. He shivered under the touch and the heavy blanket was tugged over his shoulders. 

Hux hummed in agreement. He blindly reached out to the bedside table and tapped out a message to his boss with one eye closed. It was a weak excuse about sickness from the plane ride, or perhaps some shrimp gone bad at the party. 

“Weren’t you nervous about getting fired?” Ben prodded quietly. 

“I can only hope,” Hux yawned, “Severance pay is better than quitting.”

It was a week of rash decisions. Hux’s methodical planning was thrown out the window. It would likely send him into a fit of panic soon enough, but the calmness he felt away from his job was worth a few weeks of scrambling. 

Ben didn’t push further. It was something they could talk about when they woke up for real. Maybe he would feel differently at that point, but Hux certainly didn’t expect it. Everything he had now was what he had wanted for so long. 

Therapy was probably a good idea, he knew, and he made a mental note to look into professional help. The week made him realize how wrapped up in his past pain he was, constantly expecting his life to repeat his youth. 

If it had worked for Ben, and it truly had, then it would probably work for him. Hux made a vow to no longer suffer in silence alone. The feeling of people beside him was addicting. He never realized how starved of affection he was.

What seemed like an unattainable dream now rested within his grasp. A life away from soul crushing work. The opportunity to live for himself. The promise of a new family who accepted him without a second thought. The lifelong love of his best friend. 

When the ding of his phone went off, Hux slapped it and turned the sound off. There would likely be a call within the next few minutes, and another a few minutes after that. It was as easy to ignore as it was to curl up into Ben’s side. 

“Sleepy boy,” Ben teased him. 

“How long has it been?” 

Hux lifted his head slightly and looked around the room. He sighed when he remembered he slept in the bed without having showered, especially after a plane ride. There was plenty of time to do laundry later, the damage was already done. 

“12 hours.” 

“Christ,” Hux groaned, rolling onto his back.

“I’ve been awake for two,” Ben bragged.

“You slept the whole way home,” Hux bickered back. 

“Maybe I was pretending,” Ben shrugged, “Just to get you to hold me.”

“Your drooling and snoring would argue differently.” 

Ben’s chest shook with his laughter. Hux placed his hand between the other man’s ribs, feeling it puff up and down. There was all the time in the world to recreate that laughter, those smiles, the happiness. 

“The whole plane was complaining. We almost got kicked off mid flight.” 

“Liar,” Ben kissed him. 

Hux whined when he was dragged slowly from the bed. Ben started the shower, unpacked their toiletries and handed him his toothbrush. Hux scrubbed his mouth thoroughly, his eyes drooping every so often. 

Ben walked out to the kitchen, promising food when Hux was finished. The shower was warm, but this time it didn’t feel like a respite. Instead, it felt like yet another thing keeping the two of them apart. 

When he hobbled back to the bedroom a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt were laid out on the bed, already stripped of its sheets and remade with another batch. The blankets were also swapped out, and Hux heard the washer going from the room over. 

There was barely time to step into the kitchen before he was swept off his feet. Ben spun him in a circle and attacked him with his lips. He was scooped up and brought to the couch, already turned into a nest of pillows and blankets. 

“Pick something out,” Ben gestured to the television.

With one final kiss he jogged back into the kitchen to finish preparing their food. Hux scrolled, his eyes aching from the brightness of the television. They still had another hour or two of darkness before the sun really rose. 

They would lay together for the day, each dozing off at random points while they binged stupid movies. Hux threw on one of Ben’s favorites, grinning when he saw the look on the other man’s face. 

A plate of pancakes and eggs was placed in front of him. Somehow, Ben had managed to make them in the shape of hearts. They had a few abnormalities, but it still made him swoon. He was right when they made breakfast for Leia, he liked pancakes when Ben made them for him. 

Hux’s phone continued to buzz and he finally turned it off. It would be something to face later, not in the quiet stillness of their morning. They wouldn’t have it forever, he knew that, but they had it now. 

It was hard to keep track of who was conscious, and who was kissing the other, and whose hands were moving under the blankets. The clouds prevented the sun from shining into their carefully constructed little world. 

“Stop moving,” Ben grumbled into his chest.

“You’re crushing me,” Hux said. 

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I’ll stop if you stop.”

Hux snorted, letting himself go still again. Ben made no effort to move, only falling limp against him again. With a sigh he just rubbed the other man’s head until he was snoring. 

Watching Ben made his heart pound. Here they were after so long, somehow perfectly entwined. The longing they suffered through for years turned out to be pointless. Hux wondered if anything in the world could be as easy as falling in love with his best friend. 

After a half hour he managed to wiggle free, gently resting Ben’s head on a pillow. He frowned in his sleep, but Hux rubbed his back until he settled in again. 

The kitchen felt miles away from their makeshift bed. It was the middle of the afternoon and they hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Hux prepared himself and managed to cook a relatively decent lunch, even if most of it was from cans and boxes. 

Ben was sitting up when he returned, his shirt discarded and arms stretched above his head. The heat from his body was almost palpable, and he jumped when Hux ran a cool hand down his arms. 

“Come here,” he pleaded, “Let me warm you up.” 

“I’m still plenty sweaty from the last time you held me.” 

“Pumpkin.” 

Ben whined, reaching out to grab at Hux. Instead he handed him a bowl of some attempt at a stir fry. The other man looked shocked, but he didn’t seem repulsed. He just dug into the food, practically swallowing the spoonfuls whole. 

“Christ,” Hux shook his head.

“Delicious,” Ben managed through bites. 

Hux tried his own and found he didn’t hate it. Perhaps he could manage to provide Ben with things he never believed himself to be capable of. They sat in silence facing one another, both finishing their bowls slowly. 

“So,” Ben swallowed, “Work.” 

The realization of a long work day awaiting him made Hux shudder. Wasn’t it enough to live like this? How could he have spent years holed up in his office when he could have had this to come home to? 

“What’s the plan?”

Hux sucked in a deep breath and carefully considered the question. As of now, there was no plan. The only thing that he knew was that his life was in a rapid cycle of change. Had he never gone home with Ben, he would have been stuck in the same spot for the rest of his life. 

There was time to change it. There was time to throw away everything he condemned himself to and live a life that he wanted instead of what he thought he deserved. 

“No plan,” he shrugged, “Just kinda winging it.” 

Ben searched his expression for the joke. Hux just shrugged again and stood up to bring their bowls to the sink. He ran the water and cleaned them out quickly, leaving the other man confused on the couch.

“That doesn’t sound like you, Hux,” Ben admitted cautiously. 

There was something fearful in his voice. Hux looked back, confused as to why Ben would be concerned about something he had been pushing him to do for years. 

“I’m just worried,” Ben choked out, “That you’re making decisions without thinking through them.”

“Oh,” Hux realized, “Oh, Ben.”

He knelt down in front of the other man, taking his face into his hands. They were still cold but this time he didn’t flinch or complain. Hux leaned forward and peppered kisses along Ben’s face and neck. 

“I’ve wasted so much of my life in that office. All I could think about was you, and how excited I was to finally leave so we could spend time together. This last week has changed my life, Ben. There is nothing in this world that I want more than to be with you, and fuck everything that threatens to come between that.” 

There was still uncertainty on his face. It was unlike Hux, he knew that. So much had changed so quickly that Ben’s hesitation made sense. He kissed the other man sweetly, trying to convey the sincerity of his emotions.

“I don’t want to leave in the morning before you wake up and come home just in time to go to bed. I want to spend my life with you, not just a couple hours here and there.”

Ben smiled at this, nodding as they nuzzled against each other. It was going to take time and effort, and it was going to be difficult to adjust. But Hux didn’t mind as long as he had his best friend beside him. 

“I’ve thought about this every single day for ten years,” Hux gestured between them, “You’re not getting rid of me, mo chroí.”

They laughed together and Hux coaxed him back into his arms. It was hours before they moved again, and when one did the other would groan until they returned. Ben heated them up a can of soup Hux forgot existed and forced the two of them to remain awake for the remainder of the day until bed. 

As hard as they tried, it was impossible not to doze off again. Hux stirred when he felt himself lift off of the couch, and Ben poked his nose as soon as he set him down on the bed. They could barely manage the three seconds apart it took to settle into the blankets together.

“If you snore I’ll kick you,” Hux mumbled into the pillow.

“Well, if you kick me I’ll snore more,” Ben threatened back. 

Through the dark they laughed, each jabbing the other when they slipped too closely to sleep. Hux knew they didn’t have to do this anymore, that they would be right back in the same bed the following night. He still couldn’t help it. 

“I love you,” they whispered at the same time, sleep overcoming them before they noticed the coincidence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter will just be a little time jump epilogue :) hope u enjoy !!


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (a lot of comments I received on the original work asked for Ben's side of the story, so the epilogue is his POV!)

“Ben,” Hux snapped, looking up from his phone mid e-mail, “Are you seriously in your pajamas?”

Ben scooped another spoonful of cereal into his mouth from his spot on the couch, barely looking up as Hux stood expectantly in front of him. He wore his usual flannel pajama bottoms, a top missing as always, and brushed away several spots of oat milk from his chest.

“Yeah,” Ben said casually, “So what?”

Hux locked his phone, placing a hand on his hip as he crossed the room to shut off the television. Ben opened his mouth to protest, but Hux cut him off before he could get in a word. 

“We have ten minutes,” he threw his hands into the air, “And you’re still just as grimy-”

“Hey,” Ben interjected, eyes glancing down to look himself over.

“Am I going to have to do this by myself? Are you so incapable of something as simple as taking a shower that-” Hux ranted, and Ben set his cereal down on the end table.

“For your information-” he interrupted, but Hux cut him off with a single glare.

“I did the planning, I made the arrangements, I booked everything, and all that you had to do was what, Ben? What was the one fucking thing that I asked of you?” Hux’s voice rose slightly, “It was that you were ready to go when I said we need to leave. Which you aren’t, by the obvious looks of it.” 

Ben slumped back against the couch, taking the verbal lashing with ease. It appeared to only anger Hux more to see how relaxed he was despite the yelling. As he revved up to unleash another round, Ben meandered over to where he was.

“The flight was delayed,” he soothed quietly, reaching up to cup Hux’s face.

Hux swatted his hand away easily, grimacing as he whipped out his phone again to check his messages. Sure enough, there was an alert that the flight had been pushed back an hour and a half. 

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” Hux went off, and Ben’s head tilted back slightly as he mouthed silently to the ceiling.

“You were in the shower,” Ben reminded him.

“You’ve crawled into my showers with less of a reason,” Hux spit out, eliciting a hearty laugh from Ben.

“Pumpkin,” Ben shook his head, and Hux rolled his eyes.

“I hate that stupid nickname,” he lied.

“No you don’t,” Ben stated.

“No,” Hux sighed, as if disappointed in himself, “I don’t.” 

“In fact, you love that nickname.”

“Don’t push it,” Hux grimaced.

Ben smiled, snuggling into his partner. He watched over the other man’s shoulder as he pulled out his phone to bring up a color coordinated schedule. Rapidly, he began to move the day around to fit the delay of a flight. Ben plucked the phone from his hands.

“Hux,” Ben sighed gently, a hand effortlessly combing through Hux’s hair, “It’s going to be okay. They love you.”

Hux swallowed thickly, staring at the phone still in Ben’s other hand. Ben jerked his head over to look him sternly in the eyes. The diffusion of his anxiety withered behind his eyes and he tilted forward slightly. 

“I want it to be perfect,” Hux admitted.

“Oh, baby,” Ben whispered, pressing gentle kisses across his face. Hux sighed sweetly, leaning into the soft touch.

Ben held him tightly, whispering sweet nothings in his ear as they stood swaying in the living room. Despite his tough resolve Ben knew that Hux would give in sooner or later. The days he worried the most were the days they argued, but they were working through it. 

Hux was doing everything he could to make Ben happy. Ben did his best to do the same. 

“Come with me,” he murmured, leading Hux backwards towards the bedroom.

“You’re such a piece of shit, if you honestly think that I’m going to fuck you right now-” Hux tensed up again and Ben shushed him.

“You need a nap,” Ben commanded, guiding him to lay down.

Hux settled in on his side, staring at Ben from his spot on the bed. Ben curled up next to him, resting his head on his arm as he stared sweetly at Hux.

“I don’t have time for a nap,” Hux felt himself yawn, and cursed Ben aloud for letting him slow down for even a second.

“Yes, you do,” Ben promised him.

Hux closed his eyes, reaching out to grab at Ben’s hands. Ben held onto his waist securely, playing with his hair or drawing on his back to soothe him. It took a few minutes until his body finally relaxed, and Ben knew to keep soothing him until well after he fell asleep.

“I’m sorry I yelled,” Hux apologized quietly.

“You always yell,” Ben reminded him, voice laced with affection.

“I know,” Hux sighed, “I’m sorry.” 

Ben didn’t say anything, just rubbed their noses together and pressed tender kisses along Hux’s eyelids. They laid in silence together, and he felt the tell tale twitching that meant the other man was slowly drifting off. 

“If I nap I’ll be too groggy to drive,” he complained, eyes snapping open suddenly.

“We’ll take a cab, it’s okay,” Ben promised him, rubbing along his hip.

“I don’t like cabs.”

“And I don’t like grouchy boyfriends,” Ben grinned, “But here we are.”

Hux smiled faintly, puckering his lips to ask silently for a kiss. Ben happily obliged, nuzzling up to him as closely as possible. There was something more pronounced in his anxiety, but Ben couldn’t place it. 

Ben’s hand glided up and down Hux’s waist, reminding him of every gentle touch the past year brought. There had been fighting, screaming, bickering, cursing, but nothing compared to the way Hux slipped into his arms as they fell asleep. 

“You really should shower,” Hux murmured, “You’re filthy. I don’t know how I’ve laid next to you for this long.” 

Ben’s hand didn’t move away, and Hux clearly didn’t expect it to. They had about an hour left before they needed to leave. Ben would likely spend up until the last ten minutes laying beside him, running his hands everywhere they could reach. 

“Tell me to leave then,” Ben whispered. 

Quiet hung between them. As if on cue Hux scooted closer to him, burying his face in the crook of Ben’s neck. He hummed a little song and continued drawing on him until the other man went limp in his arms. 

An alarm had been set moments before Hux made it out of the shower. When he felt still enough Ben would slip out of the bed and get ready, preparing everything so that they could make it out of the door before Hux had time to freak out. 

In a few hours they would be packed onto a plane flying back across the country. Within the last year they had visited Ben’s family home four times, hosted the family twice, and Rey had come out several times on her own. It still didn’t feel like enough to him, and Hux admitted to feeling the same way. 

If Ben had the chance he would consider moving back home. There had never been a better time to do it, with Hux taking a year off of work and their lease about to run out. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to ask the other man to make such a big move. 

Hux was still unsure as to what he wanted to do when he began working full time again. Ben had his job at the gallery as well, and he did love it there. Their carefully constructed life in the city might fall apart if they left.

It had been a year and a half since their initial visit, and Ben had never been happier in his life. Everything felt like it was settling into place. One mistake and he was concerned that the entire thing would come toppling down on him. 

When he saw Hux interacting with the rest of his family, their family, it warmed his heart. They grew attached to one another so quickly it was like he had never been missing in the first place. The idea of rushing them into something Hux wasn’t prepared for made him nervous that he would lose not only Ben but the family he found with the Organas. 

If another ten years of this was needed before they could take a few more steps, he would wait. They had their life in New York and it was a good life to live. Weekly video chatting kept them all in close contact, and Hux mentioned a message his mom or sister sent him just about every other day. 

Ben thought about the band his father had given him, his grandfather’s old ring. It had sat in the top left of his closet, hidden behind the art supplies Hux never touched, since the visit they made home a month after the birthday party. 

In all that time he had never been brave enough to open it again. It was there in the back of his mind, and every so often he would find himself standing in front of the door with shaking hands, trying to work himself up to just looking at the ring. 

It terrified him too intensely to think about a botched proposal. The idea of Hux leaving only grew when he considered it, and some nights he laid with his eyes open watching the other man sleep until he was too exhausted to continue. 

Ben had caught Hux doing the same thing a few times as well. It warmed his heart to know that the intensity of his feelings were reciprocated. But no matter how many times Hux promised he loved him, Ben still questioned the words and wondered if he was worth a lifetime. 

“Now you’re the worrier,” Hux grumbled against him.

“You’re supposed to be asleep,” Ben said. 

“And how am I supposed to sleep with your heart thudding right in my ear?” 

There would be an entire plane ride to rest, and the traveling they took up in their time together left both men more accustomed to time changes. It still would be an exhausting trip, but Ben knew neither had it in them to rest easily before the flight. 

“Is it… Are you, um, I don’t know,” Hux cleared his throat, “Is it about Poe?” 

Ben sat up slightly, dragging the other up alongside him. He kissed him deeply, holding his face and refusing to let go for at least a minute. It never occurred to him that Hux was still harboring that fear. He wished he could wipe it from his mind with only his lips. 

“It’s you, Hux,” Ben shook his head, “It’s always you.” 

Hux laughed and jokingly pushed him away. Ben refused to let go. 

“My heart is pounding because I’m thinking of you, of spending every single second of the rest of our lives together. And I’m praying you’ll always feel the same about me.”

They kissed again, Hux finally relenting to Ben throwing him around. Half the time he was pile driven into the mattress with affection until he called for mercy. It usually left them laughing, but this time they remained quiet. 

“Weddings make you sappy,” Hux commented. 

Ben scoffed, checking the clock and pulling himself from the bed. He kissed the top of Hux’s head and promised to be back soon. Instead of rushing out behind him the other man settled back into his former position, scooting into Ben’s spot to soak up the heat. 

“The heating blanket is right there.”

“Nothing compares to you, mo chroí.”

With one last swoop he pressed his lips to Hux’s damp hair and jogged off to get ready. There was plenty of time to spare, and when he emerged his partner did not stir from his spot on the bed. 

Ben was thankful that he could get a little relaxation, and thanked god that their flight had been delayed, if only slightly. In twenty four hours they would be gathered in the Organa’s yard for a rehearsal dinner, both forced into stuffy suits with their hands connected under the table. 

Whatever past he had with Poe was long forgotten and felt like an entirely different life. Hux had a few reservations about attending the wedding of his partner’s ex boyfriend, but the fears were dispelled after a surprise trip to Italy. Ben somehow planned an entire romantic getaway within a few hours of the invitation arriving. 

“Promise it won’t make you realize he’s the one that got away,” Hux had whispered under the stars. 

“Idiot,” Ben kissed him, “I’ll just be thinking of how beautiful you’ll look on that altar instead.” 

Now Hux was practically dragging him out of the door to get there. He and Finn had formed a close bond since their time at home, both originally outsiders who experienced the intensity of the Organa family side by side through incredulous glances and whispered conversations. 

Finn managed to get him through a few family arguments, dragging him away to the market to recuperate and binge some comfort food. Ben always watched with bright eyes, thankful that he had found someone in the family to help him adjust. 

“My love,” Ben touched his shoulder, “The cab is here.”

Hux huffed, eyes blinking open. In another mood he would reprimand Ben for not waking him earlier but he simply nodded and followed closely behind his best friend. They made it into the cab and sat quietly, both leaning against each other for support. 

They managed the airport without any hiccups, and soon enough they had touched down in California. The sight of Rey jumping around and waving her arms made them laugh, though they had been expecting it. 

She ran at them, yanking both in for a group hug. They patted her back, listened as she talked a mile a minute about all of the preparations. 

“Thank god you guys are finally here,” she squealed. 

“Miss us?” Ben teased. 

“It’s been the  _ worst,  _ Mom will not stop making comments about my own wedding. ‘When you fall in love’ this, ‘when you start a family’ that,” she rolled her eyes, “She even made a comment about me being pregnant someday after Finn and Poe started yapping about the adoption agencies they’re looking at.” 

Ben quirked an eyebrow, glancing back at Hux. The words hadn’t affected him too much, and he just laughed along at Leia’s antics. He wondered how long it would be until Rey was complaining about the sappiness of their wedding. 

“So we’re getting thrown under the bus?” Hux asked. 

“Oh, absolutely,” she agreed, “Ten bucks she mentions the two of you tying the knot within the first half hour of your arrival.”

Ben chewed his lip. This had been a possibility, and almost a guarantee. He could only hope that Hux wouldn’t be scared off by all of the talk about a future wedding. In the back of his head he wondered if it actually was a good idea to come. 

“Twenty bucks it’s one of the first five things she says to us,” Hux bet. 

A sigh of relief escaped Ben’s lips. Hux was playing along for that, and Rey’s comment clearly hadn’t thrown him off too much. He and Rey launched into an argument over whether or not he was co-opting her original wager, and Ben just listened along with a smile on his face. 

When they pulled up to the house, Poe was in the yard just like the first time. Ben had no hesitation in not only getting out of the car but calling over to say hello to the other man. They reunited with a hug, and Hux was practically pulled off his feet to join them.

A year and a half ago his body would go stiff with the promise of physical contact. Now Hux melted into every touch and even initiated when he was feeling particularly happy. The smile on his face was genuine, and Ben only hoped it would last the weekend. 

“It’s been too long,” Poe smiled.

“It’s been two months, Poe.”

He waved off the counter and hugged them yet again. They all walked into the house, Ben carrying both of their bags. No matter how many times Hux tried to get him to stop, he refused. If he was able to do something for Hux, he wanted to do it. 

“How has the freelance stuff been going, Hux?” Poe asked, bumping his shoulder. 

“Relaxing,” Hux admitted, “Ten to fifteen hours a week is a lot less soul crushing, I’ll admit that.” 

They laughed, Poe glancing at Ben. The years of intense savings Hux collected came in handy when he finally decided to step back from work. They tried a few months of his former job, Hux doing his best to limit his hours. 

One night Hux had come home late and found Ben in bed and a covered plate waiting for him in the kitchen. He broke down, shoveling the mashed potatoes in his mouth between sobbing so loud it woke Ben up. They sat down and talked about it for hours, going through the pros and cons of leaving his position. 

Ben had convinced him after months of gentle prodding to take a break entirely. For half a year Hux did nothing work related. It changed him, made him loosen up and open to change. Ben often came home to elaborate attempts at meals, slowly growing better, or random presents he tried his best to construct.

They even started painting together. Hux had no idea what he was doing and often just threw paint at the canvas, or at Ben if he had a few glasses of wine in him. More than a few mornings they woke up together in a pile of tarp with painted lip prints lining their bodies. 

Hux eventually took up some light freelance work as a grant writer. It wasn’t what he had expected, but when Ben came home he got to pack up his materials and spend the night with him. He promised Ben it was all he could ever want. 

“He’s so good at it too,” Ben bragged to Poe. 

“Please,” Hux scoffed, “Enough about either of us. Where is the lucky-”

The front door flew open and Finn stood smiling. Hux laughed and nearly tackled him, the two of them launching into a reunion despite having spoken on the phone a few days before. They remained with an arm wrapped around one another’s shoulders, Finn flipping through pictures on his phone of some of the decorations they already had ready. 

“Christ,” Poe snorted, “It’s always immediate with the two of them.”

There was no time to finish the conversation before rapid footsteps descended the stairs. Leia appeared, practically running over to them. Finn released Hux and pushed him her way so that they collided in a massive hug. 

“There are my boys,” Leia kissed them both on the cheek, “Hux you just look more dashing every time I see you! This time off is doing wonders for your skin.”

Ben rolled his eyes as he listened to Hux describe the new skincare routine he had taken up. He bent down to his bag and pulled out a little zippered bag, explaining to Leia that he brought her some products to try out. 

“Suck up,” Ben grumbled.

“And what did you bring me, Benny?” Leia put her hands on her hips.

“It was a joint gift?” he tried. 

“I’m just teasing,” she shook her head, “Having you two home is the greatest gift I could ever ask for.”

Leia dabbed her eyes. Poe and Finn walked off to the other room, leaving them to their hellos. Rey stood in the back of the room silently, her eyes locked with Hux. They agreed not to goad Leia into talking about the marriage, and they only had two interactions before she won the bet. 

“Well, I’m going to need all of this,” Leia held up the bag, “Weddings make me so weepy, my eyes are already sore.”

“Aw, Mom,” Ben shook his head, “They’re a happy day.”

“I know, I know,” she waved her hand, “I just don’t know how my heart will take it when the two of you finally decide to-”

Rey groaned, cutting off her mother’s words. She walked up to Hux and slipped him a twenty when Leia was focused on her son. They whispered something between each other, their eyes flickering over to Ben. 

Rey grinned like nothing he had ever seen. She was practically bouncing on her feet as she squeezed onto Hux. It made Ben’s stomach drop a little, and he wondered what they kept discussing as privately as they were. 

“Secrets secrets are no fun,” Ben narrowed his eyes.

“Unless you share with everyone,” Rey mimicked. 

Leia dragged Ben off to the kitchen, filling him in on everything they were planning for the remainder of the day. She assured him that Hux would be fine with Rey as they were assigned to putting together the goodie bags together. 

“So,” she put her hands on the counter, “I believe I was promised an engagement at the year mark.”

“Mom, come on,” Ben snickered. 

“I’m just saying,” she raised her hands, “It’s been almost twelve years-”

“Eleven and a half-”

“So what is the hold up?” 

Ben looked down at his shoes. It had been over half a year of telling his mother he was finally going to pop the question, but just like before he couldn’t manage to do it. It didn’t matter how many times Hux told him he loved him, he worried that he would ruin everything with the question. 

“I mean, it’s been so long already, what’s another year?” He shrugged meekly. 

Leia looked at him incredulously like he told her the most ridiculous news she ever heard. 

“It’s weird timing,” Ben continued, “He’s still off from work and we’re trying to figure out whether or not we should renew the lease.”

Leia’s eyes flashed with hope. Of course she had been pushing for Ben to move close to home. Not even in town, she promised, just somewhere close enough that they wouldn’t have to fly across the country for a visit. 

“This is it for this weekend, Mom,” Ben pointed at her, “I’m serious. No more proposal talk.”

She sighed and leaned forward. It would only be a matter of time before she started bringing up grandchildren, and there was no way in hell Hux was prepared to have that discussion. 

“You know what though? I think all of your talking to Rey has really been getting through to her. She was talking in the car today about how much she’s been thinking about love this weekend, especially from the conversations you two have had.”

It was difficult for Ben not to crack up at his own lie. The fury that he would be met with would be unending, but it was better than his mother moving to prey on Hux instead. Rey might be annoyed, but it wouldn’t do much to change her outlook. 

“She said that?” Leia beamed, “You know, she always tells me to knock it off but I just knew she didn’t mean it.”

Ben would have felt bad if his father didn’t enter the room before they could continue the conversation. Han pulled him into a brief hug, clapping his back roughly a few times. He explained that he already saw Hux on his way in. 

“He wasn’t wearing the ring,” Han noted casually, “Your mom said he’d be wearing it by now.”

“Mom, Jesus Christ.”

“What?” she threw her hands up, “That’s what I was told!”

“I am not discussing proposing to my partner at the wedding of my high school boyfriend,” Ben pinched the bridge of his nose.

Even Han looked disappointed. He rubbed Leia’s back and they shared a knowing look. 

“No more discussions about my relationship with Hux,” he warned, “You two have another son to fuss over this weekend.”

This caused them to smile. Ben hadn’t really done it on purpose. Of course, he didn’t see Poe as a brother. But his parents saw him as their son, and that was all that mattered to him. Leia began to cry again and hugged him once more. 

Ben managed to get away before they could drag him into any further uncomfortable conversations. He knew that they weren’t going to heed his warning entirely, but he could only hope that Hux wouldn’t be around when they started up again. 

The rest of the night was uneventful, or as much as it could be in the Organa household. Finn and Poe left relatively early for more preparations, reminding them again and again of the plans for the following day. Finn was holding one of Hux’s famous color coded schedules he had offered to make for the weekend. Everyone was given a laminated copy. 

Rey helped them in the kitchen to make dinner while Leia and Han worked on some set up for the yard. She chucked potato peels at Ben until he threatened to throw her out the window. It was the sibling bond he had never gotten before, and Ben was so thankful to experience it now. 

“I can’t believe they let you fly a plane,” Hux shook his head. 

She grinned and twirled around the kitchen, talking rapidly about her latest experiences as a pilot. It had been a slow conversation, but she was down to part time at Han’s shop while she worked to build her reputation as a pilot. It would take a long time before she was doing anything massive, but the natural talent was clear. 

“I’ll bring you guys on another ride,” she wiggled her eyebrows, “We can do tricks!”

Ben could have been sick at the thought of Rey weaving across the sky with them in the plane. No one would be happier to whirl and spin in the air with the intention of making them vomit. 

“I would rather die,” Ben shook his head.

“Knowing Rey we would die anyway,” Hux shrugged.

She pretended to punch both of them with the kitchen mit she wore. Somewhere outside her mother called her name and she ran off with the food to grill, saluting them as she left. 

“Don’t make out all over the counter, please,” she yelled over her shoulder.

For the first time since they arrived Hux and Ben were alone. They stood side by side cutting vegetables, giggling every once in a while at a stupid joke or mistake with the food. Ben kissed his forehead when he passed and Hux nipped his jaw in return. 

“Hey,” Hux laughed uneasily, “I, um, I guess I was too embarrassed to tell you before. But I’ve never been to a wedding.”

Ben furrowed his eyebrows in disbelief. He racked his brain for a memory of Hux attending a wedding for someone from work or an acquaintance but nothing came to mind. 

“Nothing to be embarrassed about, pumpkin,” he promised. 

“I don’t really know what you’re supposed to do.”

“It’s just like a big party. But instead of someone’s birthday you’re celebrating them spending the rest of their lives together.” 

Hux sighed, his chopping faltering slightly. The frustration from his lack of experience was evident. 

“Huxy,” Ben held his hand, “I’ll take care of you.” 

It was for the best, he realized now, that he didn’t propose to Hux this early. He couldn’t imagine how stressed his partner would be if the first wedding he might attend would be his own. Call it exposure therapy, a tactic his therapist tried that severely backfired. 

They finished preparing dinner and ate with the family. He and his father were in better spirits than ever, the two joking back and forth. A year and a half brought both men out of their shells, and Ben was sure the counseling they were both attending helped as well. 

By the time 9 o’clock rolled around Hux was practically falling asleep at the table. Leia dismissed them and promised they would be needed for work tomorrow so they needed to rest more than help with dishes. 

The trek up the stairs was only a little goofy, with Hux hitting the wall as he stumbled and Ben practically pushing him over the top. They crashed into the same bed as the first time, curled up in the same way they did every night. 

“I love this room,” Ben whispered into his ear. 

Hux hummed in agreement against him. It was clear he wasn’t fully paying attention, but his breathing pattern was still slightly stiff so he hadn’t fallen asleep. Ben wiggled a little closer, though it seemed impossible with the way they already were. 

“You told me you love me for the first time in this room,” he continued. 

“Did I tell you to shut up and let me sleep for the first time in this room too?” Hux smiled against him.

“No,” Ben rubbed his sides, “You did cry though.”

Hux snorted, shoving him slightly. He was awake enough to prop himself up. The droopiness of his eyes showed that it wouldn’t be more than a few minutes until he was out for the night. 

“I love you, Ben.” 

The other man was back down on his chest and snoring before Ben had the opportunity to say the words back. 

-

Ben sat in the car, watching Hux speak to Leia with her hands in his own. He knew that she was probably attempting to entice him back into the house and away from their Thursday evening meal. 

The rehearsal dinner ended only two hours before, and she was desperate to keep them in the house as much as possible. They would have to leave midday Sunday and she clearly did not seem prepared to let them go. 

Something that Hux said must have changed her mind. She peered behind him and directly at Ben, nodding as he spoke. There was no telling what charming reassurances he was providing, but he felt nervous with the way his mother stared at him. 

Hux finally managed to kiss her goodbye and walked briskly to the car. He climbed into the driver’s side and grinned. Ben didn’t ask how he managed to get them away from the house within record time.

“Where to?” Ben’s head lolled to the side. 

His question was only met with a grin and Hux reaching over the console to place a hand on his thigh. Ben smirked and allowed himself to be driven around town. Within fifteen minutes Hux handed him a blindfold. 

“It’s a surprise,” he grinned. 

Ben narrowed his eyes, wondering just where they could be going. Is that what he was talking to Leia about? They had only visited a handful of times and almost all of their time was spent at the house or following his mother and sister around. 

He put the mask on silently and ignored the way it itched his eyes. Anything that Hux asked of him he would do without a second thought. He trusted the other man with everything in his heart. 

“Okay.” 

Hux put the car into park and Ben heard him turn in his seat. The car door closed behind him and before he knew it his own was open. Hux guided him carefully from the car and they walked forward, their arms linked. 

“Ta-da!” 

The blindfold was removed from his eyes and the air left Ben’s lungs. It was the same restaurant he brought Hux to the first time they came to visit. It was the same restaurant where he had tried so hard to admit his feelings for the other man. 

That, of course, hadn’t gone as expected. His eyes glanced to the locket sitting on Hux’s collarbone, and the other man had his fingers playing with the chain before Ben’s eyes flickered away. 

This time it was Hux pulling him by the wrist to the hostess stand. The next moments felt like a dream as they were escorted to the exact table Ben requested before. They settled into their same spots and his leg started bouncing just like before. 

“It’s not our anniversary,” Ben chuckled nervously. 

“No,” Hux perused the menu, “Special nonetheless.”

“Special?” he looked around.

“My dear, every moment we spend together is more precious to me than the last.” 

It was the same feeling he got when Hux told him he looked different in the candle light. There was something more to his words, he knew it. They were in love, more than anything in the world he knew they were in love. But sometimes he still had trouble reading the other man’s mind. 

This time Hux ordered Ben’s favorite tequila, laughing when he grumbled about a hangover. There was no wine on his own end, like their roles were reversed from their first dinner. 

“You know,” Ben breathed out after his second drink, “I was planning on telling you I loved you when we came here last.”

“Really?” Hux tilted his head to the side.

“I had planned it for a while. Confessing on our tenth anniversary. My plans got a little messed up when it happened to be during the trip.” 

“And then I beat you to it.”

“Oh come on. I all but admitted it a million times. The whale watching story? Requesting that Elvis song? The  _ locket? _ ” Ben rolled his eyes, “You were just oblivious.” 

“Maybe so, but I still win,” Hux shrugged. 

Ben laughed along but he knew it couldn’t have been less true. If anyone won, it was him. He won every single second that Hux was in his life. It never seemed possible to be loved so deeply from someone as incredible as the other man.

Ten years were spent staring at him from across the room and brushing their fingers together when handing over a cup. Every person he attempted to fall in bed next to just couldn’t live up to the glimmer in Hux’s eyes when they saw each other for the first time in a few days. 

It was him. It had always been him. It would always be him. 

“I have something for you.”

Ben blinked, looking at Hux confusedly. A small black box sat beside him. When had it been placed there? How had he not noticed? His heart started to race.

Hux pushed it slowly across the table. Ben sat completely still, staring at it. There had to be a joke behind it. It was something silly that would remind him of their first time here. He didn’t let himself dream of the thing that had been overtaking his mind for the last year. 

With a gulp Ben popped the box open. 

A small gold key sat before him. Ben frowned, trying to place what it could possibly be to or in reference of. Part of his heart released a small pang, but knew the idea of a proposal the day before their friends’ wedding was a stretch. 

Ben looked up, obviously confused. They had been debating keeping their apartment in the city or renting somewhere on the island. It made sense now that Hux was removed from Manhattan life, and the commute for Ben wouldn’t be unmanageable by any means. At this point, they hadn’t discussed any set plan.

“I don’t understand,” his mouth was dry. 

“I lied to you,” Hux admitted.

“What do you mean?”

Hux chewed his lip, reaching across the table to take his partner’s hand. He slipped his thumb to the inside of Ben’s wrist to check his pulse, a habit that he hated especially when he was worked up. 

“It’s to the one you fell in love with when we went around with Finn,” Hux continued.

During their last visit they accompanied Finn on a house hunt when Poe was too busy with work. It would be good practice, Hux had argued. Ben hated the hours in the car and the time away from his mother, but he relented. 

There was one mountainside house that nearly made him fall to his knees. It seemed too good to be true, like there was a place meant specifically for him. The light would be perfect for painting, there was room for both a studio and an office, and the kitchen was plenty big for hosting guests. He could picture the two of them spending time together in every single room. 

By the end Ben was practically shaking with excitement. He talked about it the entire car ride home, telling his partner they would have to find something like when they looked for a place to live away from the city in the future. 

Ben blinked in surprise. His mind was completely blank. It was unlike Hux to do something so drastic, and the shock made it difficult for him to analyze the situation. He looked up and shook his head, unable to speak. 

“Ben, I’ll follow you anywhere in the world. Everywhere you go, I’m right behind you. I know how much you want to be here. And I want it too. I’ve never had a family, and you gave me that,” Hux squeezed his hand, “I know it’s a big step, and I should have been more honest with you from the start. You just seemed so elated to be there, and whenever we’re visiting your family the happiness is so evident. We’ve talked about moving out here sometime in the future, but it’s always been so abstract.”

Hux looked panicked with Ben’s lack of a response. He could see a million gears shifting in the other man’s head, clearly trying to think of a way to make up for his perceived mistake. 

“I’m ready now,” Hux admitted. 

“Now,” Ben repeated. 

The key shone in the candlelight. It wasn’t what he expected of the night, not at all. Ben thought about his anxieties from just the day before surrounding their move to California. It would be a big undertaking, and he had resigned to the idea of another few years in New York. 

They sat in silence for a moment. Ben tried to work out the idea in his head. For so long he expected to be to the one gently coaxing Hux into taking their next steps. Now, he was the one being walked through their potential future. 

“You don’t have to answer now, or this weekend,” Hux said hurriedly, “I know you have your career to think about, and a move across the country is a huge decision. You don’t have to worry about the financials, I’ve saved up enough to pay for all of that, and a down payment on the house.” 

“A down payment?”

Again Hux bit his lip. 

“You’re serious about this?” Ben asked hesitantly. 

“It’s ours if we want it,” he gestured to the key.

Ben chuckled a little, picking the key up and turning it over in his hands. It was certainly a different proposal than the one he expected. Months of working up the nerve to ask Hux about living near his childhood hometown had boiled down to this one moment. 

“I want it.” 

Hux’s eyes widened and he froze. It was clear he had been regretting his idea, but the delight that crossed his face was untamed. They practically tackled each other from across the table, holding one another as they kissed through their laughter. 

“I can’t believe you did this,” Ben shook his head.

“Are you-”

“I’m so fucking happy, Hux,” he promised, “I’m so happy I can’t breathe right.” 

They tried to do their breathing exercises together but kept breaking to kiss or laugh or just get wrapped up in discussing everything. On Saturday morning they would go to visit the property together, led by a realtor through their new life. 

Every concern Ben had about their relationship ceased at that moment. Hux loved him. He was willing to put a down payment on a house thousands of miles from their home because Ben wanted it. They were going to spend their lives side by side.

“You want this? You’re sure?” Ben clarified.

“Positive,” Hux grinned.

It was almost impossible to make it through their meals. In the end they decided to box most of it up and share dessert instead. Ben stole more than his fair share but Hux didn’t seem to mind. He thought about all of the times in the future they’d be able to come back to the restaurant together. 

The ride home was spent going over a million details and ideas for their home. Ben had half a mind to drive up to the house at that moment just to look at it. Hux rolled his eyes at the impatience and reminded him they had a wedding to prepare for. 

When they walked into the house it was past 11 o’clock, but the family was sitting on the couch. It was clear they were trying to appear casual, but the excitement in their faces was overwhelming. Suddenly the whispering all made sense to Ben. 

“So you all knew before I did?” he glanced between them.

“What?” Leia feigned a chuckle, “I don’t know what you mean, Benny.”

Ben looked at Hux and he simply shrugged. It was apparently a more in depth plan than he had realized. He wasn’t upset that he had been kept out of the loop, only elated that they were moving in the first place. 

Rey and Han joined in at the cluelessness, but their eyes kept flashing between the two men like they were waiting for the answer. 

“He said yes,” Hux beamed.

Leia and Rey jumped up, practically screaming. They ran over and spoke excitedly about how happy they were to have them both nearby. Rey talked about the spare bedroom they would have and the nights she would come over just to bug them and drink all of their wine.

Leia described their usual Sunday dinners and begged them to tell her their favorite meals to put into the rotation. When they hugged he felt his mother squeeze his left ring finger and Ben shot her a look.

Han approached them and held Ben tight in his arms. He caught everyone smiling from the corner of his eye but was too happy to shoo them away. After thirty years his father loved him openly and ardently, and Ben felt the same way. 

“Remember,” Hux reminded them, “No announcement while we’re here, it’s Poe and Finn’s weekend.”

They all promised to adhere to the rules but Ben wouldn’t be surprised if his mother let it slip to at least one or two of her friends. They would likely pull him into a bone crushing hug but refuse to utter the congratulations aloud. 

Hux scrolled through the pictures of the house on his phone another time for them. Leia pointed and gasped, buzzing about the first time they would go to visit. Han promised to help them assemble the furniture and build their own as well. 

“Okay, okay,” Ben held up his hands, “We all have a long day tomorrow.”

With a few minutes of prodding everyone finally agreed to head upstairs. Hux set up the bed and held out Ben’s pajamas while he stood in the corner playing with the key. Every moment in his life felt like it was leading up to a life with the other man. 

He looked up and caught the other man staring directly at him.

“I’m so in love with you,” Hux murmured, “God, I’m so fucking in love with you.” 

Ben was pulled into the bed. They didn’t discuss the moving plans or the things they had to do to finish the process of buying the house. As they teetered on the edge of sleep they just smiled at one another until they drifted off. 

Ben dreamed about the mornings sipping coffee on the porch and nights snuggled in by the fireplace. Hux’s face stook out in every scene. 

“Wedding day!” 

Rey’s shouting woke them with a start, and Ben felt like he had only just closed his eyes. She was standing in the doorway banging a pot with a wooden spoon. The clock read a quarter after 6 and he whined into the pillow. 

“For someone who is constantly complaining about seeing the two of us kissing, you’re brave for opening our bedroom door without knocking,” Hux commented. 

“In your childhood bedroom,” she wrinkled her nose, “With my room two doors down.”

Ben smirked at her, pulling Hux closer to him for good measure. He kissed the bare skin of his shoulders, making sure to be as dramatic and over the top as possible. Hux laughed along and puckered his own lips back.

“I am… disgusted,” Rey shook her head. 

The pot was banged even harder, and she yelled as they continued to snuggle into each other. With a laugh Hux finally waved her out of the room and promised to be down within a half hour. 

Ben sang in the shower as Hux got everything ready for the day. When he emerged there were already clothes laying out for him and a glass of ice water. He couldn’t thank his partner before he was running into the bathroom for his own preparation. 

Despite Rey’s banging the house was relatively quiet when he descended the stairs. Han had picked up some diner food for their breakfast. Ben fixed a plate for Hux with all of his favorite things and covered it so that it would still be warm when he came down. 

Leia sat on the couch sipping her morning tea, offering him a teary smile. It seemed like she would be crying the entire weekend. They sat together quietly, Ben scooting over to rest his head on his mother’s shoulder. 

“I’m so happy,” he told her quietly. 

“I know,” she returned, “I see it on your face every time you look at him.”

Ben rolled his eyes at the sappiness but didn’t complain. Leia was right after all. Nothing in the world filled his heart the way that Hux did. Ten years without any family but each other developed a love so fierce he would barely be able to recognize his life without it. 

“Is this going to satiate your need for a proposal for a while?” Ben teased. 

“I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about that anymore.” 

Ben snorted and shook his head. The sound of Hux coming down the stairs brought him to his feet, and he set out the plate for the other man to pick up. They all gathered around the couch, discussing the plans for the day.

The flurry of activity in the house made the hours pass rapidly. Before they knew it everyone was packed into the car and on the way to the museum the wedding was held at. When they arrived Rey and Hux would be rushed off to Finn’s dressing room and Ben to Poe’s to attend to groomsmen duties.

It was a shock to be invited into the wedding party, but Ben was grateful. Everyone in the family had some role, and it made him more sure than ever that he wanted to remain with them this time rather than run away.

Rey dragged Hux by the arm through the doors without a chance for Ben to say a real goodbye. He stood with his parents, feeling a creeping anxiety for the day settling in. No matter how many times he ran through the plans in his head it still felt like an overwhelming static. 

“I’m begging,” Ben pleaded quietly, “Focus on Finn and Poe for the day, no talk of the house no talk of marriage.”

“Well,” Han huffed, reaching out to adjust Ben’s bowtie, “Bit hard not to talk about marriage at a wedding, isn’t it?”

Ben stared daggers at him while his parents laughed. If he was lucky they would target Rey instead, or maybe focus on their own relationship. It would take a significant amount of energy to get through the day, especially from being separated by his partner for the first few hours. 

Poe greeted him with a hug when he walked through the door. A few of his other friends were there, offering kind waves and hellos. Ben had only met them all a handful of times and still felt somewhat like a sore thumb sticking out from the rest. 

“Relax,” Poe spoke lowly.

“You relax,” Ben snickered, “You’re the one getting married.”

It didn’t go as poorly as he expected. Poe’s friends were kind and didn’t seem to hate him, despite the many stories he expected the other man told of their past. It was hard to forget what the nature of their relationship was for so long, but they were doing their best. 

By the time they were herded out to the altar Ben was joking around with the rest and felt more included than he ever could have expected. It was strange, he knew, to be a groomsman at the wedding of his first love. He just didn’t care. 

They lined up besides the other half of the wedding party, Ben seeing Hux for the first time since the morning. They linked arms and prepared to walk down the aisle together. For half a second they knocked their heads together, smiling at the contact. 

“Don’t trip,” Hux warned.

“Just for that I’m taking you down with me when I do.”

They had to hold laughter back, refusing to look at each other and instead focusing on the ceremony. Rey and Poe’s best man began first, trying their hardest not to joke around as they did so. 

When Hux and Ben followed it felt like he was walking on air. This would be them someday, he was sure of it. He would stand before everyone they loved and promise his entire life to the man who made it worth living. 

“I love you,” he whispered as they parted.

Hux just stared at him, filled with emotion. Ben wished he could kiss him, but he fell into line. 

By the time Finn and Poe were at the altar he could see his mother crying from the front row. Han rubbed her back and had to look away himself for a moment. Ben had never felt happier for them than at that moment. 

The vows were like static in the back of his brain. Try as he might, he couldn’t prevent his eyes from drifting back to Hux. They met every once in a while, both stifling the overwhelming grins that threatened to distract the crowd from their friends. 

“I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the groom!”

The words elicited cheers from the crowd and Ben finally allowed himself to smile as widely as he could. Hux maintained eye contact and grinned right back, the two of them not bothering to pull their eyes away this time. 

Finn and Poe ran down the aisle together hand in hand, and Ben watched with fond eyes. There would be a short intermission before the reception began, and Rey joked about what the newly wedded couple were getting up to in the meantime. 

Hux was snatched into Ben’s arms and they refused to let go. Rey seemed to be unable to remain angry with their affection. It appeared that a wedding could soften even the most repulsed hearts. 

“Hi, guys!” Phasma waved as she crossed the room.

Hux pulled away to give her a hug, and as soon as he was finished he fell right back against Ben. She rolled her eyes at the contact but didn’t tease them verbally. They chatted in a circle until they were shepherded to where they needed to be. 

Again they walked into the reception room couple by couple, raising their arms as the cheers rang out. Poe and Finn hung off of one another, laughing as they tripped over each other’s feet.

The first dance was breathtaking. Ben held Hux’s hand and remembered their time together on the birthday party’s dance floor. He didn’t think before that anything could live up to it, but perhaps something like this would push the envelope. 

Between the food and speeches it was an exhausting first half of the reception. By the time the dancing really began they were feeling slightly sluggish. Rey arrived with a tray of tequila shots and urged them to drink up. 

It encouraged them to get onto the dance floor and loosen up. Hux was twirled and didn’t bother being embarrassed when he stumbled. They all moved together, yelling along to the music and taking whatever drinks Rey or Phasma had to offer. 

“Let’s fucking rage!” Rey bounced on her heels.

“We’re not all in our twenties,” Ben laughed. 

“Tonight you are, bitch,” Phasma bumped his hip. 

Finally relenting, they allowed themselves to enjoy the night fully. Poe threatened to hook up a karaoke machine unless everyone enjoyed themselves. He pointed to Ben directly, advising him to have a good time before Kylie Ron was forced to make an appearance. 

“Anything to get him in eyeliner,” Hux poked him. 

“I’m sure my mom has some at home,” Ben winked.

Phasma and Rey pulled the two apart, switching partners as they danced. It was their punishment for being too coupley, and Ben didn’t really mind. He had every single day to snuggle up to Hux.

And now, he realized, he would have more time than ever to spend with their family. 

“You’re horrible at this,” Rey called over the music as Ben attempted to dance with her.

In response he just picked her up and threw her to Phasma. She laughed when she was caught and spun around. Poe and Finn joined them, jackets and ties discarded and hands all over each other. 

It felt like the party when they were all in their own bubble. The other attendees danced around them but Ben didn’t pay any attention to them. It was just his best friends, his family, and the love of his life. Everything felt perfect. 

When a particularly energetic song ended Poe and Finn excused themselves to continue their rounds with the rest of the guests. Phasma and Rey ran off to find more french fries that were included with the kids’ menu. 

“Jesus,” Hux braced himself against his knees.

“Tired, old man?” Ben nudged him. 

Hux wheezed through his laughter which just made them laugh harder. Before long they were both leaning against the chairs closest to the dancefloor and gripping each other to stay upright. 

When the next song began Ben recognized the opening notes instantly. His eyes snapped to Hux who was staring at him with bright eyes. He reached out to him.

“Take my hand.”

“Take my whole life too,” Ben whispered in return. 

They settled in on the outskirts of the floor, settled against one another in the dark. Hux rested his head against Ben, just like the first time. They swayed back and forth, both gripping onto the other so hard it would likely leave light bruises. 

“What are the odds,” Ben murmured in his ear.

“I requested it,” Hux admitted. 

He didn’t respond, just kissed his partner’s cheek. Three minutes would never be enough time for this. He wished they would play it over and over again so that they’d never have to let go. 

“I know you’re supposed to focus on the people getting married when you attend a wedding,” Hux murmured, “But all I could think about up there was how soon I’ll be able to get you to an altar.” 

Ben’s stomach dropped. It was something they discussed briefly before, usually when they were in bed smoking a joint and making grandiose plans for their future. Never before had it felt so within reach.

“Bit tacky to propose at a wedding,” he said shakily. 

“Who said anything about proposing?” Hux smiled against him. 

They finished the song in each other’s arms. It felt like the blink of an eye before they had to pull apart. Hux kissed him so sweetly his knees went weak. The flipping of his heart hadn’t died down. 

Maybe the idea of marrying Hux wasn’t as far fetched as he told himself. 

The night that felt so long in the beginning suddenly came to an end. Finn and Poe tugged each other along to the waiting car, waving and dodging dried flower confetti as they went. 

Ben had to hold Rey’s arms still as she tried to eat a few of the pieces, just to see how they tasted. His attempts were wasted when Phasma popped one into her mouth for her. Rey chewed it for a moment and finished off her glass of champagne when she couldn’t swallow it. 

Hux and Ben practically carried her to the car as she laughed along. They tossed her into the backseat and helped her secure the seat belt. She shot them a weak thumbs up, but Ben jogged to get a plastic bag for her to throw up in just in case. 

When he returned Phasma had left already, grabbing the first cab she could manage before they were all scooped up. Hux sat in the backseat of the car with Rey, her head in his lap and his fingers in her hair. 

“It’s okay, honey,” he soothed her, “We’ll be home soon.”

Ben couldn’t understand what she was mumbling to him but Hux just laughed along. The gentleness of his partner was overwhelming, and he had to stop himself from yanking the other man into his arms immediately. 

“Guess who’s having a sleepover,” she slurred when Ben approached. 

Hux smiled apologetically. Ben just pet her head and climbed into the driver’s seat. He had refrained from drinking for the final two and a half hours in order to get them home. 

Though his parents were supposed to be the designated drivers they decided about halfway through to get a hotel room down the street. Ben didn’t want to think about why they chose to do that.

Hux remained in the back next to Rey, urging her to sit up to be safe. She slumped against his shoulder and sang weakly to the radio. About halfway home she had a second wind and started bouncing all over the place. 

“That was so  _ fun _ ,” she exclaimed, “I love weddings!”

The men did their best not to laugh at her, but it was almost impossible. Thankfully she was happy with the fun and continued running her mouth, saying the most ridiculous things that came to her mind. 

“Oh my god,” she leaned forward, “You guys were totally gonna, like, have a romantic night alone and I’m wrecking it.”

“It’s okay, Rey,” Ben laughed, “We were just going to go to sleep.”

“Yeah, right,” she sniffled, “It’s another repeat of this morning.”

The rapid change of emotion reminded Ben of himself. The more he interacted with Rey the more he saw himself in her. There was so much less anger in her heart, however, and he hoped she could keep that optimism forever. 

They convinced her finally that they had just been kidding earlier, and that they really only slept in that bed. Ben smirked slightly, knowing it wasn’t the total truth. There was no need to admit that to his sister though. 

Again she had to be helped inside, and Hux brought her upstairs to change. Ben set up the living room, still in his tux. It was a miracle she hadn’t thrown up on either of them, and he hoped Hux was still having the same luck.

She was escorted down the stairs in her pajamas. Hux handed her to Ben and jogged up the stairs to grab his own sleep clothes and a few more pillows. When Ben saw him again he was wearing his favorite shirt, the tiny holes at the sides revealing a patch of pale skin.

“You go,” Hux shooed him away, “I’ll finish the rest.”

The moments without his partner felt like torture. Rey was right, he had planned on giving Hux a night of romance and sappiness. It was probably for the best that he couldn’t, however, because he worried about accidentally asking Hux to marry him as they fell asleep.

When he finally returned the couches were set up similarly to their first visit. Rey was still stumbling around, trying her best to finish the cup of water Hux gave her. He followed her like she was a child, hand held out near her head in case she tipped over. 

“Comfy,” she hiccuped as they finally guided her into a pile of blankets on the couch.

A garbage can was right beside her, and they tied her hair up just in case she woke up sick. Hux had her head in his lap and stroked her hair while she calmed down. They fed her a few pieces of bread to get something in her stomach, and before long she was finally settling in to sleep.

“Thank you guys for taking care of me,” Rey yawned, “I promise I will be better behaved at your wedding.” 

Ben’s mind went fully blank at the words. After days of reminding his parents to keep their mouths shut, it was Rey who managed to blurt out what he had been trying to avoid. He snuck a glance at Hux and found him smiling softly. 

They agreed to take turns getting up whenever Rey started to groan from her spot across the room. Ben watched through sleepy eyes as Hux rubbed her back and soothed her while she vomited. 

Somehow he managed to get her laughing even through her tears and whining. Every time he was there to dab her face with a cloth and pour a capful of mouthwash. By the fourth time she stirred Hux was the one who assured Ben he could handle it fully. 

Sometime in the night he had dozed off completely. When he woke he reached around to tug his partner closer, but found he was alone. Ben sat up slightly and his eyes landed on the other couch. 

Hux was half sitting up, his head resting in his hand. Rey laid against him with her head on his shoulder, and his opposite hand was on her back. Their sleepy breathing was in tune and Ben remained perfectly still so that he wouldn’t wake them. 

He wondered how someone like that could ever doubt that he was worthy of love. 

-

The next day was even busier than the last. That morning they nursed Rey through her hangover until Leia and Han came home. They scolded her but she was so pathetic that they agreed to help her through the day.

Ben ran after Hux like a puppy until they finally got into the car to go see the house. His mother wasn’t happy about not getting to tag along, but they promised to bring her Sunday morning before their flight if everything went well. 

The tour went perfectly. It was everything and more that Ben remembered it to be. This time they walked through and spoke about what they would do with every space. Hux pointed to various spots on the walls and suggested which paintings of Ben’s they should hang where. 

Their hands both trembled with excitement as they signed the paperwork and listened to hours of discussion surrounding the financials. Hux had everything on hand and ready, and he explained everything carefully to Ben so that they would be on the same page.

When they were looking for houses near the city they had gone through the same information but he was thankful to have a refresher course. As much as he tried to soak in every word, he kept finding himself distracted by Hux’s smile. 

They came home to find a dinner party awaiting them. There were balloons and streamers all over the place, and a cake decorated with little stick figures and a horrible attempt at a house. Rey unveiled her artwork proudly. 

“Wow,” Hux gasped, “The talent really runs in the family.”

She kicked him but they all laughed at her little squiggles. Leia brought out Ben’s favorite meal and kissed the top of his head a dozen times. Hux was even given a few, and he wrinkled his nose slightly but allowed the affection. 

They talked about the new house and how soon they would move out to California. It would be an adjustment, but they had family nearby to help them through any growing pains. 

Ben steered the conversation back to the wedding. Everyone shared their favorite story about Rey for the night and she turned bright red as they recalled events she didn’t remember. 

It was well past midnight when they made it up to the bedroom. They packed everything for the following day so that they would have time to bring the family out to see the house before their flight. Ben carefully folded everything and Hux watched on with a smile. 

“I still can’t believe this is real,” Ben flopped back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Laying in his childhood bedroom, Ben stared at the four walls and felt a pang of sadness at leaving it behind. It dissipated almost immediately when he remembered how soon he would be back for good.

“Are you happy?” 

Ben turned onto his side, looking at Hux incredulously. He nodded furiously, opening his arms to entice the man to come join him. 

“I’m the happiest man in the world,” Ben beamed, “Nothing could make me happier.”

“Nothing?” Hux took a step forward. 

The wedding from the night before flashed in his mind. It was stuffed to the back quickly, and Ben reminded himself to be present in the moment. When they got home he would look at the ring again and he would formulate a real proposal. 

Maybe he would try to construct his own color coded schedule. There would be a fancy dinner and dancing under the stars. He would tell him every sappy romantic feeling he had and pledge his undying love for the other man. 

Unlike his plan eighteen months ago he wouldn’t back out at the last minute. This time he would do it right, and he wouldn’t let Hux beat him to the punch. 

Right now, he told himself to focus on the moment in front of him. 

They jostled each other around in the bathroom and could barely make it through brushing their teeth without laughing up the toothpaste. Hux swore at him and tried to swat him away, but the second he could Ben attacked him with kisses. 

“Are you sad to leave home?” Hux asked as he slipped into one of Ben’s t-shirts.

“Pumpkin,” Ben murmured, “I’ve already told you, my home is with you. Wherever you are is where I belong.”

Ben sat on the edge of the bed and waited for his partner to join him. Something flashed across Hux’s face as he began to cross the room. His footsteps were somewhat off balance, like he was hesitant to finish the trek. 

There was no time to question his pauses before Hux crouched down before him. His hands were shaking like never before, save the first night he confessed his feelings. Ben remembered every word he spoke to him and longed to hear it again. 

“I have to ask you something.”

Ben tilted his head to the side in confusion. He nodded eagerly, wondering what could be serious enough to warrant the other man kneeling before him. 

“I had a whole plan,” Hux held his hands, “It was going to be the first weekend after we moved out here and settled in. We’d have a big housewarming party with karaoke and a bonfire and your horrible dance moves.” 

Ben furrowed his eyebrows, trying to follow Hux’s words. He figured he missed something and tried to trace back their conversations of the day to find where it fit in. Hux cupped his cheek and drew his attention back. 

“Everyone would leave and we’d finally be alone. I’d bring you to the spot on the porch you couldn’t pull yourself away from today. We’d look up at the stars and spend twenty minutes arguing over where the big dipper is.”

Hux pulled in a shaky breath, refusing to break eye contact. His finger slipped over Ben’s wrist, smiling when he felt the rapid pulsing of his heart. They remained still like that for the longest minute of his life. 

Releasing one of Ben’s hands, Hux carefully reached into the front pocket of his suitcase beside the bed. It seemed strange to him as they had just packed everything up a few moments prior. 

In his hands was a small black box. It resembled the one he received a few days earlier with the key. This one looked slightly smaller, and Ben squeezed his eyes closed for half a second before refusing to shut them again. 

“I was going to wait until everything fell comfortably into place,” Hux swallowed, “But after almost twelve years I’m tired of waiting.”

Hux opened the box slowly. Inside sat a silver band with intricate carvings along the outside. Ben blinked, realizing that it was the same engraving as the locket that hung around Hux’s neck. 

“You have given me a life beyond every dream I’ve ever allowed myself. I didn’t know I was capable of loving someone so deeply, but every single second we spend together makes me more sure that you are the man I will give my life to.” 

“Hux,” he could barely get the name out. 

“Ben, you are the light of my life. Nothing in this world could ever make me happier than you do. When I think about you I can’t breathe, I’m so overwhelmed with the feelings I pushed back for a decade. I promise you I will never hold anything back again. I am yours with every thump of my heart, and I am yours long after it stops beating.” 

Ben didn’t notice the tears until they rolled from his cheeks. Hux mirrored him, his words refusing to falter in spite of it. 

“In this room a year and a half ago I asked you to spend the rest of our lives together,” Hux carefully removed the ring, “Tonight I’m asking you again.”

“Hux,” Ben choked out again. 

“Ben, I love you. I will love you with everything I have if you let me.”

He took in a deep breath, taking Ben’s hand into his own. They stared at each other, both knowing the words that would come next. It didn’t make them any less breathtaking when Hux finally spoke. 

“Will you marry me?” 

Ben tipped forward and Hux caught him in his arms. 

“Yes.”

It was the only word he could manage to get out. Neither tried to hold back their tears, they just clung to one another and laughed through the kisses. 

Hux took the band and carefully slipped it onto Ben’s left ring finger. It glimmered in the dim light and his eyes traced over the carved designs again and again. He placed his hand over Hux’s heart, the ring resting against the locket. 

The other man held his wrist in place so that he could feel the deep resounding pounding of Ben’s heart. It felt like they were both going to explode, and neither one could manage to catch their breath for more than a few seconds. 

They sat in the same room they slowly realized their feelings for each other in. Hux still knelt before him and a ring adorned Ben’s hand. How could they have stayed apart for so long? Every minute apart felt like torture now, and every reunion was just as overwhelming as the last. 

For a decade they danced around one another, positive that their love was unrequited. It was exactly like one of the silly movies Ben forced Hux to watch for all of those years, hoping it would make the other man realize that their own love story could play out the same way. 

“I love you,” Ben took Hux’s face in his hands, “I love you so much.”

“So much you’re going to marry me,” Hux beamed. 

“So much I’m going to do a lot more than just marry you.”

Hux cackled as he was thrown onto the bed and attacked. They rolled around together, focused solely on the person they loved more than anything else in the world. Everything beyond one another was distant and unimportant. 

Ten years was a long time to wait, but as they sat huddled together laughing through their tears they both knew it was worth every agonizing second. They found family, they found love, and they found each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you SO MUCH!!! to everyone who has been reading. this was such a fun experience for me and i hope it did live up to the original. please let me know your thoughts, i've loved every comment and truly appreciate everyone who left one. thank you again thank you thank you thank you!


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